The little green monster lurks....

[NonTradMed]

*Sigh*. It's that time of year again....acceptances have arrived and we get to compare (very subtly) who got into where. I just found out my parents' friends' daughter got into a top 10 med school phd/md program---along with her pick of other top schools. It's not that I'm unhappy with what I got, but it does seem dim compared to the options available to wondergirl over there---and it seems my parents are thinking it too.

I'm Chinese so a lot of Chinese parents like to brag about their kids' academic exploits. So I'm feeling a little bit...dumb lately. Didn't score the 99th percentile on my MCAT, didn't get straight A's in college, went to a top 15 college, not Harvard/Stanford/Yale/Princeton variety though.

I even worked before deciding on med school! Not exactly the medical school success story that most Chinese expect their children to be. My mom insists she's proud of me, but she refuses to tell people I got into med school, and I think it's out of fear that people may actually know that it's a DO school is and think it's a 'fake' or 'unaccredited' school---she insists it's not, she just wants to wait until I "finalize" my med school decision (yeah, the $250 deposit wasn't enough).

So today, I find out a family friend's daughter got into a top 10 med school program, with 'full scholarship'---I think it's a Phd/MD program. Another family friend's daughter got into a top 20 law school.

My parents aren't saying anything other than that everyone seems to be doing good, but I'm starting to feel jiffed----it seems my DO acceptance is just not 'good enough' for them. I think the only reason my parents seem happy I got an acceptance is that they know I'll graduate a doctor and make 'six figures'.

But I feel they act like they have to 'hide' the fact that's it's a DO degree---as if anyone knows the great MD vs. DO debate at all. I mean if I say I'm going to attend Midwestern Chicago med school----is it going to jump out at people my school is somehow illegimate?

Does anyone else ever feel this way sometimes? Like you're not practicing up to standard and that all your achievements cannot compare to others?

I know I shouldn't care, but I'm feeling a bit down today because of this. I should be happy family friends are so successful, but I think I'm feeling jealous. I'm not considered dumb by my parents' friends. I went to a top college and majored in engineering, and got a good job out of college but I'm feeling like an ugly stepchild sometimes when hearing about others' success.

I think I'm a bad person for thinking this though.

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[DropkickMurphy]

Just tell them you're going to medical school in Chicago. If you're really that concerned with what people think, just skimp on the specifics. Basically take the "eh, f--k 'em if they aren't happy, because I am" approach.

 

[MikeyLu2010]

I am asian too..so i know a little bit of what you are going into...My cousin is a cardio thoraic surgeon that went to harvard med school....and MIT undergrad..But noone ever sees her...last time i saw her..i was like 2 years old..literally...people see her as extremely succesful..she just bought a multi million dollar house in san fran..but they think that the success is not warranted...she has no life..and no family time..hence me never seeing my own damn cousin since i was an infant...She even missed our grandma's funeral...

I plan to specialize in a moderate to high competitive residency (if it ever happens, only time can tell) So instead of comparing which school you go to..which is only a 4 year thing..Once you have your own clinic and are making money..a doctor is a doctor..and if you specialize..you'll be a cardiologist, internist, surgeon, etc...

PS..dont you hate holiday dinners..when all sorts of family friends come over..and every asian family is bragging about their child in some shape or another

Im lucky..ive explained it to my parents that it is a "real medical school" and they accept it..my dad supports me..but is worried that i wont have as good as an opportunity if i pursued an MD instead of a DO, and he seems to think that if you are going to devote all that time into schooling.you mite as well get an MD.. He makes a very good point, but i dont want to fight and fight to get into an MD school, it wastes a lot of money..and more importantly it wastes TIME...comon, we dont live forever and if you get the opportunity to attend med school NOW as opposed to later..i'll take it!!!

FEEL FREE TO PM ME OP..

 

[mj1878]

South Korean here...

