What is a typical day like for a medical school wife?

[mom2jack]

OK so my husband will hopefully start medical school this fall. I have NO idea what to expect. I would like to have some sort of an idea going into it what my life will probably be like. Will I see my husband? Can I expect any sort of household/child care help (we have one kid)? Also, what socially can I expect for me? Do the medical school wives hang out together? Or will I have to really struggle to make and find new friend?

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[jennie 21]

Much depends on just how ambitions your husband is, how important it is to him to be at the top of his class, and how much time he decides to devote to studying. If he is okay with not being at the top of his class, he probably won't have to spend all his time studying and you will still get to spend a fair amount of time together. If he is very very competitive he may choose to spend all his time studying and you really won't see much of him. Most people don't need to spend all their time studying in order to pass, but some people choose to because they want top grades. And some people have trouble academically and need to spend all their time studying just to pass. It's hard to know until he gets there what it will be like for him, and a lot depends on his priorities.

As far as help around the house, same thing. It largely depends on how much he needs to or chooses to study. As a third year student he probably will work pretty long hours and won't be able to help much but in the first two years he might be able to.

I think it's possible for most people to have a life outside of med school if they're not obsessed with being at the top of the class. My husband and I will both graduate from med school this year, and we managed to have a life outside school, spend time together, and have some fun all through med school. Third year was the toughest in terms of having time to spend together, but we still had some time in the evenings usually. Our first two years we actually had quite a bit of free time and had a lot of fun, but we also didn't care much about being at the top of our class and were fine with just being average or a bit above, so we didn't have to spend that much time studying. It's very variable between individuals, and a lot depends on where your priorities lie.

 

[Sweenracer]

My wife is a 2nd year Medicine resident and we have 2 young kids and I also work as an Engineer. Med School was the easy part. She did a lot of studying but for the most part she was around to help out. Residency sucks. 60 hour workweek is a minimum, usually more like 80 hours with overnights mixed in. If she is at home, she is usually too wiped out to do anything. I miss the Med School years...

 

[Wifey]

Hi! My husband is just finishing up his second year in medical school (taking Step 1 in April). I have found that the first two years have been relatively easy. He has been home most days around 3-4 pm and spends some time studying in the evenings, especially right before a test. Most of the time though he was able to help with dinner, housework, etc. He was actually home more during the first two years of med school than he was when he worked a full time job before starting! I think a lot of it really does depend on 1) what type of study habits your spouse has (likes to study at home, school, etc.) 2) what the class schedule is like at the school he goes to and 3) what type of student he wants to be (top of his class, in the middle, etc.)

Good luck!

 

[Wifty]

Like others have said, it depends on his priorities.....would he rather be the top of the class and not see you as much, or is a little further down the list ok but gets to spend time with you?

Hubby actually did all the dinner cooking those first two years.

I saw him more then if he worked a regular job, except right before a big test. We sat down at the start of every quarter and put down on a calendar when big tests would be. That way, I knew to expect to see less of him for a couple days before. It worked great!

I think it depends on the school, but we had a social group of about 160 wifes/husbands of med students. There were regular meetings plus lots of side things like outings and playgroups and book groups, etc. It really helped alot to have some 'instant' friends.

If your school doesn't have that, find ways of getting in touch with other wives anyways. You will find that you need someone to share your experience with.

The 3rd and 4rth years were actually harder cuz there was no spouse group where we did our rotations and hubby was gone more. But again, it depends on the school that he goes to. If you are someplace that you do all the years at the same place, then you will get to know the spouses really well.

Good luck! It has been alot easier then I ever imagined.....and alot more interesting!

with smiles,
rebecca

 

[k's mom]

Hello Mom2Jack!

I agree with many of the things said so far. Especially the fact that, like Wifty, I saw my husband more during med school than before, and tests were always written in bold, red letters on the calendar! For some background, my husband is a PGY1 in Emergency Medicine, we started med school with a 2 year old son, we left med school with two boys (5 and 1) and a girl (3). For us, I really look back on med school as a great adventure. It was hard at times, money was a nightmare, and there were months when we rarely saw him, but he worked hard to keep me involved in what he was doing, and I worked hard to create friendships with his classmates. I really felt like I was a part of the whole process. I also ended up staying home during the day with the kids (I worked random part-time jobs at night), and while I had never considered being "at home" before we started med school, it was really a blessing for us. We lived on campus, so I became friends with my support system, the other wives (and a few husbands) in the complex. There is simply no substitute for other people who are in your same situation. Living in our own house for residency has been quite difficult because of the lack of a close support group. I have new friends who are very nice, but they just don't understand the complexity of our family dynamic. We were also able to arrange our schedules around my husband's so that we had more family time together. Had we lived off campus, or if I had worked full-time outside of the home, it would have been much harder on myself, my husband and our children.

