ghostdog

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I'm in a wierd "frienemy" type situation and any advice would be appreciated..

--okay, here's the situation:


We all had an exam to take. Friend X told the professor and a mutual friend she needed more time because a family situation wouldn't let her focus (even tho the family member is overseas and they never speak, i found this out later) she shed some tears and the prof said, okay, and moved her test up so she could take it by herself. While mutual friend was trying to study for the exam Friend X would 1) show up at his house without warning, start Crying and make him feel bad and he'd let her in.. 2) call all hours of the night and when he wouldn't pick up call HIS friends just to get him on the phone, insesstantly crying about some guy she was dating 3) in short, giving mutual friend so much stress that HE couldn't focus. (they live close by, I don't so she left me alone for the most part). Not to mention my friend is married and her shenanigans would disrupt his family life...

Meanwhile, she tells ME that she needed more days because she partied too hard..she also made an appointment with the school shrink, and somehow got adderoll before the test, took the test after us and scored very well. She has started this "strategy" with other profs too, and she's told me that. Which is crazy , because mutual friend and I DO talk. so why tell me different things? moving on...

Unfortunately for mutual friend, because he was under so much stress with dealing with her, he bombed the same exam. He had a do or die final and it still might not be enough to pass the class.

He already spoke to the prof but since I KNOW she lied to get her test moved should I say anything? I mean, sure, he shouldn't have dealt with her Craziness but seriously, there was no way he could avoid her. And now she passed the class and my friend may not.

What is the right thing to right thing to do in this Case? and how would you approach this girl? i dont want to start any drama untill our block is over...but i def want to tell her off...
 

MsKrispyKreme

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Have you tried ending your friendship/association with the girl?
 
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mmmcdowe

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So, here's my two cents. Take it as from someone who isn't in medical school, but I have been warned that the worst thing to do is to take it up with the prof. I've been told that it usually ends with you both getting hurt by it. In my opinion, I would confront her about it and tell her that you have a problem with it. Most likely she will not have done it intentionally (or won't admit to it if you are pessimistic), and you can work to patch things up. Otherwise, just let your friend know what you heard, and let the natural course of things occur. If she's really pulling this a lot, in the end she'll get shunned. If SDN is any gauge, nobody likes a real gunner.
 

Trail Boss

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I was prepared to tell you to "mind your own d*** business", then I read the rest of your post. Not so sure now. Part of me says "She is cheating, slam dunk her." Problem with these posts is that we (and even presumably you) do not know the whole story. You should always confront the person first, you owe any person that, even if they were not your "friend".

I wouldn't lose to much sleep over it though. In the words of Gumpism "Don't sweat the small stuff, it will save you money on deodorant"
 

scotties123

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she isnt being a gunner shes just being stupid. mind ur own business and stop talking to her if shes such a byatch.
 

Bartelby

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Have you tried ending your friendship/association with the girl?
Agreed. Why are either of you still hanging out with her? And your friend probably should have just found ways to make the time he needed for the exam. Seems like it would take a lot of someone else's whining to make a person fail a test.

As for your question, if it were me I wouldn't tell the professor (although I would tell the mutual friend my thoughts on the situation).
 

braluk

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What I don't get is, I hear that psychiatrists and other mental health professionals are no longer dispensing adderall like it was candy anymore. How convincing exactly is she to pull off faking a mental deficit? She sounds bat**** crazy.
 

PeepshowJohnny

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Wait...is she hot?
 

WellWornLad

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Don't go to the professor, he/she isn't going to care. If there's an honor code at your school and you're particularly vengeful, go tell a dean. it's not going to help your (real) friend any, though. But come on, saying "my drama queen friend is hella manipulative" is a pretty weak excuse for bombing a test, no matter how you cut it.

Look, either you like drama or you don't. If you don't, just forget about her, don't go trying to "tell anyone off," she'll get the picture when you stop hanging out. If you do like drama, then tell her off, cause a scene, cry it out with some other friends, cause another scene two days later when you tearfully make up, cry some more, and make some plans to go out that night.
 
