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[modestmousktr]

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[CBTFTW]

I think it varies a huge amount based on how social and outgoing your SO is, and also on specific opportunities in your city. My husband and I just moved across the country for my internship, so we're in a very similar situation. I have built-in friends among the other interns, but he works from home and is not the most outgoing person in the world, so it's hard for him.

We've only been here for a few weeks, which have been taken up mostly by unpacking and settling in, but one thing he's starting to do is look at classes or activities he might want to be involved in. He's also been meeting some of my fellow interns -- I'm hoping that he might get along with some of their partners who are in similar situations. So, it's looking doable, though it's taking more effort than it would if he had a job he had to go to the office to do.

 

[VeryHopeful2010]

Hi! I moved with my husband for internship to a totally new city. Yes, I had my cohort as instant friends but my husband also got a job and made friends. We had a blast exploring the new city together in the beginning and then slowly made connections to expand our friend circle. I imagine that your partner will also work or go to school since your PhD program will be 5+ years? We are still in the new city, three years later...

 

[syzergy]

My friends started a "spouses night" with a couple rules: 1. No grad students. 2. No psychology. All the partners go out once a week to the bar, bowling, movies etc. It's kind of nice for my partner because he gets to look forward to something that doesn't revolve around grad school.

 

[CogNeuroGuy]

Experiences on moving with your partner? I'm applying to Ph.D. programs right now where my boyfriend and I would not know a soul. We've been living together for one year, dating for five years, and we have a great relationship in a wonderful town where we can see mutual friends, visit family, etc.

I am a little nervous about hauling ass somewhere else, even just an 8 hour drive, due to the sort of... relationship isolation or bubble I am foreseeing (as in the only people we will know will be each other!) I know that being in a doctoral program, I would have a built in set of friends, but I worry about my SO- will he make friends? will it just be him and I every weekend? is it easy to make friends out of the blue in a brand new city? I don't want him to feel socially unsupported where we live.

I know this is not uncommon in our field, so any experience sharing would be great. Thanks guys!

My husband and I will be moving next year for doctoral programs for both of us. It will be an adjustment seeing how we are leaving an environment that we have been in a long time and have family and friends around us. However, we both realized that our goals/dreams and independence as a newly married couple is what matters most. We see each other every day, many times for a long time during a given day, others it's only when he gets home from work but we still have every day/night together. We operate a bit differently in terms of marriage dynamics, we are both homebodies, we are not the bar-hopping kind of couple so the transition will not be a huge change for us, especially if we move from one metropolitan area to another.

Currently, I have some friends in my graduate program and the colleagues I research with, however I am introvert and typically prefer to be around my husband or just at home. Again, these are personal preferences, so I don't have a need to be hanging out all of the time with a handful of my fellow colleagues. This is obviously different for everyone, but just gauge your interests between both of you and talk over some rules or standards that you will both take part in to place a decent foundation in what your free time will be like, how often you will go out as a couple, if you prefer to go out with your friends over your boyfriend, etc. Like you had mentioned, you don't want to make him to feel isolated. I went so far as to get my husband approved to help me co author a manuscript with a neurologist I am working with so he can meet many of the people I work with, this will also help his career hopefully.

Good luck on the transition and the excitement of being a couple and making those decisions that will help build your relationship further.

 

[PhDToBe]

Most of the spouses/SOs in my program befriend the grad students and the other spouses/SOs.

 

[xXIDaShizIXx]

Most of the spouses/SOs in my program befriend the grad students and the other spouses/SOs.

It was mostly hard on my wife. She then got a job and made friends and honestly really kind of forgot about her old ones. Now its just about me trying to get to spend time with her when I can catch her at home! lol

 

[CogNeuroGuy]

Well, the bright side for me would be that whatever doctoral program I apply to this fall, Nova Southeastern would be ideal as an overall school/location. My husband is Brazilian, so the tropical weather in the Ft. Lauderdale area is something he loves. We go to Miami every summer for a couple of weeks and always said we wanted to move there, especially when the best thing Dallas has is White Rock Lake . It would be an expensive endeavor, however, mutually it presents more pros than cons for both of our schooling needs and living environment. Florida is closer to getting gay marriage passed there than Texas, so maybe we can finally get that marriage discount on our car/renters insurance we can't take advantage of here in Texas .

 

[submarine1991]

I am not in the same field as you all, however I have plenty of experience with moving with a partner. My partner and I were dual military when we met. When I separated from the military to go to graduate school, he was reassigned with little notice to the East Coast.
The military has afforded me the opportunities to live overseas and experience a lot of variety. I wasn't happy about moving to the East Coast but I figured I had done harder things. I applied to four schools in New England and three in California (just in case). Got into all of them and joined him a year later.
This transition is one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. As supportive as my partner is, I've found myself to be a bit isolated. My partners job in the military is arduous and he works 16 hour days with VERY little time off and he is often away on travel. I find myself bearing the brunt of this move alone.
The rigor of my program left me with little free time during the school year (which is fine because I am a homebody). This past winter caused me to stay indoors as much as I could (I am a neophyte when it comes to snow. It terrifies me and the slipping, sliding, bruised backside, losing traction, etc left me a bit jaded).
We are transients here ( 21 months for me, 2.5 years for him) and will be moving again in May (I graduate and he gets a new assignment somewhere else).
On a positive note, I have established solid friendships and made meaningful connections with students in my cohort and at my internship. My partner has his military subculture here so that significantly eased the abruptness of the move and provided a strong support system for him.

 

[Terri Dactyl]

My friends started a "spouses night" with a couple rules: 1. No grad students. 2. No psychology. All the partners go out once a week to the bar, bowling, movies etc. It's kind of nice for my partner because he gets to look forward to something that doesn't revolve around grad school.

That's an excellent idea! My fiance moved with me for graduate school and now for internship. It was difficult in the beginning since he didn't have a network of friends like back home. He became savvy to psychology lingo after hanging out with my colleagues, but could only stand so much. So he eventually developed his own friends including non-psychology spouses of colleagues.

This next move will be hard on both of us since we're again in a new city, but we plan on looking into "Meet Up" which is a social network of people interested in similar interests/activities/social events.

 

[LMK]

I found MeetUp and MeetIn to be really helpful when I moved, alone, to a new city for grad school.

 

[LupaCupcake]

We moved a lot when we were military, every 2-3 years is a guaranteed move, sometimes even one year and you get moved and we never had a choice where or when. So I got acclimated to that lifestyle and I will say that your sweetheart needs to go out. If he works or attends school then eh will meet people, if he is the stay at home person that keeps up the house then encourage things like meetup.com , if he has a hobby then googling groups in your area that enjoy his hobby as well or something along those lines.

 

[CBTFTW]

Hey CBTFTW, I am in a very similar situation! My partner also works from home, and is also not terribly outgoing. Even now, in my M.A. program, I do have to encourage him and remind him to go out with friends, leave the house for errands, etc. I hope it is okay if I message you sometime next year to see how your transition has been and if you have any solid advice! It seems like we are in a similar boat, I feel the situation is unique as he does not have an office job.

Yes, definitely feel free to message me! This whole thing is a work in progress.

 

[submarine1991]

ModestMouse,
I would have to say that the transition to New England was the most difficult. I've been stationed overseas, been on missions all over the globe, and have seen a lot of the US. Something about New England is just difficult to me. Honestly, it was easier being long distance