Would YOU want to read on?

[SJonathan]

I'm in the middle of tweaking my personal statement and changed my first paragraph - if its any good, I might go a whole new direction with my statement. Here is my first paragraph, tell me if it peaks your interest, if you'd want to keep reading it, is it too cheesy? etc.
(And I'll admit to being a naturally cheesy type of a guy...)



...edit....

From there, (if I decide to go this route) I would explain about first meeting my new pediatrician when I was a kid and how happy he made both me and my mom and how this planted seeds about me wanting to be a doctor. I would then of course explain everything else that has further shaped me and my desire to practice medicine. But anyways, thoughts on my potentially new opening paragraph?

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[primadonna22274]

Heck yeah. It's different. It's quirky without being freakish. Continuar....

 

[ChubbyChaser]

edit*

thats a reallly good idea, imo...if you can pull it off, go for it!

 

[Decicco]

looks good to me! I'm just starting mine now too

 

[Character]

very good. go with it!!

 

[doomknight]

nice idea. I'm using ur opening paragraph word for word for my own essay!

muahahahahah

 

[pianola]

If I were more honest, that's probably how mine would start out

I used to want to be a clown, too I still kind of am a clown.

And YES, I love peds. They're just so nice.

to you.

 

[ChubbyChaser]

nice idea. I'm using ur opening paragraph word for word for my own essay!

muahahahahah

lmao...OP I really would recommend editing it out.

 

[[pj]]

Sure, why not?

 

[Bahadur]

Your writing style is great! Definitely piques my interest.

 

[doomknight]

on a more serious note, yes, I would want to read on


edit: deleted quoute

 

[pianola]

I wouldn't use it either, Chubby. I have my own, you know.

[I have a much better story about how I saved a blind-deaf infant from a burning hut in the middle of Africa just before the ebola outbreak. ]

 

[bawer234]

Go for it, I lol'ed

 

[SJonathan]

You guys are awesome, thanks! Really, I appreciate all of your responses. Are you sure its not too over-the-top corny? Maybe I'll hash out the rest and post it here when I get a chance.

 

[ChubbyChaser]

You guys are awesome, thanks! Really, I appreciate all of your responses. Are you sure its not too over-the-top corny? Maybe I'll hash out the rest and post it here when I get a chance.

Its good...I really wouldnt post it here...How do you know someone wont steal it?? I urge you to edit out the initial post.

 

[SJonathan]

Its good...I really wouldnt post it here...How do you know someone wont steal it?? I urge you to edit out the initial post.

Really? You're serious? Someone wouldn't steal it for real? I edited it out of the OP, but its already been quoted by others so if someone really wanted to rip it off, I guess they still could. Dang.

 

[primadonna22274]

Just don't overplay the Patch Adams angle. Patch Adams is a bit annoying to those of us who don't dig clowns.
You're off to a good start. Keep us informed.......

 

[ChubbyChaser]

Really? You're serious? Someone wouldn't steal it for real? I edited it out of the OP, but its already been quoted by others so if someone really wanted to rip it off, I guess they still could. Dang.

just send them a pm...asking them to unquote.

 

[rom3o]

No one is going to believe this, it seems like something you made up... who the hell remembers what they wanted to be when they were four?

 

[ChubbyChaser]

No one is going to believe this, it seems like something you made up... who the hell remembers what they wanted to be when they were four?

I wanted to be a cowboy

 

[carlyMD]

I think its great But I would make sure to branch off significantly from there and not really talk about the clown thing anymore. It is a cute way to start though!

But I think I might agree with the age thing.I am not sure lots of ppl remember that far back. Maybe bump it up a few years? Just a suggestion...

 

[iduwanna]

It's good, but a lot of people have coulrophobia, which could royaly screw you.

I just wouldn't let my application rest on the hope that none of the adcom members will have coulrophobia.

 

[doomknight]

deleted my qoute so ninjas cant ninja this guys opening paragraph, even though I think people are just being too cynical, it would be absolutely ******ed for someone smart enough to apply to med school to steal someone else's essay, imagine both of u applying to the same school and have same opening paragraph....