Last year's essay vs this year's

tofoo · Aug 3, 2004

Here are my essays. One is from last year's AMCAS. The new one is what I want to submit for this year's AMCAS.

I would like any feedback in general. However, I would like to know if the new essay is better and if there is too much similarity from the last year's essay.

Another thing I'd like to mention is that last year's essay was a hit with the interviewers, so I would really like to make this year's essay just as good.

Thanks.

uic1999 · Aug 3, 2004

Not bad, interesting, but a bit too much blind altruism for my tastes. Wait until you are performing a manual disimpaction on an old woman with a temper. I doubt you will still be thinking,

"...I could not be completely happy unless others were happy because everyone is my brother, sister, mother, and father. The separated notion of ?you or me? slowly faded away from this moment."

On second thought, though, being elbow deep in another person's s@#! certainly blurs the line between "you and them".

In all seriousness, tone it down.

Just my thoughts.

medhope17 · Aug 4, 2004

I think your last essay was better. In the first essay, you accomplished many things in an original way. 1. you talked about something you like to do (cooking) that was a good hook for discussing non-medical interests. 2. You illustrated the chronology/progression of your decision to pursue medicine. 3. You talked about people that influenced/mentored you in ways that made you seem both a good student and learner -- an easy jump is that you will also make a good teacher and doctor. Your new essay is much more generic and not nearly as complex. If you are re-applying, maybe you should talk about that.

tofoo · Aug 4, 2004

Thanks guys.

That's what I think, too. Last year's essay was much better. I wish I could just submit the old essay.

Do you suppose I should just freshen up the old essay?

BTW, I took down the essays. I will PM the essays if more of you are willing to critique it.

Thanks a bunch! 😀

eugeniadz · Aug 4, 2004

I wish I can read yor essay but don't know how to access it. Help please

Kazema · Aug 4, 2004

I read your essays earlier but didn't get around to commenting. I agree with medhope; I thought your first essay was better. It made you seem like a more interesting applicant. I would suggest just reworking your original, maybe working in your reapplication with the cooking analogy.

tofoo · Aug 5, 2004

Kazema said:
I read your essays earlier but didn't get around to commenting. I agree with medhope; I thought your first essay was better. It made you seem like a more interesting applicant. I would suggest just reworking your original, maybe working in your reapplication with the cooking analogy.

Ok, I think I'll take your advice.

Another thing that I forgot to mention is that I'm only applying to two schools from last year. At the other 8 schools, I will be first time applicant this round.

Last year's essay vs this year's

tofoo

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uic1999

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medhope17

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tofoo

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eugeniadz

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Kazema

In a kingdom by the sea

tofoo

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