Wife having baby now during my M1 year. Advice!

[Unzbuzzled]

Hi everyone,

I'm a first year medical student and I just found out that I got my wife pregnant a few weeks ago. We're not even considering getting an abortion. Her tentative due date is in October. A few questions:
1. How should I handle having a baby during M2 year?
2. How should I prepare for the boards?
3. Should my wife work (she makes $2000/month and child care costs about $800/month, she get's a hefty discount but I'm not sure it'll be enough).

My family lives 1.5 hrs away across state lines, so we're kind of on our own, both geographically and financially. And I have no idea of what to expect from classes next year. I heard that M2 year is way harder than M1 year, which I find daunting in and of itself. To make things more complicated, I want to match into Rads. So far I have a few research publications and a 3.7 GPA in my med classes (they still give us letter grades at CMS). The only reason I'm mentioning this is because I know I'll need to rock the boards, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to maintain my grades or prepare well for the USMLE if I have a child to look after. Basically, I have no idea what I'm up against and I need advice from people in a similar situation. Thanks!

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[Geekchick921]

Well, first of all, congratulations!

1. I don't even know how to answer this question. You'll be fine. You're going to make ample use of class capture, you're going to not get as much sleep as you'd like for awhile and your evenings and weekends will not be as productive as study time as you'd like. This will be your new normal, and you'll deal with it. Thankfully, young babies, unless they're colicky, are pretty easy to please. They're generally happy being fed, held or sleeping. Get yourself a good baby carrier and you can study at home while the baby sleeps on you. I did that a lot last year and it was helpful.

2. I assume your school gives you time off for board prep. If you plan on studying at school, it doesn't matter if your child is home with your wife or in daycare. If you plan on studying at home, you better have that kid in some kind of out-of-home childcare arrangement. Again, you won't get as much time to study during the evening or on the weekends as you'd like. Other than that, you will study for the boards like every one else.

3. This is really up to your wife. Does she want to keep working or does she want to stay home with the baby? Daycare is expensive, to be sure (with two in daycare it costs us more per month than our mortgage), but so is having a baby in general (diapers, clothes, formula or nursing supplies, etc.), and it sounds like you'll be netting $1200 less/month if she quits her job. Personally, our daycare is on the campus of the hospital where I used to work, and is open come hell or high water, so it is invaluable to us. It's also a very good program and I love that my kids get so much socialization as well as have weekly classes in music, nutrition and Spanish. I would personally be going batshiz if I had to stay at home with both of my kids all day. I need adult interaction.

My daughter was 2 1/2 when I started medical school and I had my son 2 months into MS-1. It was rough but obviously not impossible. Thankfully, he came after a block final, which was what I was most concerned about. I'm the only woman in my class to have a kid since medical school started (so far). I have one male classmate whose wife gave birth in the fall, and three more whose wives are due in the late spring and summer. There are a couple of us that also started medical school with young children, and a few older students with adolescents.

I can really only speak for myself, but I'm doing perfectly fine. I've at least passed comfortably in every block. I'm sure I'd be doing better (getting honors much more often than I have) if I had less responsibilities outside of school, but I'm happy and I have no cause for complaints.

I was under the impression that diagnostic radiology was not hypercompetitive as long as you weren't dead-set on some very well-regarded residency sites, but someone's who's gone through that process can definitely give you more info.

Take a deep breath and go dote on your wife because she probably feels like crap right about now. You're going to be fine.

 

[dsoz]

Hi everyone,

I'm a first year medical student and I just found out that I got my wife pregnant a few weeks ago. We're not even considering getting an abortion. Her tentative due date is in October. A few questions:
1. How should I handle having a baby during M2 year?
2. How should I prepare for the boards?
3. Should my wife work (she makes $2000/month and child care costs about $800/month, she get's a hefty discount but I'm not sure it'll be enough).

