Dismiss Notice
SDN members see fewer ads and full resolution images. Join our non-profit community!

To those who are Married or have a SO

Discussion in 'Podiatric Residents & Physicians' started by DexterMorganSK, Apr 1, 2018.

  1. DexterMorganSK

    DexterMorganSK The Blood Guy

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2016
    Messages:
    965
    Likes Received:
    1,050
    Status:
    Podiatry Student
    Just a first year, but this question has been on my mind for some time now since I'm a non-trad.

    To those who are married or have a SO, how are you handling your resident/work life with your personal life? Especially, if you have children?

    When is an ideal year to get married while in school? Can you have a healthy relationship as that of marriage during residency due to the hectic schedule?

    My current goal is to settle down after the 2nd year (due to my age), i.e., after part 1.

    Is this a good step or should I wait until after finishing the 4th year but before residency?


    Appreciate any feedback.
     
    PashaOdesit likes this.
  2. Thread continues after this sponsor message. SDN Members do not see this ad.

  3. Weirdy

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2016
    Messages:
    1,570
    Likes Received:
    1,537
    Status:
    Pre-Podiatry
    Got married right before school started- no children. Might not answer your question, so sorry if this is redundant.

    Took us a semester to get in the groove but worked out great.
    Set apart time like you would for any hobby to spend with your SO. Make sure they realize any time outside of that you are busting ass.
    Whatever downtime you get, spend it with them. I value my time with my SO and my emotional well being before I step into class.
    If things aren't 100% at home, they need to be fixed so I can fully concentrate on school when I step back in.

    Wife works full time and it keeps her busy. We've picked a few things we do together no matter how hectic our schedule is: Church, tennis lessons, a date during easy weeks.

    Housework is split into things I like to do versus what she likes to do: dishes + laundry versus her vacuuming/cleaning.

    Would also appreciate feedback regarding something else: Wife really wants to start a small business (like a cafe) during residency. Is this a smart idea or stupid?

    Would really appreciate advice from residents/attendings.
     
  4. mk04447

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2012
    Messages:
    567
    Likes Received:
    273
    Status:
    Medical Student
    Lol. I'm answering your question honestly, if you get married in school she gets half when you get divorced. Wait, and you have a fighting chance. Having said this, the more appropriate response is, focus on school, there's time for that garbage. Might sound rough, but if you read between the lines you'll be well served. However, if you are anything like my kid, you won't hear a word I said. Good luck.
     
  5. dr.phoot

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2016
    Messages:
    552
    Likes Received:
    360
    Status:
    Pre-Podiatry
    congrats, potnah! :cool:
     
    Weirdy likes this.
  6. GypsyHummus

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2011
    Messages:
    3,658
    Likes Received:
    2,102
    Status:
    Pre-Health (Field Undecided)
    Won’t the spouse get half your stuff regardless of when you married? I thought it was better to get divorced when your making nothing so there is nothing to take.

    I agree though about waiting if you’re a guy. There is plenty of time to date after school.


     
  7. mk04447

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2012
    Messages:
    567
    Likes Received:
    273
    Status:
    Medical Student
    No, marriage is like any other investment, your interest is determined by how early and long you participate. Professional school is one exception, she'll argue you wouldn't have been able to attend and do well without her help. On the other hand, if you voluntarily support her and she isn't required to contribute (or contributes very little) to the household income, you've essentially brought in a stray and you'll be supporting her for life. Worse, if she doesn't develop some sort of appreciable skill you'll be on the hook. Ok, I concede you're pretty much screwed either way, but you are way better off the shorter the bond is in effect.
     
  8. DexterMorganSK

    DexterMorganSK The Blood Guy

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2016
    Messages:
    965
    Likes Received:
    1,050
    Status:
    Podiatry Student
    Thanks for the warning, good luck to you and your kid.

    Hoping a response from a current resident/attending. Thanks.
     
    GypsyHummus and Weirdy like this.
  9. mk04447

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2012
    Messages:
    567
    Likes Received:
    273
    Status:
    Medical Student
    Ha, best part of being young is knowing best.

    I appreciate it.
     
  10. Sweatshirt

    Joined:
    May 6, 2015
    Messages:
    292
    Likes Received:
    403
    Status:
    Podiatry Student
    Got engaged and married in pod school. It’s not that hard if you’re good at managing your time. PM me for more details but if you find someone and want to marry them do it!
     
