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wondering

Discussion in 'Spouses and Partners' started by vixen, Mar 7, 2002.

  1. vixen

    vixen I like members 10+ Year Member

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    upstate ny
    I was just curious as to what the spouses on here do...If I remember, there was someone on here who is a teacher! (something I'm doing my year before dental school)...just curious because I was wondering how your jobs mesh w/your spouses, particulary if you have kids... :cool:
     
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  3. jhug

    jhug 1K Member 10+ Year Member

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    Valley o' the sun
    my wife is a nurse-- meshes pretty well :) But for the next long time we'll be running after triplets <img border="0" alt="[Clappy]" title="" src="graemlins/clappy.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Clappy]" title="" src="graemlins/clappy.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Clappy]" title="" src="graemlins/clappy.gif" />
     
  4. vixen

    vixen I like members 10+ Year Member

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    whoa! Good luck and congrats! <img border="0" alt="[Clappy]" title="" src="graemlins/clappy.gif" />
     
  5. IWSMD

    IWSMD Junior Member 7+ Year Member

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    Jan 17, 2002
    Grenada
    Hi,

    I am an RN too...and have a 3 1/2 year old, and one due in a couple of weeks. <img border="0" alt="[Clappy]" title="" src="graemlins/clappy.gif" />
     
  6. radspouse

    radspouse Saint 10+ Year Member

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    </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by simseema17:
    <strong>I was just curious as to what the spouses on here do...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I'm a full-time mother.

    Jennifer
     
  7. im4real

    im4real Senior Member 10+ Year Member

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    Feb 12, 2001
    Martinsburg, WV, USA
    Hi there! I'm a certified elementary teacher, and worked while my husband was in medical school; however, after the birth of our second child, I am now a stay-at-home Mother. I have to keep up my certification though and so, I continue getting credits toward my Masters Degree in Reading Education.

    I enjoyed both working as a teacher and now as a stay-at-home mother. It's nice to be able to watch your kids grow up and learn little things. Like my 18-month-old learned to open a jar of Vasoline and spread it all over his hair, face, clothes... what's not to love about that? LoL!!

    Christy :D
     
  8. vixen

    vixen I like members 10+ Year Member

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    </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by im4real:
    <strong>Hi there! I'm a certified elementary teacher, and worked while my husband was in medical school; however, after the birth of our second child, I am now a stay-at-home Mother. I have to keep up my certification though and so, I continue getting credits toward my Masters Degree in Reading Education.

    I enjoyed both working as a teacher and now as a stay-at-home mother. It's nice to be able to watch your kids grow up and learn little things. Like my 18-month-old learned to open a jar of Vasoline and spread it all over his hair, face, clothes... what's not to love about that? LoL!!

    Christy :D </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"><img border="0" alt="[Laughy]" title="" src="graemlins/laughy.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Laughy]" title="" src="graemlins/laughy.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Laughy]" title="" src="graemlins/laughy.gif" />
     
  9. edmadison

    edmadison 1K Member 10+ Year Member

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    Lactate > 15
    My wife teaches middle school science -- god help her

    Ed
     
  10. commymommy

    commymommy *reformed commymommy* 10+ Year Member

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    Jun 22, 2000
    That's hysterical, Christy! Ahh, the joys of motherhood!

    As to my own profession...I just finished my MS in mol bio but am a SAHM right now....I still haven't decided what I'm going to do when I grow up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

    Kris
     
  11. im4real

    im4real Senior Member 10+ Year Member

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    Feb 12, 2001
    Martinsburg, WV, USA
    </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by edmadison:
    <strong>My wife teaches middle school science -- god help her

    Ed</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"><img border="0" alt="[Laughy]" title="" src="graemlins/laughy.gif" /> I'm praying for her certainly! <img border="0" alt="[Laughy]" title="" src="graemlins/laughy.gif" /> My husband taught jr high schoolers for three years before medical school... and wow, med school almost seemed easier!! haha!!!!

    Christy :D
     
  12. im4real

    im4real Senior Member 10+ Year Member

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    Feb 12, 2001
    Martinsburg, WV, USA
    </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by momofthree:
    <strong>That's hysterical, Christy! Ahh, the joys of motherhood!
    </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">He does a lot of interesting things like that!!!! He learned to climb in the bath tub the other day while I was folding clothes and putting them away in the bedrooms... And then he couldn't get back out!!! Also, he's learned that he liked his baby wipes... and so he took them out all over the place... piece by piece, one by one... So much for a 'wet' wipe!!! Anyway... you'd think I wasn't watching him... but I do, and he still does all these things!!! I try to keep myself from laughing because I really don't want him thinking I approve of these things... but I just can't bring myself to yell at him for he's so doggone innocent!!! Redirect, redirect, redirect!!! I guess my teaching certificate is good for something... haha!!

