TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'VE JOINED A CHEAP HMO 10. Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooter's. 9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park ..." 8. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles. 7. The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter. 6. The only item listed under Preventive Care Coverage is "an apple a day," 5. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month. 4. "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo. 3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming. 2. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "M"s on them. 1. You ask for Viagra, you get a popsicle stick and duct tape.