  11. SLCpod

    Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2011
    Messages:
    775
    Likes Received:
    484
    Status:
    Resident [Any Field]
    If you've found the one, tie the knot. There's never a convenient time to get married. Set a date and get it done. Same thing about having kids. There's never a convenient time but TOTALLY worth it.
     
    Weirdy, smurfeyD, GypsyHummus and 3 others like this.
  12. DexterMorganSK

    DexterMorganSK The Blood Guy

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2016
    Messages:
    965
    Likes Received:
    1,050
    Status:
    Podiatry Student
    Appreciate the response.

    Can you please share the hours you are required to work as a resident and if they stay similar for the three-years duration?
    And if it is possible, it will be great to know a typical day for you as a resident. Thanks!
     
  13. SLCpod

    Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2011
    Messages:
    775
    Likes Received:
    484
    Status:
    Resident [Any Field]
    Left at 0645. Got home 30 minutes ago (2345). The life of a resident. It's what happens when you're on call. Every program is different but you want to be busy because that means you're learning and gaining experience for when you're on your own.

    The price of success is paid in advance.
     
  14. PashaOdesit

    PashaOdesit Nobel Prize Recipient
    Gold Donor Classifieds Approved

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2017
    Messages:
    1,624
    Likes Received:
    1,166
    Status:
    Pre-Medical
    Do you have 24-36 hour shifts during residency in podiatry?
     
  15. SLCpod

    Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2011
    Messages:
    775
    Likes Received:
    484
    Status:
    Resident [Any Field]
    Call is different at every program. When you have the pager you may have slow days or busy days.
     
    DexterMorganSK and PashaOdesit like this.
  16. Thread continues after this sponsor message. SDN Members do not see this ad.

  17. ldsrmdude

    ldsrmdude Back in the saddle again
    Administrator Moderator Podiatrist Faculty

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2007
    Messages:
    1,784
    Likes Received:
    593
    Status:
    Podiatrist
    I agree with what has been said, there is never a perfect time to get married so don't wait for the perfect time. Your spouse will need to be understanding of your commitments outside the home, whether that is during school, residency, or practice. A spouse that is jealous of your time when you aren't at home can cause a lot of friction and stress. I got married a year or two before school started and started school with a 6 month old kid. I chose to study at home instead of at the library. That worked for me and allowed me to at least be in my home when my family was around essentially every day. That didn't work for some who needed to study in the library and didn't feel they could study at home. My wife had to adjust when residency started and I didn't see my kids for sometimes a few days at a time. And now in practice, I still have days where I don't see my kids, but it's more sporadic and I am usually able to be home when I need to and make it my kids baseball practices or games or piano recitals, etc.

    Hours varied for me but average during years 1-2 were probably 6a-6p with 2 weekends on call a month and 1 weekday a week. Year 3 was more like 6:30a-5p with 1 weekend every other month and 1 weekday every other week.
    Typical day, roughly, was be there at 6:00 to pre-round, actual rounds at 6:30, cases start at 7:00, either in surgery or seeing floor patients, taking call, in clinic until 5, then sign out or late add-on cases.
    I did when I was on internal medicine. We did a 24-hour shift every 4th day. When I was on the podiatry service and on call, would get called at all hours of the night, but it was usually interrupted and I had maybe 2 or 3 nights all residency when I didn't sleep in my own bed while being on the podiatry service.
     
  18. DexterMorganSK

    DexterMorganSK The Blood Guy

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2016
    Messages:
    965
    Likes Received:
    1,050
    Status:
    Podiatry Student
  19. PashaOdesit

    PashaOdesit Nobel Prize Recipient
    Gold Donor Classifieds Approved

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2017
    Messages:
    1,624
    Likes Received:
    1,166
    Status:
    Pre-Medical
    Thank you so much for that post.
     
  20. GypsyHummus

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2011
    Messages:
    3,658
    Likes Received:
    2,102
    Status:
    Pre-Health (Field Undecided)
    Thank you for the insight! Are most Podiatrists schedules like this?

    Also, I had a question regarding the Topic of Marrying a Podiatrist as a Podiatrist. I know that Physician coupling is common, and of the people that I know, alot of them have relatively happy marriages. Would a Pod to Pod marriage be able to work out/are they good coupling?