With that being said, not all programs offer worthwhile oncampus housing, and you may need to work outside the home (talk to your financial aid officer about this....financial aid can be reduced dollar for dollar based on your income over a certain amount; if I had worked full-time, school would have cost us more than with me not working!) I suggest that you be very proactive about finding other spouses in your similar situation by joining, or starting, playgroup, bookgroup, something.

Ask more, or PM me.

 

[cc8]

k's mom,

I was so relieved to read this in your post:

my husband is a PGY1 in Emergency Medicine, we started med school with a 2 year old son, we left med school with two boys (5 and 1) and a girl (3)

My husband is starting med school in the fall. Our daughter is turning 2 in August and I want to have our second child sometime in the next 1-2 years. I just read your post to my husband do show him that it IS possible to have kids while going through the 4 years of med school. THANK YOU for posting that!!

 

[k's mom]

I do what I can to help

If it helps, I was certainly not the only one in my husband's class who left with more kids than they started with....I stopped counting the babies born among my friends after 10...and that was during second year! This was a big issue for us because my husband wanted to wait until residency to have our second.....I said no, and I'm really glad I did! Although I love residency, we had more support during medical school because we all lived in the same complex and most of our husbands were on the same schedule and doing the same rotations. Now, in residency, I am a ten minute drive from the nearest other resident spouse, and most of them have new babies (their first), which doesn't really mesh for a playgroup or get together with my hyperactive brood! Also, my husband has much less time off and less flexibility with his schedule than in medical school. During med school, more than one spouse was able to easily alter schedules, or be allowed to do "home" rotations instead of away rotations, because of the arrival of a little one. Eric missed a week-long pre-internship when I had my daughter, and the school allowed him to meet the requirement piece by piece throughout the remainder of the year. You will also most likely be eligible for medicaid (covers EVERYTHING for prenatal care, etc...) and WIC, which is a wonderful program that can help with food, formula and/or breastfeeding supplies.

 

[fun8stuff]

My wife is a 2nd year Medicine resident and we have 2 young kids and I also work as an Engineer. Med School was the easy part. She did a lot of studying but for the most part she was around to help out. Residency sucks. 60 hour workweek is a minimum, usually more like 80 hours with overnights mixed in. If she is at home, she is usually too wiped out to do anything. I miss the Med School years...

what is her speciality, if you dont mind me asking?

 

[Sweenracer]

what is her speciality, if you dont mind me asking?

Medicine... although she applying for a Fellowship in Hem/Onc... not sure if she will get it though.

 

[corpsmanUP]

I was the med student un our duo. We started med school when our 2 kids were 2 and 4. Now I am a resident and they are 5 and 9, and doing well. My wife literally had to kick me out of the house at times because she was so sick of seeing me. I never went to class the first 2 years unless it was something required. I did very well also! My best friends had families, and what you need is a support network of other spouses to do things with.

There were severa Mormon families in my class, and they had kids regularly. One started med school with 1 and left with 4. They are the classic example of support networks. As it has already been said, the med school years are not so bad (3rd year can have long hours but less studying). Residency is tougher, especially intern year. But it can be done and my wife would tell you that she has not missed seeing me any more than any other job. And now as resident, the money is as good as any average American family income.

 

[Sweenracer]

I wonder if my wife's schedule has something to do with the neighborhood in which she works... North Philadelphia. It is a hospital in low income, high crime, high drug use area with a trauma center... They are understaffed, and in my opinion take advantage of their residents. Sometimes I can't believe what she tells me she has to go through. The patients are often difficult and unruly and usually have caused all their own medical problems... and also treat the hospital as a giant free clinic. Maybe a residency in a rural or suburban area would be easier. (and probably pay better)

 

[MathisGreen]

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