What am I doing with myself? Advice from more experienced people needed

GoCubsGo20

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Mar 9, 2016
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Let me preface by saying this isn't a pity party. I genuinely could use some advice from people who have traveled this road before.

I am young, went straight to med school out of college. I'm in a serious relationship, and I would like to propose sometime in the near future. There are so many things I want in my life, but I feel like medical school makes them impossible. So, experienced people, how did you do it? Did you wait and put life on hold? Or did you say **** it, and added more to your already full plates?

Thank you for any advice, I really appreciate you taking the time to read this.
 

elitehacker1337

2+ Year Member
Jun 5, 2017
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OP what pressure do you have to propose now or in the new future?

I would hold off until you finish med school. If you already live with her/him, and nothing will change besides what you are to others, then go for it.
 

ACSurgeon

Acute Care Surgeon
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Jun 8, 2008
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Let me preface by saying this isn't a pity party. I genuinely could use some advice from people who have traveled this road before.

I am young, went straight to med school out of college. I'm in a serious relationship, and I would like to propose sometime in the near future. There are so many things I want in my life, but I feel like medical school makes them impossible. So, experienced people, how did you do it? Did you wait and put life on hold? Or did you say **** it, and added more to your already full plates?

Thank you for any advice, I really appreciate you taking the time to read this.
How far along are you?
What does your SO do, what does she expect?

You don't have to put life on hold. You do however have to be able to assess your limits and plan ahead.

There's pros and cons to proposing now vs later.
 
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AnatomyGrey12

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Sep 8, 2015
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Started med school with a wife and two kids and we are planning to have a third sometime in the next year or two. Don't put your life on hold just for medical school, there will always be something that you could use as an excuse to wait. If you love them and want to marry them then go ahead and do it.
 

AMEHigh

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Jul 25, 2008
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I personally didn't put anything on hold during med school and now in residency. I have plenty of hobbies, great friends, a great relationship (I did get divorced during med school), bought a home, I travel regularly internationally and am generally happy with a good work life balance.

I don't think there's necessarily any rush to get married, but as far as putting your life on hold for med school, I'm certainly glad I didn't.
 
OP
GoCubsGo20

GoCubsGo20

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Mar 9, 2016
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OP what pressure do you have to propose now or in the new future?

I would hold off until you finish med school. If you already live with her/him, and nothing will change besides what you are to others, then go for it.
No pressure I suppose. That's true, nothing will change, as we already live we each other.
 
OP
GoCubsGo20

GoCubsGo20

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How far along are you?
What does your SO do, what does she expect?

You don't have to put life on hold. You do however have to be able to assess your limits and plan ahead.

There's pros and cons to proposing now vs later.
M1. She's a nurse, so she understands a lot of what I'm doing. We are okay with waiting, but we are also more than ready to take the next couple of steps.
 
OP
GoCubsGo20

GoCubsGo20

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Started med school with a wife and two kids and we are planning to have a third sometime in the next year or two. Don't put your life on hold just for medical school, there will always be something that you could use as an excuse to wait. If you love them and want to marry them then go ahead and do it.
Very true, thanks for that.
 
OP
GoCubsGo20

GoCubsGo20

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Sounds like maybe you're trying to manage expectations (yours or your partner's?), but we don't have nearly enough info to otherwise be helpful.
We've been together almost 9 years. Ready to marry and start a family. What else could be helpful? Thanks all for the responses too!
 

holdthemayo

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May 13, 2014
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M1. She's a nurse, so she understands a lot of what I'm doing. We are okay with waiting, but we are also more than ready to take the next couple of steps.
I have a wife and two kids. It is difficult, but I wouldn't change it.

Medical school is important, but it isn't worth completely putting off the rest of your life for. If you want to get married, get married. Just make sure that you both have realistic expectations of when/how married life is going to be with one of you being a med student.
 
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Birdstrike

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Dec 19, 2010
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Let me preface by saying this isn't a pity party. I genuinely could use some advice from people who have traveled this road before.

I am young, went straight to med school out of college. I'm in a serious relationship, and I would like to propose sometime in the near future. There are so many things I want in my life, but I feel like medical school makes them impossible. So, experienced people, how did you do it? Did you wait and put life on hold? Or did you say **** it, and added more to your already full plates?

Thank you for any advice, I really appreciate you taking the time to read this.
For me and my now wife, the time was right for me to propose during residency with a year and a half left, then to get married after residency, with our honeymoon being during my 2 week break between residency and my first job. Whether or not you put things on hold or say f*** it and dive in, depends entirely on the situation. If he or she is "the one," then definitely say **** it, dive in and seal the deal. You don't want to let "the one" get away. You may regret that for a long time.

But if this one, isn't "the" one, or if you're unsure, then you have a tougher decision. It may make more sense to wait until that time is right, or you're sure. Getting married, planning weddings, honeymoons, buying houses, starting families are all by definition chaotic (meaning "good stress," but nonetheless, stressful) so trying to wait for a time when you are balancing less plates spinning on your fingertips makes sense on some level. But the big life moments and changes all carry a certain amount of adjustment and chaos (hopefully controlled chaos) regardless, though more than worth it in the end.
 
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GoCubsGo20

GoCubsGo20

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Mar 9, 2016
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I have a wife and two kids. It is difficult, but I wouldn't change it.

Medical school is important, but it isn't worth completely putting off the rest of your life for. If you want to get married, get married. Just make sure that you both have realistic expectations of when/how married life is going to be with one of you being a med student.
All very important things to keep in mind, thank you!
 
OP
GoCubsGo20

GoCubsGo20

2+ Year Member
Mar 9, 2016
500
666
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Medical Student
For me and my now wife, the time was right for me to propose during residency with a year and a half left, then to get married after residency, with our honeymoon being during my 2 week break between residency and my first job. Whether or not you put things on hold or say f*** it and dive in, depends entirely on the situation. If he or she is "the one," then definitely say **** it, dive in and seal the deal. You don't want to let "the one" get away. You may regret that for a long time.

But if this one, isn't "the" one, or if you're unsure, then you have a tougher decision. It may make more sense to wait until that time is right, or you're sure. Getting married, planning weddings, honeymoons, buying houses, starting families are all by definition chaotic (meaning "good stress," but nonetheless, stressful) so trying to wait for a time when you are balancing less plates spinning on your fingertips makes sense on some level. But the big life moments and changes all carry a certain amount of adjustment and chaos (hopefully controlled chaos) regardless, though more than worth it in the end.
She is the one. We've been dating since 8th grade. The most important things in my life ie school, future plans, etc, don't seem important without her.

I feel like me proposing and starting our life sooner rather than later would mean a lot to her. Medical school obviously puts a constraint on our time together, and she understands that. But, I can only imagine how it hurts her, though she'd never admit it. Proposing, having kids, etc. means a lot to her, and starting sooner rather than later is what both of us want.
 
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