How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from a ______ surgeon?

cardsurgguy · Jan 12, 2006

These were in a calendar I get every year that has quote, jokes, stories etc about doctors

How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from a general surgeon?

Put it in the patients notes.

How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from an orthopedic surgeon?

Put it in a textbook.

How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from a plastic surgeon?

It's a trick question. You can't.

Hobbs · Jan 12, 2006

What do you call someone half asleep watching someone half awake?

Anesthesiologist

Misterioso · Jan 12, 2006

Very soon an anesthesiologist is going to come in and call surgeons "bitter" or something like that for the last joke.

AlexRusso · Jan 12, 2006

How do you hide a $100 from a CT surgeon?
Paste it to their kids forehead.

How do you hide a $100 from a radiologist?
Give it to the patient.

How do you hide a $100 from an internist?
Put it under a dressing.

toofache32 · Jan 13, 2006

Hobbs said:
What do you call someone half asleep watching someone half awake?

Anesthesiologist

I heard it this way: "...the half-asleep taking care of the half-awake and being operated on by the half-witted."

Ergo · Jan 14, 2006

These were in a calendar I get every year that has quote, jokes, stories etc about doctors

How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from a general surgeon?

Put it in the patients notes.

How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from an orthopedic surgeon?

Put it in a textbook.

How do you hide a $100 bill from a radiologist?

Tape it to a patient

How do you hide a $100 bill from a neurosurgeon?

Tape it to his kid.

How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from a plastic surgeon?

It's a trick question. You can't.

Ergo · Jan 15, 2006

tigershark said:
Dont worry, you didn't come off as an @sshole, just as a ***** who cant read.

True, because if he read the entire message, I already added a note at the bottom pointing out my mistake.

But thanks to that douche for the witty commentary and a laugh.

geekgirl · May 6, 2006

anybody have any more of these? or any other silly medical jokes?

i heard a few entertaining jokes recently (e.g. the internist, surgeon, orthopod getting in an elevator as the door was shutting one) and promised a friend that i would try and find more.

lame, i know, but i promised. and i know you guys must have a few more.

Blade28 · May 6, 2006

There's lots of these. The elevator one is classic. There's also the one about the surgeon, pathologist, pediatrician and internist going duck-hunting.

Roux-en-Y · May 6, 2006

Blade28 said:
There's lots of these. The elevator one is classic. There's also the one about the surgeon, pathologist, pediatrician and internist going duck-hunting.

I heard that one; it's good...

k-wire · May 7, 2006

what do you call 2 orthopedic surgeons looking at a ekg? - a double blind study

what is the purpose of the heart? - to get antibiotics to the bones

In an ortho meeting, how do you spot the academic orthopod? - hes the one that can get his knuckles off the floor.

whats the difference between a carpenter and an orthopod? - the carpenter probably knows more than one antibiotic.

The orthopaedic surgeon -- Strong as an ox, and TWICE as bright

ortho qualification question: bench press + step 1 score = 500

tRmedic21 · May 7, 2006

k-wire said:
ortho qualification question: bench press + step 1 score = 500

Heck, I'm almost there! I'll bet I can get there before the Match! If Step I hadn't sucked so much, I'd already be there....

neutropenic · May 7, 2006

Blade28 said:
There's also the one about the surgeon, pathologist, pediatrician and internist going duck-hunting.

A medical student, family doctor, an internist, a surgeon and a pathologist go duck hunting.

The medical student is the first to raise his shotgun, but unable to tell if the duck is really a duck, he does not shoot.

The family doctor goes "here's a bird", shoots, kills. He concludes "it looked like a duck, sounded like a duck, was killed by duck shot, it was a duck!".

The internist point his gun, but does not shoot. "This probable bird certainly looks like a female mallard, but I must be sure of what I am killing before shooting. A juvenile Mesopotamian sea duck would look exactly the same!".

The surgeon goes "look, it flies! Boom", then turns to the pathologist and asks "So, what was it?".

Death · May 7, 2006

An Internist - knows everything , does nothing

A surgeon - Knows nothing , does everything

A. OBGY - Knows nothing , does nothing

Blade28 · May 7, 2006

The version I know is:

Neurology - knows everything, does nothing
Surgery - knows nothing, does everything
Psychiatry - knows nothing, does nothing
Pathology - knows everything, does everything but too late

mysophobe · May 7, 2006

neutropenic said:
A medical student, family doctor, an internist, a surgeon and a pathologist go duck hunting.

The medical student is the first to raise his shotgun, but unable to tell if the duck is really a duck, he does not shoot.

The family doctor goes "here's a bird", shoots, kills. He concludes "it looked like a duck, sounded like a duck, was killed by duck shot, it was a duck!".

The internist point his gun, but does not shoot. "This probable bird certainly looks like a female mallard, but I must be sure of what I am killing before shooting. A juvenile Mesopotamian sea duck would look exactly the same!".

The surgeon goes "look, it flies! Boom", then turns to the pathologist and asks "So, what was it?".

Way more complicated than the version I heard.

Trauma Fluffer · May 7, 2006

Two doctors were at a medical conference. After a long day of lectures and a few drinks, they hooked up. Before going to bed, she washed her hands thoroughly. Afterwards, she washed her hands again. He says to her, "You sure wash your hands a lot; I'll bet you're a surgeon." She replies, "Yes, you're right. And you must be an anesthesiologist; I didn't feel a thing."

Pianoboe01 · May 8, 2006

Blade28 said:
There's lots of these. The elevator one is classic. There's also the one about the surgeon, pathologist, pediatrician and internist going duck-hunting.

What's the elevator one?

MTGas2B · May 9, 2006

Death said:
An Internist - knows everything , does nothing

A surgeon - Knows nothing , does everything

A. OBGY - Knows nothing , does nothing

Pathologists know everything and do everything, but too late

I guess someone beat me to this. It's from, "The Making of a Surgeon," by William Nolen. Good book.

deuist · May 9, 2006

Two psychiatrists pass each other in the hall. One says, "Hello." The other thinks to himself, "I wonder what he meant by that."

drrouz · May 9, 2006

A patient complains to his internist: " I went to see a surgeon about my ear ache, but all he offered was to amputate it!"
The internist shakes his head in disbelief: "those stupid surgeons, all they want to do is operate! Here take this pill three times a day...your ear should fall off in three months!"

Mayhem · May 10, 2006

drrouz said:
A patient complains to his internist: " I went to see a surgeon about my ear ache, but all he offered was to amputate it!"
The internist shakes his head in disbelief: "those stupid surgeons, all they want to do is operate! Here take this pill three times a day...your ear should fall off in three months!"

I think i've met this Doctor

Kubed · May 10, 2006

deuist said:
Two psychiatrists pass each other in the hall. One says, "Hello." The other thinks to himself, "I wonder what he meant by that."

Ha! That's great!

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