Things I Learn from My Patients.

Started by loo
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loo

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I saw this thread on the Emergency Medicine forum and thought that pharmacy should have one too.

I'll start. If you are drunk at 10:00 am and want your script for 200 percocet filled, please do not get mad and punch out my encap display while I call the hospital to verify the script.

Let's get it rollin' folks! 😀
 
Anusol-HC supoositories do not work faster if you take them orally.
 
Laws of illegal scripts:

1. The number of fake rx's is directly proportional to how close you are to closing.

2. Acetone is a better solvent than an ink eraser.
 
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If your diabetic grandmother/grandfather has no phone and needs 10 cc syringes...I suggest you take them to the ER immediately.
 
loo said:
If your diabetic grandmother/grandfather has no phone and needs 10 cc syringes...I suggest you take them to the ER immediately.
Click to expand...
Make those 17 gauge too.
 
Law of co-pays:

1. The more well-off and insured you are, the more likely you will bitch about your copay.

2. The more you complain about me "charging" you too much, the less you have read your insurance contract.

3. It is never the patient's responsibility to know their coverage...
 
"What do you mean you don't know where the canned cat food or l'oreal makeup shade #842 is? Don't you know anything?"
 
If you are male, it is a weekend, you are rude and grumpy, you have no refills on your viagra, cialis, etc. AND your pharmacist is female...

please do not expect her to "give you a couple to hold you over" 😎

I'm sorry, but it is not medically necessary for you to have an erection.
 
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By all means, let your pharmacist know that it only takes a few seconds to put pills in a bottle...that way, you are sure to get faster service! 😡

Hee, hee this is so much fun!
 
jdpharmd? said:
Make those 17 gauge too.
Click to expand...

But Doc, you don't understand...my cow really needs it and I'm holding you PERSONALLY responsible if she dies! :laugh:
 
It is generally not a good idea to take your pain medication at the sink, toilet, river, or while washing dishes.

Diarrhea is not cured by giving oneself a "cleansing enema"

It is generally not a good idea to make your own soothing eyewash from tap water and boric acid powder.
 
The lady smoking in the drive through with her kids in the back seat has no idea why they have asthma, but it's your fault that they're wheezing because you're taking too long. 😡
 
The fatter you are, the more the likely you'll try to use the drive thru to pick up otc items.

The degree of one's stupidity is directly proportional to the number of times you ring the drive-thru bell (when there is big sign that clearly states "ring bell ONCE please").

Medical assistance (medicaid, public assistance) will not pay for cigarettes or lottery tickets. It is not a credit card.

The pharmacist cannot get your rx ready for you before he/she actually has the written rx in hand. It makes no difference at all if "you've had it before, I think"

Unless you are a nurse, md, do, pa, dds, dvm, np, etc. please refrain from calling in your own prescriptions.
 
Logic would dictate that if you have a bladder infection and are given a script for generic bactrim-ds and tylenol no. 3...the pain medication is much more important to get...

It's a good idea to show your DOCTOR your genital herpes lesions instead of dropping trou in a public place where cameras are present.

Just because your cousin is a multiple drug user, it does not make him an expert on drugs.
 
You cannot get pubic lice from a hamster. If you did, I do not want to know about it.

If a condom can fit over a small watermelon, then I can say with certainty that it can fit you.
 
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If you need to pass a drug test for a job, I suggest going to the hospital and asking for a complete blood transfusion and liver transplant...otherwise, there is pretty much nothing you can take otc to mask your heroin, opiate, THC, etc. use.
 
If you ask me why I cannot take your medication back, I will answer: Do you care if you get the hamburger that someone brought back to McDonald's?
 
A gallon of milk will not fit in the pneumatic tube for lane 2 of the drive-thru.

Yes, your copay did change on January 1st.

No, the pharmacist does not want see "if this is jock itch."

It is a bad idea to present CDS prescriptions from 3 different ER's to the same pharmacist at the same time.

It is not polite to present post-dated C-II scripts to the pharmacist before the date of "issuance", then get angry that the pharmacist will not fill them.

Just because your sister is nurse does not make her an expert on medications.

Just because your sister is a nurse does not make you an expert on medications. 🙄
 
Chlorine bleach (non-diluted) is not an acceptable substitute for NaCl 0.9%irrigation solution for decubitus ulcers of the leg.