    Christy
     
  13. commymommy

    commymommy *reformed commymommy* 10+ Year Member

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    Jun 22, 2000
    Haha..I totally relate about the wipe story...Alex does the same thing...to top it off, he loves toilet paper...and likes to unwrap the whole roll throughout the house...he calls it "building a house"...and I'm not quite sure what he thinks that he's doing, but he has a blast doing it...and I am usually running behind him grabbing the paper and trying to get the roll!

    Kris
     
  14. vixen

    vixen I like members 10+ Year Member

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    Are there any females on here going to professional school, but their SO/husband doing something else? I was hoping for one of them to respond, thanks :)
     
  15. commymommy

    commymommy *reformed commymommy* 10+ Year Member

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    Jun 22, 2000
    Well, I am not currently going to professional school, but I am a semi-closet non-traditional pre-med...I am waiting to make my final decision when I see how life settles down for my family now that my husband's fellowship is over. My husband is in medicine, so I don't fit the bill there...however, I just finished my MS in molecular biology and am currently looking for a research/teaching position for now...in that sense, I'm sort of..a professional....I know that we might not be able to relate in every sense...but I'm sure up for a discussion about being a woman and pursuing your professional goals...

    Kris
     
  16. vixen

    vixen I like members 10+ Year Member

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    upstate ny
    thanks momofthree,

    I've always been asking this since I've been on here, but I guess there aren't too many. I was hoping to get some advice from a female in professional school, and are with a male that is doing "somewhat less demanding" When I say that, I don't mean less stressful or less hardwork, but less demanding school wise and career wise (4 yrs of school + residency + working a lot)...I guess this goes back to my reverse roles thread. I think I wanted to know what its like for a female to be w/a male who is either 1)a stay at home dad 2)has a less demanding schedule 3) makes less than his wife. I feel like I *might* end up in this situation, and if it does happen, I don't think it's a bad thing, but others around me would make me feel bad about it. I guess I'm not sure what I want...sometimes I think I'd be happy if my SO stayed at home and did other things and sometimes I'd be happy if he also had a demanding career....he gives me mixed messages about the two...I hope I'm making sense, I'm taking a break from studying and kind of rambling here...

    p.s. another part of the reasons I'm thinking about this is because my mom is a single-mom-pediatrician. She works hard as a physician, and also works hard as a mom...I think both of these jobs are soo demanding, that I don't know if I gave 100% to my work, if I could also give 100% to my kids, so maybe if my husband stayed home more than me it would be ok. Plus, if I compare myself to my mom, but then thrown in my SO, who'd be at home and also could work sometimes to bring home some money, then it'd be good. The only thing is I'd have to be successful as my mom, but you never know how things work out.

    Ok, now I'm really going to stop rambling...err :mad: <img border="0" alt="[Laughy]" title="" src="graemlins/laughy.gif" /> hopefully I made SOME sense :rolleyes:
     
  17. Wifty

    Wifty Eccentrically Silly Moderator Emeritus 7+ Year Member

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    Oct 2, 2001
    Jefferson City, MO
    Simseema,
    &gt;&gt;I feel like I *might* end up in this situation, and if it does happen, I don't think it's a bad thing, but others around me would make me feel bad about it. I guess I'm not sure what I want...sometimes I think I'd be happy if my SO stayed at home and did other things and sometimes I'd be happy if he also had a demanding career....&lt;&lt;

    Personally, I think it takes more courage to find what makes you happy, and then do it....then almost anything else. If it makes you happy to go to med school, then that is good. If it makes you happy to have a spouse who can spend time at home, then that is what is important.
    Ignoring those 'others' who want to make you feel bad about your choices....takes courage. I don't know why anyone would make you feel bad...do YOU feel that you are getting less by having a man that doesn't have the same career goals as you?
    Loving a person, really loving them, is being happy when they find a niche in life that makes them happy everyday to be alive.

    My hubby is the one going to med school, and yes, he is very smart. I on the other hand, although even smarter then my hubby, am not interested in med school. In fact, what makes each of us happy individually and as a couple is for me to be doing what I am....which is being the at home person and pursuing more education. I am not interested in making as much money as him to 'prove' my intelligence or worth and what makes him happy, is for me to feel happy doing whatever happens to fulfill me.

