A Message for all and a Farewell to all

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UTSouthwestern

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Good Sunday afternoon to all of my friends and acquaintances on SDN.

I have been debating on whether or not to post this information but in light of several posts I have recently seen on the site, I feel that I can contribute to the ideas and thoughts of those of you in training and those of you still young to the private and academic practice worlds.

This past Wednesday at the ripe old age of 40, I was diagnosed with stage IV invasive adenocarcinoma of the lung. Don't smoke, don't drink except socially, never did drugs. Wouldn't have found it had I not gotten pneumonia from my brother. A big curveball on the road of life thrown at me at just the wrong time. Some tears and some down feelings, before my wife and my friends and family threw their support behind me and I kicked myself in the tail to remind myself I'm not dead yet. Close, but not yet. :)

No overt signs or symptoms over the past 2-3 years (which is the estimate of how long I have had this). Over the last year, some fatigue, but as busy as I am, not something out of the ordinary, and considering I worked out 7 days a week including an hour of cardio every day, well within acceptable tolerances. No weight loss and in fact have gained 10 pounds.

In writing this post, I want to first of all tell everyone, ENJOY LIFE!!! No one goes to their grave wishing they had worked a few more days. I can tell you that having taken this past week off, even something as simple as walking with my wife to a coffee shop (my first caffeine in almost 16 months) during the morning hours with the wind rustling the leaves of the red oaks of our neighborhood, I felt like I had missed out on so much, if even something as mundane as this moved me so much. That doesn't even begin to touch on the times and events I missed with my kids as I drove myself to exhaustion on a day to day basis with work, side businesses, politics, administration, etc.

I am not saying drop everything you are doing and never come back but take time off consistently to enjoy the day to day activities that we as type A professionals tend to forsake for our careers. You will feel better for doing it and you will have more energy to tackle those seemingly insurmountable tasks you have piled up for your work days.

Secondly, don't ignore symptoms. Don't treat yourself without finding out for sure what you are currently experiencing. While I had no symptoms, I did get checked out regularly with my internist, have already had an EGD, colonoscopy, CT scan, X-rays, and lab work done and this still managed to sneak in. That being said, it is still better to be consistent and thorough to pick up more obvious ailments.

Make sure you have good life and disability insurance. That was a topic recently brought up and as a just turned 40 year old now with a much shorter than expected shelf life, I can tell you that the anxiety of wondering what will happen to my family far outweighs any anxiety I have about my condition. I do not fear death. Never have. I fear uncertainty for my family more than anything else. Of course, I just recently terminated a life insurance policy in preparation for changing to another. Now out of both.

Save, SAVE, S A V E! Investments, gambling, stocks, fast cars, big houses, etc. all are fast ways to keeping you poor in the short term and likely unprepared for just such an event. I was balanced but if I had to do it over again, I would have put just a bit more into savings than into risky situations and cars. Of course, that was when I was younger and invincible. Having a war chest of funds safely tucked away in whatever non-depreciating savings form you desire will give you the peace of mind to live comfortably and to be prepared for life's unexpected lightning bolts.

I will certainly miss the wonderful discussions we have seen over the past 8 years and I regret that I have met so few of you face to face to put a proper name and image to the screen name. Maintain the integrity of this board and help each other as we have all seen many people do over the past 8 years that I have been privileged to be a part of.

May all of your lives be filled with happiness and joy and may we all one day see an end to the strife, conflicts, and wars we so readily relegate ourselves to, on Earth or in Heaven.

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Sometimes I forget how unpredictable life can be and get so caught up in the grind. Thank you for the message and my prayers are out for you and your family.
 
UTSW, I am so sorry. As I sit here during a simple I&D of a finger, my heart is all bunched up. FWIW, I got to know you through all of your posts and you have always been someone I deeply respected... starting as a medical student.

I wish you all the best, and please pm me if you need anything at all.. even if I have not met you in person.

All the best bro,

Sevo.
 
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Very unfortunate news. :(

I have read some of your posts. Very informative, as is this one.

I wish you and your family all the best. Again, so sorry about this.

Take care.
 
Well you know that the smackdown is coming if I post a reply:

I find it more than a little irritating that anesthesiologists seem to complain about respect issues, lifestyle, pay, nurses, etc. and just stew over it.

