Hey guys I was wondering if anyone would be willing to critique my writing samples. Also, I decided to define the prompt with some parameters from the get go. Is this a no-no? First writing sample ever. Didn't make any revisions so yeah, there are a handful of typos. The second one stumped me w/ examples ... I sorta stumbled my way through it. Any feedback is appreciated. Tear 'em apart!
Prompt #1: Businesses succeed by taking advantage of consumers' weaknesses.
Businesses' degree of success is measured by the profits which they gain. It is implicit of this statement that a business creates the largest profit by honing in its consumer's vulnerabilities and the situations which the consumers are forced to deal with due to said vulnerabilities. Insurance companies hold true to this motto in the sense that they provide a product that directly relates to their consumers' weaknesses. Health insurance companies' services must be obtained while one is healthy. It is a well known fact that many potential consumers are denied access to health insurance when he or she has already fallen ill or has had previous ailments. With this said, health insurance providers take advantage of consumers' fears of potentially becoming sick. This fear is their weakness. By providing possible alleviation in the future in the form of medical bills, health insurance companies are capable of securing a profit before their services are even provided.
Although this statement holds true for many situations, the banking failure that recently devestated the United States' economy is a prime example. Consumers look for a sense of security when it comes to their money and chosen banking corporation. When the banking system failed, people felt powerless to protect their money. They were left with two choices: run the risk of losing their money through their respected banking affiliates or hide their cash themselves. This lack of trust would be the consumers' weakness. Instead of attacking this weakness, the banking businesses were left with no option but to acknowledge the weakness and provide a product that insured their consumers' monetary security. In contrast to taking advantage of the weakness, the banking corporations were forced to take actions which destroyed it.
The difference between the two situations is the respected business' ability to take advantage of the weakness. The healthcare system provides a service that is appealing due to the fear of high immediate medical costs as opposed to allocated monthly medical costs in conjunction with the fear of becoming ill. The healthcare business is capable of taking a fear/weakness and manipulating the situation to create a profitable and successful business plan. In contrast, the banking system was incapable of doing so because the situation simply did not allow for it. Although it is very plausible to agree that businesses succeed by taking advantage of consumers' weaknesses, it must be done so gracefully. The dictating factor in this grace is the situation itself. If the product provided by the business and the needs, fears and weaknesses of the consumers do not align in a matter that allows for businesses to create advantages for their profit/success, a new business strategy must be spawned.
Prompt #2: Education makes everyone equal.
The term "equal" conveys a sense of capability. According to the statement, people of comparable educations are capable of accomplishing the same goals. This is apparent in the working fields with a large pool of open positions which require specific duties. Two hypothetical applicants, Joe and Alicia are mechanical engineering majors who graduated at the top of their class from a prestigious school. Alicia is well versed, charismatic and networks well whereas Joe is quiet and somewhat of a hermit. It is assumed that both are capable of completing the tasks presented in the work field or any field related to mechanical engineering equally well. These graduates, at this point in their lives, are identical and equal in a job interviewer's initial perception of them. Neither one is better than the other.
Now, lets change our applicants' educations and job of interest. Both aspire to become the next president of the United States. Joe majored in Polical Sciences at a prestigious university whereas Alicia earned her B.A. in Foreign Affairs at an equally prestigious university. We assume that both have equally impressive resumes throughout their careers. Although their education levels are not necessarily the same, they are still comparable and have no bearing on their aspiration to become president. However, Alicia would be assumed to have better chances of becoming president because of characteristics inherent of her personality. She would be able to persuade the general public that her ideals and beliefs are respectable due to her ability to speak. She would also have the support of her political colleagues due to her charisma and connections she has made over the years. In contrast, Joe's personality would only hurt himself. His inability to speak his opinion and poor social skills due to a hermit like existence would result in him not taking advantage of the opportunities to make connections and supporters throughout his fancy career. In this situation, Joe and Alicia are not equal applicants although their educations are similar.
The difference between the two situations is highlighted in the fact that education is not the sole requirement in the latter example. An entry level mechanical engineer would only be expected to execute the most rudimentary procedures as opposed to a mechanical engineer with ten years of experience. This can be taught through any education. As a president of the United States, one is expected to be able to command the public's attention, persuade the public to believe the government knows best and to create a sense of security in Americans. These characteristics cannot be taught, but must be learned through experience which no education is capable of providing. Although Joe and Alicia may be equal in an educational perspective in the second example, they are by no means equal in an applicant's perspective.