    Noone can make you feel bad without your permission. Concentrate on what YOU want for yourself and your boyfriend and what is important to you. Knowing that you couldn't give 100% to kids means that it might be the most fulfilling all around for your spouse/partner to fill in the slack there. That is a good thing. Anyone that makes you feel bad about that....is only jealous that you have had the courage to find happiness and to make it work.

    LOL Sorry for the ramble....
    Rebecca
     
  18. commymommy

    commymommy *reformed commymommy* 10+ Year Member

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    You make a lot of sense.

    I've met other dads who were in the stay-at-home role or had a lower paying job than their resident or fellow wives, and I do think that there are some different issues that go along with that. I can even let you talk to one of the male spouses that has done some work for us if you want.

    I think that whether or not there is a problem in the marriage/relationship depends more on whether or not the couple is satisfied with the roles. If your boyfriend/fiancee is supportive of your desire to become a physician and is comfortable with his own career, then more power to him! In many ways, it would make it easier for you as a female physician...because you would have your husband to take care of the children and he would have more emotional/physical energy at the end of the day to take care of the day-to-day tasks.

    I completed my MS when my husband was doing a fellowship, and it was really a DISASTER because with two people doing something demanding (and finishing my research/writing/defending my thesis/and caring for the children really kicked my behind!) There was no one there during those two years to take care of the relationship or the house when things broke down, etc....When we moved after fellowship, I literally packed my dirty clothes in a graco playpen and let the movers take it up here :oops:

    I guess what I'm trying to say, is that ~50% of medical classes nowadays are composed of females and I'd venture to guess that many of them are not married to other physicians or professionals. There has to be a balance in a marriage and if your partner is willing to be the one to stay home and let his career take second place to yours...then I think that's great. You shouldn't feel guilty...and to he** with anyone who would try to make you think that there is something wrong with that!

    Kris
     
  19. AnnK

    AnnK Junior Member 7+ Year Member

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    Dec 1, 2001
    Milwaukee
    Hey -
    looks like there are some great responses to your questions. Im in the married-to-a-man-less-career-motivated-than-I-am situation. Many of my friends are in similar situations. Im a third year med student in the mdphd program (so ive been in school forever) and my husband is a technical writer transitioning to a fireman (quite the combination). Our plan is that he will do more of the childrearing in my more demanding career phases and he definately picks up the house/dog care slack when I am on a busy rotation. He is totally cool with that and actually really likes the fact that he doesn't have the same preassure to find a way to make alot of money and can ultimatly be a hands-on father. And I like it becuase that means I can pursue my career goals without feeling too guilty about not being home for any future children. We are even contemplating trying to get pregnant next year since my schedule is going to be relatively cushy.
    Of course there are still plenty of issues with this plan, like the small matter of childbearing which I can't seem to pawn off on him. Also, I hope to find a medical career that is relatively less time intensive altho I plan to always work full time. But all in all I think that we are quite happy with our arrangement. I think that there are some definatly advantages to this kind of relationship over the super-ambitious couple. For example, I think that with two equally busy parents the responsibility will tend to fall on the womens shoulders naturally. I think that having more support from my husband at home will reduce my stress levels when we have kids.
    Basically, i think you can work it just about any way you like as long as you really enjoy each others company and communicate endlessly. I can definatly relate to some of your concerns tho (as posted on other threads).
    Ann
     
  20. vixen

    vixen I like members 10+ Year Member

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    THANK YOU SO MUCH ANNK!!!

    I really felt better after reading your reply! It's hard to find people in this situation, because it usually is the other way around, so I was thrilled to hear things are working out great for you! Congratulations w/your work and your husband...

    That part about not being able to pawn off childbearing on him...that was funny <img border="0" alt="[Laughy]" title="" src="graemlins/laughy.gif" /> Thanks so much, you made my day!!! :D <img border="0" alt="[Clappy]" title="" src="graemlins/clappy.gif" />
     
  21. AnnK

    AnnK Junior Member 7+ Year Member

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    Dec 1, 2001
    Milwaukee
    Hey simseema -
    Glad my post made you feel better. :)
    One nice thing about being married is that you dont have to spend so much time analyzing whether your relationship is the right one. You can just focus on making it a good one. I definatly had some of the same issues as you initially but I am quite content with our situation now.
    Good luck with everything!
    Ann
     
  22. AnnaMags

    AnnaMags Senior Member 7+ Year Member

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    Dec 21, 2001
    Kansas City
    I just read all of your posts and found them to be very interesting. I will be starting medical school in the fall. I'm in a serious relationship with a guy who at this time is an auto mechanic (soon to graduate college). So, we're in the same situation where I, the female, will be in the professional and more demanding career. It's nice to see it works out for you. I think it seems to make a good balance in our lives so far. It's so easy to be supportive to each other so far. I'm just excited to get married so that we can just be together, work on making our relationship the very best it can be. I'm one very blessed girl, I'll say that.