It's best if you come up with different excuses for losing your controlled substances. How many times can you lose your luggage in the airport AND your purse in an accident...ON THE SAME DAY!

No, real men do not use Old Bay (a spice for steamed crabs) to treat jock itch and women do not consider it to be an aphrodisiac when you do.
 
That "DC" next to the number of pills listed on your label indicates "double counted." Don't even try to tell me that you are short 5 Oxycontin.
 
Pilot said:
That "DC" next to the number of pills listed on your label indicates "double counted." Don't even try to tell me that you are short 5 Oxycontin.
Click to expand...

Hee Hee. If you accuse me of "shorting", "stealing" your CS's, please know that if I did, I would have sold them on on the black market, and hence, would not be at my job having to listen to your bs, thank you very much! 🙂
 
No, ladies, it is NOT an emergency and I will not page your doctor on a sunday morning if you have no refills on your bc and you are not pregnant!!!
 
Love this thread!!!!!!

I don't care if your insurance paid for your triple bypass in 1992, your wife is not covered now!

If you haven't needed your Ambien in the last 147 days, I don't understand why, on a Friday night with no refills and an expired script, you need it so urgently now. I can tell your doctor you didn't use up all your refills, but I don't expect him to care.

Yes your script is taped back together with the date circled and do not fill written in red after we tore it up because it was a) expired b) didn't belong to you and c) YOU CAN'T GET IT FILLED ANYWHERE ELSE ANYWAY!!!!!!!

thanks for the :laugh: :laugh: I needed them
 
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Spacecowgirl-

You know of the dreaded law of stupidity by past association--if insurance paid for it then, it should pay for it now, even though rx coverage is COMPLETELY different from medical coverage!

Keep it coming !!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 
Patient: I need you to call my md for a refill.
Me: OK
Patient: Will it be ready today?
Me: Depends on when we get the ok from the md. Might be a while, but we'll call all the same. Give us a call, say...in an hour or so to check.

Patient shows up 30 minutes minutes later wondering why it isn't ready. F**king PITA 😡
 
Murphy's Law in Action:

If a hypochondriac patient calls asking an "innocent" question early in the day, this means that their md will call in multiple rx's and the pt will p/u meds and waste a significant portion of your day asking asinine questions about rare drug reactions that "will" happen to them (since they have a sensitive constitution)...all at your busiest time of the day with 1 tech out sick!
 
Good communication is essential. I know what you mean when you substitute "genetic" or "genetical" for the word "generic". However, it does frighten me when I use the word "vagina" in counseling and your body language screams "what the hell is that?" . Luckily, I am trained in body part pointing and you get what I'm saying as your generally ill-behaved children run around like wild animals.
 
Phone Etiquette:

Phone rings.
Me: So-N-So Pharmacy, May I help you?
Patient: Are you open?
Me: Yes (why would I answer the phone, dingbat?)
Patient: Who's this?
Me: This is the pharmacist.
Patient: Are you sure?


What I would like to respond with: No, a-hole, I play one on tv.
 
True stories:

Patient: Does this look like lice to you? (points to contents of baggie now spread all over my counter)
Me: Yes, get some Rid (and get the hell away from my counter)

Patient: I've been taking my medicine for days now and my yeast infection isn't any better, and man, are they (GIANT VAGINAL SUPPOSITORIES!!!!) hard to swallow!

Patient: These suppositories are making my hemorroids worse.
RPh: What do you mean?
Patient: Well the bleeding is worse and the foil really irritates them.

Now I know why our lab instructors remind us to counsel our patients to UNWRAP their suppositories first.

Have mercy on us all!!!!!! I do love it though, you've got to!
 
spacecowgirl said:
True stories:

Patient: Does this look like lice to you? (points to contents of baggie now spread all over my counter)
Me: Yes, get some Rid (and get the hell away from my counter)

Patient: I've been taking my medicine for days now and my yeast infection isn't any better, and man, are they (GIANT VAGINAL SUPPOSITORIES!!!!) hard to swallow!

Patient: These suppositories are making my hemorroids worse.
RPh: What do you mean?
Patient: Well the bleeding is worse and the foil really irritates them.

Now I know why our lab instructors remind us to counsel our patients to UNWRAP their suppositories first.

