What the doctor really means... (humor)

Discussion in 'Spouses and Partners' started by im4real, Dec 18, 2001.

  1. im4real

    im4real Senior Member
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    What The Doctor Really Means!


    The Doctor Says...
    ... But He REALLY Means...


    "Well, what have we here...?"

    --- He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.

    "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"

    --- I'm stalling for time.

    "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."

    --- I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

    "Let me check your medical history."

    --- I want to see if you've paid your last bill before
    spending anymore time with you.

    "Well, now, we have some good news and some bad news."

    --- The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW.
    The bad news is,you're going to pay for it.

    "This should be taken care of right away."

    --- I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy
    and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

    "Let me schedule you for some lab tests."

    --- I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

    "Let's see how it develops."

    --- Maybe in a few days it will grow into something
    that really needs to be cured.

    "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."

    --- I'm writing a paper and would like to use you
    for a guinea pig.

    "That's quite a nasty looking wound."

    --- I think I'm going to throw up.

    "This may smart a little."

    --- Last week two patients almost bit off their tongues.

    "This should fix you up."

    --- The drug company slipped me some big bucks
    to prescribe this stuff. Hope it works...

    "Everything seems to be normal."

    --- Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

    "I'd like to run some more tests."

    --- I can't figure out what's wrong.
    Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
     
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  3. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member
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    No offense Im4 real.... but it's these kinds of lame-ass jokes that are contributing to the anti-doctor culture we're already in. It's this image of doctors as over-paid, know-nothing people who profit off of people's suffering that is perpetuating the sue-happy free-for-all our society has gotten itself into.

    My mom is a doctor... she's never driven a BMW and she's never taken a vacation to Hawaii... nor does she ever plan to.

    I know you didn't mean any harm at all by posting these jokes... and we're all educated peopl here... so there is no harm in it. However, when un-educated people who have never known a doctor personally hear jokes like this... they tend to think they're based on some truth... this enforces the anti-doctor sentiment that is already so well established in our society.
     
  4. im4real

    im4real Senior Member
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    Lighten up! I didn't mean this as an insult at all!!! I'm all too familiar with sterotypes as I too come from a medical family!

    Christy
     
  5. ussdfiant honey

    ussdfiant honey New Member

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    I thought it was funny.
     
  6. im4real

    im4real Senior Member
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    Thanks Barbara!

    I shared it with a group of residents & spouses tonight and we all laughed!!! A group of us had our White Elephant gift exchange tonight with a little Christmas get-together. It was fun! I never laughed so hard... LOL

    Christy
     
  7. vixen

    vixen I like members
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    hey im4real

    I sent those jokes to the docs in my family...they got a kick out of it...thanks :)
     
  8. commymommy

    commymommy *reformed commymommy*
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  9. Wifty

    Wifty Eccentrically Silly
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    I totally see Csgirls point and I think that in the general population, such things should be carefully shared with people that know they are generalizations.

    However, those on the list are here for a reason. We are med students or involved with med students and need to be able to laugh at our situation. *We* know that we don't fit the stereotypes and we know that our significant others don't either....thats why they are funny.

    Anyways, I hope more jokes are posted. Laughter is the best medicine, or was that an apple?

    Wifty...who is blonde and LOVES blonde jokes. :)
     
  10. commymommy

    commymommy *reformed commymommy*
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    Well, it seems to me that this is the spouse's forum and a chance for us to unwind and tell jokes, etc....when the docs get together and laugh about the suicide attempt that just walked into the ER and joke about wanting to give them an Rx to do it 'right' next time so they don't have to be annoyed, it is considered socially acceptable...as a matter of fact, when we started a "real" job, the hospital had a party and the internal med docs actually told a JOKE to the entire party about the patient with OCD who thinks he has cancer...and my husband and I were both disgusted by it...but don't think that is an isolated incident....In Florida, the jokes were about the indigent, the hiv-infected, the non-compliant.....I've heard doctors joke about the gorgeous blonde that they did the breast exam on and called in two of their colleagues to "help"...the list goes on...I could actually write a list like that about the rude, disgusting things that my husband and I have heard come out of the mouths of the beloved healers...so really...put into perspective...this joke is harmless...the doctors do more harm to themselves...

