I was just accepted for the class of 2016 and will be going to medical school in New York. Next month my boyfriend is returning from overseas, but will be stationed in DC. He still has 3 years left in the Air Force. We have discussed marriage and will be getting engaged soon (within the next 6 months). Would it be advisable to wait until I am done with med school to have a wedding and get married since we would not be able to live together until then anyway? We are already used to being apart for long periods of time with him being in the military and being overseas. The distance from DC to NY is much closer than what we have dealt with in the past, so I am not worried about the distance hurting our relationship (we feel like we will be so close to each other now). I am just wondering what your opinion is about when to get married and if it is best to wait until we can have a "normal" marriage from the start where we can live together?
When to Get Married to Military Boyfriend
- Thread starter bnels89
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Really depends on you and your BF, but there have to be some people out there who are living apart while married, albeit 3 years is a heck of a long time to play that game. Is there any way he can PCS to NY? I don't know what kinds of bases the AF has up there (I think there's some reserve stuff around NY). Also, what's the possibility of doing rotations up there during your clinical years. Again, it's up to you, but there are always options.
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One thing to keep in mind is that while the military *may* make allowances for a spouse's special needs, they will not for a girlfriend/fiance. You have no status until you're married. (He also gets more money if you're married). Because of this, many couples will get married "twice" - a small ceremony with the justice of the peace, just to make it legal and get the benefits that come with, and then a real celebration with friends, family, etc. This can be disastrous (don't do it for the money!), but it can also be helpful for a loving couple trying to make it work.
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Wait until he leaves the airforce, unless he wants follow a military career. Too many people in the military get married too early, with disastreous effects. More: Do not get married until you are both at least 25yo and mature enough to make that decision and for the love of [insert belief here], do not become pregnant until at least 25 AND married.
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We have already decided we will never get "contract married" since we know so many people who have and we both really don't think it's a good idea. I guess the best thing to do would be to wait until I finish up med school and we can live together full time instead of just visiting each other as much as we can. Hopefully when the time comes I can match somewhere near where he is and then we can move forward. It is just draining thinking about how because i have chosen this path and he has chosen that path we will need to be apart for so long.
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Every marriage is a contract. I would go so far as to say, it is the creation of a new corporation.
Edit: If you meant "while he is under contract", then kudos. Waiting is the right thing to do. Getting married to a military person means getting married to the military.
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I'm glad you decided against getting married sooner than you were ready just because of the military. I had friends who did that, and it caused a lot of problems for them. So, you guys have that going for you! I am actually in the aftermath of a broken engagement right now, and (although we weren't good for each other in the first place) a huge exacerbating factor was being long-distance for so long and not knowing how to be in a relationship when we were together again. My only suggestion would be to do whatever would put your marriage, and each others' lives, on great footing. Would remaining unmarried until after med school make it easier to achieve your career goals in terms of residency placement, specialty, research opportunities, etc.? Would being apart for several years after you got married put your marriage on rocky ground?
There is definitely a lot to consider since we he currently has no control over where he lives and I am still going through school ad therefore also don't have much say in where I live. It is probably best for us to just spend as much time as we can together and save the big commitment for when we can really be together. I think I just fear that both of our busy schedules will cause relationship problems and we have never had problems before, even when he is overseas. It's just going to be a big change and we need to be prepared for it as best we can and if we can make it through that then we can fully commit to each other. Luckily we are both mature enough not to rush into anything because he will be paid more and will receive more benefits (otherwise we would already be married for that reason).
