What happened to GI/Owlmyste's thread? I'm an addict!

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I don't know. I was looking for it too; I think that owlmyste deleted the thread!
 
Originally posted by DrLady
I don't know. I was looking for it too; I think that owlmyste deleted the thread!
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I did delete the thread, because it was getting to negative towards me. And I don't like being teased, (long story) because I have been teased and made fun of all my life, so even the littlest joke may appear negative towards me. Childhood Trauma I'll put it that way. 🙁
 
Originally posted by OwlMyste
I have been teased and made fun of all my life, so even the littlest joke may appear negative towards me. Childhood Trauma I'll put it that way. 🙁
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:laugh: saw that one comin a mile away :laugh:
 
Originally posted by OwlMyste
I did delete the thread, because it was getting to negative towards me. And I don't like being teased, (long story) because I have been teased and made fun of all my life, so even the littlest joke may appear negative towards me. Childhood Trauma I'll put it that way. 🙁
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Boo hoo. 😛 You completely fueled the fire! And, I might add, you deleted some of the best prose ever written on SDN! Party pooper! 😡 😱 😡
 
That doesn't mean it can't start again. And this time she wouldn't be able to delete the thread. 🙂
 
I'm somewhat upset by this development also.

That said, this is not the first time OwlMyste has deleted one of my excellent posts.

Do you all remember the famous thread:

WHY DID YOU MOVE MY THREAD TO THIS FORUM!!! I PLACED IT THERE FOR A REASON, NOT TO HAVE YOU MOVE THE THREAD TO A DIFFERENT FORUM....

or something like that.

Needless to say, I was prepared for such an event.

Tomorrow, I will re-post GI Guy / OwlMyster's posts.
 
GI Guy... as usual... you rock!

Oh, and Owl... what's the "long story"? Your audience has time! 😀
 
Originally posted by OwlMyste
I did delete the thread, because it was getting to negative towards me. And I don't like being teased, (long story) because I have been teased and made fun of all my life, so even the littlest joke may appear negative towards me. Childhood Trauma I'll put it that way. 🙁
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Don't be upset, Jessica. The posts may have been poking fun at your expense, but I'm sure gi guy wasn't intending to be mean spirited. And the thread was keeping hundreds of bored med students entertained!

By the way, what has brought about your new identity as a Portugese speaking Hawaiian?
 
Oh thank god!!!!

I thought it was going to be gone forever. That thread was way too good to allow it to die like that. GI guy you are awsome. :clap:

Hey Quinn when are you going to paste the pics of you avtar. I think I'm in love man.😍
 
Originally posted by kcrd

By the way, what has brought about your new identity as a Portugese speaking Hawaiian?
Click to expand...

Just to be different...
 
Originally posted by Scrubbs
Oh, and Owl... what's the "long story"? Your audience has time! 😀
Click to expand...

I'd rather not go into it...I don't want to "fuel the fire" so to speak...and I don't want to give everyone something else to make fun of me about...
 
To Who is mightever concer,

My name is Earl OwlMyste, and I be OwlMystes pappy.

All you rascals pokin' fun at mi lil' girl, just let me 'xplain few things.

Firstly. She's alway been little slower than othr girls hers age. She's started walkin, I reckin', at age 6. Started readin' age 15. Now's she be typin' all freaky like. I so proud.

Leve my baby girl awone, pleasin. We be fron da farm, so I reckin that's why she's likin' vegetarian school.

She's lovin' her researchin, which is good 'cuz the local librerry only got 1 'puter, and she bee on it alls the live-long day.

And by da way, her mammy ain't my 1st cousins. We twice cousins, far removed. Just like Gerry Lee Lews!!!

Great Balls o fire.

I luvs you OwlMyste.

Earl OwlMyste, a.k.a. OwlMyster!
 
Originally posted by OwlMyste
I'd rather not go into it...I don't want to "fuel the fire" so to speak...and I don't want to give everyone something else to make fun of me about...
Click to expand...
It might make us more sympathetic toward you.

Then again, it might make us mercilessly torture you with it...
 
HI!

I'm Jennifer. I am Jessica's little sister. She never lets me ask questions on this forum because she doesn't want me to "embarrass" her. But I do have some questions of my own.

1. Why is poop brown? Why does it become green, sometimes?

2. If I hold my breath for 3 minutes and pass out, will I start breathing again?

3. If a person gets a big splinter, and they don't remove it, could they grow a tree from the end of their finger?

4. Where do babies come from?

5. If a surgeon sneezes in the OR, who says "Bless You?" My sister says is the Surgical Technologist.

6. If a person is a Vegeterian, does that mean they can do surgery on Animals? (That's what Jessica keeps saying).

7. Why is it that people who served in Vietnam are the only ones who can take care of our animals? (again, from Jessica. She says, one "Vet" is just like another "Vet," but I don't believe her).

8. I know we live in Georgia, but Jessica sometimes likes to pretend we were once part of the Soviet Union. So I'm confused, which Continent do I live in? North America, or Asia?

9. Why is grass green and the sky blue? Shouldn't the sky be black because space is black?

10. I have heard that rude doctors are the reason why health care is in crisis. Anyone care to comment? I think rude doctors should pay higher malpractice insurance for their rudity.

