Would it be a bad idea to disclose my sexuality during interviews?

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Golfah

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I didn't accept myself until junior year of college. It is a big part of my identity. I'm concerned that a lot of the interviewers will be conservative. I'm afraid they might ask "so.. what happened during sophomore year? Why the drop?.."

It feels wrong to say, "well, I was miserable because I was struggling to accept myself as a lesbian... and I finally came out my junior year in college and I was happier than I ever was..."
 

tooth knockn

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I didn't accept myself until junior year of college. It is a big part of my identity. I'm concerned that a lot of the interviewers will be conservative. I'm afraid they might ask "so.. what happened during sophomore year? Why the drop?.."

It feels wrong to say, "well, I was miserable because I was struggling to accept myself as a lesbian... and I finally came out my junior year in college and I was happier than I ever was..."

Nobody cares.

Nobody asks me who am I bangn or who do I think is cute....

Build more confidence, go work as a dental assistant, and get more experience....

I know this lesbian and gay stuff is complicated, but to be honest nobody cares, especially in healthcare....

How would you feel if I came to you and said I like this and that.... Girl this girl that...

But if you are going to write this as a disadvantage, then take what I just wrote as an opinion of what others usually think about this scenario...

Either way, be humane and treat others how you want to be treated.
 

Toothbrush Brother

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Nobody cares.

Nobody asks me who am I bangn or who do I think is cute....

Build more confidence, go work as a dental assistant, and get more experience....

I know this lesbian and gay stuff is complicated, but to be honest nobody cares, especially in healthcare....

How would you feel if I came to you and said I like this and that.... Girl this girl that...

But if you are going to write this as a disadvantage, then take what I just wrote as an opinion of what others usually think about this scenario...

Either way, be humane and treat others how you want to be treated.
If nobody cared then gay marriage being legalized wouldn't have been such a huge deal. It's a touchy subject in America and you have to tread lightly.

OP, my best advice is to be very vague of it. Instead of outright mentioning being a lesbian. Mention something about self identity issues and problems finding yourself.
 
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tooth knockn

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If nobody cared then gay marriage being legalized wouldn't have been such a huge deal. It's a touchy subject in America and you have to tread lightly.

OP, my best advice is to be very vague of it. Instead of outright mentioning being a lesbian. Mention something about self identity issues and problems finding yourself.
Lightly I tread....
Touchy subject or not.... The truth is the truth nobody really cares.....
Who cares?

Religious people and politicians, and insurance companies

And btw.... Gay and lesbian marriages are being legalized.....

In 10 years, you will be able to get married with your same sex if you desired to..... On probably any state.
 

tooth knockn

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The bigger problem is racism
 
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Typical Average Student

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I feel like your reasoning is not valid enough. If I was an adcom and you say you dropped a class because you felt some type of way (no pun intended) it would look to me as emotions and talking smack gets the best of you. Adcoms are looking for people who will not drop out for some reason, this scenario tells me that you do not take criticism lightly (something dentists deal with often) Although this may not be true, it's what they see based on this alone.
 
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arkenstone

Glad you worked through some of it...

You're right that you should choose your words carefully. Growing up in a very conservative family and part of the country (my high school curriculum was creationist), here's my opinion on how to just choose a route that's politically advantageous to you.

There aren't as many people as there used to be who would be upset with you explicitly about sexuality. But you are likely to encounter people who, in giving up that fight, have found refuge in another opinion that goes something like, "well LGBT people want special treatment and are trying to rub their lifestyle in my face," and variations thereof... e.g. "nobody cares."

That actually presents an opportunity for you. If you can choose your words carefully enough to get the point across without spelling it out, the more conservative people in the room might pick up on it and admire what they might consider your "modesty" while the more progressive types in the room might pick up on it and feel sympathy that poor little ole you has to be so indirect.

I'm not saying hide it. In fact, be obvious (if you do decide to bring it up). Just phrase it like, "I was working through something that semester, something painful about being honest about my identity, and it affected my schoolwork." That should be plain as day to everyone. And---like a black person on Fox News saying that blacks need to reject thug culture---you'll melt the heart of conservatives in the room.
 

