The following is a bunch of random thoughts that are going through my head as I study for an upcomming final... read on if interested As I sit in the library, studying for the final exam of our second unit, I am reminded of an old friend. The last time I spoke to him, I remember hearing the self-dissappointment and dissolusion in his voice when I told him I was in medical school. Our conversation (though normally choppy and fragmented at best) degenerated into long and uncomfortable pauses of silence. I know how he felt, I guess I can sympathize. It is exactly (if not moreso) the same way I used to feel when I would here about others achieving my dream of going into medicine. My succes was probably a blatant reminder of his own failures (him: "...ok i gotta go study now" Me..."But your on vacation!!!") I think he attributes many of his defeats to his lack of study skills (as they almost invariably come up as a topic of discussion). I would like to talk to him, as a friend and as an equal... not as a medical student (although that is part of who I am now). However, I don't think that that is possible anymore. Why? Is it because I can't get off my pirch? Hell no... but more likely because I know that he can no longer see me in the same light as before... as someone who doesn't have what he desperately wants (i.e. getting into medical school). As long as he sees me in this new light, he will always put up that barrier between us: a barrier of constant dissappoint, dissullionment and lost dreams. Will he succeed in getting is MD in Belize? Will he become and IMG and end up practicing in teh states? I don't know. But the truth is, I don't think that he is in Belize because he suffered some sort of a set back because of a bad semester or a bad teacher, or a lower socioeconmic status that prevented him from achieving his fullest potential. Wrather, I think he may be pursing a future for himself where their may not exist a future. He may have been so attracted to medicine (because of it's cultural significance, superiority complex...whatever) that he may have blinded himself from achieving a greater potential in a different area of life.... unfortunately, where my friend comes from, there is no other potential unless its medicine. And if you don't become a doctor, then you are nobody. To answer my original question: will he succeed in Belize? I think he will. But not in the sense that he will get his MD and end up achieving his own dream (instilled in him by culture) to practice medicine, but wrather to live his life the rest of his life without the regret of not having done everything he can to become a doctor. Would I have gone to Belize, or SGU, or AUC or any foreign school? No, I wouldn't. I would have followed a different path. However, I am one of the lucky ones to study medicine right next door to home. I am more grateful than I am proud to be given the oppurtinity to study medcine and call myself a medical student. I know many people who have worked just as hard as me and did not achieve the same end. Pursuing a career in medicine is a random and frustrating process. That is why, I am gratefull to be pulling my hair out over the thousands of different concepts and ideas that I must beat into my head for my final. There's nothing else I would wrather do in the entire world.