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- Feb 6, 2007
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I haven't posted for a while, but I thought of this on my way into work. My wife just had a baby 3 weeks ago so I sent a funny email out to my friends.
The following are the phenomenon I have observed in the first 3 weeks and 2 days of Kenna's life:
1. When confronted with the extremely subjective and highly implausible statement "she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen" the correct response is not "please operationalize 'thing.'"
2. Likewise, when asked "how is the baby doing" the correct response is not "the literature suggests that she is progressing along a developmentally appropriate trajectory."
3. Car seats were apparently designed by people who hate babies.
4. The baby is not the least bit concerned that I get up at 0430 every morning to go running.
5. The difference between a "onesie" and "pajamas" is not self-evident.
6. Rocking, singing and making faces are infinitely more useful therapeutic interactions then "Kenna, your diaper is clean and you have been fed, yet you are still crying. What do you make of that?"
7. An unaccounted for variance for which an elegant study should be designed: The sounds other peoples babies make are "annoying" and yet the sounds my baby makes are "adorable."
8. Given 2 choices, where option A is "change diapers" and option B is "low-crawl naked over razorblades," option B is preferred.
9. When one encounters a sleeping baby, no matter how tempting it is to pinch her cheeks, think twice. Sleeping baby=good. Awakened baby=bad.
The following are the phenomenon I have observed in the first 3 weeks and 2 days of Kenna's life:
1. When confronted with the extremely subjective and highly implausible statement "she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen" the correct response is not "please operationalize 'thing.'"
2. Likewise, when asked "how is the baby doing" the correct response is not "the literature suggests that she is progressing along a developmentally appropriate trajectory."
3. Car seats were apparently designed by people who hate babies.
4. The baby is not the least bit concerned that I get up at 0430 every morning to go running.
5. The difference between a "onesie" and "pajamas" is not self-evident.
6. Rocking, singing and making faces are infinitely more useful therapeutic interactions then "Kenna, your diaper is clean and you have been fed, yet you are still crying. What do you make of that?"
7. An unaccounted for variance for which an elegant study should be designed: The sounds other peoples babies make are "annoying" and yet the sounds my baby makes are "adorable."
8. Given 2 choices, where option A is "change diapers" and option B is "low-crawl naked over razorblades," option B is preferred.
9. When one encounters a sleeping baby, no matter how tempting it is to pinch her cheeks, think twice. Sleeping baby=good. Awakened baby=bad.