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Lopyswine

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too me the only thing I took from this story is that OP is a gunner.

The OP is getting pissy because someone scored well on an exam.


Just shut up and mind your own bussiness. The administration will find out if there is a real problem. Meanwhile, the cream will always rise to the op.
 

ghostdog

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Wait...is she hot?

Ha ha ha...maybe she WAS but after all of this..shes nasty to me...lol

yeah after i posted this and saw the responses i figure..well, its not right, maybe not even ethical, but anything i do as far as the prof is concerned will only make it worse for me. So I've been avoiding her and I'll just continue.

As far as why hang out with her, well, I seriously was either blind or just didn't think it was that bad cuz she never did that to me.

Yeah, i forgot about the honor council. If I wanted to, I could say something..instead of going higher up first. I don't know..ethics is huge in my school and we've been told that any cases of cheating, etc...to bring it up...but no one does for all the reasons everyone said "mind yr own business." so I thought maybe this fell into one of those situations. guess not.


but it is VERY easy to fail a class based on one test. people get sick, family situations arise...esp. if your just passing. And yeah I told him everything you guys said. But i guess truly pathological people know how to choose those who will fall prey to thier bs, i guess. And he's just one of those bleeding hearts , fell for it and got screwed for being a decent guy.if she were a guy, this wouldn't be an issue., IMHO.

Any way thanks for the advice.
 

AmoryBlaine

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Ha ha ha...maybe she WAS but after all of this..shes nasty to me...lol

yeah after i posted this and saw the responses i figure..well, its not right, maybe not even ethical, but anything i do as far as the prof is concerned will only make it worse for me. So I've been avoiding her and I'll just continue.

As far as why hang out with her, well, I seriously was either blind or just didn't think it was that bad cuz she never did that to me.

Yeah, i forgot about the honor council. If I wanted to, I could say something..instead of going higher up first. I don't know..ethics is huge in my school and we've been told that any cases of cheating, etc...to bring it up...but no one does for all the reasons everyone said "mind yr own business." so I thought maybe this fell into one of those situations. guess not.


but it is VERY easy to fail a class based on one test. people get sick, family situations arise...esp. if your just passing. And yeah I told him everything you guys said. But i guess truly pathological people know how to choose those who will fall prey to thier bs, i guess. And he's just one of those bleeding hearts , fell for it and got screwed for being a decent guy.if she were a guy, this wouldn't be an issue., IMHO.

Any way thanks for the advice.

When I was an M2 I probably would have said, "talk to the Dean." Now, just let her continue her free-fall until the rocks of M3 come up to meet her.

Seriously you can suck (hard) as a pre-clin student and do well on your tests but residents and attendings see right through the BS >90% of the time.

There was a student at my medical school who pulled alot of stuff similar to this -- alway sick on exam days, always wanting special arrangements. She gets her special arrangements but is universally hated.
 

EBI831

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although a lot of people will disagree with me, i'm adamantly of the school of thought that says if you've got it, you've got it. ie some people study a whole year and barely pass step one and some study 4 weeks and rip the crap out of it. so, i think adderol or not and extra week or not (especially since she spent her extra time partying and crying), she woulda done well b/c she had it in her. as for the friend who bombed horribly, i think that with the type of distraction you are describing it might not have caused such a terrible "bomb" on the test if your friend knew his stuff...maybe would've sent him a few points down. so what i see here is a lot of excuses. don't talk to her if she's conniving and your friend could do the same. its called screening her calls.
 

45408

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Steer clear. Don't get entangled in all of this. I really can't see a reason for you to intervene and talk to higher-ups.
 

coldweatherblue

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He said she was hot. What more possible reason could you demand? :confused:
there are lots of fine-looking ladies; this one sounds a bit below the line on the crazy-hot scale.

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYrZSjpiIK4[/YOUTUBE]
 

ghostdog

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too me the only thing I took from this story is that OP is a gunner.

The OP is getting pissy because someone scored well on an exam.


