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[laterratherthan]

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[deleted480308]

You won't see them alot for the next 5yrs if they match and you'll have to move likely. Does your custody arrangements allow you to leave the state?

Other than that it's just like any other relationship

 

[J ROD]

Sometimes, you have to make your own path and this might be one of those.

Also, you must be extremely hot! lol

 

[deleted480308]

Well, that's sort of the debacle. I have true joint custody both physical and legal. Right down the middle. I certainly don't want to take them away from their dad and from the entire family they know & love, but at the same time, I don't want to leave them behind either. Their father & I are great friends and he's aware of the situation. We have had an official discussion yet but he's made it clear that he wouldn't want to keep them from me either. We want to do what's best for them. If my SO matches in the region there are custody arrangements that make it possible & I would travel home often on call days/nights to be there. Or if they stay with me, their dad could come visit as often as he likes. People have done Summer months and long holiday with one weekend a month in between types of arrangements when parents live in different states. That's why I'm asking if anyone has done this before. I have no idea how to figure it out of what's best.

They're your kids but as a parent myself I wouldn't accept a situation that left my kids physically without either of us....even if it meant dropping a potential relationship

 

[deleted480308]

Unfortunately, the scrutiny against our relationship is more common than not. Not something we aren't used to. I, personally, would never discourage anyone from devotion to one another based on circumstance. Too many relationships and marriages end because of lack of support. i.e. My first marriage. We are so quick to default to "more fish in the sea" than "loving who you're with." My questions were asked for support and encouragement, not judgement. As far as "red flags" go, I married young without the maturity to know what I was looking for in a life partner. I never knew that my educational endeavors as a female and as a mother were something that would be viewed as selfish by my spouse and my family. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt for going to school even though I nearly had a 4.0 and working towards completing the honors criteria at my university while going through 2 pregnancies & raising two children. Often times, my family and spouse wouldn't show up to events where I received recognition or honors including an entire charity event I coordinated for a women's leadership non-profit organization; Irony. I would stand there alone & ask myself "Maybe a woman's place really is in the home... Is this all worth it?" I was constantly bombarded with pressure & guilt for "missing out on my children's lives." I was only away from my children 2 half days a week. My ex-husband filed for divorce because "he needed a wife not a college student." So before you judge someone on their life circumstance, be sure you know the entire story. If anyone knows how to support someone's educational and career goals, it's me. I would never deter someone from bettering themselves and success.
With that said, my SO is an incredible man. He supports my goals, accepts and cares for my children, works incredibly hard, and wants us in his life every step of the way. Time is not a gauge for appropriateness. Oftentimes people forget to remember everyone is not the same and veer away from the social norms. How boring life would be if everyone lived the same lives according to plan. Be gentle with those you may not know. You never know what they might be facing. "Southern Surgeon" I can tell you're from the South. Its unfortunately the attitude most people have down here. I encourage you to think of the grace you've been given in life, and extend it to others. It's an awful thing to make it to where you want to be and forget all the support it took to get you there. I wish you all the success in life you seek after. And when hardship comes your way, as it inevitably does, I hope you're extended grace and support.

I'm sorry but the non-judgemental support is for situations that people get stuck in, not for optional plans that aren't good ideas.....you are welcome to ignore this advice but your kids deserve both parents to be around. If the three adults don't end up living in the same area I would propose it's your relationship with your new SO that should be long distance as opposed to making the children have a long distance relationship with one of their parents. You can totally do school and a new relationship as a divorced parent (protip: daycare expense is an allowable increase to cost of living for fafsa) but I think you should stay in town with your ex for your kid's sake

It's not a female thing, it's a parent thing. Once we have the kids, it's simply not about us anymore

 

[hello lady!]

Also, you must be extremely hot! lol

So messed up

 

[ColoradoHkyMom]

I'm sorry but the non-judgemental support is for situations that people get stuck in, not for optional plans that aren't good ideas.....you are welcome to ignore this advice but your kids deserve both parents to be around. If the three adults don't end up living in the same area I would propose it's your relationship with your new SO that should be long distance as opposed to making the children have a long distance relationship with one of their parents. You can totally do school and a new relationship as a divorced parent (protip: daycare expense is an allowable increase to cost of living for fafsa) but I think you should stay in town with your ex for your kid's sake

It's not a female thing, it's a parent thing. Once we have the kids, it's simply not about us anymore

This is so true. You want non-judgmental support, well the best advice is to do what is best for your kids. They need both their mom and their dad, and their extended families. You made a mistake, married young, and then went on to have two children. You need to be the best mom you can be to them, and uprooting their lives for a SO that may be moving multiple times (residency, fellowship, and then future job) is not the route to go.