My family lives 1.5 hrs away across state lines, so we're kind of on our own, both geographically and financially. And I have no idea of what to expect from classes next year. I heard that M2 year is way harder than M1 year, which I find daunting in and of itself. To make things more complicated, I want to match into Rads. So far I have a few research publications and a 3.7 GPA in my med classes (they still give us letter grades at CMS). The only reason I'm mentioning this is because I know I'll need to rock the boards, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to maintain my grades or prepare well for the USMLE if I have a child to look after. Basically, I have no idea what I'm up against and I need advice from people in a similar situation. Thanks!

Congrats. Now breathe.

Many people have successfully had children while in school. Even if it is med school. You will do fine, you will still succeed, but your priorities may change. This is a good thing.

As for should your wife work. Let her decide that and support her decision. It is much more difficult for a woman because societal pressure is to be the perfect everything. Employee, mom, wife, etc. This may become overwhelming for her. Let her find her own best path. Your job is to help her and support her in that journey, just as it is her job to help you in yours. But now she has the added burden of being a mom.

Things will be different, and they may get difficult. But hang in there and it will all be OK. You will be a physician, and you will be able to support your family. In the mean time, can you take out more money for loans?

Congratulations, and good luck.

dsoz

 

[SLC]

Might I point you to a recent thread from the Osteopathic Section:

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=986445

Good luck, you'll do great!

 

[EMquest3]

Hi everyone,

I'm a first year medical student and I just found out that I got my wife pregnant a few weeks ago. We're not even considering getting an abortion. Her tentative due date is in October. A few questions:
1. How should I handle having a baby during M2 year?
2. How should I prepare for the boards?
3. Should my wife work (she makes $2000/month and child care costs about $800/month, she get's a hefty discount but I'm not sure it'll be enough).

My family lives 1.5 hrs away across state lines, so we're kind of on our own, both geographically and financially. And I have no idea of what to expect from classes next year. I heard that M2 year is way harder than M1 year, which I find daunting in and of itself. To make things more complicated, I want to match into Rads. So far I have a few research publications and a 3.7 GPA in my med classes (they still give us letter grades at CMS). The only reason I'm mentioning this is because I know I'll need to rock the boards, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to maintain my grades or prepare well for the USMLE if I have a child to look after. Basically, I have no idea what I'm up against and I need advice from people in a similar situation. Thanks!

We had a baby in the middle of 3rd year. It has been amazing. From your post I think you can handle it. You seem very organized. You have research and great grades so matching Rads should really not be a problem for you if there are no red flags. My wife kept working (aside from maternity leave) and we used daycare that was near her work. I think Step 1 is your big hurdle because you will want to spend all your time with that baby and you need to be very serious for at least 4-5 solid weeks of studying. Just mentally prepare yourself for that time and get out of the house to avoid distractions. M2 year should be very similar to M1. Just get enough book/lecture time and get out of the house. M3 is where it can get sticky, but by that point you'll be an experienced parent. I think everyone studies differently, but if you are asking about specific board prep I can tell you what I did. I scored well above the rads avg but I make no promises that strategy will work for anyone else. If you have any specific questions about stuff feel free to send a PM.

Edit: I ended up taking the max loans for 3rd and 4th year to make ends meet. If you have to do that, it's not the end of the world. Avoid looking at the statements and remember that IBR is a good route to repayment.

 

[Jas1360]

Not a medical student but I do have two children while in school.

If your wife would like to stay home after the child is born, that will probably be a good decision. Financially, working will not be worth the stress. On the other hand, some people want to work and need at least a part time job in order to keep their sanity. I don't know her personality so maybe she will want at least a part time job. But if she likes the stay at home idea, I would say go for it.

My SO currently works full time while I'm still an undergrad but is planning to reduce hours when I am in medical school. We want one of us to be able to pick up and drop off from school and have a relatively less stressful job. Two stressed parents is a bad idea.

 

[Unzbuzzled]

Thanks you guys for taking the time to post, and please keep the advice coming. It's been a very stressful few weeks where I've been alternating between a state of joy and a state of sheer panic. I'm really glad that you guys are optimistic. This is going to be one heck of a ride...