Just shut up and mind your own bussiness. The administration will find out if there is a real problem. Meanwhile, the cream will always rise to the op.
dude, i may be remediating a class, no way im a gunner...

whole point of this was i was more worried about my friend, but i found out yesterday with the curve tacked on he'll pass the class...so,
the situation resolved itself.

thanks again guys.
 

JeffLebowski

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dude, i may be remediating a class, no way im a gunner...

whole point of this was i was more worried about my friend, but i found out yesterday with the curve tacked on he'll pass the class...so,
the situation resolved itself.

thanks again guys.
See, this is the problem.

People see someone cheat or lie or harm others. People either find it ethically unacceptable or none of anyone else's business. Among the people who find it ethically unacceptable, a big chunk of them only find it ethically unacceptable if someone else gets hurt, not based on principle alone. So if no one got hurt, all those people jump over to the "mind your own business" side. EVEN THOUGH someone easily could have, EVEN THOUGH objecting based on ethical grounds requires a violation of principle, EVEN THOUGH the perpetrator will probably do it again and again and harm others along the way, EVEN THOUGH someone may have still gotten hurt in the process, but we just don't know about it.

So what do we have left? A scant few individuals who object to ethically unacceptable (and usually against rules) behavior based on principle, who are now forced to decide whether or not it's worth their time, worth their own personal risk, and worth the trouble to pursue justice. And how do they follow-up on it? They appear as a small minority of students who for some reason are acting all morally superior and too uptight, trying to argue this to everyone else, usually mostly "mind your own business" types and higher-ups that aren't particularly interested in weird situations like this where there's usually mixed stories and confounding motivations in the people involved. What does it boil down to? Nothing ever happens to the perpetrator, a bunch of PC-buzzwords thrown around, and the one person who's actually doing the right thing and following their moral compass bears by far the biggest burden of the whole ordeal.

No one cares about upholding ethical standards anymore, and for the most part, the system is such that we couldn't if we tried.
 

PeepshowJohnny

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When I was an M2 I probably would have said, "talk to the Dean." Now, just let her continue her free-fall until the rocks of M3 come up to meet her.
I love it. So poetic.
 

Jwax

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While mutual friend was trying to study for the exam Friend X would 1) show up at his house without warning, start Crying and make him feel bad and he'd let her in.. 2) call all hours of the night and when he wouldn't pick up call HIS friends just to get him on the phone, insesstantly crying about some guy she was dating 3) in short, giving mutual friend so much stress that HE couldn't focus. (they live close by, I don't so she left me alone for the most part). Not to mention my friend is married and her shenanigans would disrupt his family life...
I think this girl is absolutely f'ed up and probably could earn a diagnosis of borderline personality. Or if nothing else, she's just a byatch, but I am presuming that she is quite physically appealing. Why? Because a married male med student spent so much time comforting her and dealing with her issues that he was so distracted that he almost failed a class. I honestly cannot understand how men can get suckered in by this type of girl. I can't understand how his wife didn't tell him to quit spending so much time being this other girl's shoulder to cry on. Inappropriate. He deserved the reality check for being an idiot.

but it is VERY easy to fail a class based on one test. people get sick, family situations arise...esp. if your just passing. And yeah I told him everything you guys said. But i guess truly pathological people know how to choose those who will fall prey to thier bs, i guess. And he's just one of those bleeding hearts , fell for it and got screwed for being a decent guy.if she were a guy, this wouldn't be an issue., IMHO..
No, this wouldn't be an issue if he didn't want to get in her pants so bad that he was willing to piss off his wife and screw up his grades. Desire to be knight for a damsel in distress does not make him a bleeding heart, just a guy who might be going through his 7 year itch.

Nice use of 'frienemy' - I like that.
 

VMSmith

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Agree totally with Jwax. Your married friend should not have put himself in that situation - he should've realized that he is not the only person she could've gone to and sent her on her merry way instead of trying to rescue her. His performance on the exam is a result of his choices, not hers.

If you want to stay friends with this girl, tell her what you think about her behavior. If not, then stay out of her business and let her hang herself during 3rd year.
 
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