Waitlisted, but I want to defer...

[Grumpy]

Well, just when I thought this year couldn't get any worse, something comes along to put everything back into perspective.

I am still not sure whether this is a good idea, i.e. airing my life with complete strangers, but I need some serious advice. I just found out that my mother has pancreatic cancer. They did surgery over the weekend and the doctor says it is definately malignant, and very aggressive. I am devastated. My father died at 43 of cancer, and now my mother who is 60. Medical school is somehow meaningless now, but I expect this ordeal will make me more resolved to become a doctor later down the road.

My MCAT scores expire this year and I am waitlisted at two schools and waiting to hear from one other post-interview. If accepted off a waitlist, can I defer a year for medical reasons? I am in complete shock that this can happen again to my family.

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[Future_Doc]

Grump - sorry about the bad news. The good news is, if you are accepted, most schools will allow you to defer for a year. Now, some schools provide conditional acceptances from waitlists - the condition being that you matriculate during the upcoming class. First get accepted, then contact the admissions office to learn of your deferrment options. They may even tell you of that option in your acceptance letter. Best wishes to you and your family.

 

[spacecadet]

Grumpy,

I sent you a PM.

 

[naya]

Grumpy,
I certainly hope that an institution that trains students to have compassion and understanding would be sensitive to your situation. Even though we might be 'unknowns' to one another our hearts are with you and we are here for support.

 

[Grumpy]

Thanks, right now I am in so much shock I don't trust myself to think straight. This changes everything. My mother is an oncology nurse and I take comfort that her home is at the hospital. This really is unbelievable to me. You just never know what's around the corner waiting for you.

 

[BlackPuma]

Don't worry about med school too much now....we will all pray for your mom to get better as soon as possible....

take things one at a time, do you have any relatives or friends you can talk to? sometimes having a shoulder to cry on really helps alot....

we wish you the very best, and don't think of us as strangers....we are one big happy family (occasionally we all fight too, but u know how it is :wink:

 

[Tweetie_bird]

Hi Grumpy,
Reading your PM has reminded me of a similar situation I was in a few years ago. I realize that this must be a big shock to you, and certainly seems to put things in perspective. Have faith. Be strong. And most of all, do not make any major decisions when you are in shock. Talk to others before you decide anything. Reason it out with them.

My prayers are with you and your family. God bless.
Tweetie

 

[none]

Normally, it's somewhat difficult to defer when you're pulled off of the waitlist...but in this situation I can't imagine a school denying you.

 

[Patiently Waiting]

I totally agree with None.. Med schools in general don't allow students to defer a yr or more without a legitimate excuse, and you have a case more than legitimate. Wait and see what happens over the summer. Contact the school once you get in and then share your situation. In the meantime, I will join others' prayer for your mother's quick recovery. Keep the faith!! :wink:

 

[qkitty]

Grumpy, I'm sorry to hear that...
Unexpected things do happen in life, but, we can also be unexpectedly strong. In the future, when you look back, you'll be surprised how strong you've been and how much you've grown.

Please take good care of yourself when you're taking care of your mom. Don't think about med school for now. But I think your experience going through this tough stage will make your future medical career more meaningful...

I pray for you Grumpy! The little face on your mushroom avatar made me teary though.

(sorry if I sound awkward - English is my second language)

 

[Grumpy]

Thanks to all of you for your encouraging words, I appreciate the advice and support.

Sigh, must be strong, must be strong, must be strong. I thought I was mature before this happened, but, after this, I think I will be catapulted into Mega-Mature-Land. I do have a fairly big support network who are keeping me sane, but none of them are applying to med school and the advice on SDN is truly helpful.

It comes in waves. Yet, now I am resigned to doing everything in my power to care for her, but my only hope is that nature gives us some time together where she is not too ill to enjoy it. Pancreatic cancer is one of the bad ones, 1-5% make it. Time with her is the only real hope I have right now. Thanks again for all of your comforting words.

--Grumpy

 

[oldman]

all i can say is good luck to you. Never doubt that your mom is part of that 1-5%. Faith can do wonders.