11. Why don't more doctors give antibiotics for HIV patients? It's like the cure is right under their noses, and they won't even prescribe them. So frustrating.

12. I hope to be a Cardiothoracic Surgeon someday, but the thing is, I don't have 6 of my original 10 fingers due to an unfortunate wood chopping incident. Would that be a problem?

13. I sometimes like to take hour long breaks every 3 to 4 hours, just to watch television and eat a snack. Which Surgery residency would best fit this lifestyle? I think the other residents wouldn't mind.

14. I can't deside between Cardiothoracic Surgery and Interventional Psychiatry. Someone help me. I'm torn.

15. Is Future GI Guy as sexy as he sounds? GRRRRRR.

Bye for now.

Jennifer "Hoo....Hoo" OwlMyste
 
Jessica,

Take it from your little sis.

GI Guy is one sexy beast!

What's more, all those rumors are true. He's gifted.

GRRRRRRR.

By the way, what are we having for dinner tonight? I heard your first day in the vet clinic didn't go so well. Are you gonna cook up the pot-belly pig you "accidentally" killed with your incessant questions about his choice to be pot-bellied, as opposed to a regular pig?


Jennifer


__________________
*Lil' Jennifer*
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If You Spend Your Life Trying To Please EVERYBODY, You Won't Be Pleasing EVERYBODY. Just SOMEBODY. And That's Not EVERYBODY.
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[email protected]

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E-Mail Me!! 🙂
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I love Future GI Guy


Jessica,

Maybe tonight, when you get home, we can work on your possessive pronouns.

For instance, you might want to know when to use "HIS" instead of "Their..."

Also, "He Wishes" would have been more appropriate than "He Wishes He Did," which makes no sense.

Perhaps I can spend some of my allowance on getting you back into Sylvan learning center for your remedial grammar sessions.

I do NOT want you spending another year in High School, just because of those tricky grammar rules.

Hugs and Kisses,

OwlMyster (pronouced: Owl MY STER)

XOXOXOXOXO
 
A Confession
Dear SDNers,

I have a confession to make.

OwlMyste and I have been seeing each other for the past two weeks.

It all started about two weeks ago, when I went to Atlanta to visit a friend of Mine at Emory.

OwlMyste invited me over to her house, and hypnotized me with her questions.

"Why did you choose Internal Medicine," she would say.

"Why not family medicine, peds, ob / gyn, surgery, pm and r, emergency medicine, pathology, neurology, psychiatry...."

You get the idea.

Well, I was in this hynotic state, when all of a sudden, she show's me her HOOTERS.

You can see for yourself right here: OwlMyste's Hooters

They are gorgeous specimens. So plump. So furry. I'm surprised she keeps them caged up all day. They deserve to be free. They deserve to "breathe."

So, then, this little sister comes into the picture. This so called, "OwlMyster."

She and I are so similar it's scary. It's almost like we're the same person.

Well, her Hooters were even more amazing. She showed them to me, and they just "took flight."

So, OwlMyste finds out about her sister showing me her hooters, and she tries to win me back.

"You can be the mouse," she says. "My hooters love mice."

And so it went.

I'm very confused about what I should do. Should I drop Internal Medicine and go to live in Georgia, where these magnificant birds of prey await me?

Well, that's my story. I'm stickin' too it.

I warn you all: Jessica will probably deny everything, but you can see the 5 pictures of her Hooters for yourself.

Please, for all that is good and Holy, help me make a decision.

GI Guy
 
Dear Jessica...

I want to apologize to you for attacking you in my previous posts. After reading your profile, I find myself inspired--nay I say it--MOVED to become a Surgeon much like yourself.

To others who don't know, let me quote Jessica's profile:

"I have always been interested in surgery since I can remember. I always watched the surgery shows on TV, I just find Surgery extremely facinating because the Surgeon gets to open up people and fix whats wrong with them and make them better in the end."

Surgery shows. You are a precious waterfall, so filled with life, with the awe-inspiring power of humanity.

Many an Admissions Committee has asked the question, "Why do YOU want to be a doctor?"

I know not one single medical student who has used such eloquent language, "Because I always watch the surgery shows on TV."

They are neat, I must agree. You've stolen my heart with that inspirational answer. Most of us have a "real life" experience that motivated us to seek the profession. But not you, my darling. Still, television can be just as powerful as real life, maybe moreso.

And you're so right-on about opening people up. That's really what Surgery's all about. It's a lot like looking under the hood, really. Just "Open them up and fix what's wrong with them." Mechanics make the best surgeons, or so I've always believed.

Jessica, this is the kind of gung-ho attitude I love about you. And when I say "Love," I mean it.

You're a melted marshmellow cup-cake cream-filled delight! GRRR.

But wait, dear OwlMyste, there's more about you that makes my special places quiver in anticipation.

Under your "Interests" section you list the following:

"Supernatural, Paranormal, oh yea...owls also... 🙂"

I cannot tell you how many Surgeons would automatically hand you the scalpel if they knew this about you.

The Supernatural.

The Paranomal.

And Owls. "Hoo---Hoo."

The fact that you could use your "Paranormal" beliefs to heal someone, without even opening them up.

It's Inspiring. Moving. Amazing.

