What the doctor really means... (humor)

[im4real]

What The Doctor Really Means!


The Doctor Says...
... But He REALLY Means...


"Well, what have we here...?"

--- He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"

--- I'm stalling for time.

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."

--- I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

"Let me check your medical history."

--- I want to see if you've paid your last bill before
spending anymore time with you.

"Well, now, we have some good news and some bad news."

--- The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW.
The bad news is,you're going to pay for it.

"This should be taken care of right away."

--- I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy
and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

"Let me schedule you for some lab tests."

--- I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

"Let's see how it develops."

--- Maybe in a few days it will grow into something
that really needs to be cured.

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."

--- I'm writing a paper and would like to use you
for a guinea pig.

"That's quite a nasty looking wound."

--- I think I'm going to throw up.

"This may smart a little."

--- Last week two patients almost bit off their tongues.

"This should fix you up."

--- The drug company slipped me some big bucks
to prescribe this stuff. Hope it works...

"Everything seems to be normal."

--- Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

"I'd like to run some more tests."

--- I can't figure out what's wrong.
Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

---

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[csgirl]

No offense Im4 real.... but it's these kinds of lame-ass jokes that are contributing to the anti-doctor culture we're already in. It's this image of doctors as over-paid, know-nothing people who profit off of people's suffering that is perpetuating the sue-happy free-for-all our society has gotten itself into.

My mom is a doctor... she's never driven a BMW and she's never taken a vacation to Hawaii... nor does she ever plan to.

I know you didn't mean any harm at all by posting these jokes... and we're all educated peopl here... so there is no harm in it. However, when un-educated people who have never known a doctor personally hear jokes like this... they tend to think they're based on some truth... this enforces the anti-doctor sentiment that is already so well established in our society.

 

[im4real]

Lighten up! I didn't mean this as an insult at all!!! I'm all too familiar with sterotypes as I too come from a medical family!

Christy

 

[ussdfiant honey]

I thought it was funny.

 

[im4real]

Thanks Barbara!

I shared it with a group of residents & spouses tonight and we all laughed!!! A group of us had our White Elephant gift exchange tonight with a little Christmas get-together. It was fun! I never laughed so hard... LOL

Christy

 

[vixen]

hey im4real

I sent those jokes to the docs in my family...they got a kick out of it...thanks

 

[commymommy]

but it's these kinds of lame-ass jokes that are contributing to the anti-doctor culture we're already in.••

No, actually, it is doctors with attitudes who abused the health insurance system for years for their own profit that have done much to contribute to the anti-doctor culture that we're already in...

It's also the doctors who make fun of their patients (have seen it at every single staff party we've ever been to) who drive around in their BMW's that people take hacks at...

Look around at many of the discussions on the forum..even the one about socialized medicine...doctors want to (and deserve in my opinion) to earn a nice salary..and for years they did more than just WELL...they were quite well-off...that is no longer the case, and I see a definate change in the public's perception of doctors...

Jokes abound in any profession and coming from the medical side (after all, our spouses ARE doctors) I think we all can have a good chuckle....If a doctor had posted this, I bet people would have had a good laugh....

Kris

PS...Christy..you GO girl!

 

[Wifty]

I totally see Csgirls point and I think that in the general population, such things should be carefully shared with people that know they are generalizations.

However, those on the list are here for a reason. We are med students or involved with med students and need to be able to laugh at our situation. *We* know that we don't fit the stereotypes and we know that our significant others don't either....thats why they are funny.

Anyways, I hope more jokes are posted. Laughter is the best medicine, or was that an apple?

Wifty...who is blonde and LOVES blonde jokes.

 

[commymommy]

Well, it seems to me that this is the spouse's forum and a chance for us to unwind and tell jokes, etc....when the docs get together and laugh about the suicide attempt that just walked into the ER and joke about wanting to give them an Rx to do it 'right' next time so they don't have to be annoyed, it is considered socially acceptable...as a matter of fact, when we started a "real" job, the hospital had a party and the internal med docs actually told a JOKE to the entire party about the patient with OCD who thinks he has cancer...and my husband and I were both disgusted by it...but don't think that is an isolated incident....In Florida, the jokes were about the indigent, the hiv-infected, the non-compliant.....I've heard doctors joke about the gorgeous blonde that they did the breast exam on and called in two of their colleagues to "help"...the list goes on...I could actually write a list like that about the rude, disgusting things that my husband and I have heard come out of the mouths of the beloved healers...so really...put into perspective...this joke is harmless...the doctors do more harm to themselves...

I take no prisoners...and have no sympathy on this one...oh...and I'm blond! But that's ok, wifty, blonde on...I'm eager to hear them and I promise not to be offended and blame the bad rap that blondes get on the jokes!

