To easy to be cheesy???

[kamandsam]

I am currently composing my personal statement and want to get some feedback from you wonderful and generous SDN members. Here is the abstract.

From a home with 100% disabled alcoholic veteran dad. I was the first male in the family to ever graduate high school. Went on to local CC and spent two years earning a mighty 1.7 GPA in social science. Took a break from school and went back earned a 3.6 at CC, transfered to a 4-yr. I completed 2.5 years at the 4 year year in 3 semesters. I earned a 3.5 and won my program honors for my class. Then went on to get masters and into a PhD program where I earned a 3.5 and won 2 prestigious fellowships. Along the way gt married had 3 babies and work as well to enable my wife to stay at home with our babies. Then I would move into what dental school means to me and how i will contribute to the school and the profession.


Thanks for taking the time.

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[Flossy13]

i think it would def be good to throw that story in there, but i dont htink it should be the BULK of the essay

Its a great way to make yourself stand out and shows a lot about your character, but don't forget that the underlying question is "why dentistry"

 

[REH]

I am currently composing my personal statement and want to get some feedback from you wonderful and generous SDN members. Here is the abstract.

From a home with 100% disabled alcoholic veteran dad. I was the first male in the family to ever graduate high school. Went on to local CC and spent two years earning a mighty 1.7 GPA in social science. Took a break from school and went back earned a 3.6 at CC, transfered to a 4-yr. I completed 2.5 years at the 4 year year in 3 semesters. I earned a 3.5 and won my program honors for my class. Then went on to get masters and into a PhD program where I earned a 3.5 and won 2 prestigious fellowships. Along the way gt married had 3 babies and work as well to enable my wife to stay at home with our babies. Then I would move into what dental school means to me and how i will contribute to the school and the profession.


Thanks for taking the time.

I would suggest you exclude all of your stats from your personal statement. They already know, because they have your transcripts in front of them. Through your story, explain what those numbers don't tell them. Show them that you've successfully overcome some very challenging obstacles in your life, and have been able to translate the lessons learned into personal success.

 

[kamandsam]

I would suggest you exclude all of your stats from your personal statement. They already know, because they have your transcripts in front of them. Through your story, explain what those numbers don't tell them. Show them that you've successfully overcome some very challenging obstacles in your life, and have been able to translate the lessons learned into personal success.

Thank you.

I agree about removing the stats.

 

[DrReo]

Make it more concise, I like the 3 babies part.

 

[rewJW]

I would suggest you exclude all of your stats from your personal statement. They already know, because they have your transcripts in front of them. Through your story, explain what those numbers don't tell them. Show them that you've successfully overcome some very challenging obstacles in your life, and have been able to translate the lessons learned into personal success.

I think REH summed up everything I thought upon reading OP's summary.

You can definitely show them you've overcome challenges and are capable of the demands of d-school. And you could say "I wasn't focused at first in school .. bleh bleh ... but I learned how to balance everything and feel my more recent academic achievements are more representative of my true abilities."

 

[kamandsam]

I think REH summed up everything I thought upon reading OP's summary.

You can definitely show them you've overcome challenges and are capable of the demands of d-school. And you could say "I wasn't focused at first in school .. bleh bleh ... but I learned how to balance everything and feel my more recent academic achievements are more representative of my true abilities."

So it looks like a tie. Ughh.

Thank you for the words of criticism.

 

[somethinpositiv]

Take out the stuff about your "disabled alcoholic veteran dad". Is that the tone you want to begin your PS? and the PS is about you, not your dad.

Also, remove the stats as people have said. Certainly mention the fellowships, which are impressive, but a 3.5 doing grad is not so impressive.