Ladies, will you change your last name after marriage?

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gwen

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I am currently planning on NOT changing my last name. I'm Mrs. "husband's last name" for all intents and purposes, BUT I would still like to be Dr. "Maiden name". Is that odd? I think that I have to keep my maiden name legally so that I can be addressed/officially Dr. "maiden name". Is that true?

I'm curious to see what other people have to say about this topic. I realize that times are changing and a lot, though still a minority, of females are not changing their names.
 
I got married a few years ago, did not change my name, and no one refers to me as Mrs "husbands name" either unless they do not know.
 
I don't think I'd change my last name either. I like how Dr. [last name] sounds. Also, if I end up working in my hometown, I'd be stupid not to keep the last name since my parents, especially my mother, are well-known within the community (they're both doctors, so insert doctors' kids comments here).
 
I didn't change my last name because I have always looked forward to being Dr. [last name]. My husband and I talked about it and he didn't have any stong opinions. I did want to be fair so we actually came up with a bunch of options (hyphenation, using one last name as a middle name, him changing to my name) and pulled one out of a hat. We ended up pulling the him changing his last name to mine option, but his family gave him some grief and we figured it would be simpler to just leave it alone.

Depending on what point in your career you get married, changing your name could be simple or complex. If you don't change it you will get called all sorts of things by people who don't know (Mrs. husband's last name, Mrs. your last name, your husband may get Mr. your last name) but as long as you tell the people who matter to you it should be ok after a while (I have been married 4 years and some of my extended family still forgets what I am supposed to be called, but I will respond to whatever they try-Dr. first name is gaining popularity since I graduated). Do what you want and don't feel pressured by others (but do talk it over with your husband, his input should matter to you and hopefully you can agree on something)
 
I think it's becoming more common for women to keep their birth names after they get married. I have two friends who didn't change their names. Their children have their father's surname and that seems to satisfy their husbands.
 
My fiance tells me that if I ever become a "loser" I'll have to change my last name to her maiden name 😀 hahaha....

I think hyphenation is the perfect solution. Simple, yet effective. In emergency situations you wont' have to provide evidence that you're the spouse (with a different name) or a family member to a parent/ sibling (with your maiden name). Just perfect.
 
No. However, it's also unlikely that I will get married. Most single men my age are single because they treat women like crap, and I refuse to be some married man's mistress. And I'm not interested in women, so that doesn't leave much.
 
nope i dont think so. it will be the same.🙂
 
cool, nice to know many of you guys (er, gals) will be keeping your maiden names. like i said, i'm happy with my husband's last name for everything except work-related times. i worked hard as ms. M to become dr. M, and darn it, it will stay that way. and yes, my kids will take my hubby's last name. the only reason i'm not hyphenating is b/c my real first name and hubby's last name are looooooooooooooooong. i don't want to subject people to that kind of pain.
 
gwen said:
cool, nice to know many of you guys (er, gals) will be keeping your maiden names. like i said, i'm happy with my husband's last name for everything except work-related times. i worked hard as ms. M to become dr. M, and darn it, it will stay that way. and yes, my kids will take my hubby's last name.
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I totally agree with you. That is what I'm going to do when I get married whether my future husband likes it or not🙂 .
 
I changed my name.
I wasn't planning on it.
But when wedding time rolled around I just felt like doing it.

I don't LIKE my married surname as much. With my particular first name + my married name I have the same name as a relatively famous institution... get lots of dumb questions.

I DO like having the same name as my husband and our daughter.

Several of my friends did not change their names. They still get referred to by their husbands' last names all the time, especially by the husband's family. The times are changing, but perhaps not as fast as people would like!
 
I got married last year and I changed my name. I never really considered not doing it unless I had my degree or a bunch of papers published in my maiden name, or my hubby and I were in the same profession. I like my married name, it has the same first letter for first and last names now, and has a nice symmetrical look to it. 😀 Designing a signature for the new name was a PITA though.
 