SenoritaKorea

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I think if you can find a way to spin your sexuality in a way that actually APPLIES to dentistry, this would be going a far way. Just saying, "I got bad grades because I was struggling with my sexuality," would not be sufficient on its own. You should take it further and tell the adcoms (for example, this is not my life experience; so please take this with a grain of salt): Struggling with my identity opened my eyes to the struggles of LGBT community (maybe you're from a small town where these issues are not prevalent?) and go further saying, "A lot of LGBT have trouble accessing equitable healthcare for fear of exposing their Health History, HIV, silent discrimination, homelessness (find the stats on this: they're out there and they're grim). This has become a very important and personal issue to me. This is what I will do to use my experience to make healthcare more accessible to this community I now identify with."

If you feel this is a topic that will explain more about YOU to the adcoms, don't be afraid to address it, but you definitely have to find the right way to frame it since it is a pretty controversial issue, especially if you're applying to schools in more conservative areas. Do what feels right in your heart. :)
 
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Golfah

Golfah

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I don't want to go to a school that will reject me for who I am, so if it comes up, I would want to be obvious. Would this sound okay:
"Throughout my first 2 years, I was really trying to find myself and come to terms with my identity. Nothing was making sense to me anymore and I felt like I've betrayed God's trust- which was extremely hard because it was something that got me through my hardships growing up. It took me years to finally accept it, but throughout that process, I really hated myself. I remember that I was telling myself that I didn't deserve my scholarships or any of the good things my school offered, and I became depressed for a while. But now that I look back, I think I am one of the lucky ones to have had a great suporrt system, especially coming from where I am from, to help me through with it. I just couldn't take it anymore that semester so I just stopped everything to really reflect and think about what I've been saying to myself."
 
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tooth knockn

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I don't want to go to a school that will reject me for who I am, so if it comes up, I would want to be obvious. Would this sound okay:
"Throughout my first 2 years, I was really trying to find myself and come to terms with myself. Nothing was making sense to me anymore and I felt like I've betrayed God's trust- which was extremely hard because it was something that got me through my hardships growing up. It took me years to finally accept myself, but throughout that process, I really hated myself. I remember that I was telling myself that I didn't deserve my scholarships or any of the good things my school offered, and I became depressed for a while. But now that I look back, I think I am one of the lucky ones to have had a great suporrt system, especially coming from where I am from, to help me through with it. I just couldn't take it anymore that semester so I just stopped everything to really reflect and think about what I've been saying to myself."

All this is good stuff.....

But


As a member of the community, and potentially a dentist to the community, how has this experience shaped you, and how I'll this experience make you a better person and/or role model.....

If you can be honest in fulfilling that agenda, then mention it...


This country, and its citizens are going through dramatic changes compared to the old religious white ruled U.S..... You could be the next leader or role model for those walking in your steps....



IMO
 

tooth knockn

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*will
 
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Would a heterosexual person walk into an interview and tell them "hey, just so you know, I'm straight". It is irrelevant and if they reject you because you are a lesbian, that is illegal. I wouldn't put it in a PS either.
 
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Golfah

Golfah

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PEOPLE!!!
It's not hard/conflicting to be straight and very religious. Please check your privileges before you make insensitive comments.


Nothing about my sexual orientation or anything remotely relevant is written anywhere on my application. I'm just saying if they ask me about some performance on my records that didn't meet their standards, I am probably not going to hide my reasons. I'm just trying to figure out a way to disclose it professionally.

I support the LGBTQ community as I am part of it, but I don't know if I feel passionately about being an activist within the dental community, so saying that I would try to advance our community within dentistry would be a lie. I feel that passion with women and people who can't afford dental care.

Think this: someone who is depressed. They go through depression- they know what it's like, and how much it can affect all aspects of their life. They want to be dentist. Is dentistry related to mental health? Perhaps remotely, but this person just went through it, and that doesn't mean that this person would want to be a hardcore activist for mental health. They just understand how hard it is and can be very supportive of people who are seeking treatment.
 
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Golfah

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a white person is not going to walk into the room and say: "hey...I'm white." just as much as a black person wouldn't, but if the black person went through racial hardships that affected their performance, I think their feelings are valid and they have every right to mention their experiences with racial issues when asked. They can then say how it made them a stronger person, etc.