I have been in practice six years, do every kind of case known to man, 100% solo/no supervision, work hard but play hard, and only twice can I recall being disrespected/questioned in that time.

Both times, by nurses, a quick, educational, and authoritative response quelled any further insubordination. Surgeons, nurses, and administrators know that when I say something, request something, order something, do something, it has a legitimate purpose and MUST be done. It is a confidence they have in my judgement and more importantly, my compassion.

Conversely, I am told regularly about how some anesthesiologists have little to no ability to make a firm decision, bounce back and forth between totally opposite treatments/decisions, speak/act like scared mice, rush out of the PACU or ICU to make a haircut appointment, talk about anything EXCEPT medicine or THEIR patient, etc.

With that backdrop, it becomes increasingly difficult to keep the lines distinguished.

These are YOUR patients, not just the surgeon's. Take ownership of your patients, your situation, your facility, and be heard. Too many expect that M.D. or D.O. acronyms on their badges will instantly afford respect or authority. With Hollywood medical vomitus on TV and in the movies creating an overgeneralized image of the lazy, incompetent, vain, self-centered, dangerous physician, the deck is stacked against you.

Don't jump up and down on the down side of an overloaded ship, throw the baggage overboard.

Get involved in every phase of every case you do. The more you do that, the faster and easier it becomes and the more indispensible you become. "Dr. CT surgeon, I spoke with your AVR, redo CABG patient last night and he has worsening cervical stenosis with OPLL diagnosed over a year ago. I am recommending full neuromonitoring for this case and will consult with his neurosurgeon on post-op followup and care." In the ICU give a full report and direct the care. "This patient requires Q 4h neurochecks including full upper and lower extremity range of motion and strength exams." Do the first one yourself.

When you walk into an OR, or PACU, or preop holding area, or ICU, your presence should be anxiolytic, not anxiogenic. You can see and hear the difference when different anesthesiologists walk in. We need to make a concerted effort across the specialty to change the attitude of and towards the specialty.

It starts with the medical students. I cannot tell you how many PM's and e-mails I still get from this forum from med students with subpar grades and docile personalities, looking for the high pay, easy lifestyle, no stress field. I no longer respond to those students, because this field does not need foot soldiers. It needs leaders and visionaries to push the boundaries of the field and take ownership of our future. It doesn't need fearmongers, supporting cast members, or the spineless.

Work in a hostile environment? Defuse it. Find out what the issues are and tackle them head on. Do it with zeal, a positive, helpful attitude, but most of all with authority. As I have said multiple times in the past, you have to get involved from the top down to understand and develop all facets of your practice and your facilities. That means spending some off time in administration and rooting out problems before they start to fester. I spend a large portion of my free time in administrative meetings both teaching and learning from administrators about issues they may not even have considered.

Cost considerations are always a concern. This group will do it cheaper, this group uses CRNA's, this group will come out to location X, etc. I have been asked to change my practice by facilities before and each time, I have clearly delineated the pros and cons and emphasized the depth and experience of my group to administrators. I am more than willing to take those assets and develop your competitor. That happened again and two months ago, I was reapproached by the facility I left to come back and resume our practice there. I declined. When they sweetened the deal, I accepted with stipulations.

In the future, we need to develop physician specific, core business concepts that will provide reproducible, sustainable models in all situations. The "cheaper is not better" approach combined with sustainable revenues and proven outcomes starts with the ASA and legislative efforts. It is a comprehensive model that can be used to not only sustain our presence but also redefine our roles as providers, leaders, and business developers.

You da man... :thumbup:
 
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Strong work over the years.
Great post and thank you for sharing your story...it's why I read SDN daily.

You'll be in my thoughts & prayers.
CJ
 
Wow - I am so sorry to hear of this.

Please, keep the faith. We will all be praying for you.

My husband was diagnosed with cancer last year and went through surgery and chemo. It was rough and chemo sucked however, I have to say that his positive attitude helped him get well. You are a very positive person and I know that you will be able to beat this.

This board is like a family and people like yourself have contributed so much to all of our education. Thank you!
 
Terrible news my friend, I still remember how you proofread my personal statement for residency. Great thing to do through an anonymous message board. My prayers with you and your family and great advice.
 