My adoptive parents are white, so I don't have to contend so much with the "over-achiever" issues that it sounds like you guys are going through. My parents were a little shocked when I switched from a music education major to premed, but they(like always) were really supportive. My mother(nurse manager at the Pulmonary Hypertension clinic at the University of Colorado Hospital), when I told her that I was applying Osteopathic, asked me if I had also applied to any "real medical schools". Sheesh. However, she did some investigating on her own and (I think) discovered that MD=DO, pretty much. What you're looking at here is a matter of other people's ignorance and their own insecurities. Are any of the people sitting at holiday dinners also physicians, or are they simply living vicariously through the one overachieving child? I really dislike it when an entire family takes the credit for one kid's overachievement, especially when they themselves are neither physicians nor even college graduates (I'm not referring to your family; I'm speaking of another that I know of). My parents are proud of me, but they don't try to make other parents (especially other family members) feel small by bragging about me. They don't need to, because they are secure individuals. I'm lucky.

 

[DropkickMurphy]

Remind me again why I'm glad I'm not Asian....my mother are overbearing enough as it is.....

 

[MikeyLu2010]

Oh ..i forgot to mention that both of my parents are extremely proud of me..and will know i will be a great doc one day ...the support of my parents and my gf..is all i care about...everyone else including aunts and uncles dont matter..but luckily all of my immediate family members are extremely supportive...i guess im one of those rare asians

 

[kutiecg]

Hey all, I am Asian too...and I do feel for what you are talking about. My mom is sometimes the same way, not so much anymore. It was more prevalent when I was in high school, when my cousin scored a 1500 on the SAT and went to Berkeley on a scholarship. I was extremely happy for her, not jealous at all. I think it was more of a shock to hear that high of a score. It's like when someone tells you they scored a 40 on the MCAT. But these days, both my parents are SOOO proud and don't even talk about my cousins, etc. They know I worked hard and that this is what I want. I can't wait to become a DO!! I did have to explain to them that many people will not know exactly what a DO is right off the bat, but it's worth that its worth the explaination.

So, for the OP, just show your all your happiness to your parents. All the work you put in paid off. There are SO many people out there who want to be in your position! But to convince your parents (like many asian parents need), you must not feel down yourself. It's hard to prove to someone that something is great if your not feeling it 100%. Just remember, you're going to med school, you're going to work your butt off, and for that you're going to be just as good as your family friend's daughter, if not better.

 

[docbill]

Just tell them that you could of been a crack addict selling fries or in Jail. Which one would they prefer. Luckely I don't have to deal with my parents and their high expectations. I moved out at 16 and I am extremely proud of what I have accomplished. My dad still forgets the facts, and lectures me on the phone... where I quickly remind him to shut it, I am the one that pulled it off all on my own an that I will have two doctoral degrees.

 

[NewNick]

Fortunately, I was from St. Louis, MO and currently live in CA where (both places) have a lot of DOs. So everyone is supportive. Yes, being an Asian has much pressure because the parents tend to use their children's success as their success. I told my parents that to get into competitive specialized residency is not easy. Being a MD doesn't guarantee that. OK, for those will be NSUCOM, I may see you in the next summer.

 

[rack]

chinese here too... my childhood best friend (up until college) got into browns MD/PHD program... someone ive been head to head with since i can remember.. haha you can imagine what MY parents are thinking... i dont think it should matter... were all doctors in the end, it just happens to be that i have had a more well rounded college life than those with 4.0 40mcat scores. chinese parents will be chinese parents.

 

[rack]

haha yeah goo nsu! i didnt really see many asians there when i interviewed.

 

[XKV]

*Sigh*. It's that time of year again....acceptances have arrived and we get to compare (very subtly) who got into where. I just found out my parents' friends' daughter got into a top 10 med school phd/md program---along with her pick of other top schools. It's not that I'm unhappy with what I got, but it does seem dim compared to the options available to wondergirl over there---and it seems my parents are thinking it too.

I'm Chinese so a lot of Chinese parents like to brag about their kids' academic exploits. So I'm feeling a little bit...dumb lately. Didn't score the 99th percentile on my MCAT, didn't get straight A's in college, went to a top 15 college, not Harvard/Stanford/Yale/Princeton variety though.

I even worked before deciding on med school! Not exactly the medical school success story that most Chinese expect their children to be. My mom insists she's proud of me, but she refuses to tell people I got into med school, and I think it's out of fear that people may actually know that it's a DO school is and think it's a 'fake' or 'unaccredited' school---she insists it's not, she just wants to wait until I "finalize" my med school decision (yeah, the $250 deposit wasn't enough).