I'll bet you love lighting candles, communing with the "other side." This would actually be a really wonderful thing to do. You could talk to all of those dead people--maybe people who didn't survive surgery--and learn from the mistakes that were their undoing. Jessica, you have tapped a so-far untapped area of medicine, what I like to call, the "post-pathologist" era.

Oh I can't stand it anymore, OwlMyste. I'm tired of hiding!

I want people to know that

"If Lovin' you is wrong...I don't wanna be right.
If bein' wrong means living without you,
I'd rather be wrong than right."

You make me weak in the knees.

Your beauty.

Your body.

Your total and complete dedication to the ideals of medicine.... Televised, supernatural, medicine.

Love,

GI Guy
 
Hi!

It?s Jennifer again, OwlMyste?s little sister.

I have some shocking news to report, and some of you may be concerned for Future GI Guy.

I think Future GI Guy was expecting something different when he came to visit Jessica in Atlanta. He had heard for some time about these so-called ?seizures,? but being that he?s finished medical school, he quickly recognized them for what they were. Ferocious, gassy attacks.

OwlMyste has a gas problem. I?m the first to admit it. Give her an ounce of cheese and she?ll give you a pound of trouble. And I mean, it?s toxic.

This first happened when she was little, maybe three or four, as we were celebrating her successful cleft-palate surgery. She ate one piece of cheese pizza and she began rolling on the floor. Honestly, it looked like convulsions, but soon the room filled with this horrible, God-awful aroma. The local Utility Companies were called in to investigate, and soon, a toxic-chemical team arrived, in full protective gear.

It was naturally embarrassing for Jessica, so, being the quick-witted 4 year old that she was, she pretended seizures.

The truth of the matter is that her ?Neurologist? (you may remember him as Dr. Christopher Russell, of Adult Neurology in Georgia, who majored in Computer Science as an Undergrad) is actually an acclaimed Gastroenterologist, well schooled in flatulence. He?s been baffled by her case, and has even published some case-reports on her noxious impurities.

OwlMyste was not always in denial. She independently attempted to seek relief from a ?Gas-Doctor,? but the Anesthesiologist was somewhat confused by her appointment in his office. He sent her away, empty-handed. She left him a little ?deposit? because she was so upset, and it closed his office for weeks.

And honestly, this is why she worries about having ?Seizures? in the O.R. Imagine doing an intra-peritoneal surgery, only to have Jessica?s ?tang? fill the room. The Attending Surgeon may very well think he perforated the bowel, and this would add many unnecessary hours to the surgery. It really would place people?s lives in risk.

This is how her interest in Owls took shape. Owls are the only animals known to man that can endure Jessica?s ?ghastly bouquet.?

Some of you may have remembered the unfortunate Atlanta Zoo Incident of 1993. Jessica was walking around, chomping on ice cream, and she left a trail of ?butt venom? that quickly forced all the animals to seek relief for their olfactories. Some animals, still dazed and confused, stuck their noses in water, leading to their drowning. Others, like the ostriches, had a natural advantage with their holes in the sand. Curiously, the Owls were the only animals that could tolerate the ?wrath? of Jessica, and she quickly took a liking to them.

Back to GI Guy.

So, naturally, Future GI Guy and OwlMyste got together last night to play ?Mouse Hunt,? when, in her relaxed afterglow, Jessica ?Cut a Loosey.? The effects quickly took hold.

GI Guy shouted, ?My nostrils are burning. Oh my goodness, my nose hairs are singed.?

Jessica replied, ?You smelt it, you dealt it.?

He shot out of bed, still reeling from the stench.

?I can?t?holy moly?I can?t breathe. This is awful. Oh the humanity. It smells like wet socks and burning leaves. Oh, OwlMyste?.how could you. How?.could?..you.?

And he passed out.

Jessica, still believing GI Guy was conscious, said, ?The smeller is the feller. GI Guy. Are you there??

He was rushed to Grady Hospital, where an Ear Nose and Throat physician examined his nose and took him for immediate, reconstructive surgery.

You?ll be happy to know that Future GI Guy is now off the ventilator and doing well in the SICU.

Soon, he will be transferred to his hometown, St. Louis, Missouri, where he will rehab at Barnes-Jewish Hospital.

We can only hope, for now, that he has learned from his mistakes.

Jessica, I?m sorry I had to ?out? your flatulence problem, but for the safety of the others in this forum, those who might be attracted to you, I had to set the record straight.

May the other SDNers be warned.

Oh, and Jessica. I hope this proves, once and for all, that your ?scent? is indeed not a ?pheromone? attractive to the opposite sex, as you like to pretend.

GI Guy may never be able to taste his food again, and that?s a travesty.

OwlMyster.
 
To my fellow SDNers, and to all who have sent well wishes and cards, I thank you for your sincere thoughtfulness and concern.

It?s been a pretty hellish past 24 hours. I feel like OwlMyster has given a pretty great summation of the events surrounding my hospitalization.

(As an aside, have you noticed how similar OwlMyster?s writing style is to mine? What?s more, her knowledge of medical terminology, especially for a ?9-year old,? is quite keen.)

Nevertheless, these are the events as I remember them.

At approximately 8pm, Atlanta time, I called down to Barnesville to see how my OwlMyste was doing. Naturally, she was waiting tables at her place of employment, Hooters, so I decided to meet her there.

