What should I do?

[gschl1234]

Hi all,

I posted this on the "re-applicants" page and although there were some very supportive posts with good advice, not many people seem to have replied so I thought I'd move it to this page. I'd like to add two more questions. Under what circumstances would you retake the MCAT? Also, I was invited to both interviews in October and November. I have not heard back from any other schools. Does this mean that I am out of the running at other places?



Here's my situation:

This is my first attempt at applying to medical school. I have been accepted to 2 places but it looks like I may not be able to attend either because my husband cannot find a job in either of the two locations. I am unsure that I will get any more interviews, let alone offers this year.

My questions:
Has anyone else gone through a similar situation?
What did you end up doing the next year?
How do adcoms view re-applicants who appear to have nothing "wrong" with their application? Do they assume that I did not get accepted at any schools in the previous year and then had to reapply for that reason? If they assume that I'm reapplying because I couldn't get accepted anywhere, could they then assume that there IS something "wrong" with me that my application doesn't show on paper, making that the justification for my previous rejections? In my mind this could be a huge set-back (or am I being too extreme?).

I'm just feeling very sad and unsure about this and any advice would be very welcome.

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[Sharkfan]

Hey,

I feel really bad for you. I am so sorry that you are in such a bad situation.

I just wanted to let you know that there was a thread on here a few weeks ago asking about what would happen if you didn't accept any offers and tried again next year, and I remember a lot of people saying that you could get blacklisted next time around. Just the thought of this would make me very very hesitant to reject everyone.

There is also a big fat thread out there about long distance relationships and med school, and I remember someone on it said that they were married and still had to be separated from their husband for a bit.

Have you considered choosing one of the two schools that accepted you and letting your husband stay behind until he finds something nearby? My long-term boyfriend and I are in this position, and I am sure there are others out there. Even if there is nothing available now, something is bound to open up in the future. It just seems a shame to me to have to compromise your future when everything could work out okay as long as you are strong enough and willing enough to wait it out.

Good luck in your difficult choice. I wish you all the best.

 

[gschl1234]

Originally posted by Sharkfan
I just wanted to let you know that there was a thread on here a few weeks ago asking about what would happen if you didn't accept any offers and tried again next year, and I remember a lot of people saying that you could get blacklisted next time around. Just the thought of this would make me very very hesitant to reject everyone.
Have you considered choosing one of the two schools that accepted you and letting your husband stay behind until he finds something nearby? My long-term boyfriend and I are in this position, and I am sure there are others out there. Even if there is nothing available now, something is bound to open up in the future. It just seems a shame to me to have to compromise your future when everything could work out okay as long as you are strong enough and willing enough to wait it out.

Good luck in your difficult choice. I wish you all the best.

Wow, blacklisted ? That sounds very extreme. Is this just a pre-med myth or does anyone actually know for sure there is such as thing as a blacklist? How would schools know whether I've been accepted to other schools in the past?

As far as my husband ever finding a job in either place in a year, it's very questionable. He has a Ph.D. in physics (did his thesis on nanofabrication). He's basically hoping for a faculty position somewhere and whether there are any openings depends a lot on luck. This is all very depressing and I can't believe that I'd ever thought everything would just work out.

 

[jlee9531]

i could be wrong but if you reapply when you were already accepted the year before they ask for that information and then they will prolly question you why you declined acceptances. you have a pretty good reason since its not like you declined acceptances because you didnt get into you top choice or something like that.

however in any case reapplication is always tough since they could ask you how do your husband would be able to find a job at other places you could possibly interview at.

this is a pretty crappy situation for you obviously, but maybe you can see if you are gonna get any more interviews and if you dont and have to pick between the two...pick the one that fits your family best and see if your husband can stay behind for a bit until he can find a job in the area you will be at.

sorry if i wasnt too helpful.

 

[hypersting]

My cousin and his wife lived separately when she started medical school. After awhile, he moved to where she lives, quit his job, opened a business, bought a house, and the like. Then she matched in a residency two hours away (optho). Thus, they are apart again, seeing each other on weekends. I would seriously consider before reapplying, medicine has a lot of legs to it (medical school, residency, job/practice). Living apart may be a sacrifice you have to make temporarily, but in the long run be able to manage it so you are both in the same area.

 

[gschl1234]

Originally posted by hypersting
My cousin and his wife lived separately when she started medical school. After awhile, he moved to where she lives, quit his job, opened a business, bought a house, and the like. Then she matched in a residency two hours away (optho). Thus, they are apart again, seeing each other on weekends. I would seriously consider before reapplying, medicine has a lot of legs to it (medical school, residency, job/practice). Living apart may be a sacrifice you have to make temporarily, but in the long run be able to manage it so you are both in the same area.

