To all you young future doctors: Will you be getting a prenupt?

[kgpremed11]

Why???




Honestly I would be fine with marrying most people except for people of some certain race/religion/class backgrounds. But it doesn't matter, because it's not my decision to make.

So are you getting an arranged marriage?

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[HughMyron]

1) I value success and ambition and an interest in science.

2) We'd understand each other's problems. For example, someone who's an artist might get mad at me for having to put in 80+ hours a week during residency (or 60+ hours in practice as an attending) and, for not being there for her, while someone who's a resident/doctor won't.

3) Also, it would be pretty cool to be able to talk about interesting medical stuff without having to pause every 5 seconds to explain what a certain concept means.

Do you value looks and femininity more than stereotypically masculine traits such as ambition and an interest in science? Why or why not?

 

[deleted393595]

Do you value looks and femininity more than stereotypically masculine traits such as ambition and an interest in science? Why or why not?

Ambition and interest in science are far more important to me because that's the way I am too. Looks are important too, but not as much as the above.

I guess the key things that I would be valuing would be: ambition, confidence, and assertiveness. That being said, I don't want to end up being the dominant or submissive partner. I want equality.

 

[SOMBound13]

2) We'd understand each other's problems. For example, someone who's an artist might get mad at me for having to put in 80+ hours a week during residency (or 60+ hours in practice as an attending) and, for not being there for her, while someone who's a resident/doctor won't.

Doctor Spouse #1 "Honey, I'm exhausted. Just put in a 16 hour day, I've got a few funny stories for ya."

Doctor Spouse #2 "Save it. I'm too exhausted to listen to one more person today. I've got to be back at the hospital in 8 hours, so if I don't get some peace, quiet, and sleep, I'll go all cray-cray on you."

 

[MedPR]

Probably not as good as you think. Unless the naivety you project is intentional, which would be surprising.

I'm pretty good at separating mine. I'm much nicer on sdn than irl.



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[sinombre]

Do you value looks and femininity more than stereotypically masculine traits such as ambition and an interest in science? Why or why not?

Ambition and interest in science are not stereotypically masculine, at least not anymore. 50% of med students are women. And I worked with a ton of female grad students in my old lab. You're several decades behind the times brah.

 

[plumazul]

1) I value success and ambition and an interest in science.

2) We'd understand each other's problems. For example, someone who's an artist might get mad at me for having to put in 80+ hours a week during residency (or 60+ hours in practice as an attending) and, for not being there for her, while someone who's a resident/doctor won't.

3) Also, it would be pretty cool to be able to talk about interesting medical stuff without having to pause every 5 seconds to explain what a certain concept means.



I don't want kids though.

1) success is independent of field, and science >< clinical medicine
2) Some artist I know are the biggest workaholics in the world.
3) It would be pretty cool to talk about something interesting outside of work with my SO.

 

[penguinism]

Do you value looks and femininity more than stereotypically masculine traits such as ambition and an interest in science? Why or why not?

You act like these categories are mutually exclusive.

 

[Beargryllz]

Just deposit into your own accounts if you're truly paranoid

 

[deleted393595]

1) success is independent of field, and science >< clinical medicine

2) Some artist I know are the biggest workaholics in the world.

True. But then that bites into my other criteria of "being a doctor".

3) It would be pretty cool to talk about something interesting outside of work with my SO.

I guess so. But I think that just because you're a doctor doesn't mean that you can't talk about something outside of work.

 

[La Presse]

This may sound odd, but I honestly don't want to marry anyone who isn't a doctor.

Likewise. I am glad you think the same way.

 

[MedPR]

Likewise. I am glad you think the same way.

Same

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[kgpremed11]

This may sound odd, but I honestly don't want to marry anyone who isn't a doctor.

Same

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Likewise. I am glad you think the same way.

Well I guess the girls in med school will have a lot of guys looking to date only female med students after all. Where is Mel T??

 

[KnuxNole]

As long as these guys accept that the girl will fight to wear the pants of the relationship.