After her shift was over, we began talking over Chicken Wings and Beer, though my little under-21 companion was sipping on a Coca-Cola.

?I loved watching you frolic around the restaurant in your halter-top and low cut shorts,? I said.

?LOL,? she said.

?What?s that mean,? I asked. ?L---O---L??

She sat there, quite embarrassed, I think. Then she said, ?I don?t know, but I see people using it in chat rooms all the time, so I think it means ?thanks.??

After a long pause, I said, ?You are, perhaps, the most obtuse person in the world!?

?What a nice compliment!?

She had no idea what ?obtuse? meant. She sucked at English, though I would have accepted a mathematical explanation as a marginal sign of intellect.

Nevertheless, I wasn?t interested in this girl?s brains.

?So, I understand you?ve seen a grown man naked? I gather this won?t be your first time, then??

?I?ve seen my father naked,? she said. ?Have you met good ole Earl??

For those of you who don?t know, Earl has a Candida Albicans problem that has pretty much transformed his 400-pound frame into a walking pile of cottage cheese. He is not, shall I say, a pleasant looking man.

Repulsed by the image of Earl OwlMyste naked, I quickly changed the subject.

?What say you and I get going to your place,? I said.

?IMHO,? she said, spelling the letters out, ?I think you are ROTF!?

?You should really not talk anymore. It?s distracting.?

So, we stumbled to her nest, where she proceeded to show me all of her birds. They were amazing, sitting there, caged up, waiting to be let loose upon the residents of this sleepy Georgia town. We snuggled on the couch, watching her favorite movie, Birdman of Alcatraz.

I asked her why she liked the movie so much, to which she said, ?There are birds in it.?

?Okay,? I said.

She took off her shoes and socks and revealed a most curious sight. She has a rash on both feet. It seems that the fungal infection has not gotten better. It?s like she?s dipped her feet in red paint.

But I digress.

When we got to her bedroom, she wanted to play ?mouse hunt,? and it was a glorious time. A gentleman never tells what happens under the sheets (unless prompted by other SDNers), so I?ll leave that up to your imagination.

After a stellar performance on my behalf, we decided to spoon.

It was about this time that I began hearing thunder. It was amazing, this roaring thunder which shook the window pains and nearly caused everything on the shelves to fall to the ground. I was absolutely convinced that a storm was upon us, until I realized that there was no lightening.

Suddenly, and without warning, I began smelling something absolutely horrendous. Though OwlMyster documented the events that follow, as I remember, I said something to the effect of:

?Did you just fart on me??

?No.?

?What is that smell. My Goodness, it smells like the bowels of hell. It?s diabolical!?

?Listen buddy,? she said, ?You?re the one who ate the chicken wings.?

It was getting worse now.

?Oh my! This is horrible. This is perhaps the most rotten thing I?ve ever had to deal with in my life.?

?Don?t you mean rottenest??

?No, you idiot. It?s ?most rotten.? And you just farted on me.?

?Listen, GI Guy. Why do you think they call me OwlMyste? Get it?Owl Mist??

It was all starting to make sense, and then, more thunder. I think she was getting nervous.

I lifted the covers off of us, and it seemed to waft the putrid cloud towards our head. It was a mistake, magnifying the spine-numbing stink 100 times or more.

?I?m getting out of here,? I said, tears running down my face.

Just then, I reached up, and felt a slight tickle under my nose. It was my nose hairs! They had fallen out.

I tried to stand up, but that?s all I can remember. I think I collapsed to the ground, while Jessica started in with ?You smelt it, you dealt it?? ?Smeller?s the feller?? ?Silent but deadly?.?

And black out.

When I awoke in the SICU, they were just taking endotracheal tube from my throat. I gasped for air, but I was horse and couldn?t speak. My nose was pretty well bandaged.

?Do you know what happened to you, son?? The friendly surgeon asked.

I shook my head in the negative.

?You inhaled some pretty potent stuff. Your Carbon Monoxide levels were through the roof. You also had traces of Cyanide and Methane in your system. I?m afraid, my boy, that you?ve been gassed.?

I had been gassed. It was awful.

I?ve smelled some pretty amazing things in my time, from wound infections to horrible, non-stop diarrhea, but nothing compared to this odoriferous funk.

?Listen, Future GI Guy,? the surgeon said. ?We had to burn your clothes; they were stinking up our emergency room.?

I shook my head in understanding.

?Also," the surgeon continued, "We had to kick your Jessica friend out of the hospital. She kept asking me if I was going to 'cut you open and fix you' and also 'have you ever been on one of those TV surgery shows?' Then, after I told her to shut up, she started trying to raise you from the dead with this paranormal crap."

I could only imagine what Jessica must have been like.

"Anyway," the surgeon said, "After I explained for the fifth time that you weren't dead, only unconscious, I was at my wits end. So I gave her the boot. Hope you don't mind."

I shook my head 'no,' hoping to be rid of the "mist" forever.

OwlMyster came to visit me, and she brought along a laptop so I could communicate my story.

She fed me some cherry jello, but it tasted like salisbury steak.

Similarly, the orange juice didn?t taste like oranges at all, but more like red beans and rice.

I hope this is a temporary Cranial Nerve One deficiency, but the doctors aren?t promising anything. Only time will tell, I guess.