Have mercy on us all!!!!!! I do love it though, you've got to!
Click to expand...
eeeek! Those are classics doomed to be repeated over and over again :laugh:
 
Please ask the pharmacist to break the law when it is convenient for you. Laws are merely "guidelines" and besides, they don't apply to you when you need your meds and it is, of course, an emergency.

I will be more than happy to break the law for you if you will pay my court costs (for the lawyer I will need when my licensed is revoked), my salary (with cost of living raises, bonus, profit-sharing, etc.) and any other incidentals for the next....30-35 years.

Anything else I can do to help you? 😀
 
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spacecowgirl said:
True stories:

Patient: Does this look like lice to you? (points to contents of baggie now spread all over my counter)
Me: Yes, get some Rid (and get the hell away from my counter)

Patient: I've been taking my medicine for days now and my yeast infection isn't any better, and man, are they (GIANT VAGINAL SUPPOSITORIES!!!!) hard to swallow!

Patient: These suppositories are making my hemorroids worse.
RPh: What do you mean?
Patient: Well the bleeding is worse and the foil really irritates them.

Now I know why our lab instructors remind us to counsel our patients to UNWRAP their suppositories first.

Have mercy on us all!!!!!! I do love it though, you've got to!
Click to expand...



LOL, when I was in the field playing Army (I was AF), I visited a friend at a battalion aid station (a PA), He was in the middle of recovering from a situation - he prescribed preparation-H oint for a guy with hemorroids, and the (not really qualified guy filling in as a) medic gave the pt. ben-gay.

No, they aren't the same.
 
When you see me answer the phone and the receiver is on my ear...that is your cue to ask me a question!!!!

I am not licensed to crack your back or lance your boils, contrary to what the "old doc" did.

If you are a male and you make a scene because your insurance will only pay for 6 viagra per 30 calendar days, be rest assured that every female on staff will talk about it all day and have a good laugh to boot.
 
Vaseline is not an appropriate substitute for KY jelly. Don't look surprised when your significant other announces that she's pregnant even though you used a condom.
 
If you ask me (hypothetically) if it is possible to get an STD from...let's say...cattle. I would tell you "probably" not; but secretly think to myself, "but you'd be full of s**t ,you sick loser and I could only hope your wanger falls off from the bacteria you've exposed yourself to".

It is impossible to be "a little pregnant".

If a paranoid schizophrenic patient runs out of meds on the weekend, don't let em walk away empty-handed.

For the last time, diet pills do not work. Exercise and calorie restriction are the only proven methods of weight reduction. Just remember that I warned you about not starting the grapefruit diet when your meds include norvasc, lipitor, zoloft, clonazepam, etc.
 
Physical Clues: You Be the Judge!

85 degree day, 90% humidity. Person walks in with a long-sleeved sweater looking dry-wall white. Wants syringes.

It's 10 minutes until closing. Person walks in with sunglasses, hat, and acts a little jumpy. Doesn't let you out of their sight until you pick up the phone...then they bolt.

Pulls up to the drive-thru in a cadillac escalade (mercedes benz, bmw, etc.) all pimped out. You ask for insurance and they hand you....?

Well-dressed person decides to hand their rx's to you personally because they don't want to wait in line. Expects some sort of VIP treatment...I have to wait? I'll just go home and fax them to you...just give me your fax #.
 
loo said:
Good communication is essential. I know what you mean when you substitute "genetic" or "genetical" for the word "generic".
Click to expand...

How about when women call and ask for a refill of their "Premium" (Premarin) pills? Also, in mail order, a common mispronunciation of Glucophage was "Gloobahage."
 
FutureRxGal said:
How about when women call and ask for a refill of their "Premium" (Premarin) pills? Also, in mail order, a common mispronunciation of Glucophage was "Gloobahage."
Click to expand...

That's cool! We should start a thread on "Alternative Pronunciation of Common Drug Names"!!!

Must sleep. 😴 😴

Keep adding on!
 
loo said:
Law of co-pays:

1. The more well-off and insured you are, the more likely you will bitch about your copay.

2. The more you complain about me "charging" you too much, the less you have read your insurance contract.

3. It is never the patient's responsibility to know their coverage...
Click to expand...

I agree. So many patients come in and before filling it ask how much will it be? When we tell them the pharmacist wont know until the insurance company tells him how much to charge there are all " oh well i need to go to the bank to get money" or " how much can a copay be". Then the pharmacist says well its generic, so whatever your generic copay is, which they dont know. Why dont these people just take out their insurance card and look, or as Loo said, read their contract. And tons of people bitch about their copays, but im in Cohoes, Upstate New York, which is a pretty poor town.
Also patients that are new never have their insurance card on them, especially medicaid patients. There are so many parents that bring in medications for their children without a card, they have their own card, but not the childs.
 