    Anyway, thanks for your posts.

    Anna
     
  23. vixen

    vixen I like members 10+ Year Member

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    thanks for sharing anna mags :)
     
  24. EMDrMoe

    EMDrMoe Senior Member 10+ Year Member

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    Tampa
    This thread is very good, and has gotten me thinking about my situation. I'm starting med school with my husband in the fall. If you've got any insight/advice, please hop over. I don't want to derail this thread, so I'm going to start a new one. I'm so glad that you've all found/are looking for happiness in YOUR eyes, not someone else's! :)
     
  25. Voxel

    Voxel Moderator Emeritus 7+ Year Member

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    Nov 5, 2001
    Vixen,

    I think it's totally doable, if your significant other is willing to accept a role that is not traditional for most men. I know quite a lot of men that would be happy as Mr. Mom, taking care of the house/kids/playing Playstation 2/eating bon bons... (lol).

    What's most important is that children have a constant parental role model around. It does not matter whether this is mom or dad. I feel that kids get cheated when both parents are high overacheivers, neither of whom will spend enough time with the kids and leave them with the nanny or latchkeyed.

    Anyway as for what others think, WHO CARES? There will always be critics of things that are not traditional. Just ignore the hoopla and do what's best for you.
     
  26. vixen

    vixen I like members 10+ Year Member

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    thanks for the advice voxel :)
     
  27. Starflyr

    Starflyr Manic Faerie 10+ Year Member

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    Dickinson, Tx
    Uhhh...Voxel? Based on my fiance's love of video games, I dont think that "Playing Playstation 2" falls under "traditional female roles"! ROFL!

    As for my fiance and I, I dont think that our paths are too dissimilar, career-wise - he's an engineer, well, an engineer in training, which means that he did 4 years of college, took the EIT exam (8 hours, covers everything from organic chemistry to bio to physics and then some - 16 sections), now he's in a 4 year "apprenticeship" and if he qualifies (with signatures) at the end, he can take the exam to become a Professional Engineer. He will have a less demanding schedule that I will, however, and so will probably do most of the "parent" duties - but he has LOTS of practice, he has an 8 year old from a previous relationship, and he has had custody of her for 5 years.

    Star
     
  28. vixen

    vixen I like members 10+ Year Member

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    I remember your story from before Star. I'm so glad to hear of stories that have worked out like this and its encouraging to get advice from you guys who are already further along in this. I know its not traditional, but who cares? I'm not a traditional gal <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> Anyways, you guys are right, I should do what feels right for me :)
     
  29. CoffeeCat

    CoffeeCat SDN Angel 10+ Year Member

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    Jun 3, 2001
    vixen,

    I'm hopefully going to be in that situation someday. I'm engaged, hoping for MD or MD/PhD someday and he is finishing up bachelor's in english and would like to get a masters and teach/write, aka he'll have a lot more free time! We've discussed what to do about kids and he's a lot more okay with staying home with them than I would be. However, since I work full time and he's finishing up school, I make more money and sometimes it bothers him. On the other side, he's much more of a relaxed person and not as concerned with career so I have a feeling this is the way it'll be.

    So really I don't know what will happen. I'll let you know in a few years :D
     
  30. lala1979

    lala1979 Junior Member 7+ Year Member

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    Jan 23, 2002
    NY
    Hey there
    I am applying to med school soon, and am in my 4th year RN. My serious boyfriend is in grad school for business. He has night classes, which are not easy but not really demanding. He does try and convince me to be an NP sometimes, but he knows I REALLY want to go to med school. I think it's the fact I have like noooo money right now, but I can't help that. We talk about marriage often, but we will see. I will turn 23 in April. I don't mind what he wants to do as long as he has goals. I definately want kids in the future. Well I think it can work out fine for everyone, as long as long as people have goals it does not matter what department they are in:)
     
  31. jam128

    jam128 Junior Member 7+ Year Member

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    Mar 25, 2002
    New York
    Lala1979, I pm'd you
     
  32. praying mantis

    praying mantis Senior Member 10+ Year Member

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    Mar 9, 2000
    I am starting med school in the fall and my SO is an elementary school teacher. I often wonder how this will work out, since it is rare that the women in the relationship is a doctor and the man is not. I wonder how interested he will be when I come home each day and regale all of the medical events.

    But he has expressed an interest in being a stay at home dad, which would be great. I just find it strange to think of myself as the primary bread winner in a marriage.
     

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