 

[community]

Grumpy,
I am also going to be starting medical school in August and am in a similar situation as you.
Your comment that "1 - 5% make it" is only a statistic. Although at times it is difficult, you should try your best to rely on your faith in God at this time rather than the statistics that any doctor can provide. My mother was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer a couple of months ago. She is going on her fourth month of chemotherapy. I do believe that my mom will beat this cancer and that it will go into remission. It has definitely been a hard time but I have been reading my bible and praying as hard as I can, as well as asking others to pray for my family. I will pray for you and your mother as well. Please keep your faith high. I pray that all will be well with you. feel free to PM me if you need additional support.

 

[jonquille]

Grumpy,

This must feel so unreal to you -- like you wish you could wake up. I'm glad to hear that you have lots of support for yourself, and I'm glad that your mom has you, because you clearly love and support her strongly.

I work with oncology patients and families every day, and I see how difficult it can be dealing with this disease. I hope your family will be able to tap all of the resources of the hospital that she works at -- emotional support (social work, religious) as well as medical expertise.

Although you also surely know this, and may not yet be ready to think about this, please don't forget to get a second opinion about her diagnosis, or treatment, or anything, if this feels appropriate to your family. I've seen many situations where a second opinion might have been helpful medically, or simply for peace of mind, so I'm a big advocate of this. You may also learn of treatment options you hadn't known of, like clinical trials. If you need any help with this or have any questions, you can PM me. I've been working in a top cancer center for many years. I'm sure your mom is in experienced and compassionate hands while being treated by her colleagues. And that she knows how to best make sure she's receiving what she needs medically.

I'm thinking of you, and wishing you and your family strength and love and all the best news there is.

And I echo that sentiment for everyone else here who has shared their own stories about loved ones with cancer.

 

[dr. j]

I am so sorry to hear this. My prayers are with you and your family. I really hope that your mother had a successful surgery and that she becomes well in the near future.

As far as medical school is concerned, try not to worry about it one bit. Hopefully, you will be pulled off the waitlist at one of the schools and believe me, given your situation, I garauntee that they will allow you to defer your acceptance. Even if the acceptance is conditional, I am certain that they will be willing to make an exception in your case. If anyone has a reason to want to defer their acceptance, it is you. Most of the admission members are afterall, doctors, and most are compassionate human beings, and if it is anybody that can sympathize with you, it is they.

So my advice to you is to try to think as minimally about this as possible. Try to spend as much time with your mother as you possibly can and take advantage of every moment that you have with her. Keep strong and don't ever lose hope. Keep in mind that life has a magical way of always resolving itself at the end no matter how bad it gets.

 

[Bradleyp]

I dont see why any school wouldn't grant you a deferral. My heart goes out to you and your mother.

 

[jonquille]

Grumpy, we're thinking of you...hope things are ok. Let us know if you need anything.

I sent you a PM a while back, and I'm not sure if you were notified. It's not very interesting, but I wanted to tell you just in case you've gotten other PM's that you didn't know about.

 

[locitamd]

Grumpy,

I'm so sorry to hear of your news; my grandmother passed away from pancreatic cancer a few years ago and now my aunt's got it too, so I have a slight understanding of what you're going through. Just for your reference, you might want to check out Hopkin's website, they have lots of information about pacreatic cancer, breakthroughs and whatnot that may prove helpful.

With regard to med school, hopefully you'll get some good news about a waitlist soon. And when you do, I know personally that many can be kind and sympathetic about the situation. I actually had a long discussion about pancreatic cancer with a Dean of Admissions at one school (let's just say he was touched closely by it), and given the nature of your mom's cancer, hopefully they'll be more than accommodating. As everyone else has suggested, don't worry about all this now. Take care of yourself and your mom, everything else will fall into place.

Best of luck,

 

[waiting4uvm]

Grumpy,

I wish you and your family the best. I agree with the others that things will resolve themselves, especially in these moments where there is nothing we can do but comfort one another. I think your family and mother are lucky to have someone that cares so much about them. Take care--all the best