Trouble making close friends in med school

[sylph]

So I feel kind of embarrassed about this but I feel like I've been having a hard time making friends in med school compared to other people. This is my first year and it already seems like there are established "cliques" of people. I think a big part of this is the fact that I study the best by myself, whereas lots of other people seem to form groups. I'm also a really shy and reserved person. Has anyone else felt this way in med school??

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[TheFamilyDoc]

So I feel kind of embarrassed about this but I feel like I've been having a hard time making friends in med school compared to other people. This is my first year and it already seems like there are established "cliques" of people. I think a big part of this is the fact that I study the best by myself, whereas lots of other people seem to form groups. I'm also a really shy and reserved person. Has anyone else felt this way in med school??

Being that you're shy and reserved it would be hard for other adults to establish a close relationship with you. Unfortunately, this is not high school or undergrad, where people will have time to break you out of your shell (Med School is too fast paced). Overtime, hopefully you will probably develop closer relationships with your classmates.
Good Luck

 

[brianmartin]

I feel the same way. Something about the stress and pressure cut me off from other people. It's like I don't have the energy to socialize, or the environment is not one in which I feel comfortable being myself. It's pretty hard to come out of your shell in the "med school" environment where most people are very outgoing. You are not alone in feeling like this. I wish I had some better advice but I am struggling with the same problem.

 

[vcfor3]

Yeah med school is way too fast paced to make friends as you would like, more time spent studying, none left to really socialize. Whatever people you did meet when med school started seem to have disappeared into their own cliques, so that doesn't exactly help your case either, oh well such is life...

 

[Stixman28]

So I feel kind of embarrassed about this but I feel like I've been having a hard time making friends in med school compared to other people. This is my first year and it already seems like there are established "cliques" of people. I think a big part of this is the fact that I study the best by myself, whereas lots of other people seem to form groups. I'm also a really shy and reserved person. Has anyone else felt this way in med school??

same thing happened to me my first year. i figured i just probably wouldn't have close friends again...

but it happened, (took even a little over a year) and now i have two great friends. just give it time.

 

[FutureDoctor317]

I am also shy and reserved. The best advice I can give is just keep trying and socialize every chance you get. As far as cliques are concerned, I basically just looked at what clique I have most things in common with. Then I just eating lunch with them, inviting myself to their house and etc. It was extremely awkward at first but eventually they got used to it and i became part of the clique.

 

[MadEvans]

I am also shy and reserved. The best advice I can give is just keep trying and socialize every chance you get. As far as cliques are concerned, I basically just looked at what clique I have most things in common with. Then I just eating lunch with them, inviting myself to their house and etc. It was extremely awkward at first but eventually they got used to it and i became part of the clique.

Don't "join a clique". Just be friendly. Cliques are for insecure people.

Another option would be to embrace your introversion. Just, for the love of god, don't join forces with the cliquey people. They suck. You won't find any happiness there.

If you're interested in joining my anti-clique clique... Clique here.

 

[DonDraper]

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[phluidradiation]

Try joining a few of the clubs at school. It makes it much easier to talk to new people when you have a common interest or goal. With clubs usually everyone there is working on the same project or event so it is easier to find common ground. Or find out if any groups play sports a certain day of the week and show up, even if you aren't very good. I know lots of people play soccer and basketball regularly at my school and were just happy if classmates showed up!

 

[Ischiowhat]

So I feel kind of embarrassed about this but I feel like I've been having a hard time making friends in med school compared to other people. This is my first year and it already seems like there are established "cliques" of people. I think a big part of this is the fact that I study the best by myself, whereas lots of other people seem to form groups. I'm also a really shy and reserved person. Has anyone else felt this way in med school??

I can definitely relate to this. I guess I do have a "clique" of my own, and I do like them a lot, but damn there are a lot of other people in the class. I know a lot of them by name, I'm even facebook friends with most of them too, but when do I ever really get to talk to them besides saying hi in passing or whatever? We all sit in the same places at lectures, we eat with the same people, drink with the same people, study with the same people...I don't mind but then again I'd like to get to know the rest of the class too.

 

[sunset823]

same thing happened to me my first year. i figured i just probably wouldn't have close friends again...

but it happened, (took even a little over a year) and now i have two great friends. just give it time.

Don't "join a clique". Just be friendly. Cliques are for insecure people.

Another option would be to embrace your introversion. Just, for the love of god, don't join forces with the cliquey people. They suck. You won't find any happiness there.

If you're interested in joining my anti-clique clique... Clique here.

