GillyVe
New Member
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2020
- Messages
- 2
- Reaction score
- 1
Hello everyone,
First off, I know what you're thinking: "not this again." But at the risk of sounding arrogant, I feel as though I'm a special case. Shortly after graduating, I was involved in an accident that physicians confirmed led to neurological damage. I'm trying to be a little vague because I've PMed some people specifics before and alluded to it on my app, but essentially my cognition is not what it used to be.
My reasoning ability has been mostly unaffected, thankfully. I can still process abstract information and solve difficult problems. However, my memory has suffered greatly, some aspects more than others. My episodic memory is shot; everything that happened in the past feels like a dream, and every since the accident I've been going through life as if the world's being continually generated. Similar to the case of Clive Wearing, although not as bad of course. So for instance, if you hung out with me once I'd seem totally rational and sociable, but if we met continuously you'd sense something was off. My friends often need to remind me when I've already mentioned a certain topic of conversation several times before. Luckily my semantic memory has taken a smaller hit. I still need more repetition to get concepts to stick like before, but it's manageable.
As a result of my intact reasoning ability and ok-ish semantic memory, I was able to score very well on the MCAT (524+) after studying for 9 months. But that was the result of having unlimited time to study, and a test that prioritizes reasoning over memory. Now I'll be entering an environment that heavily emphasizes memorization, and I'm very scared about flunking out. Right now it's easy enough to seem normal during interviews and gain acceptances; I've been admitted to a T30, with a couple T10 decisions pending, because I'm riding on my undergrad record and downplaying the accident. But subjectively, it's quite obvious I'm nowhere close to my undergrad self cognitively. That being said, I want to do as much as possible in the next 8 months or so to prepare.
I know the standard advice here is "not to worry and enjoy life," but here are some facts: I haven't enjoyed life since the accident, and for the foreseeable future don't see how it's possible. I'm just happy I've gotten functional after lots of time and strict lifestyle changes (exercise, diet, etc.). Immediately after the event I couldn't even read kids stories, because I'd forget the previous paragraph. I find little reason to travel, because I forget everything as soon as it's over. Even photos of myself in various countries seem fake, like it's not actually me in the picture. Another difficult issue is derealization. Nothing seems real, including my own body parts, which appear like foreign objects (though I can feel sensations fine). It's difficult to describe, but if you put your phone camera up to your face and look at your hands, you'll get a sense of how I see the world. I've already seen numerous specialists, and while some recommended changes were helpful, most medication left me feeling worse, so I'm scared of trying anything else that would affect my mental state. Point being, I'm not concerned about happiness, because it won't happen either way. So I might as well be productive.
As for preparation itself, I've seen a few people mention Anatomy & Physiology and biochemistry as useful, but not through rote-memorization from a textbook or anki. Since all classes are online now, I'm considering reaching out to local professors to see if they'll let me sit-in on some of those classes, perhaps my alma mater or future med school. Otherwise, if anybody has other low-cost options for how to learn either effectively I'd be grateful to hear it. Many free courses online seem somewhat easy, and I want something difficult/detailed to actually reduce the workload requirement during med school. Alternatively, if anybody thinks other subjects would useful I'm happy to hear it!
Thanks everyone.
First off, I know what you're thinking: "not this again." But at the risk of sounding arrogant, I feel as though I'm a special case. Shortly after graduating, I was involved in an accident that physicians confirmed led to neurological damage. I'm trying to be a little vague because I've PMed some people specifics before and alluded to it on my app, but essentially my cognition is not what it used to be.
My reasoning ability has been mostly unaffected, thankfully. I can still process abstract information and solve difficult problems. However, my memory has suffered greatly, some aspects more than others. My episodic memory is shot; everything that happened in the past feels like a dream, and every since the accident I've been going through life as if the world's being continually generated. Similar to the case of Clive Wearing, although not as bad of course. So for instance, if you hung out with me once I'd seem totally rational and sociable, but if we met continuously you'd sense something was off. My friends often need to remind me when I've already mentioned a certain topic of conversation several times before. Luckily my semantic memory has taken a smaller hit. I still need more repetition to get concepts to stick like before, but it's manageable.
As a result of my intact reasoning ability and ok-ish semantic memory, I was able to score very well on the MCAT (524+) after studying for 9 months. But that was the result of having unlimited time to study, and a test that prioritizes reasoning over memory. Now I'll be entering an environment that heavily emphasizes memorization, and I'm very scared about flunking out. Right now it's easy enough to seem normal during interviews and gain acceptances; I've been admitted to a T30, with a couple T10 decisions pending, because I'm riding on my undergrad record and downplaying the accident. But subjectively, it's quite obvious I'm nowhere close to my undergrad self cognitively. That being said, I want to do as much as possible in the next 8 months or so to prepare.
I know the standard advice here is "not to worry and enjoy life," but here are some facts: I haven't enjoyed life since the accident, and for the foreseeable future don't see how it's possible. I'm just happy I've gotten functional after lots of time and strict lifestyle changes (exercise, diet, etc.). Immediately after the event I couldn't even read kids stories, because I'd forget the previous paragraph. I find little reason to travel, because I forget everything as soon as it's over. Even photos of myself in various countries seem fake, like it's not actually me in the picture. Another difficult issue is derealization. Nothing seems real, including my own body parts, which appear like foreign objects (though I can feel sensations fine). It's difficult to describe, but if you put your phone camera up to your face and look at your hands, you'll get a sense of how I see the world. I've already seen numerous specialists, and while some recommended changes were helpful, most medication left me feeling worse, so I'm scared of trying anything else that would affect my mental state. Point being, I'm not concerned about happiness, because it won't happen either way. So I might as well be productive.
As for preparation itself, I've seen a few people mention Anatomy & Physiology and biochemistry as useful, but not through rote-memorization from a textbook or anki. Since all classes are online now, I'm considering reaching out to local professors to see if they'll let me sit-in on some of those classes, perhaps my alma mater or future med school. Otherwise, if anybody has other low-cost options for how to learn either effectively I'd be grateful to hear it. Many free courses online seem somewhat easy, and I want something difficult/detailed to actually reduce the workload requirement during med school. Alternatively, if anybody thinks other subjects would useful I'm happy to hear it!
Thanks everyone.