    I take no prisoners...and have no sympathy on this one...oh...and I'm blond! :D But that's ok, wifty, blonde on...I'm eager to hear them and I promise not to be offended and blame the bad rap that blondes get on the jokes!

    Kris
     
  11. im4real

    im4real Senior Member
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    Hi there y'all!!!

    Yikes! I didn't imagine there would be such excitement about medical humor. I guess I look at it this way, if it WERE true it would NOT be funny!!! And like you similarly mentioned, Wifty, I posted it with fully knowing that this forum is intended for spouses & partners of physicians & physicians-to-be. Humor is a good thing... we all need to laugh at ourselves occasionally or even a lot! LOL!

    Christy, who also loves blonde jokes & is a blonde!
     
  12. im4real

    im4real Senior Member
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    Kris,

    You must be on at the same time as ME!!! Howdy there! Oh no, there are three spouses that are blondes... We're gonna get it now!!! ROFL

    Christy
     
  13. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member
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    momofthree: While there may have been a few bad apples that took advantage of the health care system... whatever that means... the major source of the anti-doctor sentiment comes from the general selfish, lazy, and immoral nature of most American.. also from careless lawyers, the media, selfish lawyers, our culture that glorifies getting a quick regardless of if you deserve it, heartless self-centered lawyers... did I mention stupid lawyers?
     
  14. commymommy

    commymommy *reformed commymommy*
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    hahaha and don't forget stupid doctors.....
     
  15. commymommy

    commymommy *reformed commymommy*
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    And by the way, not every lawyer is careless, selfish, or stupid. It seems to me that you are making a biased overgeneralization. Many attorneys represent victims of crimes, people accused of crimes, work on family law issues including child abuse/neglect, work for the poor citizens of this country, represent businesses, etc...not every attorney is after a doctor!

    Kris
     
  16. commymommy

    commymommy *reformed commymommy*
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    unless he has a really cute behind ;)

    :D

    thought I'd throw in some levity!
     
  17. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member
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  18. commymommy

    commymommy *reformed commymommy*
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  19. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member
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  20. Devdas

    Devdas Senior Member
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    What I actually mean....

    "Sir! I am going to perform rectal exam on you!"

    ----God! I hate my job! :(

    What Goatboy would mean?

    ---God! I love my job! :D
     
  21. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member
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    Madan... now that IS funny LOL....

    how about this...

    Doctor says:
    "You're lifestyle may be contributing to your condition."

    Doctor means:
    "If you weren't so lazy and fat you wouldn't be having a heart attack every weekend."

    Doctor says:
    "Yes your insurence will cover this,"

    Doctor means:
    "Yes, I'll be getting paid less than half of what I charge for this."
     
  22. freshity

    freshity Senior Member
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    i think people who are doctors or in training to become doctors should know enough by now to realize that doctors contribute their own share of crooks and degenerates to the group. the notion that the profession is filled with noble, atruistically-minded individuals is tired and out-dated, to say the least. there as many greedy doctors as there are greedy lawyers, greedy bus drivers, greedy drug dealers. why would one think any differently? doctors aren't concerned abt their diminishing paybacks from hmo's and medicaid for any other reason. do i blame them? no, but let's not pretend they're any less focused on the bottom line. do you hear doctors as vocal abt universal health care coverage as they are abt diminishing paybacks? i don't.

    doctors need to get a sense of humor. if not, they run the risk of becoming a caricature of themselves.
     
  23. jhug

    jhug 1K Member
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    I think the evolution of this topic is quite humorous!! :) I'll tell you, my malpractice lawyer will be invited to family christmas parties!!! :D
     

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