So today, I find out a family friend's daughter got into a top 10 med school program, with 'full scholarship'---I think it's a Phd/MD program. Another family friend's daughter got into a top 20 law school.

My parents aren't saying anything other than that everyone seems to be doing good, but I'm starting to feel jiffed----it seems my DO acceptance is just not 'good enough' for them. I think the only reason my parents seem happy I got an acceptance is that they know I'll graduate a doctor and make 'six figures'.

But I feel they act like they have to 'hide' the fact that's it's a DO degree---as if anyone knows the great MD vs. DO debate at all. I mean if I say I'm going to attend Midwestern Chicago med school----is it going to jump out at people my school is somehow illegimate?

Does anyone else ever feel this way sometimes? Like you're not practicing up to standard and that all your achievements cannot compare to others?

I know I shouldn't care, but I'm feeling a bit down today because of this. I should be happy family friends are so successful, but I think I'm feeling jealous. I'm not considered dumb by my parents' friends. I went to a top college and majored in engineering, and got a good job out of college but I'm feeling like an ugly stepchild sometimes when hearing about others' success.

I think I'm a bad person for thinking this though.

Yeah, I hear you. And no, you're not a bad person either. Like you, I am Asian, went to a Top 15 school, and have experienced that sense of pressure from my folks ("what happened to you - you used to be so smart! ). Wasn't an engineer though - I was one of those artsy types. Also took some time off after graduation. I really dislike those family get-togethers: too much one-upmanship and parental insecurities on all sides. I wish ppl - especially our older generation of relatives - would just relax more.

I've come to the realization that I don't really give a damn what my relatives, or my folks think about my decision to go DO. At the end of the day, I will be a fully trained, qualified physician who will be able to go toe-to-toe with any of my MD-trained friends and will be compensated equally as well. And to a sick person in need, a physician is a physician (DO's are getting more practice rights overseas too!). If anything, DOs are needed more so than ever in the US, especially with the current problems in primary care and growing patient interest in preventative med. That OMT might prove to be a lot more useful than we can predict today.

Yeah, there are some preconceptions hanging around from the bad old days. So what? People, especially premeds or nervous relatives, have enough insecurities that they'd attack me, even IF I went to an MD school ("unless you go to HMS, JHU, Yale or a Top 10, you ain't ****e"). Whatever. Bring it.
I've been a minority my entire life - one more label means less than nothing to me.

Let's learn our jobs, love what we do and kick ass.

 

[QofQuimica]

I am neither Asian nor pre-osteopathic, but my dad has been a DO since the 1960s. He is one of the most successful physicians I have ever met in terms of all the standards that really matter: competence as a physician, patient loyalty and word-of-mouth referrals, a bustling practice that could be twice as big if he only had the office space to accomodate more people, and having literally saved people's lives multiple times over the years.

So I wanted to chime in and tell the OP and the rest of you that I hope you will come to be proud of your choice to become DOs. It's true that many people don't really know about DOs. However, once they learn about them, many patients PREFER DOs because their approach to medicine is so much more holistic. I for one feel that way, and all else being equal, I would definitely prefer to have a DO as my GP. Educating the public will be part of your job regardless of whether you are a DO or an MD, and it's definitely doable. My dad actually printed out pamphlets to give to patients who are not familiar with osteopathy that explain the difference and that the length of training and licensing for the two degrees is equivalent.

Remember this also as you hear about Person X or Person Y and their success: Life isn't a zero sum game. Another person's success does not imply that you have failed. And what exactly do we mean by "success" anyway? People often overlook the truly fulfilling accomplishments that come from the life journey itself in favor of pursuing material rewards and prestige. However, 100 years from now, everything material that we possess will all be gone. But our good deeds as physicians will live on in the hearts, bodies, and minds of those whose lives we change for the positive for as long as human beings continue to populate this planet.

Best of luck to all of you in your future endeavors.

 

[NonTradMed]

So many good thoughts from everyone.

I see we got alot of asians coming out of the woodwork!

Thanks for the words of encouragement and for sharing your experiences.