Prompt #1: Businesses succeed by taking advantage of consumers' weaknesses.
Businesses' degree of success is measured by the profits which they gain. It is implicit of this statement that a business creates the largest profit by honing in its consumer's vulnerabilities and the situations which the consumers are forced to deal with due to said vulnerabilities. Insurance companies hold true to this motto in the sense that they provide a product that directly relates to their consumers' weaknesses. Health insurance companies' services must be obtained while one is healthy. It is a well known fact that many potential consumers are denied access to health insurance when he or she has already fallen ill or has had previous ailments. With this said, health insurance providers take advantage of consumers' fears of potentially becoming sick. This fear is their weakness. By providing possible alleviation in the future in the form of medical bills, health insurance companies are capable of securing a profit before their services are even provided.
Although this statement holds true for many situations, the banking failure that recently devestated the United States' economy is a prime example. Consumers look for a sense of security when it comes to their money and chosen banking corporation. When the banking system failed, people felt powerless to protect their money. They were left with two choices: run the risk of losing their money through their respected banking affiliates or hide their cash themselves. This lack of trust would be the consumers' weakness. Instead of attacking this weakness, the banking businesses were left with no option but to acknowledge the weakness and provide a product that insured their consumers' monetary security. In contrast to taking advantage of the weakness, the banking corporations were forced to take actions which destroyed it.
The difference between the two situations is the respected business' ability to take advantage of the weakness. The healthcare system provides a service that is appealing due to the fear of high immediate medical costs as opposed to allocated monthly medical costs in conjunction with the fear of becoming ill. The healthcare business is capable of taking a fear/weakness and manipulating the situation to create a profitable and successful business plan. In contrast, the banking system was incapable of doing so because the situation simply did not allow for it. Although it is very plausible to agree that businesses succeed by taking advantage of consumers' weaknesses, it must be done so gracefully. The dictating factor in this grace is the situation itself. If the product provided by the business and the needs, fears and weaknesses of the consumers do not align in a matter that allows for businesses to create advantages for their profit/success, a new business strategy must be spawned.
Prompt #2: Education makes everyone equal.
The term "equal" conveys a sense of capability. According to the statement, people of comparable educations are capable of accomplishing the same goals. This is apparent in the working fields with a large pool of open positions which require specific duties. Two hypothetical applicants, Joe and Alicia are mechanical engineering majors who graduated at the top of their class from a prestigious school. Alicia is well versed, charismatic and networks well whereas Joe is quiet and somewhat of a hermit. It is assumed that both are capable of completing the tasks presented in the work field or any field related to mechanical engineering equally well. These graduates, at this point in their lives, are identical and equal in a job interviewer's initial perception of them. Neither one is better than the other.
Now, lets change our applicants' educations and job of interest. Both aspire to become the next president of the United States. Joe majored in Polical Sciences at a prestigious university whereas Alicia earned her B.A. in Foreign Affairs at an equally prestigious university. We assume that both have equally impressive resumes throughout their careers. Although their education levels are not necessarily the same, they are still comparable and have no bearing on their aspiration to become president. However, Alicia would be assumed to have better chances of becoming president because of characteristics inherent of her personality. She would be able to persuade the general public that her ideals and beliefs are respectable due to her ability to speak. She would also have the support of her political colleagues due to her charisma and connections she has made over the years. In contrast, Joe's personality would only hurt himself. His inability to speak his opinion and poor social skills due to a hermit like existence would result in him not taking advantage of the opportunities to make connections and supporters throughout his fancy career. In this situation, Joe and Alicia are not equal applicants although their educations are similar.
The difference between the two situations is highlighted in the fact that education is not the sole requirement in the latter example. An entry level mechanical engineer would only be expected to execute the most rudimentary procedures as opposed to a mechanical engineer with ten years of experience. This can be taught through any education. As a president of the United States, one is expected to be able to command the public's attention, persuade the public to believe the government knows best and to create a sense of security in Americans. These characteristics cannot be taught, but must be learned through experience which no education is capable of providing. Although Joe and Alicia may be equal in an educational perspective in the second example, they are by no means equal in an applicant's perspective.
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