Maybe I'm also being naive about what happens after med school but I thought that if I chose a residency program that is uncompetitive at whatever med school I end up attending and put it as my first choice for the match list that I'd definitely get matched, assuming that my grades/USMLE/LORs are good. That way we would never have to move after moving for med school. As far as getting a job, I thought that as long as I'm not too picky about salary/benefits/whether I worked full- or part-time, that I could also get a job in whatever town I did my med school/residency. Are these assumptions valid?

 

[hypersting]

Originally posted by gschl1234
Maybe I'm also being naive about what happens after med school but I thought that if I chose a residency program that is uncompetitive at whatever med school I end up attending and put it as my first choice for the match list that I'd definitely get matched, assuming that my grades/USMLE/LORs are good. That way we would never have to move after moving for med school. As far as getting a job, I thought that as long as I'm not too picky about salary/benefits/whether I worked full- or part-time, that I could also get a job in whatever town I did my med school/residency. Are these assumptions valid?

You are right, but nothing is guaranteed as I've learned. I know for residency, your assumptions are valid, but those are chances. What if you want FP and you some how piss of the FP residency director at your school during your clerkship? Extreme example, I guess, but my point is there's no guarantees thats all.

She chose a very difficult field to match in. But look at it this way, its four years, during which time your husband can continue his job search. I just think its VERY risky to turn down an acceptance, despite the sacrifices needed to be made. I don't know how easy it is to get a job post-residency, I'm not familiar at all with that part of the process.

 

[gschl1234]

Originally posted by hypersting
I just think its VERY risky to turn down an acceptance, despite the sacrifices needed to be made.

Is it VERY risky because there is no guaruntee of another acceptance ever or is there really a blacklist? Anyhow, I think that what I'll do at worst is defer one of the schools and try to re-apply next year. If I can't get in anywhere next year my husband and I will have to make some really tough decisions. My only hope now is that either UIC re-assigns me to their Chicago campus or I get another acceptance in a large metropolitan area.

As far as I know about employment after residency, from what I hear from docs, if I don't mind working part-time, getting a job is pretty much a sure-thing. I assume that's cause they don't have to provide any benefits.

 

[TRUE]

I know you are going through a very difficult situaiton, but the rules about medical school are generally very simple: NEVER apply to a school you would not like to go to. They take that very seriously.

 

[gschl1234]

Originally posted by facted
I know you are going through a very difficult situaiton, but the rules about medical school are generally very simple: NEVER apply to a school you would not like to go to. They take that very seriously.

Now that's a bit unfair of you to say! Of course potentially I would have been able to go to all of the schools I've applied provided that my husband can get a job there. What do you think he has been doing for the past year? He's been looking for jobs at all the towns where I've applied to school!

 

[Bones2008]

AMCAS has your data from this year. Schools next year will know you applied to schools this year, and they may even be able to find out you got into certain schools if AMCAS reports it. All the secondaries I had to fill out asked me if I'd applied/been accepted/matriculated at any med schools before. Even if adcoms are willing to look past that, they'll definitely ask you what happened. What kind of position will they be in when they find out you turned down acceptances because your husband couldn't find work? What's the guarantee the same won't happen again? Schools don't like accepting people that they think are unlikely to matriculate. Personally, if I were an adcom member, I'd be extrememly hesitant to admit anyone whose prior reasons for declining acceptances could repeat.

 

[ecranda]

Having the opportunity to become a doctor is a priveledge that comes with a lot of sacrifices. I realize it is hard to be apart from your husband, but at some point your ambitions need to come first. I am in a long-term relationship and would find it hard to be seperated, but the bottom line is that I have wanted to be a doctor since I was very young and I am NOT willing to let that dream be lost for anyone. All you have to do is look around and you will realize that several people do not even have any acceptance, much less interviews at this point. This is risky business you are dealing with. Turning down your acceptances may cause you to not ever have a chance to be a doctor again. It could happen. If I were you I would go to one of the schools and tell my husband that it is my turn now. If he ends up in a city with a good job, then you can look into transfering into a medical school in that city. But, for now you have to think about your dreams and your ambitions. Afterall, we only live once. I wish you the best of luck. I hope you and your husband figure something out.