I added my husbands last name to my last name but I want to go by Dr. madien name ... I don't know how that will work as of yet but if anyone has any insight that be great 😉
 
mshheaddoc said:
I added my husbands last name to my last name but I want to go by Dr. madien name ... I don't know how that will work as of yet but if anyone has any insight that be great 😉
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If you're hyphenated, use w/e name u want. EG. Mrs Smith-Jones could easily say "I'm Mrs. Smith" or "I'm Mrs. Jones" and noboody would look at her like she was crazy.
 
we had a female attending who was Dr. "xxxx"-"xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" (yes, that's a hyphen between all those x's). so everyone just called her Dr. xxx.
 
Yeah I don't have the hypen b/c I wanted to be able to use the madien name (I didn't think it really mattered with hypen/no-hypen other than with hypen I would have to use both names.

I just don't know the legal implications of it, such as I already have most of my degrees in my madien name and would like to have all my degrees in just my madien name. Both names never fit.
 
tncekm said:
I think hyphenation is the perfect solution. Simple, yet effective. In emergency situations you wont' have to provide evidence that you're the spouse (with a different name) or a family member to a parent/ sibling (with your maiden name). Just perfect.
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Yeah. Until two hyphenated kids fall in love.

Two of my friends used to joke about getting married so they could do this: J. Laird-Koch (pronounced "coke")+ A. Stuart-Koch (pronounced kaw-ch) ---> kids named Stuart-Koch-Laird-Koch. 🙄
 
DownonthePharm said:
I got married last year and I changed my name. I never really considered not doing it unless I had my degree or a bunch of papers published in my maiden name, or my hubby and I were in the same profession. I like my married name...
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Me too... I'm still in the newlywed stage where I love seeing my new name. 😍 I have a sentimental attachment to all members of the family having the same name, but it helps that I like my husband's name and my husband's family. I would have reconsidered if I'd married somebody with a really awful name (I've met people named Teet or Succop or whatever...ugh.)

mshheaddoc said:
I added my husbands last name to my last name but I want to go by Dr. madien name ... I don't know how that will work as of yet but if anyone has any insight that be great 😉
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I've been told this works well: use one name professionally and the other socially. Never tried it, though.
 
mshheaddoc said:
Yeah I don't have the hypen b/c I wanted to be able to use the madien name (I didn't think it really mattered with hypen/no-hypen other than with hypen I would have to use both names.

I just don't know the legal implications of it, such as I already have most of my degrees in my madien name and would like to have all my degrees in just my madien name. Both names never fit.
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My experience is not mine personally...just thru friends. The only legal problem they ran into was when they were taking whatever licensing examinations (2 female dentists & 1 female physician). The name they put on the examination had to be their legal name & the one on the official ID that allowed them to enter the examination. So...you have to allow enough time for your DMV to get your ID to match your legal name, if you choose to change.

However...there are many female prescribers who do change their name after licensing. I know because of their DEA #. That # always begins with either an A or B & is followed by the first letter of your last name at the time you apply for it. Many female prescribers have a DEA # that will begin with BL, for example (her maiden or previously married name @ the time of licensure was Lee perhaps) then later she married or remarried & the new name is Smith....but the DEA # never changes....it stays BL.

So...you can graduate with whatever name you want & change it at any time you want. It can be at the time of marriage, 1 yr, 10yrs or never.

I married while in school & changed my name at that time, so I graduated & became licensed with my married name & our kids have our name.

I will add....it does sometimes become awkward with treating children. I never know if the woman whose name is different is the mom, stepmom, nanny, aunt, caregiver...so I just ask how they are related to the child. I'm sure they're used to it & no one has ever given me a hard time.
 
Samoa said:
No. However, it's also unlikely that I will get married. Most single men my age are single because they treat women like crap, and I refuse to be some married man's mistress. And I'm not interested in women, so that doesn't leave much.
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It's also unlikely that I will get married. Most single women my age are single because they treat men like crap, and I refuse to be some married woman's meal ticket. And I'm not interested in men, so that doesn't leave much.
 
