Wording of IA...don't want to make excuses!

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efgih

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Hi all,

This is my first post ever on this site. Just wanna say SDN has been an invaluable source of information, so thanks in advance!

So my description for my IA is as follows:

Violation of Residential Guest Behavior 10/2012 - During the first semester of freshman year, my friend came to visit me. I checked him in using my guest pass, and immediately after the front desk person subjected my friend to a bag check, in which there was alcohol; had I known that there was alcohol in his bag, I would not have checked him in. As a result, my guest card was taken away for a few weeks.

I just wanted to see if the sentence "had I known that there was alcohol in his bag, I would not have checked him in" sounds like I'm making excuses (true statement though, and my disciplinary record also states this). Also, should I put a sentence about "what I learned" from the incident?

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I think what you have is just fine, but it would be good to add something about what you learned. Perhaps you could try something along the lines of: "I learned that I am responsible for the behavior of my guests and that I should make sure to explicitly communicate my dorm's rules and policies to my guests before they come visit me in my dorm."
 
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I think what you have is just fine, but it would be good to add something about what you learned. Perhaps you could try something along the lines of: "I learned that I am responsible for the behavior of my guests and that I should make sure to explicitly communicate my dorm's rules and policies to my guests before they come visit me in my dorm."

Yeah that's what I was thinking would be appropriate. Thanks for your opinion!
 
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"Violation of Residential Guest Behavior 10/2012 - During the first semester of freshman year, my friend came to visit me. I checked him in using my guest pass, and immediately after the front desk person subjected my friend to a bag check, in which there was alcohol; had I known that there was alcohol in his bag, I would not have checked him in. As a result, my guest card was taken away for a few weeks."

The underlined portion is awkward and throws off the readability. I suggest replacing with "after which, the front desk person subjected my friend to a bag check" instead.

The sentiments are on target though; and I agree with the suggestion that "I should make sure to explicitly communicate my dorm's rules and policies to my guests before they come visit me in my dorm."
 
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