Things I got from my patients

[med2UCC]

Today, not a word of a lie, a patient presented me with a clear plastic bag containing skin plaques with the words "Something's growing on my scalp, Doctor, and these are some of them I picked off for you". I was speechless. Then I diagnosed her psoriasis (yes, I know I have that Doctor but do you think that's what this is?) and sent her home. The baggie went in the garbage. Maybe I should have stapled it to her chart?
Share folks. I'm sure I'm not the only one!
Cheers,
M

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[StevieStud]

Road Kill Squirrel extracted from her purse with the question "do you think it is still safe to eat" .

 

[dchristismi]

A nasty upper respiratory infection doesn't count?

The nicest thing I think Ive ever gotten from a patient (other than the occasional thank you note) was a glass angel ornament. It hangs over my desk to remind me that sometimes, it is better to be lucky than good. (Pt had a true anaphylactic reaction to rocephin after claiming a sulfa allergy... ended up tubed in the ICU on an epi gtts. She swears I saved her life. I told her that I practically killed her first!)

Unlike some primary care careers, our gifts are usually more along the lines of the prior posters...

 

[Mighty Mouse]

I have a killer URI right now from a 3 yo who coughed in my face sunday. ironically didn't give her antibiotics and told her family it was viral....yet i would kill for some doxy right now

 

[EM2BE]

I got a half baby. The bottom half. Basically made from PVC piping and elbows with a bowl for the belly. Supposed to be a planter. It had cute jeans and shoes. Too creepy to take home. Was in the intern lounge last I looked.

Blood clots in toilet paper is the norm for me though.

 

[FSU2013]

I got a half baby. The bottom half. Basically made from PVC piping and elbows with a bowl for the belly. Supposed to be a planter. It had cute jeans and shoes..

pic please? Sounds scary and I'm having a hard time visualizing.

 

[GeneralVeers]

Blood clots in toilet paper is the norm for me though.

"Doctor, do you want to look at it?? I brought it in for you to see!" Usually followed by the patient's husband handing you the baggie with clots.

They get very upset if I don't pretend to look.

 

[docB]

I've gotten the usual stool, miscarriages, sputum, fingers, vomit and so on.

The wildest was the guy who came in with about 15 bottles of "supplements" like you would buy out of the back of Hustler. Seriously, the had names like "Mega Stud Protein" (which is something I would not put in my mouth) and pictures of gigantic, photographically enhanced penises on them. He wanted advice on how to dose these and which ones he should take with which.

 

[EM2BE]

pic please? Sounds scary and I'm having a hard time visualizing.

I'll take the pic down in a few days so it doesn't clutter the thread.

 

[FSU2013]

Thanks. And wow. Just wow.

Truly awful.

 

[gutonc]

I had imagined something really creepy. This is about 15 orders of magnitude creepier than I imagined.

 

[ccfccp]

Thanks. And wow. Just wow.

Truly awful.

You mean you didn't appreciate my gift!?!? What an inconsiderate doctor you must be! I make creepy half babies for anyone who renders me a service.

 

[EM2BE]

I had imagined something really creepy. This is about 15 orders of magnitude creepier than I imagined.

Haha. If you only knew the story behind it, it would be even more creepy. The other reason I couldn't keep it was because of the story.

 

[FSU2013]

Haha. If you only knew the story behind it, it would be even more creepy. The other reason I couldn't keep it was because of the story.

Don't leave us hanging like that.......

Come on, inquiring minds want to know!

Pretty please, with sugar on top?

 

[CraftyMed]

I've gotten the usual stuff too: sputum, blood clots, and my current URI. Oh, and don't forget the lovely GI bugs.

Favorite: a cookie "flower" basket from a guy who never even saw me because he'd been Maced by his friends during a prank. He got 2 liters of irrigation and I'd set him up for discharge when it was done, so he never laid eyes on me.

Worst: 4 1/2 month fetus brought in a backpack. It weighed enough to be considered a patient, so we had to give it a wristband and write a chart. That totally sucked.

 

[dotcb]

Honestly? A personalized mug from a potter who fell off a roof and broke both his heels.

 

[EM2BE]

Don't leave us hanging like that.......

Come on, inquiring minds want to know!

Pretty please, with sugar on top?

Pt was suicidal because her father sexually abused her...pt freaked out when her step dad walked in the room every time he tried to see her. Suspect more issues with him. Step father was the one that brought it in for me. Disturbing.

 

[med2UCC]

Pt was suicidal because her father sexually abused her...pt freaked out when her step dad walked in the room every time he tried to see her. Suspect more issues with him. Step father was the one that brought it in for me. Disturbing.

Yeah, that wouldn't be going home with me either. Incredibly creepy,even without the story. Even more with.

I've had plenty of sputum and clots in baggies, once a diaper with "bloody" stool (I think we eventually decided it was tomato peel), not to mention the URTI's and gastro. For some reason the large skin flakes just really grossed me out.
Excellent responses so far. Cheers,
M

 

[Groove]

Dunno if it was a gift, but priceless memory... True story. Tallest Jamaican dude I've ever seen, inner city bronx, level 1, cocaine'd out of his mind, powder all over face, had the longest dreadlocks I've ever seen, they reached all the way down to his heels. They were thick as my wrists. Guy stands up off the gurney, wobbles a bit, patients seated around him along the wall, he whips it out and begins to piss on the floor, wobbles a bit more and starts to piss all over the patients. One guy that looked like Mike Tyson stands up and punches him full on to the face. The guy wobbles, sways back... almost fell over, then swayed forward again and kept pissing. That's when about 6 police ran in and jumped on him, shackled him to the stretcher....still pissing.

I still remember him, LOL. What a crazy guy. I was a med student at the time. Mouth open, slight grin on my face, thinking.... "I've got to work in a place like this....everything else is so boring."

 

[Belleza156]

That half baby is incredibly freaky. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard at an SDN post....

The story behind the freaky half baby.... Well it just makes me think of creepy scary movies that take place in the South. Such an odd gift.

Sent from my PC36100 using SDN Mobile

 

[Arcan57]

One of my colleagues saw a patient with an apple stuck in their recturm. A couple of weeks later, a basket of apples with a handwritten thank-you note from the patient shows up in our doctor's lounge. Needless to say they remained uneaten.

 

[FSU2013]

One of my colleagues saw a patient with an apple stuck in their recturm. A couple of weeks later, a basket of apples with a handwritten thank-you note from the patient shows up in our doctor's lounge. Needless to say they remained uneaten.

The whole apple? The core?

How big are we talking?

 

[Arcan57]

The whole apple? The core?

How big are we talking?

Don't know as I didn't see the patient originally. Big enough to land him in the OR with our colorectal surgeon. I imagine the apple was smaller than Nerf football which has become my gold standard for inappropriate and disastrous rectal foreign bodies.