Same old same old for the past 36 years and two husbands. 🙂

I asked my best friend if I should change my name, and she said, "well, your husband's name sounds friendlier, but your name sounds smarter..."

I went with smart. 😉

Fortunately my husband is very self-assured and not at all threatened.
 
gwen said:
we had a female attending who was Dr. "xxxx"-"xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" (yes, that's a hyphen between all those x's). so everyone just called her Dr. xxx.
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Ok, tell me that second one is an Indian surname...that's the only ethnic group I know that would have such a long surname! 😉
 
Just curious...

Is changing your last name a cultural thing, traditional thing, or is it a religious thing?

I ask this because Arab women (Muslim, Christains, or Jews) NEVER change their last name regardless of religion.

Family name is a BIG thing for Arabs...and if an Arab girl ever changes her last name she would be dis-owned by her family...

Arab Moslims, Arab Christians, and Arab Jews do not change their last name when they get married...

...so I guess it is a traditional thing, right?😕
 
Samoa said:
No. However, it's also unlikely that I will get married. Most single men my age are single because they treat women like crap, and I refuse to be some married man's mistress. And I'm not interested in women, so that doesn't leave much.
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I married someone 10 years older than me. Best thing I ever did. 🙂

Some men aren't quite "done" until they are 35-40. Usually by then, they've learned how to not treat women like crap, and that they are not the center of the universe.

Don't despair, and don't look at every man as if he's about to treat you like crap--that's inviting disaster.
 
USAF_Dentman said:
Most single women my age are single because they treat men like crap,
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I'd have to agree with you there. Both men and women are guilty of treating each other badly. As for me, though, I think it has just as much if not more to do with the nomadic existence I've been leading since I graduated from college. Combine that with the fact that I like to take things slowly, and that I don't figure any guy into my plan unless there's a commitment between us, and that's an entirely sufficient explanation for still being single, despite being a basically good and reasonably attractive person.
 
Samoa said:
I'd have to agree with you there. Both men and women are guilty of treating each other badly. As for me, though, I think it has just as much if not more to do with the nomadic existence I've been leading since I graduated from college. Combine that with the fact that I like to take things slowly, and that I don't figure any guy into my plan unless there's a commitment between us, and that's an entirely sufficient explanation for still being single, despite being a basically good and reasonably attractive person.
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Agree 100%..But also, as you mentioned, a person really needs to sit back and analyze their future career and non-career aspirations and determine if marriage/long-term relationship are one of those.. For me though, I dont really see myself being married in the next 20 years or so, simply because it doesnt fall into any of my personal goals, which I guess can be construed as selfish, but screw the haters 😎 😀
 
I will change my name when I get married. And my boyfriend tells me that the only women he's known with hypenated names end up getting divorced, so he won't let me get a hyphenated name. 🙄
 
USAF_Dentman said:
Agree 100%..But also, as you mentioned, a person really needs to sit back and analyze their future career and non-career aspirations and determine if marriage/long-term relationship are one of those.. For me though, I dont really see myself being married in the next 20 years or so, simply because it doesnt fall into any of my personal goals, which I guess can be construed as selfish, but screw the haters 😎 😀
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Well, it is a personal goal of mine.

I can still pursue my goals and allow for another person in my life. But that involves limiting my choices in a way that could potentially be detrimental to my career goals in the long term. So I'm only willing to do that if by doing so I further another important goal of mine. And hanging around a guy in the hope that he'll want to make a commitment to me someday just isn't quite a sufficient reason.
 
sdn1977 said:
My experience is not mine personally...just thru friends. The only legal problem they ran into was when they were taking whatever licensing examinations (2 female dentists & 1 female physician). The name they put on the examination had to be their legal name & the one on the official ID that allowed them to enter the examination. So...you have to allow enough time for your DMV to get your ID to match your legal name, if you choose to change.