The same goes for queer folks. It's insensitive to say nobody cares.
 
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tooth knockn

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PEOPLE!!!
It's not hard/conflicting to be straight and very religious. Please check your privileges before you make insensitive comments.


Nothing about my sexual orientation or anything remotely relevant is written anywhere in my application. I'm just saying if they ask me about some performance on my records that didn't meet their standards, I am probably not going to hide my reasons. I'm just trying to figure out a way to disclose it professionally.

I support the LGBTQ community as I am part of it, but I don't know if I feel passionately about being an activist within the dental community, so saying that I would try to advance our community within dentistry would be a lie. I feel that passion with women and people who can't afford dental care.

Think this: someone who is depressed. They go through depression- they know what it's like, and how much it can affect all aspects of their life. They want to be dentist. Is dentistry related to mental health? Perhaps remotely, but this person just went through it, and that doesn't mean that this person would want to be a hardcore activist for mental health. They just understand how hard it is and can be very supportive of people who are seeking treatment.

I don't know why I am responding to your comments, but based on what I understand,
You had a bad year in school, bad grades....

You had a moment in your life where you got to know yourself, and matured and became one. And because of this self finding you had to look away from school.

This is what I understand about the problem.


Now,

Since you are applying to a professional graduate program, where background checks are done and best applicants are chosen as the next role model in a community,

Dental programs will wonder why the drop of grades, duh.... But simply putting down what you wrote before "good stuff" is not enough.... You are not the only person who went through self-reflecting moments in life which distracted ones self from school.....

How has your problem and resolution made you a better person for society.....

We all go through problems in life, but we must find a peaceful resolution, and learn from that experience, and hopefully share that valuable experience one day with someone who is going through the same/similar scenario.....
 
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It is a touchy subject, obviously, but it seems from this thread no matter what people are saying about not bringing it up, you are adamant about bringing it up. I lost two people close to me to suicide and two people close to me got diagnosed with cancer (one was my father...who cant walk anymore) all within the last two years as I was taking classes and preparing for the DAT. I lost focus and my grades slipped a little for two semesters, but I am not going to bring these events up.
 

swindoll

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It's not hard/conflicting to be straight and very religious. Please check your privileges before you make insensitive comments.


Nothing about my sexual orientation or anything remotely relevant is written anywhere on my application. I'm just saying if they ask me about some performance on my records that didn't meet their standards, I am probably not going to hide my reasons. I'm just trying to figure out a way to disclose it professionally.

I support the LGBTQ community as I am part of it, but I don't know if I feel passionately about being an activist within the dental community, so saying that I would try to advance our community within dentistry would be a lie. I feel that passion with women and people who can't afford dental care.

Think this: someone who is depressed. They go through depression- they know what it's like, and how much it can affect all aspects of their life. They want to be dentist. Is dentistry related to mental health? Perhaps remotely, but this person just went through it, and that doesn't mean that this person would want to be a hardcore activist for mental health. They just understand how hard it is and can be very supportive of people who are seeking treatment.
a white person is not going to walk into the room and say: "hey...I'm white." just as much as a black person wouldn't, but if the black person went through racial hardships that affected their performance, I think their feelings are valid and they have every right to mention their experiences with racial issues when asked. They can then say how it made them a stronger person, etc.

The same goes for queer folks. It's insensitive to say nobody cares.
If you have a similar discussion with adcom , I would definitely not mention it.
 
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Golfah

Golfah

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It is a touchy subject, obviously, but it seems from this thread no matter what people are saying about not bringing it up, you are adamant about bringing it up. I lost two people close to me to suicide and two people close to me got diagnosed with cancer (one was my father...who cant walk anymore) all within the last two years as I was taking classes and preparing for the DAT. I lost focus and my grades slipped a little for two semesters, but I am not going to bring these events up.
what are you going to say if they ask you about it?
Wouldn't you want to show adcoms that you're a strong person/you have diligence and that you're emotionally stable?
 

oralcare123

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I do not think anyone needs such personal details. Adcoms are conservative and may feel grossed out. Why not just stick with a depression? If you want to be treated like everyone else and not looking for attention, then do not disclose the reason. People do not usually disclose why they were depressed, because it is nobody's busyness.
Please, chill about privileges - you asked everyone's opinion on a public forum, except it, even if you do not like it. It does seem that gays are looking for a special treatment all the time, but they want to be treated like everyone else at the same time. It is impossible to satisfy you
 

tooth knockn

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what are you going to say if they ask you about it?
Wouldn't you want to show adcoms that you're a strong person/you have diligence and that you're emotionally stable?