 

[pdxhopeful]

Check with your institution as well regarding child care, if you haven't already - if they offer it, there's a chance it might offer a better deal.

This is definitely a big thing, but it's something plenty of medical students manage and some would argue they benefitted from the push toward being more efficient and organized. Life's an ocean, and what you have control over is surfing its waves as best you can.

 

[numberwunn]

Couple thoughts.

1) Congrats! It'll be hard, but you'll be ok.

2) 1.5 hours away is not that far. Call in those grandparents!! (If you can). Particularly for illnesses/intense study periods/illnesses, weekends, etc. Earlier this year my wife and I both got a stomach virus from our daughter, and I was luckily able to call my parents to drive the 3 hours to take care of our daughter.

3) Babies are expensive. Health care, food, toys, etc. You can mitigate a lot by being careful in what you buy. DO NOT BUY NEW! Except for maybe the carseat. You can buy some pretty sweet stuff cheap and used. Spend some time this summer buying everything your kid will need for the next 1-2 years. Check out consignment sales, craigslist, thrift stores, etc. The ~$1200 that your wife will net may make a difference - but it could also make sense just to take out a couple more loans.

4) Take care of your wife. Now and after baby is born. Dates are always good. Think about buying a "push present."

 

[Sheldor]

Already gotten lots of positive posts so I'll be brief:

My son was born during October of my second year of medical school, and my wife made about what yours does, so it couldn't really be closer

Briefly:

1) Having a kid is one of the most amazing things in the world, don't regret it for a second.

2) Having a kid was one of the best things for medical school for me because it is a constant reminder of why I was going through all this crap.

3) Your schedule will change. I would work hard all day, come home and spend a couple hours with my wife and cuddle with the little guy, then study for a couple hours at night.

4) ALL DAYCARE'S ARE NOT CREATED EQUAL - Start now, literally, looking for a good one. Keep visiting until you find out that you feel would be good. My wife gets to stop working in a few months when I start residency and she is ecstatic to finally get to stay at home, that said we found a great day care that served its purpose well.

Let me know if you have any questions!

Edit: Also, at the time I was working on research while trying to rock boards to match into Rad Onc (Which I just successfully did on Monday!) So I know where you are coming from!

 

[kautionwirez]

M1 with a 4 month old baby here.

1. How should I handle having a baby during M2 year?
Stay of top of your game! Having a baby is an additional responsibility. You will lose some time throughout the day, so don't get behind in class. Yes, having a baby can be stressful somewhat but I found that she is worth it. When you come home, look at your baby smiling at you. One of the greatest feelings ever.
2. How should I prepare for the boards?
I asked my partner to be with the family for a month or two when the time comes to study for the board. That may be a good idea.
3. Should my wife work (she makes $2000/month and child care costs about $800/month, she get's a hefty discount but I'm not sure it'll be enough).
I think it's a preference but my partner views it as a loss of time with the baby unless your wife is making a lot more money (over 70k).

 

[Anigma07]

Unless your family is willing to support you, I have no idea how you are going to support a child without one of you bringing in money. This isn't just one year, it's four years without pay before getting into a residency.

It would be a lot easier if you had some support system. I wish you luck.

 

[MEDUSA23]

I know this unexpected news is overwhelming, but you will do great. I am a M1 with a 16-month old daughter. I have quite a few classmates with children. An M2 at our school had her first baby during the fall semester. Being pregnant and giving birth is not easy, and she was able to do this while in medical school. I find that being a parent while in medical school makes the experience incredibly fulfilling. I spend at least 2 hours with my daughter everyday. It is time I get to be a normal person without the stress of medical school. It is time I probably would otherwise devote to studying and drive myself crazy. If I preform poorly on a test, I come home and it is more easily forgotten. I also cherish the now while I find a lot of my classmates are living for 10 years from now. You need to enjoy the process, and I think being a parent helps me do that. Maybe I would get better grades if I wasn't a parent, but I am still doing very well and it's a small price to pay for such a beautiful person in my life. You won't regret a second.