 

[MedPR]

As long as these guys accept that the girl will fight to wear the pants of the relationship.

I'm dating a med student. She knows who wears the pants.

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[kgpremed11]

I'm dating a med student. She knows who wears the pants.

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Her????????

 

[kgpremed11]

Well I guess the girls in med school will have a lot of guys looking to date only female med students after all. Where is Mel T??

My bad, it appears Mel T has been banned for life.

 

[MedPR]

Her????????

Your subtlety could use some work

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[SOMBound13]

I don't want kids though - and if I somehow end up having them, I'd cut back my hours to spend more time with them. I honestly wouldn't mind working part time while my wife works part time since I don't think that being a man entails having to earn the most.

Whatever works. But one of you may be in a specialty that doesn't lend itself very well to part-time work. Anyway, whether it's cultural or biological, it's usually the mother who is the primary caregiver.

 

[SouthernSurgeon]

I'll chime in with a bit of personal experience. You should all think long and hard and consider taking out a pre-nup even at this early stage. Even if it's not "iron-clad".

While you may not be worth much yet...what happens when your ex (and his/her attorney) makes an argument that they financially supported your education at significant opportunity cost to themselves? They can (and will) try to lay claim to a portion of your future earnings.

If my marriage crumbles, money will be the least of my concerns, so no.

What a stupid comment. Financial devastation adds another layer to the misery of divorce. It's not the number one priority but it certainly is a knife in the back that you weren't expecting.

 

[tn4596]

lol

in

That avatar looks familiar...
Aware

 

[113]

That avatar looks familiar...
Aware

 

[Omppu27]

Prob not...

I've been with my SO years before i turned "pre-med"... more like back when I was crystal clear of my original goal to "simply work a 9-5, collect my 40k, and call it quits after a measly bachelors degree".

Nice thing about getting in the game early... don't have to worry if she's a gold digger or not.

As for prenups, their utility in general largely depends on your state of residence. They are hardly the ironclad insurance policy that many seem to think.

This why you don't tell them you're a doctor until it gets serious....

 

[Arbor Vitae]

Or do you live in the world of sunshine and rainbows where love last forever and divorces don't happen?.... Protect your wallet.

Why even get married then?

 

[kgpremed11]

I'll chime in with a bit of personal experience. You should all think long and hard and consider taking out a pre-nup even at this early stage. Even if it's not "iron-clad".

While you may not be worth much yet...what happens when your ex (and his/her attorney) makes an argument that they financially supported your education at significant opportunity cost to themselves? They can (and will) try to lay claim to a portion of your future earnings.




What a stupid comment. Financial devastation adds another layer to the misery of divorce. It's not the number one priority but it certainly is a knife in the back that you weren't expecting.

Wisest because of resident status, pre meds don't really know anything.

 

[SOMBound13]

While you may not be worth much yet.

That's the point. You're not worth much YET. If you (and your spouse) are worth more later, then you (and your spouse) are worth more later. At that point, it's not "your" money/assets. The laws exist because it is usually easily argued that when one spouse is the long-hours-high-earner, then usually the other spouse takes care of most of the home/child responsibilities. Couples usually agree to these roles because they believe it works best for their families/lifestyles. For the high-earner to later say that the other spouse doesn't deserve half of the assets earned during the marriage is ignoring what the couple agreed was best for the family.

 

[cherahla]

I would refuse to marry a girl who didn't take my name. Fortunately, if you did that in my culture, you would be ostracized and probably disowned by your family.


Anyways, here's the deal. If you try to keep your name, you're probably thinking "hurrr durrr I'm a womyn and I'm empowered! I'm keeping a woman's name!"

But you're not. You're keeping your father's name, and IIRC he's a man. So really, when you refuse to take your husband's name, the only thing you're doing is placing him below your father, and thus implicitly disrespecting the husband.

Wow. That's one of the most shallow statements I've ever heard.

 

[HughMyron]

Wow. That's one of the most shallow statements I've ever heard.

U mad brah?

