Ladies, will you change your last name after marriage?

I changed my name. For a while, I tried to keep my maiden name professionally but that soon got complicated. So, now I'm [first name] [married name] across the board.

I kept my name legally and for proffessional purposes after getting married, but we let our traditional families put my married name on cards/mail/gifts/invitations etc. It makes them happy so whatever. I am my father's only child and all the other children of my generation are female so I felt I really wanted to keep the last name alive. I really don't think divorce is in my future but realistically we never know and I feel like its difficult proffessionally to change your name in the future, so I'd rather just keep my name so it wouldn't be affected by things occuring in my personal life.

USAF_Dentman said:

It's also unlikely that I will get married. Most single women my age are single because they treat men like crap, and I refuse to be some married woman's meal ticket. And I'm not interested in men, so that doesn't leave much.

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Sounds like you and samoa need to invest in something made by GE or powered by duracel.

IbnSina said:

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These should be on leno. lol

i shouldn't have been surprised (but i was!) to see how many people here kept their maiden name. it's obviously a very personal choice. for me, i never really wondered if i was or was not going to take my future husband's name - it was implicit. i was baptized in an ukranian orthodox church where it is tradition (i don't know how it originated) that females aren't given middle names because their maiden name becomes their middle name after marriage. that's exactly what i did. my husband didn't pressure me to do anything, it was my choice. for me, i wanted my family to all share the same name (including any future kids). plus it helped that i love his last name

a male classmate of mine, whose name is of indian descent, married a pathologist... her maiden name was the equivalent of "jones" and she (after his pleading) changed it to xxxxxxxxxxxxxx (5 syllables)... she said it barely fit when she got her new white coats embroidered... oh, what we do for love!

erichaj said:

These should be on leno. lol

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omg... i hope the first bride didn't hyphenate!

Heh - it all depends on what the surname is!! I know a guy called Robin Banks but hey .... Other than that i'm all for taking whoever my future husband's name - whenever i find him!!!

Linda

I will NOT be keeping my maiden name when I get married.

Call me traditional, but even as an MD I will be perfectly happy to be "Dr. and Mrs. Husband's Name".

However, I am VERY annoyed by all those house cleaning product and baby product commercials that are SO specific to WOMEN. I feel that this is much more insulting than a name-change at marriage... IMO.

Kept my last name after we got married. Never really thought about changing it in the first place. My husband says it's my choice and he's okay whether I change it or not.

I changed mine when I got married, but only because I figured it would be practically easier with kids and all. I don't really have a strong emotional opinion one way or the other. On the other hand, if I'd gotten married after med school, I definitely would have kept it, just because I've seen the hassle female professionals have to go through when they change their name when they're already professionally established under their maiden name.

Samoa said:

As for me, though, I think it has just as much if not more to do with the nomadic existence I've been leading since I graduated from college. Combine that with the fact that I like to take things slowly, and that I don't figure any guy into my plan unless there's a commitment between us, and that's an entirely sufficient explanation for still being single, despite being a basically good and reasonably attractive person.

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ditto to all you just said samoa. . .and I'm starting to tire of this nomadic existence. . .

oxeye said:

I changed my name when I got married and my daughters have that last name.

I want to go by Dr. MaidenName, though. I have no idea how to do this. For licensing purposes, it looks like your ID, SSN names all need to match. So I actually think if I do this, I need to change my name back!! Weird, huh?

I want to be Mrs. MarriedName for everything the way I am now - except for work. There are several reasons, but frankly I just like my maiden name better. It's easier to pronounce. And I don't want patients to be able to find my home number in the phone book, but my married name is uncommon and my husband needs to have his name listed for his job.

Has anyone ever changed their name back (and not because of a divorce! LOL)? I have no idea where to start with this. I'm starting medical school in August - should I do it before I matriculate (I applied with my current, legal married name), after I graduate, after residency??

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From the documentation that I'm finding on certain boards (I was scouring Mommd.com) some women did what I did by adding his last name to their last name. They use one for personal (his last name) and one for business (maiden name). Legally you can use whichever last name you want as long as you are not trying to use it for fraudulent purposes.

You can actually file for a name change whenever you want. Look it up on the web because I considered doing this to change back to just maiden name, but I know how important it is for my husband that I have his last name, so I plan on being Dr. Maiden Name and going by his last name on everything else. You only need to file the correct paperwork (or pay a lawyer to do it for you) and you can legally change your name WHENEVER you want.

I'm Asian-American and my mother and grandmother kept their maiden names; there has been no doubt that I will do the same.

I'm surprised no one here has addressed the sexist resonance of the (western) "tradition" of taking one's husband's last name. A woman is not her husband's property, being sold to his family for a dowry, to turn out "his" children one after another. Words and names mean so much; in a woman's name is contained her history, biography, identity. Therefore any man who wants his wife to change her name, or who would get a prenup based on her refusal to do so (as an earlier poster said), does not view a woman as possessing the same depth, power, nobility, and worth as a man.