    I remember reading somewhere that the top professions that have the lowest rate of divorce were Podiatrists and Optometrists. So, Maybe marry an OD if you are a DPM?

     
    #18 GypsyHummus, Apr 12, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2018
  21. Weirdy

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2016
    Messages:
    1,570
    Likes Received:
    1,537
    Status:
    Pre-Podiatry
    Mileage varies.

    Wife is non-healthcare field and I love it.
    Having someone to bring you down a notch and carry a separate perspective on things helps.
    Not that I mind being able to analyze someone's gait or discuss an xray with my partner but, correlation does not prove causation.
     
    GypsyHummus and DexterMorganSK like this.
  22. ldsrmdude

    ldsrmdude Back in the saddle again
    Administrator Moderator Podiatrist Faculty

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2007
    Messages:
    1,784
    Likes Received:
    593
    Status:
    Podiatrist
    I would guess that most residency schedules are somewhat similar to what I posted with some outliers for sure. Some work less and have little inpatient rounding and some work longer hours with tons of add-on cases, but I’d guess my schedule as a resident wasn’t too far off normal, whatever that means.
    I knew a married couple (both Podiatry residents as well) and it seemed to work for them. I haven’t kept in touch with them now that they’re attendings, but they certainly wouldn’t be the first couple to be in practice together and make a marriage work.
     
  23. NITRAS

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2018
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    53
    Status:
    Attending Physician
    I'm an internist, not podiatrist, but I did get married half way through MS2 year.

    I have a couple things I'd advise.
    1st, get really good pre-marriage counseling. Make sure you have money, inlaws, children, religion, and politics. Get some of those basic marriage fights in early. We didn't do this, but I wish we had.

    My schedule, where we lived was often not in my control. My wife was very understanding, but you do need to plan things ahead, update them with calls/texts. Be very deliberate about spending time together. My schedule on wards was 60-70 hours a week with q4 call. I had the occasional 90 hour week, and had 24 hour call twice a month. Turn off the TV, the phone. So, plan ahead, and make the time count. Realize that **** happens and you may not make many things.

    Children makes this more complicated. Day-cares rarely run before 6am or after 6pm, are usually closed weekends and holidays. Guess what, they are going to get sick, and you can't go to daycare when you are sick. You are going to get sick. We had our first child the last few months of residency, and I was never more sick than that first year with him, way more than residency. My wife has to pick up the slack. She is a dietitian who works for a three letter agency.

    I'm going to say something unpopular here. When you aren't married, don't act married. This will get you into all kinds of relational and financial heartache. Mixing your finances, buying houses together, puts you into a general partnership with no real good exit strategy.

    When you are married, act married. We have our money, our goals, our children. I make more than my wife, but it is our money, our retirement, our bank account. Our marriage works best when I am self-less, and focus on serving my wife. (i'm not saying I do a great job, but really this things I need to work on most).

    I think it would be really hard if your spouse is also in medicine. My office mate (also a hospitalist) who works 1.0 FTE days and 0.5 FTE nights, and covers a local SNF/LTAC wife is an intern in IM. They have a child almost 1 year, and they have scheduled their life out. It works, but it is hard.

    BTW, marriage is awesome, children are amazing but they do require work.
     
  24. Certified Corsair

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2017
    Messages:
    143
    Likes Received:
    129
    Status:
    Pre-Health (Field Undecided)
    Do you mind sharing how long you were together prior to marriage?
     
  25. GypsyHummus

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2011
    Messages:
    3,658
    Likes Received:
    2,102
    Status:
    Pre-Health (Field Undecided)
    Do you wish you would have waited to have kids until after residency? What about marriage? I would imagine its hard to tell someone that they have to put their life on hold for a doctor to get done with school.

    What is your opinion on Doctor to Doctor couplings? Then they know what you are going through. Id imagine there isnt much time for anything else though.

     
  26. NITRAS

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2018
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    53
    Status:
    Attending Physician
    Dated about 14 months prior to getting engaged, 8 month engagement. I would say that 11 months of the dating was serious. I knew I wanted to marry her really within a few months, honestly.

    I disagree with perpetual engagement. Get married, connect your lives. Make choices. I heard a great saying once. When you tell someone yes, you are by default saying no to other things. We actually had a few months of not living together while married, but that was a short term plan.

