Would you marry during Application cycle?

[Tweetie_bird]

Ok guys,
I am not sure how to approach this whole topic. My fiancee and I plan to go to India this December (we are actually going through the rituals of engagement etc there) for 2-3 weeks. lately, people have been telling us, "why not just get married???"

Few things you need to know--
Both of us are from India, met in the US.

Both our families are in India.

We plan to go to India sometime anyway, to get married. We are just not sure if NOW is the time.

if we don't get married this Dec, the next time we can go (money, vacation time issues) is Aug 2004. I think by that time, I might get too antsy and end up kidnapping my fiancee and taking him to Vegas. I know that this will definitely not go well with the parents. <img border="0" alt="[Laughy]" title="" src="graemlins/laughy.gif" />

So, it's either this Dec or Aug 2004. I am applying to med schools this year (will submit soon) and really hope to get into my state school. If i have to move away, it's going to be a @#$@$# because we would have been married for 6 months and then I may have to move. His job is such that he can't really move that easily (he has a wonderful job, and it's very stable in a poor economy. I don't want him to risk it).

I am lost. We have been brainstorming this for weeks now and don't have any answers. could you shed some light on this topic? What are your thoughts? Oh yes, both of us are *emotionally* ready for a marriage, just not sure if other things such as med school location etc can fall into place. He says we will work it out no matter what, I don't have enough faith in myself. I have never been away from home and don't know if I can live alone without him next to me.

Yours confused,
Tweetie

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[Tweetie_bird]

anybody???? <img border="0" alt="[Pity]" title="" src="graemlins/pity.gif" />

 

[vixen]

hey tweetie,

if you guys are already doing the whole engagement thing, you might as well get married...its better than coming back, and having to wait forever to go back to india and we properly...you don't want to go to vegas etc, and at this time in our lives (college, postcollege, med/dental school), its hard to say when you'll be free next...plus when you guys start school married, i'm sure it'll ease the strain on the relationship...

 

[paean]

Keep in mind that if you are married, they will look at both his and your parents incomes to determine your eligibility for financial aid. Depending on how you plan to finance your education, this could be a big problem. Friends who were getting married in their home country, but dealing with immigration (I know this isn't your situation, but there might be a parallel) told me they got married, but didn't do the paperwork to get the marriage license transfered to the US. That way they were able to get married, satisfied themselves and their families, but avoided the difficulties marriage put on immigration. If being married won't cause financial aid hardships (you/your family either has the money to pay up front, or you expect to finance everything on loans anyway), absolutely, go ahead and get married. And if you get in somewhere far away, maybe he can get his wonderful company to transfer him to be nearer to you.

 

[lady bug]

Tweetie,
Wow, I had no idea you were Indian...Where in India are you from?

 

[squeek]

I actually DID get married during my application cycle, and I am SOOOOO glad I did. I got married in August, between filling out primaries and secondaries, and I spent our first year of marriage flying to and from interviews.

I recommend it because medical school is emotionally difficult, and my husband has provided so much support for me-- both in medical school and during applications. And one of the above posters is right...why not get married, since you are already going to India?!? It's such a long trip as it is!

Good luck!

 

[Tweetie_bird]

hi guys,
wow! I didn't check this forum for a few days and BANG, 5 replies.

Thanks for your opinions and thoughts. I always appreciate more, if anybody has other opinions. Lady Bug, I'm from Bombay. Born and brought up in India for 15 years.

We had a long chat yesterday, and it seems as though the wedding plans may work out in Dec (assuming he gets his vacation time). So wow...it seems I am closer to getting married than I thought. ....

