Here is a posting some of you might find clinically interesting. Not the first either, as I can see. I suffer from bipolar disorder that I developed in graduate school when I was doing my MA in general psych. Motivated to overcome my challenges and succeed professionally, I decided at the time to continue pursuing my aspirations and finish my degree. I had goals of pursuing my PhD and making it in the field as a scientist-practitioner. I had a specific research interest. I graduated from the reputable MA program, took interesting courses in my field of interest, was mentored by top faculty working in my field of interest, and did internships at top placements (without doing hours since my program was research based). Then I landed a volunteer research assistantship gig at a big research institution, again, very closely related to my research interests. It took networking on my part, but very fast several PIs in that institution were impressed by my qualifications, passing around my resume, and interested in working with me. One of the PIs decided to take me under her wing and agreed to mentor me. I lasted about 6 months through the yearlong placement, and then I had a severe manic relapse. Until then, she was continually praising me for my good work. It was progressive, and I "quit" the placement when I was still hypomanic. Unfortunately though, a few months later in the midst of my mania I sent a really incoherent email to not only the PI, but 2 other PIs I was interested in working with. When I came out of that 'phase' I of course sent an email of apology to everyone I'd emailed, and particularly with my former mentor. I asked her if she'd be willing to meet so I could let her know about my progress. She flatly declined. Of course, this is highly disheartening and almost shocking for someone in the mental health field to react this way, I think. This experience has caused me to re-evaluate my direction and I've clearly taken several steps back. It's been almost 4 years since I graduated with my MA. I have gaps in my resume due to this ****ty condition. And now I have this situation with this close-knit research program I wanted to make a contribution to. It's a big question, but what do you think are my options? I'm not getting any younger, time is passing, and although my dream was to do assessments and research, I'm not sure I have it in me at this point. Moreover, is there anything I can do to repair the bridge that was burnt? It's a small world and all the researchers in this field know each other. If I stay in research I've even considered entirely changing my line of research just due to this unfortunate mistake. Thankful for any responses!!