Wow - I am so sorry to hear of this.

Please, keep the faith. We will all be praying for you.

My husband was diagnosed with cancer last year and went through surgery and chemo. It was rough and chemo sucked however, I have to say that his positive attitude helped him get well. You are a very positive person and I know that you will be able to beat this.

This board is like a family and people like yourself have contributed so much to all of our education. Thank you!

I would love to hear more about your husband's situation. I am starting a blog to chronicle my time remaining and to offer advice and hopefully inspiration for anyone enduring this situation or just for the curious.
 
Terrible news my friend, I still remember how you proofread my personal statement for residency. Great thing to do through an anonymous message board. My prayers with you and your family and great advice.

Honor me by being the best you can be and being a leader. It isn't always a fun thing to do but in the end, you and your patients will be the better for it.
 
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Good Sunday afternoon to all of my friends and acquaintances on SDN.

I have been debating on whether or not to post this information but in light of several posts I have recently seen on the site, I feel that I can contribute to the ideas and thoughts of those of you in training and those of you still young to the private and academic practice worlds.

This past Wednesday at the ripe old age of 40, I was diagnosed with stage IV invasive adenocarcinoma of the lung. Don't smoke, don't drink except socially, never did drugs. Wouldn't have found it had I not gotten pneumonia from my brother. A big curveball on the road of life thrown at me at just the wrong time. Some tears and some down feelings, before my wife and my friends and family threw their support behind me and I kicked myself in the tail to remind myself I'm not dead yet. Close, but not yet. :)

No overt signs or symptoms over the past 2-3 years (which is the estimate of how long I have had this). Over the last year, some fatigue, but as busy as I am, not something out of the ordinary, and considering I worked out 7 days a week including an hour of cardio every day, well within acceptable tolerances. No weight loss and in fact have gained 10 pounds.

In writing this post, I want to first of all tell everyone, ENJOY LIFE!!! No one goes to their grave wishing they had worked a few more days. I can tell you that having taken this past week off, even something as simple as walking with my wife to a coffee shop (my first caffeine in almost 16 months) during the morning hours with the wind rustling the leaves of the red oaks of our neighborhood, I felt like I had missed out on so much, if even something as mundane as this moved me so much. That doesn't even begin to touch on the times and events I missed with my kids as I drove myself to exhaustion on a day to day basis with work, side businesses, politics, administration, etc.

I am not saying drop everything you are doing and never come back but take time off consistently to enjoy the day to day activities that we as type A professionals tend to forsake for our careers. You will feel better for doing it and you will have more energy to tackle those seemingly insurmountable tasks you have piled up for your work days.

Secondly, don't ignore symptoms. Don't treat yourself without finding out for sure what you are currently experiencing. While I had no symptoms, I did get checked out regularly with my internist, have already had an EGD, colonoscopy, CT scan, X-rays, and lab work done and this still managed to sneak in. That being said, it is still better to be consistent and thorough to pick up more obvious ailments.

Make sure you have good life and disability insurance. That was a topic recently brought up and as a just turned 40 year old now with a much shorter than expected shelf life, I can tell you that the anxiety of wondering what will happen to my family far outweighs any anxiety I have about my condition. I do not fear death. Never have. I fear uncertainty for my family more than anything else. Of course, I just recently terminated a life insurance policy in preparation for changing to another. Now out of both.

Save, SAVE, S A V E! Investments, gambling, stocks, fast cars, big houses, etc. all are fast ways to keeping you poor in the short term and likely unprepared for just such an event. I was balanced but if I had to do it over again, I would have put just a bit more into savings than into risky situations and cars. Of course, that was when I was younger and invincible. Having a war chest of funds safely tucked away in whatever non-depreciating savings form you desire will give you the peace of mind to live comfortably and to be prepared for life's unexpected lightning bolts.

I will certainly miss the wonderful discussions we have seen over the past 8 years and I regret that I have met so few of you face to face to put a proper name and image to the screen name. Maintain the integrity of this board and help each other as we have all seen many people do over the past 8 years that I have been privileged to be a part of.

May all of your lives be filled with happiness and joy and may we all one day see an end to the strife, conflicts, and wars we so readily relegate ourselves to, on Earth or in Heaven.