 

[double elle]

Tweetie,
You are going to find that huge, life decisions just have to be 'fit-into' your life as a medical student/physician. There will NEVER, EVER be a 'good time' to do anything. Money will be a factor for the next few years, time and responsibility will be a factor for the rest of your life. Seriously, school can NOT be your entire life!!!!!! It's just school!!!!! Personally, I would plan a wedding and get married BEFORE I began school. You have no idea how difficult it is to study and have other major things on your mind (things like passing/failing/determining my entire future)...which will be the case if you wait. I am having a baby in November, which will be just into my 2nd year of medical school. We were scared to death to have one before school began, but now we wish we would have. It's just stressfull! Granted, some things are good stressors and you need those distractions....but planning a wedding isn't necessarily a good stressor anyway! (haha) Coming from a current student....I would say go ahead and do it. You seriously can't imagine all the committments you will have once school begins.

 

[grkbuckeye]

•••quote:•••Keep in mind that if you are married, they will look at both his and your parents incomes to determine your eligibility for financial aid. Depending on how you plan to finance your education, this could be a big problem. ••••


This is NOT true at all. My wife and I got married exactly one year ago. We were both applying to medical school at the time (talk about a stressfull time!). Anyway, we were very fortunate and got accepted to the same schools, and will be starting together this September. Once you are married you are not a dependant of your parents anymore. You are now on your own (for school purposes). Only YOUR income is considered for financial aid reasons, not your parents. This can work to your advantage, since you will be a "poor" student supporting yourself. I called all the schools I applied to to ask them this very question, and not one said that they would consider our parents income since we were married. Hope this helps!

 

[Tweetie_bird]

awesome, guys. Keep the advice coming. I have to let him know that I will not be a dependant. I was really worried about that, since he gets a relatively good salary, and i thought I wouldn't qualify for most loans/scholarships just based on how much he earns.
This is good. Because we have two cars and a house to plan in the next two years, and there's no way we will be able to afford med schools without loans. Keep the advice coming, guys. I really appreciate this.

Now I just need to get the nerve to get married this Dec and be ready to move come Sept 2003. I hope that's not the case but you never know how life turns out.

 

[squeek]

Regarding being married and financial aid:

My school DOES consider my parents' income, even thought I'm married. It's a HUGE pain, and very frustrating...especially since my spouse is also a student.

So, policies vary from school to school.

 

[Capitan]

Here's my take on the situation. I got married last Oct. while applying to medical school. It worked out well because since we were married, we were unwilling to compromise about being together. In other words, we made a commitment to not living in different places during school, which was much easier to make being married than if we were simply engaged. It did make this year kind of crazy though. She was applying for law school at the same time. It ended up working out though, with the help of a kind admissions dean, and we're headed to UPenn this fall.

In terms of Financial Aid, here's how it works. When you're married, private schools will consider your parents' income as well as your own and your spouse's. Public schools will probably disregard your parents, because they are so much cheaper. School will never look at your spouse's parents' income. That would be unfair and ridiculous, unless schools were purposely trying to cause family feuds. In fact, my wife had an account in her name that we had to put on the FAFSA that would have severely reduced my FA package, but the med school ignored it because I wrote them a letter explaining the situation. Certainly, your future husband's job will not help your financial aid (i.e. you will probably not get many grants); however, everyone is eligible for loans, whether it be Stafford or a private loan, so you'll be fine that way (or at least you'll be better off than us, with both of us going to private professional schools).

It's a tough situation and I can definitely sympathize. My wife and I planned our wedding really fast (4 mos.) and sometimes I think that was a mistake. It might have been good to have a longer engagement to help us get used to the idea of getting married (it is, after all, one heck of an adjustment) and for others to get used to the idea. At the same time though, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have had the same dedication to sticking together for school this year without having been married, and that would have totally sucked.

 

[grkbuckeye]

My wife and I are going to a private school and they did not want any of our parents information. They said that they do not look at our parents since we are married. I guess it varies from school to school. I don't understand that at all. Lets say your 35 and just got married and starting medschool. Are they going to look at your parents info!?! At what age do they stop looking at your parents?

 

[mamadoc]

At some schools, if you want to be considered for "institutional grants" (that is, $$ from the school), you MUST report your parents' income regardless of how old you are.

Not reporting parents' income does not affect your eligibility for federal student aid if you are independent. Keep in mind that federal aid = LOANS.