Nevertheless, I will be transferred back home tomorrow. Until then, I?ll keep taking my prophylactic Ceftriaxone and Doxyclycine, though I haven?t the foggiest idea why they have me on those two antibiotics.

Thanks, once more, for your cards and thoughts of concern.

Until next time.

GI Guy.
 
Dear SDNers.

I?m afraid I have to apologize for misleading you all this whole time. I am not, nor will I ever be, OwlMyste?s sister.

This is my story:

I knew I wanted to be a Psychiatrist ever since I was a little girl. It was only 3 years ago that this dream became fulfilled, and I finally finished my residency. Since that time, I?ve been serving as Lead Psychiatrist for Ward 304 of the Georgia Wayward Home for Crazy Folks.

It was about 8 months ago that a new patient arrived in my ward. Her name, as you might have guessed, was Jessica.

You know her as OwlMyste.

When we first got her, the chief complaint seemed to be that she had a ?thorn? stuck under her right wing. She would ?flap? the wing in obvious discomfort. As you might imagine, since Jessica is a person, this complaint was difficult to investigate.

?Your wing?? I said.

?Hoo.? She said.

For those of you who don?t know, one ?Hoo? means ?Yes.? Two ?Hoos? means ?No.?

?Do you know where you are, Jessica??

?Hoo Hoo.?

?You?re at the Georgia Wayward Home for Crazy Folks. I?m Dr. Winnie Poo, and I?ll be your Psychiatrist.?

?Hoo,? she said.

Eventually, this girl, this ?OwlMyste,? began to start coming around. She let me in on her belief that she was, indeed, an owl. I realized this from the ?Hoos? and also from the fact that, when outside, she would chase the local wildlife around, sometimes jumping from trees in full ?pounce? posturing while screaming in the highest voice possible ?EEEEEEAAAAACCCCCCCHHHHHHHH!? It truly was shrill. Her favorite animals to chase seemed to be the squirrels, which leads me to this fun fact:

Did you know that the Georgia Wayward Home for Crazy Folks is the only place in the world where the Nuts chase the Squirrels? Interesting, eh?

So, we began some intense Psychotherapy, getting at the root of this Owl-belief system. It seems that Jessica had a horrible history with gas. Some of this has been explored in earlier posts, and the unfortunate Atlanta Zoo Incident of 1993 actually did happen.

It was shortly after this that Jessica began communing daily with the dead, since all of her friends had abandoned her because of her malodorous ?seizures. ?

In other words, she began exploring the Paranormal. Only, she could never quite reach the Paranormal Human Level. (It seems, even dead Humans were ignoring her. How sad!) She did find some measure of success communicating with dead owls, however.

So Jess spent years communing with dead owls, asking them those horrific questions she likes to ask everyone:

?How did you die? Where did you die? Why did you die? Did you choose to die? If you died on a Monday, rather than a Tuesday, would you still be dead? Do you think a Veterinary Surgeon could have saved you? If I were to join you in the afterlife, could I still get 8 hours of sleep an night, or would the other dead Owls resent me?? and on and on and on.

Finally, some of the Owls began answering her questions in a way which made her believe she was one of them. This newfound communication, coupled with the Atlanta Zoo Incident, found her on a mission to befriend every living Owl known to man.

After this history was given to me by Jessica, I was baffled. What?s a Psychiatrist to do with a person who believes they?re an Owl? I wanted to encourage her to explore other therapeutic options, so I allowed her an hour of computer time in the mornings and evenings.

After several months of this, and scant progress in her therapy, I began to investigate exactly what she was doing with this computer time. Seems our OwlMyste was beginning to harass well-meaning medical people on the ?Student Doctor Network.?

I tried to break her of this habit, cold turkey. But she regressed. She was again coo-coo for the ?Hoo Hoo.? She started chasing our older patients around the ward, flapping her arms and screaming in this high-pitched shrill. Several of them wet their pants, and the amount of Ativan being given PRN simply sky-rocketed on the ward.

Something had to be done. So, I allowed her to rejoin the SDN community.

I invented my ?OwlMyster? character to try and explore therapeutic options in Cyberspace, but honestly, I guess I never realized just how little insight Jessica has into her problems.

I mean, even when OwlMyster or Future GI Guy is insulting her, she doesn?t get it. She often takes it as a compliment and has no idea she?s being mocked. It?s almost to the point where I want to actually spell things out for her, but I think we all know her history with spelling issues (LOL!).

Anyway, I?m at my wits end. GI Guy, a former student of mine, has been trying to help me out with her therapy, but it?s been to no avail.

So I challenge you, the SDN community. Keep it up! Keep mocking OwlMyste. We?ll try to do our part from time to time, but the truth is, we won?t be able to hold the fort forever.

She needs your help just as much as she needs her Haldol Depo injections every month.

Let me thank you, with a ?Hoo Hoo,? from Dr. Poo.


Winnie Poo, M.D.
Staff Psychiatrist
Georgia Wayward Home for Crazy Folks
 
Subjective:

Jessica continues to exhibit signs of delusion and grandiose beliefs. Though she verbally communicates that ?I am not an owl, I am a person,? this examiner has noted on several occasions that Jessica has been ?Hoo, Hooing? in a whisper. She also has been watching a mousetrap we set up on the ward as a distraction. This keeps her busy most of the day. She does not know that we have no mice, but this lack of insight appears to be working in the team?s advantage. On her outdoor activities, Jessica has been chasing the squirrels to the point of personal exhaustion. She found a dead squirrel this morning, and began picking at it with her ?beak.? She has since been cleaned of the offending material. She was not hungry at breakfast, stating with a grin, ?I?ve already had my morning meal. LOL.?