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loo said:
It is generally not a good idea to make your own soothing eyewash from tap water and boric acid powder.
Click to expand...

These are pretty funny !
Just yesterday someone came in complaining about an eye problem and asked the pharmacist where the boric acid is. He explained to her that it should be made using sterile techniques and that she cant do that at home. So he directed her to an eye wash with boric acid in it. I would not put something i mixed up in a bowl at home into my eye, like thats going to help an infected eye, placing tons of bacteria into it because you thought your dishes were spotless...

Just thinking about eye problems. Someone also came in a few days ago, complaining of eye problems. I think something had injured their eye, it was pretty swollen and this guy was having problems seeing, he asked where the eye washes were. The pharmacist suggested they go to the doctor about that. Maybe people are very poor here and dont want to go to the doctor, but i wouldnt take any chances with my eyes.

Loo, are you working in the upstate NY area?
 
New Oxycontin 80mg GEQ is out now so we switch a patient to the generic, the transaction goes down like this:

Patient: What this? Oxycodone ER 80mg?
Me: That's the new generic Oxycontin
Patient: I can't take generic (meanwhile he also has generic Xanax and Percocet)
Me: Sir, you have other generic medications right there!
Patient: But I can't take generic in this
Me: How do you know you can't take generic it just came out this week?
Patient: Do you have the brand name?
Me: Yes, but your insurance will probably charge you a higher copay since you're requesting the brand and the doctor didn't put DAW
Patient: DWA?
Me: No, DAW, If the doctor puts this it means Dispense As Written and therefore we can give you the brand name
Patient: So all I gotta do is get the Dr. to put DWA?
Me: Yes

Patient returns 20 minutes later with DWA written on his Rx, I politely turn him away. 😛
 
LMAO - DWA!!!!

Know what's even better than Oxycontin? OxyCOTTON, hey they don't call it hillbilly herion for nothing :laugh: If you haven't heard someone call it that, don't worry, you will.
 
dontworry said:
.

Loo, are you working in the upstate NY area?
Click to expand...
Yep, used to work in Rochester, NY. Went to school in Smallbany!
Cohoes---aah, memories!

loo
 
Moving right along...

One phone call per two hours is sufficient to see if your doctor has called in your prescription. However, calling the pharmacy every 15-20 minutes will only brighten the pharmacy staff's day 🙄

Please look at my name tag more closely when you ask if a certain drug is on the preferred list. It does NOT say "Claims Representative".

My attention/listening span is inversely related to the amount of cuss words you use.

I know everybody has learned something....let's post!!!!
 
The best hangover remedy is to NOT drink until you pass out.

Alcohol and Pain meds--bottom line is that they don't mix well with one drink much less a sixpack.

Can I have sex with my partner after we both take our metronidazole? Jeez, how'd do think you ended up this way in the first place?
 
Pharmacists and techs are never as busy as you are. Feel free to let them know that when you come in.

Cellphones are a godsend. By all means make sure you answer your calls while I am counseling you.
 
A "cc" is equivalent to an "ml". This is what I went to school for. Why don't we argue about something more relevant...say..conversions to avoirdupois (sp?)

No, I cannot fill a prescription for a lab test.
 
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Weird Logic on Friday Nights and Weekends:

Patient: I need you to call my doctor (for routine BP meds)
Me: The doctor's office is closed.
Patient: Yeah, I know. He's soooo busy and I didn't want to bother him.

WTF?
 
"Can you talk to my aunt on my cell phone? She wants some Monistat."

"I don't have my insurance card. Can you call my insurance company and get all my information?"

"Can you tell me the generic and brand copays for all 5 of my prescriptions?"

"Can you wrap this box of condoms for me? It's a gift."

"Hi, I'm calling with a new prescription for myself."

"What do you mean you had to return it to stock? Just because I didn't pick it up for 3 weeks? I have to wait until you fill it all over again?!!"

"Why is my copay so high? I used to pay $10 for that."
 
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