 

[MEDUSA23]

Unless your family is willing to support you, I have no idea how you are going to support a child without one of you bringing in money. This isn't just one year, it's four years without pay before getting into a residency.

It would be a lot easier if you had some support system. I wish you luck.

Is this comment based on experience or just ignorance and a desire to be pessimistic?

 

[MEDUSA23]

A few financial tips:

You can get an adjustment for COA based on childcare needs. This will cover daycare if you choose to pursue this route. I have an adjustment for in-home childcare. You can also get adjustments for increased insurance costs.

Personally, I think you will both be happier if you could find a way for your spouse to stay at home with the baby. If this isn't possible, daycare should be feasible with additional aid. I would talk with your financial office as soon as possible.

Babies can be expensive, but I think most families go way overboard on unnecessary items. When you bring a baby home, all you need is a couple outfits, breast milk, and diapers. You can go the cloth diaper route which can save some money, but I found it took too much time. Craigslist has a lot of great items for babies. Kids grow out of things so quickly there is no need to buy new items.

 

[CyclistOK]

I'm hijacking my husband's account to post this

You sound a lot like us. Our daughter was born in December of 2nd year. My husband also wants to do rads.

You will survive--our original plan was to have a baby 4th year, but we couldn't wait and we went for 2nd year instead. I am SO glad we did. I'm not going to lie, life is harder post child, but she's worth it. Really.

As far as the logistics of 2nd year, it worked out well for us. She was born 2 weeks before Christmas break. He didn't go to class for a few days and had to study the week after she was born. He was a little distracted for obvious reasons, but that test went fine. And the 2 weeks off afterwards was nice. I will say that we have family in the area and that helped a lot. Talk to the med school and give them and see how they handle it. They are very good about it at our school and said nothing more than, "Congrats, see you in a few days." We knew other students who were able to delay tests when needed.

Our daughter was 6 months old when he took the Step 1 and he did GREAT. It sucked, but it worked. He would lock himself at the library for hours a day and then do more studying at night, so he had to be really diligent, but it worked. We were also buying a house in the middle of all of this...proof it can be done.

As far as your wife working...that is a hard one. I work, but I get a great deal on childcare through a friend and I make more than your wife does, so it makes it more worth it. However, we have quite a few friends who have had children in medical school and choose to stay home. They live VERY simply, but they are doing fine.

On one hand, I really like having an income--it allowed us to buy a house, take out minimal loans, and not have to scrimp all the time. On the other hand, it will be a lot of pressure on your wife. You will largely not be available, especially during 3rd year. When the baby is sick, your wife is the one that will have to do the last minute scrambling. A lot of the real work is going to fall on her. During 3rd year, it was like being a single mom during some rotations. If I have any real advice for you it is to make an effort to help out when you can--she will appreciate it and need it. A baby is a job enough in itself and she will be doing 2 jobs. If I didn't have high hopes for staying in the area for residency and working on a part time basis after med school, I would have strongly considered quitting and staying home.

Congrats again! Children are great. They give you some needed perspective on this crazy ride.

 

[Unzbuzzled]

Thanks guys, really. Sheldor, I might take you up on the PM, and Cyclist thanks for the insight. Medusa, thanks for the honesty and optimism. Just everyone thanks. I've been really stressed out about not having the additional paycheck next year, but now that I've calculated it out, it might only end up costing us a few thousand dollars a year, which will all come out in the wash when I end up actually making money. I hate to think of having a child in terms of dollars, but this is the first time in my life where I'm literally going to have two dependents relying on me, and it's during possibly the most difficult academic year I will ever experience. I am hoping to transfer my M3 year to my state school so I can live in the same town as my parents, but I know that medical school transfers are few and far between. At any rate, I think it'll work out, it just might make things more challenging. Any additional advice is very much appreciated.