In addition, Jessica continues to have lack of insight into her problems, and when therapeutic messages are published online, she regards them either as ?compliments? or mistakes them as ?attacks on religious beliefs.? This may be the core barrier to her progress, and we will continue to utilize other Online team members to reinforce her ignorance.

We believe she has also been ?beaking? her pills, so we?ve had to switch to IntraMuscular formulations of her medications (Intra-Wing is what we say to Jessica).

Jessica has been moved to an isolation room, with two empty rooms as barriers, because of her ?flatulence? problem. The whole ward smells like an Oil-Refinery. It really is quite distracting for the other patients, and the isolation method and negative pressure room appear to have very little effectiveness.

Finally, when Jessica does speak English, she continues to use ?Chat-Speak.? She has invented her own abbreviations, and this has been difficult to interpret. This A.M. patient stated to examiner, ?IAOHO.? On further prompting, patient explained the abbreviation, ?I Am One Hot Owl.? When patient told she was an idiot, patient continued ?F.U. Dr. Poo.? Examiner needed no explanation.

Objective:

Vital Signs are normal.

Gen:
Smells like Hydrocarbons. Flapping arms during examination.

HEENT:
Head is oblong, furry. Eyes are darting, with closed pupils. Ears are pointed upwards in anticipation of the mousetrap. Beak appears hard, with normal mucosa. Throat is not visualized except with ?Hoo.?

Chest:
Chest is barreled. Breasts feel soft and ?downy." Lung exam / CVS exam is normal, with the exception of tachycardia when ?toy-mouse? is brought into her field of vision.

Abdomen:
Soft, non-tender, non-distended.

Extremities:
Flapping, up and down. Feathers intact.

Assessment:

This is a 19 year old female with delusions of being an ?Owl,? continuous flatulence problem, annoying behaviors towards our ?slower? patients, lack of insight, who relies on ?abbreviations? for normal english communication.

Plan:
1. Being an Owl:
We will continue to reinforce her more human persona, but patient often is uncooperative when we speak this way. Will use her ?Owl-speak? when need to administer Intra-Wing injections of Haldol and Ativan. We are transferring the squirrels away from the hospital grounds, for their own safety.

2. Flatulence:
Have contacted GI for consult. Awaiting Gas Mask before consulting physician will see patient. Considering ?cork? method for resolution of gas dispersal. Will continue negative pressure room in addition to barrier isolation from other patients. Will give trial of ?Bean-O? combined with ?Gas-X?

3. Attack Posture towards other patients:
Will continue to use ?toy mouse? as distracter, in addition to mousetrap. Will trim Jessica?s toenails to minimize chance of scratches on other patients when she does catch them.

4. Lack of insight:
Will continue to point out her idiotic comments with Online treatment team. Patient still does not seem to be responding, however.

5. Abbreviations: We have no plan at this time.

Winnie Poo, M.D.
 
Dear OwlMyste,

I will not even try to match wits with you. You have beaten me up with your verbal assaults, and clearly, my verbose prose is no match for your shockingly elementary witticisms.

I just have one question though. How could you? I mean, how could you disclose my Gender Identity Crisis to everyone on this board? What happened between the sheets was supposed to be between you and me. Remember? But now you published my very inner-most secret for all to read, and I am deeply saddened by this tactic.

Remember how special that night was? I certainly didn?t hear any complaints from your end. We made love, sweet love, and it would have been a perfect night if not for your horrendous assault on my nostrils. That said, I loved you like I?ve never loved another woman, and you squealed in delight, multiple times.

I even put up with the strange ?trapeze? positions you wanted me in. Remember what you called it? Circus Sex.

You said it was the time of your life. You said I was gifted. You said I could touch your hooters time and time again, if I wanted to.

I even put on the Owl Costume you wanted and did those crazy things inside your ?life-sized? human cage! I laid down on day-old newspaper for you, while you flapped your arms in delight.

Remember Mouse Hunt? How glorious and awesome. Every time you caught my squeaky mouse, I shook in satisfaction. It was amazing.

But apparently, that night meant nothing to you. You abused my trust when you outed my Gender Identity crisis, and I don?t know if I can ever forgive you OwlMyste. Ever!!!

The truth of my crisis: I am a man?a very gifted man?who occasionally wonders what it would be like to wear female underpants on my head. There! Are you happy OwlMyste? I hope so. You?ve outed me, and now, I am so embarrassed, I may not be able to post on here for minutes, maybe even hours.

Oh the humanity! Oh, the torture!

I did things to you that other women would pay big bucks for. Freaky things. Amazing things. Things that made you feel like a ?Natural? woman. And now, this? This is all I get in return?

You are horrible, mean, and you?ve hurt my feelings.

And you didn?t even call me at home, even though you said you would!!!!

I feel like a man-slut, and I don?t know that I will ever be able to date another member of the Audubon society again.

