Weddings in grad school?

[dcc777]

My fiance and I recently got engaged...we would like to have a relatively long engagement (~2 years), but certainly not 5/6/7 years that I will be spending in my phd program beginning in the fall. However, weddings are quite expensive and time consuming to plan. Anyone here manage to get married during a phd program? The biggest concerns are 1. money (he makes a salary of about $30k/yr and my stipend will be about $15k) and 2. time - not something that a grad student seems to have much of. Thanks for any advice!

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[Brian1]

My fiance and I recently got engaged...we would like to have a relatively long engagement (~2 years), but certainly not 5/6/7 years that I will be spending in my phd program beginning in the fall. However, weddings are quite expensive and time consuming to plan. Anyone here manage to get married during a phd program? The biggest concerns are 1. money (he makes a salary of about $30k/yr and my stipend will be about $15k) and 2. time - not something that a grad student seems to have much of. Thanks for any advice!

Funny you mention this because my girlfriend and I, who are both certain we will marry eachother, always talk about when we would get married. Surely in the early 30s which is a bit late for me, but hey people die later on lol.

If you love each other, which I assume u do cause you are getting married, then I would say do it. Love is stronger than anything and everything in this world. GET MARRIED!

 

[Ollie123]

I'm engaged and we're planning our wedding for about a year from now.

Its certainly possible, but like many things it depends on your priorities. If you want a lavish wedding with 400 guests, endless filet mignon, an open bar with top-shelf liquor, etc. then its obviously not realistic to think you can pull that off.

We're relatively simple folk, planning what we anticipate being a really fun ceremony/reception for immediate family and close friends. Probably no more than 75 guests total, likely less. The location will be nice, but not expensive. Many things we are doing ourselves and/or have close friends who will do (i.e. my college roomie has agreed to officiate!). I will still likely be dipping into savings for it, but we'll be okay. Some of this depends on how quickly she is able to find a job upon her arrival, and what kind of job it is (she is overseas right now).

I know lots of people who have gotten married while in grad school. Its certainly possible, it just depends what you want to do, and what you are willing to do to make that happen.

 

[PsychPhDone]

Just attended a program member's wedding last weekend! (And it seems we have 1-2 get married a year here.) I think it can be done, but as Ollie said, you have to adjust your expectations. I'm hoping I might be able to pull it off...just waiting for a ring.

 

[paramour]

There seems to be someone (or multiple someones) in our program getting married each & every year, so it's certainly doable.

 

[cara susanna]

I'm planning my wedding for next summer and so far it's been fine. It's actually a fun distraction from school stuff. I also know a lot of other people who got engaged and married during grad school with no problems.

 

[Doctor Eliza]

In my cohort of 5, ALL 5 of us planned weddings during grad school (my own, for better or worse, did not actually take place.) Time-wise it wasn't a big deal (you can find time for what you want to find time for) but money-wise I think we all had parental support for the weddings.

Congrats!!

Dr. E

 

[VeryHopeful2010]

Congratulations! Enjoy this special time. I got married during my PhD program - it can be done. In fact, wedding planning can be a welcome distraction from student life. You can get very good deals if you get married during less popular times, such as during the winter in the Northeast or summer in Florida.

and congrats to cara susanna as well! when will we start the baby thread? (JUST KIDDING!)

 

[dcc777]

Just attended a program member's wedding last weekend! (And it seems we have 1-2 get married a year here.) I think it can be done, but as Ollie said, you have to adjust your expectations. I'm hoping I might be able to pull it off...just waiting for a ring.

I hope it comes soon!

Thanks all! I figured we would need some parental support. Glad to hear it can and has been done even with a hectic schedule.

 

[cara susanna]

Thanks for the congrats! Ahh, no babies for a long time

I've been trying to get most of my planning done this summer when I'm the least busy. I should add that my parents are also footing the bill (as is tradition in our part of the country) so that REALLY helps.

 

[wigflip]

Thanks for the congrats! Ahh, no babies for a long time

I've been trying to get most of my planning done this summer when I'm the least busy. I should add that my parents are also footing the bill (as is tradition in our part of the country) so that REALLY helps.

Congrats, cara! That's great! (Congrats on the parental $ support too!)

 

[wigflip]

My fiance and I recently got engaged...we would like to have a relatively long engagement (~2 years), but certainly not 5/6/7 years that I will be spending in my phd program beginning in the fall. However, weddings are quite expensive and time consuming to plan. Anyone here manage to get married during a phd program? The biggest concerns are 1. money (he makes a salary of about $30k/yr and my stipend will be about $15k) and 2. time - not something that a grad student seems to have much of. Thanks for any advice!