Sonnet said:

I'm surprised no one here has addressed the sexist resonance of the (western) "tradition" of taking one's husband's last name.

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I was surprised, too... and impressed. It's good to know that most of the women who post here are level-headed enough not to go around yelling "discrimination!' at the drop of a hat.

We aren't any more or less intelligent and independent with our husbands' names than with our mothers'.

I don't consider it sexist, I consider it traditional. In a time when women didn't work and did everything for their families and husbands

I also am not very traditional for taking on both last names

Hello.

I am a guy here.

Well, I guess if you are the kind of person to pursue medicine, then I suppose you are also the type of person who isn't gonna change your last name no matter what.

As a guy, I guess I would be hurt a little, but I'd get over.

Also, it maybe a bad idea to change your name - cause if you have done any research in the past, then academia will give you grief when you try to cite the research work that you did.

Megalin said:

I will NOT be keeping my maiden name when I get married.

Call me traditional, but even as an MD I will be perfectly happy to be "Dr. and Mrs. Husband's Name".

However, I am VERY annoyed by all those house cleaning product and baby product commercials that are SO specific to WOMEN. I feel that this is much more insulting than a name-change at marriage... IMO.

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Most women do the baby care and house cleaning... seems like good marketing. What's the problem?

Why is this name change thing such an ordeal? So many people here seem very insecure about changing their name... as indicated by the copious forms of rationalization implemented by various posters.

Just change it or don't change it. It's not really a complicated matter and doesn't really need any justification. Saying that you "didn't work this hard to be called Dr. [husband's name]" makes you sound like a smug dimwit. Also, hyphenated names are the most idiotic thing ever created and basically represent a woman who is a tool of society (i.e. she wants to retain her identy but isn't secure enough in herself to stand by her sentiments). It's not nearly as big an issue as you all make it out to be and anyone who thinks otherwise must still be wearing lime-green coat-tails to work with calf implants hidden beneath their socks.

Well maybe it is a big deal for ourselves as its a big step in our lives as well as the legal implications that follow with changing your name. I had a heck of time trying to figure out what I was going to do because of my situation. To some there is tradition involved, whether its his side or hers, as well as it is apart of your identity of who you are and who you will become.

There is no need to insult other users because you do not share their viewpoint.

mshheaddoc said:

There is no need to insult other users because you do not share their viewpoint.

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Now, Mushy, you're failing to show the proper SDN spirit! You could get banned or put on probation for subversive attitudes like that.

Well of course I have to be a diplomat on the boards, hence why I try to keep peace amongst the boards ... I could have been harsh like those in the lounge!

or maybe this is a troll

No name change for me. As another poster stated, it's a cultural thing. I'm chinese and chinese ladies dont' change their names. My grandmother and my mother (as well as my aunties) all retained their last names. Besides, what a hassle, especially since there's no guarantee that I'll be married by the time graduation rolls around. More importantly, I want to be able to hear Dr. MyLastName. I'm shallow that way.

I am planning on getting married before starting med school and will change my name to his and keep my middle name the way it is, not change it to my maiden name. I might have wanted to hyphenate, but our names rhyme so that's out. His is easier to spell and pronounce and I love his family, whereas I don't feel very connected to my dad's side of the family.

If I get married, I'll probably keep my last name. It's short, relatively easy to spell/pronounce, ethnic, near the beginning of the alphabet, and sounds great w/ "Dr."

Everyone should go back to basics. Maybe thats why we have 60% divorce rate in America. Its really sad. We should look-up to marriages like African Marriages cuz they last till death-do-them-path.

so, back to the OP for a moment, i don't think it's odd because that was exactly my plan. we felt that keeping my name was the natural choice, but we figured that our families may not feel the same way. in the end, however, it didn't quite work out like that. simplicity won out, and i currently use my madien name for everything. plenty of relatives (including my mom) call me Mrs. "husband's last name," which is fine. the only time i've not been sure what to do is when we send a joint letter to friends and family - but now i just sign our first names on the letter and on the envelope, and it works.

i think i read somewhere that more women are taking their husbands' names now than 10 years ago.

gwen said:

I am currently planning on NOT changing my last name. I'm Mrs. "husband's last name" for all intents and purposes, BUT I would still like to be Dr. "Maiden name". Is that odd?

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Mine will be hyphenated, but my children will have my husband's last name.

I never changed my name after marriage. Partly because I'm lazy, but also because I'm so attached to my last name. I feel like it flows well with my first name, if that makes any sense.

My hubby could care less either way, he likes my last name as well. He jokes that if I had an awful, hard to pronounce name he would have forced me to change it.