Hiding my head in shame,

GI Guy / OwlMyster / Whoever the hell I am.
🙁 😱 🙁 😳 🙁
 
The previous messages represent the vast majority of my postings over the past week. I knew OwlMyste would erase them, so I saved them in anticipation.

She has no idea the hard work--THE TOIL--I put into trying to present her story, my story, OwlMyster's story in a grammatically correct way. Sure, I could just write like she does:

"I don't think your not goin to not post nothing about Georgia and there peoples' right to be ignert."

But I like to have a more fluid approach.

Now, to OwlMyste:

I would never post anything in a "Mean-Spirited" manner, only in a kind of "Saturday Night Live" manner which represents a "Let's all laugh at OwlMyste" theme. I hope that you've been able to laugh at yourself as well. No one actually BELIEVES that you farted on me, so don't worry about that.

If I were a mean spirited guy, I wouldn't have posted a message advising you about personal safety.

I do want you to be prepared, however, for mine and other posts which will inevitibly follow anything you post in ignorance. That said, you're bound to hear more from me, though with less regularity I'd imagine.

Just like the Owl follows the mice of the forest, so too shall GI Guy follow OwlMyste. Ready to pounce.

Oh, and another thing.

Why the Portugese? I'd advise you to master English first, then move on to a second language.

GI Guy
 
Originally posted by womansurg
It might make us more sympathetic toward you.

Then again, it might make us mercilessly torture you with it...
Click to expand...

you know, you would make a great surgeon...you have the stereotypical collossal self centered ego that goes along with a surgeon. God forbid anyone I know ever go under the knife with you as the cutter, cause if you **** up even in the slightest way, I would make it to where they would sue your sorry *** for every single penny you ever earned. so don't even go there...😡
 
Originally posted by Future GI Guy


Why the Portugese? I'd advise you to master English first, then move on to a second language.

GI Guy
Click to expand...

🙄 scroll up Ive already replied to that...🙄
 
Originally posted by OwlMyste
you know, you would make a great surgeon...you have the stereotypical collossal self centered ego that goes along with a surgeon. God forbid anyone I know ever go under the knife with you as the cutter, cause if you **** up even in the slightest way, I would make it to where they would sue your sorry *** for every single penny you ever earned. so don't even go there...😡
Click to expand...
Bite me, dweeb.
 
owlmyst,

are you an angel?

just when we thought it was all over, you swoop down and answer our prayers!











"me fail english? that's unpossible!"-owl"gorillas in the"myst
 
Originally posted by womansurg
Bite me, dweeb.
Click to expand...

oh such profound use of Medical Terminology🙄

since when was 'dweeb' used? elementary school...?

You kno, the word 'bite me' is posted in the "annoying sayings, add your own!" thread in the everyone forum.....and I think that womansurg here just proved what age group shes from.

surgical resident my ***........

I answer to nobody, if you don't like me, thats tough **** for you, because it's not my problem. I wasn't put here on this earth to try to get everybody to like me. I am my own human being. Fiercely Independent.
 
Originally posted by OwlMyste
I answer to nobody, if you don't like me, thats tough **** for you, because it's not my problem. I wasn't put here on this earth to try to get everybody to like me. I am my own human being. Fiercely Independent.
Click to expand...
Damn, this stuff just keeps getting better all the time.

It's like you're this savage, passionate warrior... I think I'm in love 😍
 
Aahhhhhhhhh! Sooooo happpppy, again!

Thank you to all who have given of their time to chastise and ridicule Owlmyste. You've given us all something to look forward to when visiting the computer.

We all knew Owlmyste wouldn't stay away for long, as old Earl is now back-on down at the hog plant, giving our precious lots of free time. Miss Owl has arranged for her class to visit Earl at work for a field trip, somehow convincing her high school counselor that the hog plant will teach students about veterinary medicine. Everyone gets a free pig's foot! Tremendous work, Owl. Look out veterinary medicine!

Grumpy Grizzled Griz
 
Originally posted by womansurg
Damn, this stuff just keeps getting better all the time.

It's like you're this savage, passionate warrior... I think I'm in love 😍
Click to expand...

well, I live up to what I put in my quotes. Perhaps you should live up to your saying, One-with-no-patience. Here, for all SDNers who don't know her quote, I'll paste it:

Originally posted by womansurg
Patience is a virtue. Virtues are strengthened - like muscles - by exercise. When you ask God for patience, he doesn't give you patience - he gives you plenty of situations in which you can exercise patience.
Click to expand...
 
In all seriousness, GI Guy, (if seriousness is what I should call it, don't kno if I'll get it..), what part of the Gastro Intestinal system are you going to specialize in? just curious. figured you would want to elaborate on your upcoming residency a bit for the rest of SDN.
 
Ha ha, when you ask God for patience, he gives you OwlMyste. 😀
 
Originally posted by sacrament
Ha ha, when you ask God for patience, he gives you OwlMyste. 😀
Click to expand...
God hath no sense of humor.
 
Originally posted by OwlMyste
In all seriousness, GI Guy, (if seriousness is what I should call it, don't kno if I'll get it..), what part of the Gastro Intestinal system are you going to specialize in? just curious. figured you would want to elaborate on your upcoming residency a bit for the rest of SDN.
Click to expand...
Great question, OwlMyste. If I'm not mistaken, GIguy is specializing in the terminal ileum. He's doing his residency in Terminal Ileology, followed by additional fellowship training in Ileocecal Valvology. Anyone having a problem with their terminal ileum should make an appointment with him right away.