You are and have always been an inspiration to everyone on this forum. Our prayers are with you and your family. Your presence lives on:thumbup:
 
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UTSW, I am so sorry. As I sit here during a simple I&D of a finger, my heart is all bunched up. FWIW, I got to know you through all of your posts and you have always been someone I deeply respected... starting as a medical student.

I wish you all the best, and please pm me if you need anything at all.. even if I have not met you in person.

All the best bro,

Sevo.

Likewise, you have been one of the posters I always look for.
 
I'm so sorry. Please know that you are not alone; I had left my profession in oncology and started graduate work in bioethics when I was diagnosed with stage IV leiomyosarcoma. I think that it can be very hard for us folks in the medical field. I know I kicked myself for not connecting the dots on my symptoms earlier.

The first few weeks were the hardest for me, things did get easier. My best wishes and hang in there.

Allison

Debulking 2/2010, VATS 3/2011, today biked 15 miles prepping for a biking trip in Croatia 10/2011
 
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I've always enjoyed reading your thoughts and insights here. You got a tough draw, but I'll be wishing you and yours nothing but the best.
 
Wow. I'm so sorry to read about your illness. I remember your many outstanding posts over the years, and missed your presence here over the last year or 2.
I wish you the best and know you will fight the good fight. I lost a good friend a couple years ago to a GBM and think of him often when I consider leaving my current well balanced job to take a high pay, high stress, long hour job elsewhere.
Enjoy your remaining time to it's fullest, take notice of all the little things, and remember to take many more of those walks to the coffee shop! You may have missed a few things along the way, but there's plenty of time left to create a lifetime of wonderful memories for you and your family.
Warmest regards,
Il D
 
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I'm so sorry. Please know that you are not alone; I had left my profession in oncology and started graduate work in bioethics when I was diagnosed with stage IV leiomyosarcoma. I think that it can be very hard for us folks in the medical field. I know I kicked myself for not connecting the dots on my symptoms earlier.

The first few weeks were the hardest for me, things did get easier. My best wishes and hang in there.

Allison

Debulking 2/2010, VATS 3/2011, today biked 15 miles prepping for a biking trip in Croatia 10/2011

Allison, I hope to join you one day on a 15 mile biking trip. If I make it 5 years out, you name the time and place and I will pay for both of us.
 
Holy smokes. Thank you for sharing UTSW. My deepest sympathy goes out you and your family. Your message about enjoying life, especially the simple pleasures such as going for walks and spending time with your wife and kids is a very important one, and I hope it reaches far and wide.

Keep hope, if anyone can beat it, it's someone like you. And miracles do happen- here's hoping one comes your way.

Cheers to an SDN Hall of Famer, UTSouthwestern!
 
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My sister-in-law was diagnosed with a golfball sized glioblastoma in 2002 after she had a seizure at 30years. She had it resected and underwent chemo for the next 5 years. MRI's have all been negative and she's doing great. Ignore the statistics man. Your're young, healthy, and have plenty of fight in you. Statistics never apply to a single individual either. Hang tough!!!
 
UTSW, I'm deeply sorry for your diagnosis. Ive always enjoyed your informative and thoughtful posts. Best of luck to you and to your family and thanks again for the last piece of advice.
 
my prayers from NC are coming your way!!! hang in there brother, keep the faith, and remember that miracles do happen...keep posting on this board as we always need and respect your input and knowledge!

jak
 
My prayers are with you and your family.

You are one of the best posters on here. :thumbup:
 
Very sobering news that makes all of us stop and think what is really important. The number of replies in just a few hours speaks volumes to the number of people thinking of you and wishing you well. Best of luck.
 
Sorry to hear of this UT. A friend of mine was also just recently diagnosed with small cell cancer.
Enjoy the walks with your wife. If you have children I hope you get a lot of time with them, if not I hope you and your wife can begin to more highly value the precious time granted. Every moment alive is a true blessing if each of us realizes how blessed we are perhaps there will be less strife.
Try not to dwell on what you could of done for your wife, you have always displayed great fortitude and character, I am sure she will be good financially. Dont beat yourself up, if you are.
And this is just another battle that you have to face, I hope you face it with strength, determination, and love. God be with you, peace.
 