 

[bokermmk]

If you are in at UIC an jsut not at the right campus you are fine. After May 15 plenty of spots open up a the Chicago campus b/c people holding those slots choose other schools. I jsut interviewed there and am pretty confident of getting a Chicago spot.

 

[lyragrl]

Gschl--have you tried petitioning UIC? It's still pretty early and maybe they can put you very high on the waitlist. Write a long letter, offer to provide documentation, etc. When I was accepted at UIC, I wrote them a letter with my card, explaining that my spouse was not going to be able to find work in Peoria, Rockford, etc. I got Chicago. Maybe the letter didn't matter, but maybe it helped.

 

[gschl1234]

Originally posted by lyragrl
Gschl--have you tried petitioning UIC? It's still pretty early and maybe they can put you very high on the waitlist. Write a long letter, offer to provide documentation, etc. When I was accepted at UIC, I wrote them a letter with my card, explaining that my spouse was not going to be able to find work in Peoria, Rockford, etc. I got Chicago. Maybe the letter didn't matter, but maybe it helped.

I called them last week and the lady at UIC told me that if I wrote a letter it wouldn't be reviewed till after May 15. I went ahead and mailed in the letter last Friday but didn't include any documentation. What kind of documentation should I include? The lady also said that if I defered this year, I would be reassigned to Rockford again for next year. Is it possible to talk with one of the recruitment councelors rather than the lady who answers the phones? Although both concelors gave us cards at the interview, the number on their cards patch us through not to their office line but to the admissions office in the med school. I really wish I had thought to include a letter with my perference card. I didn't know including a letter was an option.

For other students who may be in the same situtation who are worried about telling adcoms too much personal info, at both my interviews I made it clear that I would only be attending the school if my husband could find a job. This subject came up when they asked "Why would you like to attend...." I told them my husband's field and education so adcoms at both schools already knew of my circumstance. Maybe adcoms are not as concerned as we think they are about whether we will matriculate at their school. At least in these 2 cases, they were not bothered enough by the possibility of my not attending to reject me or put me on hold. At both interviews all 5 interviewers wished me luck and said they hoped that my husband's situation would work out. In general I think they're all decent people who have been in the same situation before so they're not going to be cold-hearted and reject your application just because you have a more complicated personal life. Maybe they were in the same situation 20 years ago. But who knows, maybe I was just lucky or maybe it pays off to be totally honest.

 

[gschl1234]

Originally posted by ecranda
I realize it is hard to be apart from your husband, but at some point your ambitions need to come first.

I sort of see where you're coming from, but to me, medicine is about putting the needs of strangers above your own needs. It seems inconsistent to me to put your own needs above poeple you love and who love you in return.

 

[LP1CW]

Your husband should be supportive and take any position. It's about you doing what you need to do. If you pass up a chance to attend, then you're dumb. It's wrong.

 

[ecranda]

Originally posted by LP1CW
Your husband should be supportive and take any position. It's about you doing what you need to do. If you pass up a chance to attend, then you're dumb. It's wrong.

I completely agree! If you cannot realize the value of an acceptance into medical school, then you do not deserve to be there. Your reasoning about caring for others is just an excuse. Why don't you switch it around and say if your husband cared for you he would do anything for your dreams. My boyfriend is taking a break from school and moving his job to go with me to medical school. It is not because he has to, but because he loves me. He realizes that this is the most important thing to me, and is willing to make sacrifices. He would never even think about letting me deny acceptances for him. This is a huge opportunity and I am going to take it NO MATTER WHAT. So stand up for yourself, and do not try to convince yourself that it is wrong to want to go to medical school. You two can work through anything. Afterall, isn't that what marriage is about? It is suppose to be equal, not you doing whatever works for him!

Just my thoughts.

 

[Tone2002]

Originally posted by ecranda
I completely agree! If you cannot realize the value of an acceptance into medical school, then you do not deserve to be there. Your reasoning about caring for others is just an excuse. Why don't you switch it around and say if your husband cared for you he would do anything for your dreams. My boyfriend is taking a break from school and moving his job to go with me to medical school. It is not because he has to, but because he loves me. He realizes that this is the most important thing to me, and is willing to make sacrifices. He would never even think about letting me deny acceptances for him. This is a huge opportunity and I am going to take it NO MATTER WHAT. So stand up for yourself, and do not try to convince yourself that it is wrong to want to go to medical school. You two can work through anything. Afterall, isn't that what marriage is about? It is suppose to be equal, not you doing whatever works for him!

Just my thoughts.