In life the only competition is yourself.... Prove to yourself that you want to become a dentist..... Prove to yourself that you deserve it.....

You have health, you have family, and I assume you are young and have great future ahead of you....

Get high grades, be good, and pay things forward....

Try to prove something too much, could become your greatest weakness.
 
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I would just say I faced a personal situation (not going into detail, they won't ask and frankly they don't care) and that yes, it took me a little time to adjust, but in the end I took it as a great learning experience which not only further motivated me, but provided me with a sharper focus on the path towards being what I one day strive to be - a dentist. It allowed me to appreciate a lot of the things I once overlooked and took for granted. It helped me mature as a person and a student and even forced me to become more efficient in terms of time management which before I considered a major weakness of mine (which they will see directly on my app that my grades went right back up).

Ultimately, everyone has faced misfortunes in life. Sure, the timing of the events may be worse for some, but gaining admission or even dental school itself are not competitions to see who has dealt with more or overcame more.
 
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Golfah

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I would just say I faced a personal situation (not going into detail, they won't ask and frankly they don't care) and that yes, it took me a little time to adjust, but in the end I took it as a great learning experience which not only further motivated me, but provided me with a sharper focus on the path towards being what I one day strive to be - a dentist. It allowed me to appreciate a lot of the things I once overlooked and took for granted. It helped me mature as a person and a student and even forced me to become more efficient in terms of time management which before I considered a major weakness of mine (which they will see directly on my app that my grades went right back up).

Ultimately, everyone has faced misfortunes in life. Sure, the timing of the events may be worse for some, but gaining admission or even dental school itself are not competitions to see who has dealt with more or overcame more.
That sounds wonderful. Thank you for that.
 

BrazilianRider

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There's a handful of gay people in my class. I really don't think it's something you need to bring up because as others have said, the adcoms won't care. In fact, it's illegal for them to care. During the interviews, they just want to make sure your stats are good and you can hold a conversation.

Anything that was remotely private I KEPT private during my interview. Remember that you're not talking to a friend during these, you're talking to a professional.

Mention you went through a personal crisis for sure though :)
 

ncide

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I recall on the UCSF secondary as them asking whether I identified as straight, gay or trans. Most schools appreciate diversity and actively look to supplement their student body with people with different life experiences. UCSF is definitely one of those schools.
 
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Golfah

Golfah

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I recall on the UCSF secondary as them asking whether I identified as straight, gay or trans. Most schools appreciate diversity and actively look to supplement their student body with people with different life experiences. UCSF is definitely one of those schools.
What now? :D
I just applied there. lol.
 
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I recall on the UCSF secondary as them asking whether I identified as straight, gay or trans. Most schools appreciate diversity and actively look to supplement their student body with people with different life experiences. UCSF is definitely one of those schools.
To be fair... that's because UCSF is in...well...San Francisco
lol
 
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arkenstone

That sounds wonderful. Thank you for that.
I think the words you posted earlier sounded fine. I would just make it brief. You want to both explain yourself and demonstrate professional restraint.
 
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Golfah

Golfah

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I think the words you posted earlier sounded fine. I would just make it brief. You want to both explain yourself and demonstrate professional restraint.
Of course! The interview is most likely going to last 30-45 minutes. I'm not going to sit there talking about my struggles more than 1 min if the question ever comes up. That will never be the main focus of any part of the conversation. I just wanted to know how to phrase it.
 
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Wow, I'm surprised and saddened by the level of homophobia apparent on this thread.

