In commemoration of an annus mildly horribilis
With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore, Kenny Rogers, and The First Edition
The tweets were all tweeted
The responses were read
Rad Onc was #rocked
Very softly to bed
The program directors
Were anxiously pacing
As promising students
Towards med onc were racing
In towers of ivory
The chairs counted their change
In hopes the dean’s tax
Wouldn’t bring too much pain
The chief residents combed
Through the job boards each day
Searching and searching
For their next source of pay
APM hovered
The future seemed bleak
My countless late notes
Caused the admins to shriek
But then from the Linac
There arose such a clatter
I looked up from contouring
To see what was the matter
One HPV+* tonsil!
One early-stage lung!
Leapt up from the tables
And started to run!
Out Gleason 8 prostate!
Out adjuvant breast!
Out Hodgkin’s lymphoma!
They were all cured, I guessed
DNA strands I pictured
Snapping cleanly in two
I rejoiced for a moment:
What a great job to do!
But then I reflected
On the state of our field
At the first sign of trouble
Into panic we keeled
Whence came the trouble?
Wherefore all this angst?
What’s the source of this feeling
That we work for no thanks?
You can blame the accountants
You can blame ABR
As well as the admins
And that damned EMR
But all the while
Those cancer cells grow
Dividing and spreading
Worldly concerns they don’t know
So get to work now!
Despite all this ****!
Zap tumors! Kill cancer!
And please don’t you quit!
*Silent “+” please. We need to keep the meter.
With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore, Kenny Rogers, and The First Edition
The tweets were all tweeted
The responses were read
Rad Onc was #rocked
Very softly to bed
The program directors
Were anxiously pacing
As promising students
Towards med onc were racing
In towers of ivory
The chairs counted their change
In hopes the dean’s tax
Wouldn’t bring too much pain
The chief residents combed
Through the job boards each day
Searching and searching
For their next source of pay
APM hovered
The future seemed bleak
My countless late notes
Caused the admins to shriek
But then from the Linac
There arose such a clatter
I looked up from contouring
To see what was the matter
One HPV+* tonsil!
One early-stage lung!
Leapt up from the tables
And started to run!
Out Gleason 8 prostate!
Out adjuvant breast!
Out Hodgkin’s lymphoma!
They were all cured, I guessed
DNA strands I pictured
Snapping cleanly in two
I rejoiced for a moment:
What a great job to do!
But then I reflected
On the state of our field
At the first sign of trouble
Into panic we keeled
Whence came the trouble?
Wherefore all this angst?
What’s the source of this feeling
That we work for no thanks?
You can blame the accountants
You can blame ABR
As well as the admins
And that damned EMR
But all the while
Those cancer cells grow
Dividing and spreading
Worldly concerns they don’t know
So get to work now!
Despite all this ****!
Zap tumors! Kill cancer!
And please don’t you quit!
*Silent “+” please. We need to keep the meter.