As harshly, it may sound I'm in total agreement. I couldn't even fathom turning down an acceptance over something like that. There are no guarantees of getting another acceptance after already obtaining one. Your husband should be the one making the sacrifices not you in this particular situation.

 

[care bear]

but her husband worked hard for his phd too. isn't his career important as well?


gosh. . .i cannot imagine being in such a trying situation. i do hope things work out! the deferment thing sounds like a good idea; hopefully this year will bring good news!

 

[Disenchanted 1]

I really don't think it is a great idea to turn down an acceptance!! what if you dont get in next year at all and have no acceptances. In my opinion it is a great privilige to have gotten 2 acceptances in the first place. I could imagine how hard your situation can be and I wish you the best of luck but I really think that turning down your acceptances is the absolute wrong thing to do. As they say oppurtunity only knocks once !! I know so many people who have been in your situation. Can your husband perhaps find a job in a city near the school ..........maybe within 1-2 hours. I know 2 friends who have done that. Otherwise, I also agree with most people that it is wise to perhaps consider living apart for a while until he can relocate and find a job. My bottom line is that turning down an acceptance is just plain unwise!!

Best of luck with you!!

 

[rgporter]

Do not turn it down. You can live on loans until he finds something. Maybe your husband have to lower his standards for a little while, take a job he normally wouldn't. Just don't turn down acceptances.
I know someone who turned down an acceptance because his wife was delivering a baby and he wanted that year off. He never got in anywhere again.

 

[lyragrl]

Gschl--

I would call Dr. Girotti and talk to him directly. Explain your situation and tell him that you realize he may not be able to make the change immediately, but you wanted to make sure he would realize how dire your situation is.

In terms of providing them with documentation, if your husband currently has a job, you could provide them with a letter from his employer or a pay stub with his social security number blacked out. I simply offered to supply documentation if they wanted it.

It's pretty early and I'm sure there will be a lot of moving around as people accept other offers, etc. Just talk to as many folks at UIC as possible without being a pain.

 

[Andrew_Doan]

Originally posted by gschl1234
Maybe I'm also being naive about what happens after med school but I thought that if I chose a residency program that is uncompetitive at whatever med school I end up attending and put it as my first choice for the match list that I'd definitely get matched, assuming that my grades/USMLE/LORs are good. That way we would never have to move after moving for med school. As far as getting a job, I thought that as long as I'm not too picky about salary/benefits/whether I worked full- or part-time, that I could also get a job in whatever town I did my med school/residency. Are these assumptions valid?

You're in a tough situation that will not end with the choice of finding a medical school close to your husband. Medicine requires sacrifices from the individual going through the training as well as sacrfices from family members.

One question you need to answer for yourself is: "Will I be happy with any, uncompetitive residency?" If you're not doing what you love, then you're marriage will suffer in the end. You may blame your husband for your unhappiness as a physician.

Second, there's no guarantee in regards to residency match. You may or may not match at your school of choice.

Third, there may be no jobs for your specialty in the same town. For instance, the average ophthalmologist will change jobs three times before settling down. Finding jobs in large, over-saturated cities is becoming harder for all specialties.

I'm afraid that you'll be faced with this tough decision each time you advance from one stage of your training to the next. Furthermore, re-applicants carry a negative stigmata to the next year. Re-applying is a bad option if you've already been accepted.

I've seen many professional couples (JD & MD, MD & MD, MD & PhD, etc..) go through this. In each situation, there's always sacrfices and compromise. Either you or your husband will have to make the sacrifice.

 

[gschl1234]

Originally posted by lyragrl
Gschl--

I would call Dr. Girotti and talk to him directly. Explain your situation and tell him that you realize he may not be able to make the change immediately, but you wanted to make sure he would realize how dire your situation is.

In terms of providing them with documentation, if your husband currently has a job, you could provide them with a letter from his employer or a pay stub with his social security number blacked out. I simply offered to supply documentation if they wanted it.

It's pretty early and I'm sure there will be a lot of moving around as people accept other offers, etc. Just talk to as many folks at UIC as possible without being a pain.

I've never called a dean before. Is it ok to just call up to his direct line (I found a number on UIC's website) or should I call the front desk and be transfered over? Thanks

 

[Andrew_Doan]

Originally posted by gschl1234
I've never called a dean before. Is it ok to just call up to his direct line (I found a number on UIC's website) or should I call the front desk and be transfered over? Thanks

Sure, if you want to speak with the Dean of Admissions, then call and politely request to speak with him/her. Talking to applicants is part of the job.