FWIW, applicants have written about very personal aspects of their lives in the (optional) disadvantaged essay section. I'm not saying that OP's situation qualifies for that, but to say that any personal hardships overcome are none of the adcoms business -- while technically true -- does not mean that they do not value or respect such information.
 

oralcare123

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Wow, I'm surprised and saddened by the level of homophobia apparent on this thread.

FWIW, applicants have written about very personal aspects of their lives in the (optional) disadvantaged essay section. I'm not saying that OP's situation qualifies for that, but to say that any personal hardships overcome are none of the adcoms business -- while technically true -- does not mean that they do not value or respect such information.
No one gives a damn about your sexuality, we all want you to just keep your sexual preferences to yourself. I have mine, but keep them to myself and my spouse.
There is a medical problem of depression, to disclose it or not is up to OP, because none of us know how adcom would perceive it - as a weakness or strength. What if there are conservative christians on the committee? Do you really want OP to risk her future to make a point? There is no disadvantage in depression - third of population is suffering from some form of it
 
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arkenstone

No one gives a damn about your sexuality, we all want you to just keep your sexual preferences to yourself. I have mine, but keep them to myself and my spouse.
There is a medical problem of depression, to disclose it or not is up to OP, because none of us know how adcom would perceive it - as a weakness or strength. What if there are conservative christians on the committee? Do you really want OP to risk her future to make a point? There is no disadvantage in depression - third of population is suffering from some form of it
Your opinion on avoidance is good advice. But the dismissiveness is unnecessary. OP is only asking because she thinks the question might be asked about her grade, and just because her first instinct is to figure out how to be honest about the answer... that doesn't mean we need to respond to her as if she's starting a gay parade on our lawn. I agree that talk of privilege and homophobia is annoying, but you're doing a professional job of baiting it.
 
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Your opinion on avoidance is good advice. But the dismissiveness is unnecessary. OP is only asking because she thinks the question might be asked about her grade, and just because her first instinct is to figure out how to be honest about the answer... that doesn't mean we need to respond to her as if she's starting a gay parade on our lawn. I agree that talk of privilege and homophobia is annoying, but you're doing a professional job of baiting it.
I knew it was only going to be a matter of time before someone was going to act as the PC police and pull out the "homophobia" card.
 

oralcare123

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Your opinion on avoidance is good advice. But the dismissiveness is unnecessary. OP is only asking because she thinks the question might be asked about her grade, and just because her first instinct is to figure out how to be honest about the answer... that doesn't mean we need to respond to her as if she's starting a gay parade on our lawn. I agree that talk of privilege and homophobia is annoying, but you're doing a professional job of baiting it.
It helps to read a little more then one comment, better the whole thread in order to avoid scolding people for no reason.
I admit, that I overreacted reading the comment of strep mutans, but previously given a sound advise.
I truly believe, that if people want to be treated like everybody else, they should not even mention the subject (race or sexuality), other then to their physician
 
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Wow, I'm surprised and saddened by the level of homophobia apparent on this thread.

FWIW, applicants have written about very personal aspects of their lives in the (optional) disadvantaged essay section. I'm not saying that OP's situation qualifies for that, but to say that any personal hardships overcome are none of the adcoms business -- while technically true -- does not mean that they do not value or respect such information.
I think you are misunderstanding what people are saying---it isn't homophobia at all---it is "it doesn't matter who you have sex with"....it's not something that needs to be discussed in an interview--not only is it illegal for them to ASK, but it's also illegal for them to make a decision based on sexual preference. The point you missed was, "it doesn't matter". As for the struggle, I am sure it was a difficult time, but it's not up there with going through chemo your sophomore year or dealing with the death of a parent or whatever. It's just not something that needs to be addressed in an interview, period.
 
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arkenstone

It helps to read a little more then one comment, better the whole thread in order to avoid scolding people for no reason.
I admit, that I overreacted reading the comment of strep mutans, but previously given a sound advise.
I truly believe, that if people want to be treated like everybody else, they should not even mention the subject (race or sexuality), other then to their physician
I've been posting since the beginning, if you've been reading. It's being drawn into a larger more aggravated debate---you didn't start the downward spiral in tone, but you're jumping on the bandwagon and steering into a ditch. No need to respond to a civilly posed question about how to talk about something with comments like: nobody cares, can't satisfy you people, nobody gives a damn, and here's my advice on how to be treated equally.