I was just venting my issues in the initial post. Logically, I think we all know, a doctor is a doctor, and we are only as good as what we make of our education. However, I notice that Asian (or at least Chinese) parents have this annoying way of utilizing their childrens' academic achievements to one up the next person. This entire process is exhausting enough without overbearing parents who feel the need to show off your achievements and compare.

For all your artsy/music majors with overbearing asian and nonasian parents----my sympathesies, you guys probably put up with more crap than most anyone else. An asian family friend with prominent doctors in the home country had a daughter that decided to major in English (and business on the side)----I think her mom made sure to point out every single of one of their chinese friends who decided to go into medicine or engineering or law or you know, a real major.

For the rest of ya without overbearing parents, congrats, you got lucky.

Perhaps we should start a support group for this here on SDN....

 

[dr.z]

I am neither Asian nor pre-osteopathic, but my dad has been a DO since the 1960s. He is one of the most successful physicians I have ever met in terms of all the standards that really matter: competence as a physician, patient loyalty and word-of-mouth referrals, a bustling practice that could be twice as big if he only had the office space to accomodate more people, and having literally saved people's lives multiple times over the years.

So I wanted to chime in and tell the OP and the rest of you that I hope you will come to be proud of your choice to become DOs. It's true that many people don't really know about DOs. However, once they learn about them, many patients PREFER DOs because their approach to medicine is so much more holistic. I for one feel that way, and all else being equal, I would definitely prefer to have a DO as my GP. Educating the public will be part of your job regardless of whether you are a DO or an MD, and it's definitely doable. My dad actually printed out pamphlets to give to patients who are not familiar with osteopathy that explain the difference and that the length of training and licensing for the two degrees is equivalent.

Remember this also as you hear about Person X or Person Y and their success: Life isn't a zero sum game. Another person's success does not imply that you have failed. And what exactly do we mean by "success" anyway? People often overlook the truly fulfilling accomplishments that come from the life journey itself in favor of pursuing material rewards and prestige. However, 100 years from now, everything material that we possess will all be gone. But our good deeds as physicians will live on in the hearts, bodies, and minds of those whose lives we change for the positive for as long as human beings continue to populate this planet.

Best of luck to all of you in your future endeavors.

Thank you for you encouragement!

 

[Beau Geste]

I am neither Asian nor pre-osteopathic, but my dad has been a DO since the 1960s. He is one of the most successful physicians I have ever met in terms of all the standards that really matter: competence as a physician, patient loyalty and word-of-mouth referrals, a bustling practice that could be twice as big if he only had the office space to accomodate more people, and having literally saved people's lives multiple times over the years.

So I wanted to chime in and tell the OP and the rest of you that I hope you will come to be proud of your choice to become DOs. It's true that many people don't really know about DOs. However, once they learn about them, many patients PREFER DOs because their approach to medicine is so much more holistic. I for one feel that way, and all else being equal, I would definitely prefer to have a DO as my GP. Educating the public will be part of your job regardless of whether you are a DO or an MD, and it's definitely doable. My dad actually printed out pamphlets to give to patients who are not familiar with osteopathy that explain the difference and that the length of training and licensing for the two degrees is equivalent.

Remember this also as you hear about Person X or Person Y and their success: Life isn't a zero sum game. Another person's success does not imply that you have failed. And what exactly do we mean by "success" anyway? People often overlook the truly fulfilling accomplishments that come from the life journey itself in favor of pursuing material rewards and prestige. However, 100 years from now, everything material that we possess will all be gone. But our good deeds as physicians will live on in the hearts, bodies, and minds of those whose lives we change for the positive for as long as human beings continue to populate this planet.

Best of luck to all of you in your future endeavors.

You betcha. Success should be a self-defined goal, and not based on other's achievements (or failures). If you feel successful living in the multi-million dollar house driving the quarter-million dollar car and paying for your spouse's maintnenance, then more power to you. My success will be defined by doing something I love while making my family (and me) happy. If other people want to poo-poo that goal (and they do already mind you!), at least I'll be satisfied that I'll have a college education (and a doctorate no less - someday) and living as well as I want to.

For the most part, people who put you down for choosing an osteopathic school, are either ignorant about what it is, jealous, or mean. You can educate ignorance, but I would stay away from jealous or mean.