However...there are many female prescribers who do change their name after licensing. I know because of their DEA #. That # always begins with either an A or B & is followed by the first letter of your last name at the time you apply for it. Many female prescribers have a DEA # that will begin with BL, for example (her maiden or previously married name @ the time of licensure was Lee perhaps) then later she married or remarried & the new name is Smith....but the DEA # never changes....it stays BL.

So...you can graduate with whatever name you want & change it at any time you want. It can be at the time of marriage, 1 yr, 10yrs or never.

I married while in school & changed my name at that time, so I graduated & became licensed with my married name & our kids have our name.

I will add....it does sometimes become awkward with treating children. I never know if the woman whose name is different is the mom, stepmom, nanny, aunt, caregiver...so I just ask how they are related to the child. I'm sure they're used to it & no one has ever given me a hard time.
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That's for sharing. I suppose I'll have to have both names "legally" but hopefully I can just go by Dr. Maiden Name. Else I change my name back to just my maiden name but I don't think I can do that now that I already have both names. (and I'm not planning on divorce 😉 )
 
no, that was not an indian last name, american actually. might i add that only south indian last names are that long. north indians keep them short. and i think that thai/vietnamese last names are probably even longer than south indian last names.

sophiejane said:
Ok, tell me that second one is an Indian surname...that's the only ethnic group I know that would have such a long surname! 😉
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secondly, how can anyone generalize that hyphenated last names get divorced? that's pretty funny.

i'm not not changing my last name to prove some sort of superiority/power over my husband (he's a cardiologist in training and i'm an internist) or to prove any feminist points, i just feel that i've worked hard with my maiden family name and want to keep it as a physician (i'm also the only physician from my side of the family so its nice to hear dr. M). people address me as mrs. "husband's last name" all the time and i'm quite happy with it. our children will have my husband's last name. i like tradition, but we also have to admit that times are changing. and as women, we should be happy if our husbands at least try to understand our point of view (about keeping a maiden name professionally - which is hard for most guys to understand) rather than "telling" us what to do.
 
Nope. But then again, I'm probably never getting married since I'm very Panda-like and just don't have the desire or energy to seek out a mate. Besides, I'm selfish enough to want the freedom to move/live/work as needed so as to better my career.


Eh.... *warms up another swanson hungry man meal* 😎
 
I have no idea. 😕 I kinda like the hyphenation idea, but my maiden name already has an apostrophe, and GOOD GOD that's hard enough as it is... I can't imagine adding ANOTHER non-alphabetic character to my name.

I've said this like 80 times on SDN, but what my best friend and her husband did was go through their respective family trees and look at all the family names that had died out (all-female generations, didn't have kids, etc) and then picked a name for them *both* to change their names to. That way one wasn't being subordinated to the other, and they both got a really beautiful new name so they're a united family under the single surname, and they're bringing back a part of their combined family histories. It's cool.
 
USAF_Dentman said:
For me though, I dont really see myself being married in the next 20 years or so, simply because it doesnt fall into any of my personal goals, which I guess can be construed as selfish, but screw the haters 😎 😀
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Ha ha--this pretty much seals the deal. Anyone with plans like that is bound to fall in love and get married within the next year! 😉

Perhaps not, but sometimes the best laid plans, well, you know...

And how sad to miss out on someone really perfect for you because they don't fit into your "plans"....I don't know how old you are, but male or female, putting off marriage until you are in your 40s might mean you'll be a bachelor/ette for life.
 
sophiejane said:
Ha ha--this pretty much seals the deal. Anyone with plans like that is bound to fall in love and get married within the next year! 😉

Perhaps not, but sometimes the best laid plans, well, you know...

And how sad to miss out on someone really perfect for you because they don't fit into your "plans"....I don't know how old you are, but male or female, putting off marriage until you are in your 40s might mean you'll be a bachelor/ette for life.
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Just to clarify one thing..I said I didnt have any plans for marriage...BUT I'd still more than welcome a long-term relationship without marriage in the meantime as this is a more than doable option.
 