For the other stuff: esophageal...gastric...colonic...you'll need to see someone else.
 
Originally posted by womansurg
Great question, OwlMyste. If I'm not mistaken, GIguy is specializing in the terminal ileum. He's doing his residency in Terminal Ileology, followed by additional fellowship training in Ileocecal Valvology. Anyone having a problem with their terminal ileum should make an appointment with him right away.

For the other stuff: esophageal...gastric...colonic...you'll need to see someone else.
Click to expand...

Actually, I heard Future GI Guy was interested in veternary ileology and ICvalvology. He is truly a man after Owlmyste's heart! You wouldn't believe how hard it was trying to convince them to give him equivalencies for his human training :laugh:

Maybe they can set up a clinic together!
 
Actually, as a friend of Future GI Guy, I have to say that he's more of a rectal kind of guy. He really likes a good piece of ass. While he might find the IC valve to be slightly attractive, it's nothing compared to the external anal sphincter. His love for that small, powerful muscle is unlike any that I've known. And he really sucks at Halo.
 
Originally posted by maxheadroom
Actually, as a friend of Future GI Guy, I have to say that he's more of a rectal kind of guy. His love for that small, powerful muscle is unlike any that I've known.
Click to expand...

Ummm... don't really wanna know how you know that...
 
Ahhh, god is in heaven and all is right with the world. I've had my fix for the day. Now I can go and get some sleep.
 
Originally posted by spazwow
hey owlmyst, check out this link
Click to expand...

The name's OwlMyste.....get the Spelling right, Junior...🙄
 
First of all, OwlMyste, as a "Future GI Guy," I'm probably going to specialize in all GI medicine, not just a section. I like to see the forest for the trees, you know?

There are specialties within GI, like Hepatology (I challenge you to tell me what Hepatology is), and also you can do additional Endoscopic training, etc.

Now you, my old friend, Max.

I do not "suck" at Halo ( the XBox game). I'm merely getting better at it. I would say I'm like an intern at Halo, while you're more of a retiring Attending. Look out. I'm coming up the ranks.

As for the anatomy comments...let their be no doubt.

I'm a butt man. (and for all you guys out there, I ain't talkin' bout your butts).

OwlMyste knows what I'm talking about, don't ya baby?

I like big butts; I cannot lie. You other brothers (Max, Quinn) can't deny.

When a girl (OwlMyste) walks in (or swoops like OwlMyste), with an 'iddy biddy' waste, and a round thing in your face, you get Sprung.

Am I right, or am I right?
 
You people are spending way too much time making fun of a naive 19 year old girl that wants to make something of herself. This is pathetic and mean. Display some integrity and stop. Please.
 
Originally posted by Future GI Guy
There are specialties within GI, like Hepatology (I challenge you to tell me what Hepatology is)
Click to expand...

Hepatology the study of the different types of diseases that affect the Liver, one of the diseases in particular Hepatitis?😕

I know that the standard treatment for Hepatitis C is a combination of Interferon and Ribovirin(sp?) injections.
 
Isn't Hepatology the study of Herpes, both Type I and II?

MMmmmm Halo. Mmmm sniper rifle with smoke trail. Mmmm plasma grenades.

Mmmm... butts.

Q
 
Daveyboy,

Thanks for your insight. It will be taken under advisement.

As for the thread making fun of OwlMyste, I would just say that if she stopped posting, I would stop posting.

And last time I checked, a 19 year old was an adult in this country. If you want to be treated like an adult--and not a 'kid'--then I think anything goes. There are plenty of 19 year old soldiers being treated like adults in the US Military, and Iraqi snipers don't discriminate.

Why should we?

I think we're actually doing OwlMyste a service.

To shelter her from the ridicule she'll most likely endure if she were to say these things in person would actually be detrimental to her development. Where else can "friends" of OwlMyste be honest and forthright, if not online.

She's attacking Surgeons, stating that they should be sued for Malpractice, based only on what they're posting in this forum.

That kind of ignorance should be corrected.

Period.

GI Guy
 
Originally posted by Future GI Guy
Daveyboy,


As for the thread making fun of OwlMyste, I would just say that if she stopped posting, I would stop posting.
Click to expand...

hmmmm....a future doctor modeling his life around whenever I post....who could have imagined that??🙄
 
Originally posted by OwlMyste
The name's OwlMyste.....get the Spelling right, Junior...🙄
Click to expand...

I am deeply offended by your unwarrented personal attack. I did nothing to engener such a mean-sprited assult.

"you know, you would make a great (veterinatian)...you have the stereotypical collossal self centered ego that goes along with a (veterinarian). God forbid any (Rex or Noodles) I know ever go under the knife with you as the cutter, cause if you **** up even in the slightest way, I would make it to where they would sue your sorry *** for every single penny you ever earned. so don't even go there..."

it's not my fault your uncle Cleatus stuck you in the Georgia Home for Wayward Folks/Six Toe County Branch/ESL Wing.

I'm so verklempt right now I don't even have the strength to point out the two glaring grammatical errors you made in your sortie.
 
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