I wonder what will happen when it comes time for kids though. Do kids normally take their mother's name? Or is it up to the parents?

In the US, it is completely up to the parents what name a child gets. You could name the kid Tax Deduction and they wouldn't be able to stop you (please don't though ).

dpmd said:

In the US, it is completely up to the parents what name a child gets. You could name the kid Tax Deduction and they wouldn't be able to stop you (please don't though ).

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Good to know.

CatsandCradles said:

Well, I guess if you are the kind of person to pursue medicine, then I suppose you are also the type of person who isn't gonna change your last name no matter what.

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Huh? I took my wife's last name when we got married, and I'm going into medicine. What would one possibly have to do with the other?

blank.

What I don't get is why some guys actively care if their wife changes their lastname...I've met guys who are interested in intelligent, ambitious women but are bothered by the idea that she might not change her name. And it's not like they're looking to "own" anyone.

Chinorean said:

What I don't get is why some guys actively care if their wife changes their lastname...I've met guys who are interested in intelligent, ambitious women but are bothered by the idea that she might not change her name. And it's not like they're looking to "own" anyone.

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I had that problem with my husband. He loves strong ambitious women but hated the idea of me keeping my name (though he didn't force me to take it). My problem is as a half-Mexican/half-Slavic I identify with my Hispanic roots more, but I am Day-Glo white. My Hispanic last name meant a lot to me (and I HATE my husbands last name). Unfortunately, he father was an only child and he is the only male son, so he needed our children to carry on his name or it would die. I didn't want a different name than my children so I changed it. I kept it at school though because I was the first one with my last name to get a degree and it meant a lot. I just hate this whole name changing thing.

Wow, I didn't think that this would be such a huge ordeal. My name was changed shortly after I was born, then I took my husbands name when we were married. I have no ties to a name that was not mine to begin with. But I do have to say, all of this name changing is alot of red tape when you are trying to get a passport! I can't imagine the other hastles you would have to go thru with medical licensure. I do wish that I had married someone with a better last name though, I went to the social security office to get my new card and the lady there (after pronouncing all sorts of foreign sounding names) had to spell mine, it's really easy too! Just nobody pronounces it right!!

I, too, kept my “maiden” name. I never really considered changing. We never considered hyphenating either. Keeping my name was just the natural thing for me to do. When we have children, they will take my husband’s name.

My father-in-law and his two brothers are physicians and my brother-in-law and one of my husband’s cousins are in medical school as well. In fact, my husband is one of the few on his side of the family who didn’t pursue medicine (he did marry a future doctor, though). I joke with my him that I didn’t take his name b/c there are already enough Dr. [husband’s last name]s…but I digress.

Interestingly, I’ve received only positive (oftentimes overwhelmingly positive) responses regarding my decision to keep my name, especially from women of older generations.

Chinorean said:

What I don't get is why some guys actively care if their wife changes their lastname...I've met guys who are interested in intelligent, ambitious women but are bothered by the idea that she might not change her name. And it's not like they're looking to "own" anyone.

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For some I think its traditional values which I can understand as well. But my desire to be Dr. Maiden Name is a little more than the traditional desire to have my husbands last name so I compromised and now I have both!

I will add husband's last name to mine

Taty said:

I will add husband's last name to mine

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well technically that is still a change, albeit minor

I'm getting married in June and I told my soon to be wife to pick a name: either her's or mine, because that hyphenated stuff is just going to drawl ire.

You told her, huh?

Sooooo

Could I be Dr. Martinez-Orihuela

But then with personal stuff Could I be Dr. Orihuela which is his last name?

im honestly really confused about all this... i am engaged right now and will be getting married at the end of the first semester of med school... so when i go in i will be maiden name but i could always change it.

would i legally be hyphenated or legally his last name and then as a professional courtesy be known as a hyphenated last name...

what a headache, argh...

CatsandCradles said:

Hello.

Also, it maybe a bad idea to change your name - cause if you have done any research in the past, then academia will give you grief when you try to cite the research work that you did.

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the earlier you change, the better, in that case.

My parents are both dentists and my mother kept her name. She was going to keep it anyway, but it was helpful since they worked in the same practice. I think it would be confusing to have two doctors in the same office by the same name. On that same note, I think I will take my husband's name when it happens (if he is not also a Dr.) so that I don't have the same name as my father (Dr. Father's Last Name). I guess it is a personal choice, most of the women in my family kept their name. I never minded that my mother kept her name, but my cousins tell me that they were always annoyed that their mother's name caused so much confusion in their lives. And honestly, sometimes it is confusing, like when buying airplane tickets, or signing consent forms, but it's really not that big a deal.

I think I am going to keep my last name professionally and take his socially. I would take his professionally- but does this world really need an other dr. SMITH?!?!?