@UTSouthwestern- I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I often appreciate reading your posts. Your advice will be taken to heart; Thank you for taking the time in sharing with us.
 
Best of luck UTSW. Never give up hope. :thumbup:
 
deepest sympathies to you UTSW ....
a sobering thought that surely puts things into perspective and rearranges my thoughts about my problems.
you are doing an admirable job at not isolating yourself and reaching out to us!
stay strong and god bless!
fasto
 
My sympathies. I know I am a newcomer to the forums, and now, thank the Powers, entering training in the field. However, my sympathies go out to you.

The too-dumb-assed-to-give-up-SOB-surgeon in me is wanting you to fight this, despite the stage and the survival rates. I know the prognosis, and I know how much it stinks, and I shudder to think of the quality of life issues. But something in me just doesn't want you to give up the fighting.
 
**** this ****

good luck buddy, i dont presume to have any answers but, like everyone, i wish you the best.
 
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Dr UT,

To this day I remember that post and that line, "defuse it.". Such simple and wise advice that it stuck with me.

I am very sorry to hear of this news. The outpouring of love here is a testament to what you mean to this group of people. You're guidance has
Already changed lives and careers and certainly has helped patients in hospitals 100s of miles away from your own. I hope this brings you a smile as it seems like doing well for others is important for you, and you've accomplished that goal 100 fold. What a wonderful gift youve given.

Stay strong. I admire your character. All my wishes to you and your family.

With much admiration,
D712
 
I am starting a blog to chronicle my time remaining and to offer advice and hopefully inspiration for anyone enduring this situation or just for the curious.

This is a sad day for SDN anesthesia. Reading your advice back in the day helped inspire me to become an anesthesiologist because I wanted to be the type of consummate physician I saw displayed in your posts on the board.

I hope you would be willing to share the address of your blog so we can follow along with your progress.

Best wishes,
Gimlet
 
UTSW,
I have read and learned from your posts since your very first. Always impressed with your clinical, political and financial acumen.

I am very sad this is happening. Be strong, have hope, you never know how it will go.

I too am always surprised by how much life we miss trying to live!

Medicine is a noble pursuit but our own lives and loves deserve far more than we give them.

I could have been any kind of doctor but I chose anesthesiology. It satisfies me intellectually. I chose it so I could have BALANCE in my life. I would rather work 50 and cycle 30 then work 80!

Your warning about symptoms and primary care are important. Most doctors try to treat themselves and dont make time for appointments. We all should concentrate more on our own health.

Good luck and stay strong!
 
Sorry to hear UTSW. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

I don't post much, but I always made it a point to read your posts. Always insightful and entertaining.

Will definitely take your wise words to heart.
 
Thank you for your enlightening post-- everyone needs the reminder to enjoy every possible minute of every day.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family-- stay strong.
 
Wow! Just logged on to see what was up. I don't know you personally, but I feel like I do after having read your posts over the years. As with everyone else, I have always admired your posts. You make your point in a very professional way and have always been one of the most respected posters. A true class act. I hate to hear about your illness. I wish you the best as you begin your fight.

I am sitting here with a lump in my throat, not knowing what to say. Just know that your SDN family TRULY does care about you and wishes you and your family strength and determination as you struggle through this tough time.
 
Why does this **** always seem to happen to the best people?

Hang in there UT.
 
Dear UT,

I'm very sad to hear this terrible news.
As others have said you have been an inspiration for a lot of us on this forum. I've learned more from you and other eminent posters than i've ever learned from people i've met in real life.
Thank you and thank you SDN.

I hope you can overcome this great challenge.

-dhb
 
You can all make me feel better by getting regular check-ups and taking care of yourselves. Our lives are more important than getting ahead in the rat race.
 
UT I have long read and enjoyed your posts. Your message deeply saddens me. Life is fleeting and unpredictable. Thank you for your courage in posting this message. Best wishes and lots of love to you!
 
UTSW

Thanks for everything! I know you had provided me with sage advice when I was a medical student. I would say that you gave me ideas about how to succeed. I deeply appreciate it.

Finally, your contribution to helping this forum become more politically involved is much appreciated.

I'm without words. All I have to say is, hang in there. You are healthy and young..miracles happen man. Live your life as if you dont have the diagnosis.
 
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