    We had our first child with only a few months of residency left, so not like we had him for long with not an attending. I would have children when God says have children. Children will make you feel you don't have control over your life
    I was initially planning to become a fellow after a couple years of attending, and we would have made it work. My daughter is almost 7 months old, and she literally is a different person every couple weeks.

    It really helps if one of you can take off at a moments notice, but people do it all the time. I would encourage an office based specialty for at least one of you. You can do it, but it takes more money and planning. Most of my physician couple friends, one ends up working part time, or they have an awesome nanny/live in parents.
     
  27. Weirdy

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2016
    Messages:
    1,570
    Likes Received:
    1,537
    Status:
    Pre-Podiatry
    Not to who you're talking to but:

    Dated 6 years.
    Did not co-habitate, engaged a few months prior to wedding.
     
  28. Certified Corsair

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2017
    Messages:
    143
    Likes Received:
    129
    Status:
    Pre-Health (Field Undecided)
    Good to know! I'm in a similar boat but working on year 4. I know she's the one but most likely going to wait until we move in together a few months before spending the money on that overvalued rock.
     
    Weirdy likes this.
  29. Weirdy

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2016
    Messages:
    1,570
    Likes Received:
    1,537
    Status:
    Pre-Podiatry
    Good to know you guys have gotten past the puppy stage.
    Living together will take compromises for both of you.
    I have habits that drive her up the wall around the house, and vice versa.
    As long as you guys fight through it and still make up at the end of the day (with compromise), you will be fine.

    Keep us posted.
     
  30. footpainhealer

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2016
    Messages:
    152
    Likes Received:
    104
    Status:
    Pre-Podiatry
    Wow. It seems like quite a few of the people that I've seen on the pod forums for the past year or 2 are married and have kids or are planning for kids.

    How old are you guys? I thought people in their 20's-30's are still supposed to be figuring **** out and dating and hooking up, etc. hahaha

    Y'all are worried about time for kids and wives and I'm over here worried about time for tinder. lmao
     
  31. PashaOdesit

    PashaOdesit Nobel Prize Recipient
    Gold Donor Classifieds Approved

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2017
    Messages:
    1,624
    Likes Received:
    1,166
    Status:
    Pre-Medical
    I am mid 20s or so. Married. 3 kids.
     
    Weirdy likes this.
  32. footpainhealer

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2016
    Messages:
    152
    Likes Received:
    104
    Status:
    Pre-Podiatry
    THREE!! I wish you the best. haha
    Is it like a religious or cultural thing?

    I'm almost 30 and the only parents or married people I know from college and high school are the single moms who slept around in high school/college, and a couple of my mormon friends. Maybe it's a geographical phenomena too. It seems like alot of you who say you're married and have kids come from rural America and not bigger cities like NYC, LA or Chicago.
     
  33. PashaOdesit

    PashaOdesit Nobel Prize Recipient
    Gold Donor Classifieds Approved

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2017
    Messages:
    1,624
    Likes Received:
    1,166
    Status:
    Pre-Medical
    Both.

    It is actually true about rural vs urban thing. I have seen that trend too that people in the rural get married and have kids earlier. I have lived in California until High School. During HS and early college I have seen that difference. People in the rural midwest get married earlier. Even without religious or cultural factors.
     
  34. Weirdy

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2016
    Messages:
    1,570
    Likes Received:
    1,537
    Status:
    Pre-Podiatry
    25.

    Parents were very strict Catholics. She wanted to come along, wouldn't take no for an answer.

    We weren't planning to get married til after graduating.

    Worked out way better. She's supporting me a lot right now financially.
     
  35. GypsyHummus

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2011
    Messages:
    3,658
    Likes Received:
    2,102
    Status:
    Pre-Health (Field Undecided)
    I need a sugar momma. Would make life much easier.
     
  36. smurfeyD

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2015
    Messages:
    1,204
    Likes Received:
    1,369
    Status:
    Pre-Medical
    26, married a few years and have a 6 month old. Never been happier
     
    Weirdy and PashaOdesit like this.
  37. PashaOdesit

    PashaOdesit Nobel Prize Recipient
    Gold Donor Classifieds Approved

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2017
    Messages:
    1,624
    Likes Received:
    1,166
    Status:
    Pre-Medical
    My third one is 4 months old. Life is awesome.
     
    smurfeyD likes this.

Share This Page