I should know better than to think I could improve the tone. People want to argue about these things, inevitably.
 
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arkenstone

I think you are misunderstanding what people are saying---it isn't homophobia at all---it is "it doesn't matter who you have sex with"....it's not something that needs to be discussed in an interview--not only is it illegal for them to ASK, but it's also illegal for them to make a decision based on sexual preference. The point you missed was, "it doesn't matter". As for the struggle, I am sure it was a difficult time, but it's not up there with going through chemo your sophomore year or dealing with the death of a parent or whatever. It's just not something that needs to be addressed in an interview, period.
You're right that it's not homophobia. And it's a good point--people shouldn't go around making a subject of their sexuality. But OP wasn't asking how to come out, she was asking whether she could be honest, as is her preference, about a question she's likely to encounter.

There are big practical reasons why she should be circumspect with that answer, but it's not our job to speak for everyone and tell her it's no great ordeal or that nobody cares. Some people do and some people don't.
 
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Golfah

Golfah

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I think you are misunderstanding what people are saying---it isn't homophobia at all---it is "it doesn't matter who you have sex with"....it's not something that needs to be discussed in an interview--not only is it illegal for them to ASK, but it's also illegal for them to make a decision based on sexual preference. The point you missed was, "it doesn't matter". As for the struggle, I am sure it was a difficult time, but it's not up there with going through chemo your sophomore year or dealing with the death of a parent or whatever. It's just not something that needs to be addressed in an interview, period.
Oh wow! There is a ranking of what struggle is worthy of being talked about in an interview!
 
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I think you are misunderstanding what people are saying---it isn't homophobia at all---it is "it doesn't matter who you have sex with"....it's not something that needs to be discussed in an interview--not only is it illegal for them to ASK, but it's also illegal for them to make a decision based on sexual preference.
Actually I think you are misunderstanding me. I am not saying that every single post in this thread is homophobic; many have been perfectly fine and helpful. However, there are certainly some posts that are close to "gross, nobody wants to hear about your icky lifestyle, you attention seeker"... which seems pretty homophobic to me. I'm not only surprised by those (fortunately few) posts, but also by the number of people who have "liked" them.

The point you missed was, "it doesn't matter". As for the struggle, I am sure it was a difficult time, but it's not up there with going through chemo your sophomore year or dealing with the death of a parent or whatever. It's just not something that needs to be addressed in an interview, period.
I didn't miss anything, but thanks.

I didn't say if or how she should frame her struggle; the second part of my original post was merely in response to a few different posters who said some variation of "everyone has personal struggles so the adcoms don't want to hear about yours." The disadvantaged section is specifically for hearing about personal struggles. If they didn't feel that overcoming disadvantages (which is purposefully left vague) was relevant to the application process, they wouldn't ask. Whether or not OP feels comfortable disclosing personal matters is up to her, but that should go without saying. It is something that may need to be addressed in an interview if the question about grades comes up, hence, OP's original question.

[...] OP wasn't asking how to come out, she was asking whether she could be honest, as is her preference, about a question she's likely to encounter.

There are big practical reasons why she should be circumspect with that answer, but it's not our job to speak for everyone and tell her it's no great ordeal or that nobody cares. Some people do and some people don't.
Exactly.

No need to respond to a civilly posed question about how to talk about something with comments like: nobody cares, can't satisfy you people, nobody gives a damn, and here's my advice on how to be treated equally.
Exactly.
 
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Golfah

Golfah

2+ Year Member
Jul 31, 2015
59
23
New York, NY
Status
Pre-Dental
Anyway, going back to my original concern, I am probably going to have two answers ready: one that's vague and one that briefly explains my personal experience. I think I'm going to have to feel out how the interview is going and see if I feel comfortable enough to share few personal details about myself with the adcom. I would love to mention it every time they ask me about my grades because I would be showing my true self and I could talk about how that's changed me as a person and how that can help me become a great dentist etc, but obviously we don't live in world where everyone is understanding and caring.

I'm also glad there is now dialogue about this... although not a pretty one lol. It's important to think about for future LGBTQ members who want to be dentists. :horns::xf:
 
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