Congrats!
We got married before grad school, but on a tight budget. One tip (if this is of interest): If you can find a restaurant or other locale that is professional, yet unaccustomed to performing weddings, you might get a deal. We were able to serve our guests a lavish multi-course meal and hold a brief ceremony at the restaurant before they opened for no additional charge. I think the entire reception (including officiant and license) cost <$1,500 (this was also > a decade ago).

One other tip: one good thing about being on a budget is you can't invite everybody and their Uncle Morton. Even with a very small wedding, we got pressured to invite weirdos we didn't like. Resist the impulse to cave in to that kind of pressure if you can.

 

[dcc777]

Congrats!
We got married before grad school, but on a tight budget. One tip (if this is of interest): If you can find a restaurant or other locale that is professional, yet unaccustomed to performing weddings, you might get a deal. We were able to serve our guests a lavish multi-course meal and hold a brief ceremony at the restaurant before they opened for no additional charge. I think the entire reception (including officiant and license) cost <$1,500 (this was also > a decade ago).

One other tip: one good thing about being on a budget is you can't invite everybody and their Uncle Morton. Even with a very small wedding, we got pressured to invite weirdos we didn't like. Resist the impulse to cave in to that kind of pressure if you can.

Great tips, thank you!

 

[paramour]

We have a lot of people who get married in one of their home/family's states, which typically is not where we attend grad school. We get invited buuut many times folks will opt not to go because of the expense involved (or folks share car pools, hotels, etc).

We've got a couple getting married in Hawaii. Guess how many folks are going to their wedding?

 

[Qwerk]

My partner and I got married while I was still an undergrad -- we're the same age, but she was a year and a half ahead. Cost twenty bucks for the marriage license. Catering provided by the student barbecue that happened to be going on outside the dorm. Little brother with online ministerial credential presided. We've been together for three years.

I say go cheap and buy a Wii with the money you save. (My awesome expert advice.)

 

[cara susanna]

Thanks, wigflip!

I'm getting married in my hometown, which is several hours away by car. I'm sure a lot of people from my program won't go for that reason, but I'll still invite them.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

Destination wedding? It can be less expensive (relative to a trad. wedding) AND you wrap in the honeymoon. There is minimal time wasted on wedding stuff, you keep it small, and it is less disruptive to your school schedule.

 

[PsyDLICSW]

My fiance and I recently got engaged...we would like to have a relatively long engagement (~2 years), but certainly not 5/6/7 years that I will be spending in my phd program beginning in the fall. However, weddings are quite expensive and time consuming to plan. Anyone here manage to get married during a phd program? The biggest concerns are 1. money (he makes a salary of about $30k/yr and my stipend will be about $15k) and 2. time - not something that a grad student seems to have much of. Thanks for any advice!

I am currently a fourth year in my university-based psyd program. I got engaged at the end of my master's program and got married after my first year in my psyd program to my husband who was living three hours away in another graduate program in another field. I would recommend getting married during a break in your program. Every program is different so you may or may not have blocks of time when classes are over and you have not yet started a practicum placement. After the first year in my program, which is all coursework and optional lab research, students take a summer course until July 4. After that, students have a break for about six weeks without classes or practicum. It is the only break in the four years I have been in school. Those who did research like I did may have lab meetings to attend to, etc during that break time. I got married during that break. Is there a time in your program where there is at least two weeks time to get married and do a honeymoon? If so, I would recommend getting married at that time. Contact advanced students in your program and see what the years look like.

As for planning, I had a wonderful mother who helped me plan everything from three hours away. Family help with weddings can be stressful, but in my case it got me through it all. As for money, I did a very small wedding with just family. Other ways to save are to do a small ceremony with the justice of the peace and then go out to dinner/reception with close family members. It is up to you what you want to do for your wedding. Some folks opted not to do a honeymoon because of time. Things worked out for my wedding, so it is possible to get married in grad school. Hope this helps!

 

[futureapppsy2]

One of my 2nd, soon to be third year, cohortmates got engaged last year and is getting married this month. Also, one cohortmate had a baby last summer and another is due this summer (both came into the program married). I also know someone from another program who took a year-long leave of absence to move to another state to marry her husband (who stayed there when she went back to grad school)--that one was a bit unique, especially as she got engaged seemingly out of the blue.

From what I've seen, engagement, marriages, and even children in grad school is not uncommon..

 

[bmedclinic]

Got married 4 months ago.
I'm a 2nd year 4th year clinical psych phd student (failed to match last year, booo APPIC). My wife is a Speech Language Pathology masters student. We got married in her hometown, 3 hrs from where we go to school (our programs are at the same university). All last fall (wedding was in march) we basically spent every weekend or at least every other weekend going to said hometown to take care of things.

I'll be honest- she did an awesome job. But I know it took a huge toll on her. We're both thrilled that we're done with that and now she can "just" be a student.