I felt the same way as you first year OP, I'm the type of person who has a handful of really close friends (though most of those are very long distance at this point, gchat is my best friend because my best friends are only on gchat) and my other interactions are relatively superficial, in that I never went to any parties or any social events, even in undergrad. My medical school class is a) small, b) mostly younger than me and c) VERY social, so I felt like a fish out of water, having been in much larger places (even my high school class was 6x bigger than my med school class) where I could usually find my niche, or if not, just drift around randomly in the cafeteria. However, naturally being pretty introverted (though talkative, yeah, weird, but I was a debater) and being quite content, even happy, doing things by myself, this didn't concern me much. First year I had a few friends I'd talk to, but I never really did anything with people outside of class. However, when we moved to branch campuses and the size of our class got cut 60% this year, plus not having the resources of a larger university town where I could go to random non-medical lectures and events and meet people that way, I have, like someone mentioned, become really close with a couple of people who, like me, have no involvement in the usual med school drama. If I didn't have that, I'd probably go nuts in the current town I live in, because you literally have no social interaction outside of your fellow med students.

So basically, I agree with 'give it time', 'be friendly' (i.e., don't cause or get involved in drama) and 'embrace your introversion', all have worked well with me. Sure, some people might question why I don't go to any parties or social events, but I've never been called out on it and instead do things I enjoy more.

 

[footcloud]

I was in the same boat, and still am to a degree. I know this doesn't sound reassuring now, but things have gotten a lot better once clinicals started. I'm interacting w/ people now fine and I always did when we're in the same group, etc. It's just when it's a large class situation that I had issues. I have more things on my mind now and worrying about cliques etc is not high on the list.

 

[zoirusha]

I'd say don't worry about it. You have other things on your mind right now - and medical school may be more important than tons of social interaction (which is of mixed benefit anyway, even if you had plenty of free time). Work hard, and try to be happy with it being your number one priority right now - but do go out now and then, so as to not completely forget your social skills. You will be OK, we will all be OK - I think oftentimes there is pressure to get married, have kids, be popular - so try to distinguish your response to pressure from genuine desire to have these things...

 

[Danlee07]

mostof the people at my school are socially inept nerds. none of those people are very cool so dont feel bad if you arent part of their group. be yourself and im sure there is a "clique" or group of friends at your school that will suit you.

med students fall into a few categories: a) real weirdos who have 0 social skills and belong in research, b) real smart people who are too shy to loosen up, c) the kids who were picked on in high school, were semi-nerds in college, and who arrived to med school and tried to reinvent themselves as hot ****, and d) athletes/attractive chicks that always had confidence and will end up in derm/ortho...so ignore them and theyll ignore you


my advice is to befriend b and stay away from c as these kids are the biggest tools

ahahahahaha

 

[Galenos]

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[han14tra]

OP, I'm a 2nd year and I feel the exact same way as you. I have very few friends (like 2-3) in my class that I do hang out with/study with. Sometimes, it sort of makes me feel like an outsider in our class (which I sort of am). I don't feel like I relate very well with the people in my class. Most of the social gatherings that I've been invited to involve a lot of drinking, and I don't drink at all nor do I like watching other people get drunk. The bar scene makes me VERY uncomfortable.

Luckily, I have a group of close friends at home who I talk to all of the time. Most of them are older (30+) and I feel like I relate better to them. They help keep me sane while I'm in medical school.

 

[sylph]

It's helpful to hear all the reassuring responses. Even just hearing "hey, me too" from people helps a lot. I guess the med school lifestyle just doesn't lend itself well to social time. I personally am a person who studies alone best, so I pretty much spend all day, every day studying at the library or at home. I'm glad that I have old friends here in town who keep me sane. My husband (who is an older doctor) also helps a lot. I think part of the problem is what a previous poster said--lots of people like to go out drinking and stuff in med school, and I don't drink because it's prohibited in my religion. So that makes it hard to fit in sometimes.

 

[muhali3]

It's helpful to hear all the reassuring responses. Even just hearing "hey, me too" from people helps a lot. I guess the med school lifestyle just doesn't lend itself well to social time. I personally am a person who studies alone best, so I pretty much spend all day, every day studying at the library or at home. I'm glad that I have old friends here in town who keep me sane. My husband (who is an older doctor) also helps a lot. I think part of the problem is what a previous poster said--lots of people like to go out drinking and stuff in med school, and I don't drink because it's prohibited in my religion. So that makes it hard to fit in sometimes.

Mormon or Muslim? I also don't drink due to religious restrictions and do not like the idea that not drinking will make it harder for me to make friends.

 

[alakazham]

It's helpful to hear all the reassuring responses. Even just hearing "hey, me too" from people helps a lot. I guess the med school lifestyle just doesn't lend itself well to social time. I personally am a person who studies alone best, so I pretty much spend all day, every day studying at the library or at home. I'm glad that I have old friends here in town who keep me sane. My husband (who is an older doctor) also helps a lot. I think part of the problem is what a previous poster said--lots of people like to go out drinking and stuff in med school, and I don't drink because it's prohibited in my religion. So that makes it hard to fit in sometimes.

I know how you feel as I'm in a similar situation with my class. Part of it is my fault since I am moody so I may not have a pleasant expression when I'm stressed. At least you've already found your significant other. I'm sure that helps a lot in this situation. I'm still looking.

 

[vcfor3]

Mormon or Muslim? I also don't drink due to religious restrictions and do not like the idea that not drinking will make it harder for me to make friends.