Kris

 

[im4real]

Hi there y'all!!!

Yikes! I didn't imagine there would be such excitement about medical humor. I guess I look at it this way, if it WERE true it would NOT be funny!!! And like you similarly mentioned, Wifty, I posted it with fully knowing that this forum is intended for spouses & partners of physicians & physicians-to-be. Humor is a good thing... we all need to laugh at ourselves occasionally or even a lot! LOL!

Christy, who also loves blonde jokes & is a blonde!

 

[im4real]

Kris,

You must be on at the same time as ME!!! Howdy there! Oh no, there are three spouses that are blondes... We're gonna get it now!!! ROFL

Christy

 

[csgirl]

momofthree: While there may have been a few bad apples that took advantage of the health care system... whatever that means... the major source of the anti-doctor sentiment comes from the general selfish, lazy, and immoral nature of most American.. also from careless lawyers, the media, selfish lawyers, our culture that glorifies getting a quick regardless of if you deserve it, heartless self-centered lawyers... did I mention stupid lawyers?

 

[commymommy]

hahaha and don't forget stupid doctors.....

the major source of the anti-doctor sentiment comes from the general selfish, lazy, and immoral nature of most American ••

What an arrogant thing to say....this is the attitude of a pre-med or med student? You've answered your own question then about why people feel the way that they do...it's doctors with attittudes like yours!

 

[commymommy]

And by the way, not every lawyer is careless, selfish, or stupid. It seems to me that you are making a biased overgeneralization. Many attorneys represent victims of crimes, people accused of crimes, work on family law issues including child abuse/neglect, work for the poor citizens of this country, represent businesses, etc...not every attorney is after a doctor!

Kris

 

[commymommy]

unless he has a really cute behind



thought I'd throw in some levity!

 

[csgirl]

Originally posted by momofthree:
•And by the way, not every lawyer is careless, selfish, or stupid. It seems to me that you are making a biased overgeneralization. Many attorneys represent victims of crimes, people accused of crimes, work on family law issues including child abuse/neglect, work for the poor citizens of this country, represent businesses, etc...not every attorney is after a doctor!

Kris•••

Notice I didn't say just "lawyers." Everytime I said lawyers it was with an adjective... separating those lawyers with that adjective from other lawyers. You need to read my words carefully. Of course there are a lots of quality lawyers out there... though I've never met one... I'm sure they exist.

 

[commymommy]

Everytime I said lawyers it was with an adjective... separating those lawyers with that adjective from other lawyers. You need to read my words carefully. Of course there are a lots of quality lawyers out there... though I've never met one... I'm sure they exist.
••

Oh, forgive me for not recognizing that From where I was sitting, it appeared that you were blaming the general stupidity of the american people and the filthy miserable media and greedy attorneys....

I have three good friends who are attorneys and have practiced in several areas of law..all of them moral, upstanding people who do work in family law, corporate law and help the indigent. Of course, they ARE all women..and as we know...that sure helps

kris

 

[csgirl]

Originally posted by momofthree:
•

From where I was sitting, it appeared that you were blaming the general stupidity of the american people and the filthy miserable media and greedy attorneys....

•••

Oh, now, well... that may be true. I certainly was doing that... but I was NOT blaming ALL lawyers.

 

[Devdas]

What I actually mean....

"Sir! I am going to perform rectal exam on you!"

----God! I hate my job!

What Goatboy would mean?

---God! I love my job!

 

[csgirl]

Madan... now that IS funny LOL....

how about this...

Doctor says:
"You're lifestyle may be contributing to your condition."

Doctor means:
"If you weren't so lazy and fat you wouldn't be having a heart attack every weekend."

Doctor says:
"Yes your insurence will cover this,"

Doctor means:
"Yes, I'll be getting paid less than half of what I charge for this."

 

[freshity]

i think people who are doctors or in training to become doctors should know enough by now to realize that doctors contribute their own share of crooks and degenerates to the group. the notion that the profession is filled with noble, atruistically-minded individuals is tired and out-dated, to say the least. there as many greedy doctors as there are greedy lawyers, greedy bus drivers, greedy drug dealers. why would one think any differently? doctors aren't concerned abt their diminishing paybacks from hmo's and medicaid for any other reason. do i blame them? no, but let's not pretend they're any less focused on the bottom line. do you hear doctors as vocal abt universal health care coverage as they are abt diminishing paybacks? i don't.

doctors need to get a sense of humor. if not, they run the risk of becoming a caricature of themselves.

 

[jhug]

I think the evolution of this topic is quite humorous!! I'll tell you, my malpractice lawyer will be invited to family christmas parties!!!