Is that All you could come up with Scooby?
I KNEW all this would go to your head! You know what they say about the size of a man's ego... inversely proportional to the size of his... uh, brain, yeah that's it...
You can steal some of my ideas for your fanclub, although I have had these instituted in my fanclub, which was established long ago:
1.
Requirements:
- Must be single, unhappily married, or married & looking for a pleasant change.
2.
Paperwork:
- Must submit pictures (no glamour shots as they can change Rosie O'Donnel into Cindy Crawford)
- Submitted data must include: hobbies, relationship experience (i.e. how many, when, how long, etc.), age (although you can exclude this if you want, it's only in mine because I have a thing for older men.)
- 3 Letters of Recommendation from: Former boyfriends/husbands. Extra bonus points if the letters include juicy details, strengths and weaknesses.
3.
Interview: Interviews will be conducted at the discretion of ScoobyDoo and by him only. His friends are NOT allowed to interview because judging from the excellent caliber of the fanclub, the friends are liable to try to sneak away with a member rather than keeping loyal to Scooby. If, however, the friends are actually a better catch, they can indeed interview fanclub members.
-
Interview Attire: Apparently, Scooby would prefer absolutely NON-professional clothing. Anyone wearing suits will have points deducted from their total score. The interviewee need not be scantily clad, however, a sharp and "hip" look is recommended.
-
Interview Demeanor: Although Scooby would like to ask illegal questions, the interviewee is not obligated to respond to any intimate or personal questions he poses. However, be forewarned that if you do not answer the questions and if you fail to demonstrate any special techniques/skills you may have, this Will indeed count against you in the final decision-making.
4.
Maintenance Requirements MUST be submitted ahead of time. Please classify yourself as one of the following:
a)
Little to No Maintenance: Follow-up calls after dates are unnecessary, your idea of romance = an E-Card only on your birthday, No meeting of parents or your friends is required, etc.)
b)
Medium Maintenance: Follow up calls are good, but not necessary until about a week after the date, Some analysis is done of the call, but not excessively, your idea of romance = going to a nice restaurant on your birthday, and the usual Chocolates & hearts on Valentines.
c)
High Maintenance: (Me) Follow up calls are an absolute MUST within the first 3-5 days after the date and it will be analyzed for approximately 3 hours afterward with friends. Your idea of Romance = Home cooked meal at a picnic at your favorite park, overlooking the river watching fireworks on your birthday. If you do not live near a river, the man should be willing and able to take you to a destination that does have what you are looking for.
Ability to converse for long amounts of time is REQUIRED. Ability to do other things for long amounts of time is also required...
Expense is not necessary (although it can be an asset), but Creativity and Imagination is a MUST. Meeting the parents/friends is good, but being yourself is MOST important.
If you fail to answer the above question, you will not be eligible for the following:
5.
All fanclub members are entitled to gifts of their choosing. These may include jewlery, theatre tickets, expensive dinners and using ScoobyDoo as a trophy beaux, if in fact he is that desirable in REAL life. (Highly unlikely.)
If, after all this, you are one of the privileged few chosen by Scooby, then you now have the authority to tell him to wait in anticipation and leave him hanging on YOUR waiting list. Remember, at this point, if you have been accepted, now is the time to
play hard to get! The ball is in your court-- Now throw it and make the little giggling canine Fetch!
PS:
No, I don't have this much time on my hands. I actually put this together a while back for me (true story), at the urging of some co-workers and I added a few things here and there. And yes, Scooby, I expect to be Early Decision and given priority for all this dedication to the cause, not to mention preferance (without the use of other tactics!) and also royalty fees in exchange for the use of my fan club constitution.