I enjoyed getting drunk and whatnot in the beginning of med school, now its kinda gotten old, and never really found myself making any new friends when drunk. People you meet when drunk avoid you like the plague the next day, dunno why, so kinda no real point in participating anymore.

 

[EMDO2018]

I enjoyed getting drunk and whatnot in the beginning of med school, now its kinda gotten old, and never really found myself making any new friends when drunk. People you meet when drunk avoid you like the plague the next day, dunno why, so kinda no real point in participating anymore.

true why is that?

 

[tmn]

Socializing is what dumb people do to feel better about their bad grades. Stay in your cave and exact your revenge by matching plastics.

 

[DermViser]

Socializing is what dumb people do to feel better about their bad grades. Stay in your cave and exact your revenge by matching plastics.

I truly hope you're kidding.

 

[DermViser]

One of the most social people in our class M1 year decided they were going into plastics that summer. No one saw them for basically the next 2 years outside of school. Not joking.

You mean he just clammed up socially?

 

[Armadillos]

Do you have any required class activities where you always work with the same group of people? Try to get to to know them, your going to be spending a lot of time with them. Required stuff is a lot less annoying when it involves hanging out with friends.

 

[DermViser]

Yes. Stopped going out, hanging out, dinners, etc. Became a machine for 2 years - all free time not devoted to studying for Step 1 and rotations was spent plastics gunning and working on their research projects. Would skip class M2 year to go shadow plastics cases in the OR.

WOW. I mean that's just really weird. The only reason I could see that happening is if he didn't do so hot in M1 and thought he had to make it up in M2 and M3. I can't imagine not going out and having any fun at all for that extended period of time. Did he actually end up getting it?

 

[tmn]

I truly hope you're kidding.

Indeed. Smart people can have friends and match plastics.

 

[fancymylotus]

wtf @ the necro-bump. EMDO you should be studying

 

[touchpause13]

Also I'll let u guys know when I get bored with drinking after exams

 

[firepoet93]

i'm dealing with the same problem. i have a small group of friends, but I see everyone on all the group chats and all the social media boards (side note- its unfortunate that its basically necessary to reactivate all social media in order to get updates about class and assignments. without facebook, I wouldn't feel nearly as bad. still stressed, but not as bad.) socializing and I feel like I'm not doing enough socially.

 

[Styrene]

So I feel kind of embarrassed about this but I feel like I've been having a hard time making friends in med school compared to other people. This is my first year and it already seems like there are established "cliques" of people. I think a big part of this is the fact that I study the best by myself, whereas lots of other people seem to form groups. I'm also a really shy and reserved person. Has anyone else felt this way in med school??

I'm similar, but I don't really care about having a lot of friends - I'm friendly with everyone though. I just like to spend most of my time alone because I'm happier that way. You'll make 1-2 good friends eventually. Don't feel pressure to be someone your not. Maybe you are like me

 

[Med student 18]

definitely felt this way, but more because the people in my school suck big time. i wouldn't feel bad or ashamed about this...

 

[Mad Jack]

i'm dealing with the same problem. i have a small group of friends, but I see everyone on all the group chats and all the social media boards (side note- its unfortunate that its basically necessary to reactivate all social media in order to get updates about class and assignments. without facebook, I wouldn't feel nearly as bad. still stressed, but not as bad.) socializing and I feel like I'm not doing enough socially.

Ah the classic fear of missing out. Chill out. We had a biard we could anonymously post our feelings on at my school, and by far the most common things said were of the "I feel like everyone is being social and I'm so alone" variety. Facebook portrays everyone as being these social butterflies all the time, but only maybe a quarter of your class is probabaly like that, the rest are just putting on a show with pictures that isn't in line with reality.

 

[Tozanzibarbymotorcar]

So I feel kind of embarrassed about this but I feel like I've been having a hard time making friends in med school compared to other people. This is my first year and it already seems like there are established "cliques" of people. I think a big part of this is the fact that I study the best by myself, whereas lots of other people seem to form groups. I'm also a really shy and reserved person. Has anyone else felt this way in med school??

Wow! Lots of negative comments here. You are too shy and people don't have time to break you out of your shell? Or it's too fast pace? Come on people! Med students are still human!! It is going to take time to make good friends. Most of those cliques end up being superficial. After the first semester lots of people change friends. My advice..get involved in a club or something that really interests you and find people with similar interests. They are there! It takes time.

 

[Lannister]

Ah the classic fear of missing out. Chill out. We had a biard we could anonymously post our feelings on at my school, and by far the most common things said were of the "I feel like everyone is being social and I'm so alone" variety. Facebook portrays everyone as being these social butterflies all the time, but only maybe a quarter of your class is probabaly like that, the rest are just putting on a show with pictures that isn't in line with reality.

I kind of like that idea, wish my school had something like that!

 

[croak2]

I've (retired MD GS) found—the friends you make in med school are friends for life. A week doesn't pass when I don't hear from a few. In fact—I got a call from a pal a few hours ago re the hurricane (I own a place in the Irma zone)…