Some people have certain lines and refuse to cross them, and have reasons for that. Deal with it. I wonder what will happen if you're a doctor and a patient has a cultural issue with something. Will you be so judgmental then?

 

[MedPR]

Wow. That's one of the most shallow statements I've ever heard.

In some cultures its a sign of disrespect.

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[Amba]

U mad brah?

Some people have certain lines and refuse to cross them, and have reasons for that. Deal with it. I woder what will happen if you're a doctor and a patient has a cultural issue with something. Will you be so judgmental then?

I don't always agree with you, but I didn't think your statement here was that ridiculous.

 

[Lexdiamondz]

I don't want kids though - and if I somehow end up having them, I'd cut back my hours to spend more time with them. I honestly wouldn't mind working part time while my wife works part time since I don't think that being a man entails having to earn the most.

YOU may not think so...until an attending making 350k is balls-deep in your wife while you're at home making dinner. Fun fact about life: what people (including women) say they want and what they actually go for are often two very different things...

You are correct. If you live in a community property state, for example, then that's how property will be divided.

Here's a second question for the thread: How many of you future female doctors would change your name after getting married? I would be ok with my husband taking my name, but I would never change mine.

I could never understand why a man would take on his father in law's last name and not feel any kind of way about that.

 

[SouthernSurgeon]

That's the point. You're not worth much YET. If you (and your spouse) are worth more later, then you (and your spouse) are worth more later. At that point, it's not "your" money/assets. The laws exist because it is usually easily argued that when one spouse is the long-hours-high-earner, then usually the other spouse takes care of most of the home/child responsibilities. Couples usually agree to these roles because they believe it works best for their families/lifestyles. For the high-earner to later say that the other spouse doesn't deserve half of the assets earned during the marriage is ignoring what the couple agreed was best for the family.

I'm sure the ex will happily take on 50% of the student loan debt too then. After all it's what the couple agreed was best for the family at the time.

To clarify. My point was that an ex may make a claim that they are entitled to future earnings (as in ongoing payments AFTER the divorce), based on the idea that they put a financial investment into your education by pulling in a salary while you were in school. I'm not talking about equitable splitting of existing assets at the time of the divorce.

I think anyone who is going into a marriage where there will be a significant long term difference in salary/earnings should strongly consider a prenup. Of course that's just the jaded perspective of someone who went through a very unexpected and early divorce, but it's my .02...

 

[HughMyron]

I agree with Lex. Remember, bishes ain't **** but hos and tricks

 

[487806]

I agree with Lex. Remember, bishes ain't **** but hos and tricks

Vileplume or bellossom?

 

[HughMyron]

Vileplume or bellossom?

Dat dere plumes

 

[487806]

Dat dere plumes

Can't you replace oddish with pichu?

 

[La Presse]

I agree with Lex. Remember, bishes ain't **** but hos and tricks

This should go into my signature. Should.

 

[music2doc]

That's a special case that I would be happy to make an exception for. But it would only be acceptable if the woman had an already-established business or career that depended on name recognition. If not, well, change yo name bish, or I'm out.

Many women in medicine keep their names. It makes sense because 1) she probably started med school before you got married (and so may have papers published under her maiden name, etc.) and 2) you are both docs and having different last names makes it easier to distinguish b/w the two of you if you are at the same hospital or even in everyday life.

 

[girlonfire]

Or do you live in the world of sunshine and rainbows where love last forever and divorces don't happen?.... Protect your wallet.

I'd learn to spell first before I walk down the aisle.

 

[Diocletian]

Anyways, here's the deal. If you try to keep your name, you're probably thinking "hurrr durrr I'm a womyn and I'm empowered! I'm keeping a woman's name!"

But you're not. You're keeping your father's name, and IIRC he's a man. So really, when you refuse to take your husband's name, the only thing you're doing is placing him below your father, and thus implicitly disrespecting the husband.

Uh... as the husband, you are also keeping onto your father's name, not creating your own. A feminist could come right back at you and say the exact same thing. "HughMyron, you're disrespecting the wife by placing her below your father!"