 

[gerhart318]

Just to make you feel better... I was in a similar situation with my husband's income last year. My school (private) did not look at my parent's income. They told me that very few people qualify out of federal aid. I found that to be true and was awarded all but 4,000 of Stafford loan money out of the maximum. I think the package was around 34,000. So even if you don't get the maximum, you should be able to get enough to pay tuition, insurance, school expenses, etc. since it sounds like your husband, as mine, can take care of living expenses. I would call the financial aid offices of schools you are interested in to answer your questions.

P.S. Congratulations.

 

[Gradient Echo]

My wife and I got engaged on my first interview trip (August) and had the wedding the next March. For some people if you are still interviewing into March, that might be a problem, but I was able to reschedule the 2nd look trips and late interviews around it fine with no problem.

The situation worked out great for us.

Let me ask this: I am trying to defer my undergraduate loans. I know you can get an educational deferment, but that doesnt take place until September (when classes start). Right now I'm working in a lab but according to the loaner's website, I qualify for economic hardship deferment because the loan payments would be more than 20% of my gross monthly income.

They didnt ask if I was married or not (my wife has a job) and I didnt volunteer the info. Do you think they will find out I'm married on their own and then not grant me the economic deferment?

 

[Tweetie_bird]

Hi guys!

Somebody had remined me that I posted here, and thougth I might update you with the news! I AM GETTING MARRIED!!!! Yeap, that's right. And the date is set on Jan 1st. So everybody's going to show up hung over at the wedding but ehh...who cares!! I am GETTING M A R R I E D!!!


Now you will have to look out for posts about "how do you change names etc for AMCAS/med schools etc"..and stuff like that. Thanks for all your feedback. It was a very hard decision to make, but it's done. And I am going to be Mrs. Tweetie!!!

It's great fun to be marrying your best friend, ain't it?

 

[ckent]

Originally posted by Tweetie_bird
Hi guys!

Somebody had remined me that I posted here, and thougth I might update you with the news! I AM GETTING MARRIED!!!! Yeap, that's right. And the date is set on Jan 1st. So everybody's going to show up hung over at the wedding but ehh...who cares!! I am GETTING M A R R I E D!!!


Now you will have to look out for posts about "how do you change names etc for AMCAS/med schools etc"..and stuff like that. Thanks for all your feedback. It was a very hard decision to make, but it's done. And I am going to be Mrs. Tweetie!!!

It's great fun to be marrying your best friend, ain't it?

If I were you, I would keep your last name as your "professional" name. Any name changes that you make during med school and thereafter are a huge headache with medical licensing issues and proving who you are. That's what's recommended in most marriages to avoid the hassle of breaking up and then having to change your name again. A bit pessismistic, but also realistic considering that ~50% of marriages are destined to fail.

 

[vixen]

yay! congrats tweetie!!! and good luck w/the mcat on sat!!!

 

[Tweetie_bird]

Originally posted by ckent


If I were you, I would keep your last name as your "professional" name. Any name changes that you make during med school and thereafter are a huge headache with medical licensing issues and proving who you are. That's what's recommended in most marriages to avoid the hassle of breaking up and then having to change your name again. A bit pessismistic, but also realistic considering that ~50% of marriages are destined to fail.

LOL CKent. Not quite the response I was expecting. Albeit the FIRST response. In any case, I understand what you're talking about. I think I will change my name, and the breaking up part is not even an issue. Maybe it's cultural, perhaps it's religious...but I don't believe in divorce and neither does my fiancee. In my entire childhood of being brought up in India, I knew of one divorce. In fact, I still only know one Indian couple that divorced. It's just not a part of "my reality."

I do understand what you mean to say, but this is no different from a pre-nup. I don't believe in those either. It's almost like betting that you're GOING to break up, and . . . .gosh, simply doesn't mesh with my mindset about marriage and love.

Thanks for the response though. I do appreciate it. You too, Vixen.
Tweetie

 

[lola]

congratulations, tweetie! that's so exciting