 

[SOMBound13]

Just deposit into your own accounts if you're truly paranoid

That doesn't change anything. Earnings are community property (in most states) so even if you deposit your earnings in a "your name only" acct, the funds are still community property.

The only exceptions are things like: If you inherit money and keep that in a totally sep acct, then that isn't community property.

 

[Albotar1]

Don't a surprisingly high amount of doctors marry other doctors? Seems like the easy solution.

 

[dbeast]

U mad brah?

Some people have certain lines and refuse to cross them, and have reasons for that. Deal with it. I wonder what will happen if you're a doctor and a patient has a cultural issue with something. Will you be so judgmental then?

Hypothetical question for you- your wife won't change her last name but agrees that your future kids get your last name. Still anti?

Question for the feminists- would you change your last name if your future husband had a really cool last name? Like Chalupa or Batman?

 

[UTKpreMD]

Not really worried about that until there is money in the picture, which may be never... My current SO is on track to earn more than I will in family business so it may not be a benefit.

 

[Member 331305]

That doesn't change anything. Earnings are community property (in most states) so even if you deposit your earnings in a "your name only" acct, the funds are still community property.

The only exceptions are things like: If you inherit money and keep that in a totally sep acct, then that isn't community property.

Only nine states use the community property system (Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin).

Another reason to stick to the East coast.

 

[as1212559]

Sloots gonna sloot, just saying

True, so you would think someone capable of obtaining a medical degree would be able to recognize and kinda flush the sloots out of the running.

I swear I've seen you post this exact identical thing in like 5 different threads today. There are a lot of threads around here that may be a little strange, but basically every pre-med topic has been discussed ad nauseam already. If you haven't noticed, the mods don't lock many threads around here, unless things get really out of control. So you can stop posting this in every new thread.

Johnsons = somewhat shuffled.


No prenup OP. Money would be the least of my concerns if my relationship collapsed. Also, in on marrying a doctor.

 

[gmcguitar4]

Also something to consider...say you get married and your spouse doesnt work. Everything is dandy for a few years but then it falls apart and.. BAM. Divorce. They can claim that because they were out of the work force for a given amount of time and have no valuable/out of date skills to re-enter the workforce, they can go after a percentage of current and future salary...that's only for NY though. It gets worse as they get older. Every state has a ton of different laws for how this works. With that being said, you should definitely look into state law for divorce in your state cause they are wayy different everywhere.

 

[iave9963]

"If you ain't no chump, holler: WE WANT PRENUPT, WE WANT PRENUPT"
-Kanye West

In all seriousness I probably will not get a prenuptial agreement. I look nothing like a pre-med/future med school student so when I meet most chicks i don't even mention it unless it comes up in conversation. Now once there was a hot girl who didn't seem too interested, BUT the second me going to med school was mentioned, I got those digits in less than 5 minutes . "Now I'm not saying she's a gold digger, but she's not....... " - K.W

 

[HughMyron]

Hypothetical question for you- your wife won't change her last name but agrees that your future kids get your last name. Still anti?

Question for the feminists- would you change your last name if your future husband had a really cool last name? Like Chalupa or Batman?

Yes, I'd still refuse, because I consider it an affront that she would use her father's name rather than mine. It won't matter tho. In my culture, if a woman pulled crap like that her family would probably disown her, and I could just find someone else to marry.

The only exception is if she relies on her name for professional reasons.

Note to women: you're not being a "feminist" for using your father's name, because you're still taking a man's name. The only thing you're doing is insulting your husband.

 

[HughMyron]

Uh... as the husband, you are also keeping onto your father's name, not creating your own. A feminist could come right back at you and say the exact same thing. "HughMyron, you're disrespecting the wife by placing her below your father!"

The difference is that our culture is patrilineal. So I'm not the one rocking the boat, she is. If you want to screw things up, you better have a damn good reason. "I depend on my name in my career as a lawyer" is a good reason. "I'm not switching my name because I don't feel like it" is not.