USAF_Dentman said:
Just to clarify one thing..I said I didnt have any plans for marriage...BUT I'd still more than welcome a long-term relationship without marriage in the meantime as this is a more than doable option.
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Riiiiiiiight....we'll see how far that "long term relationship without marriage" lasts before she drops you. Most women will put up with that for a few years, but not for 20.

😉

It's your life, obviously...but I try to think about what will be most important when I see my life flash before my eyes before I die. What people who have had this experience say really matters in the end (the ones who have survived, obviously) is loving others and being loved back, family, and friends, not careers or accomplishments or money. Just something to think about along the way....
 
sophiejane said:
Riiiiiiiight....we'll see how far that "long term relationship without marriage" lasts before she drops you. Most women will put up with that for a few years, but not for 20.

😉

It's your life, obviously...but I try to think about what will be most important when I see my life flash before my eyes before I die. What people who have had this experience say really matters in the end (the ones who have survived, obviously) is loving others and being loved back, family, and friends, not careers or accomplishments or money. Just something to think about along the way....
Click to expand...


By long term, I dont mean 20 yrs, just a few to see if it works out..

Happiness and fulfillment is an individualistic notion. Yes, marriage and kids can be very rewarding; its not like I'm saying I'll never get married or have kids..I will, when I'm ready and have met other goals first.. I have many goals and priorities and at this moment , marriage isnt one of them..

Marriage is NOT the end all to be all and isnt necessarily going to make you happy..

With the divorce rate approaching 60% in this country, I'm sure many couples are extraordinarily happy and 'fulfilled'..

Again, criticize me all you want as is noted by your suggestive tone, but its a personal choice, which I feel is the best..
 
I am getting married soon and will change my last name for the simple reason of tradition. I have no problem leaving my current last name, but for me I just want to take my husband's name. I believe it is a personal choice though and it is a woman's choice to make not her husbands.
 
USAF_Dentman said:
Again, criticize me all you want as is noted by your suggestive tone, but its a personal choice, which I feel is the best..
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No suggestive tone intended, but if you perceived one, well, I have no control over that.

No one is criticizing you. Of course it's a personal choice. I've been married twice and divorced once and believe me, I understand that marriage is not right for everyone.

I was just suggesting you keep an open mind, because you never know who will cross your path and change your life for the better.

Best of luck to you.
 
Carbon said:
I have no idea. 😕 I kinda like the hyphenation idea, but my maiden name already has an apostrophe, and GOOD GOD that's hard enough as it is... I can't imagine adding ANOTHER non-alphabetic character to my name.

I've said this like 80 times on SDN, but what my best friend and her husband did was go through their respective family trees and look at all the family names that had died out (all-female generations, didn't have kids, etc) and then picked a name for them *both* to change their names to. That way one wasn't being subordinated to the other, and they both got a really beautiful new name so they're a united family under the single surname, and they're bringing back a part of their combined family histories. It's cool.
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This is something that I had considered but I think the man is way too old fashion for any of that.

Hence why I did Mushy Maiden Married name no hypen. I sign my name either or and hardly ever both except on offical documentation.
 
I probably won't change my last name. I like my last name and there are no doctors in my family. I don't mean to be snotty about it, but since that is the case, I like the idea of being the first doctor in the family and keeping my name to go with it. Also I have had my last name up until now and I don't want to get married until at least after medical school. By then, I don't see any reason to change it, at least for the purpose of the "Dr." title.
 
That's how I thought too but also my husband and I are old fashion and I did want his name but to be able to keep mine as well.

It was a real tough decision to decide what I did and I just hope I can still go by Dr. Maiden name ... I haven't heard of many women doing what I did for the same reasons as myself.
 
mshheaddoc said:
Hence why I did Mushy Maiden Married name no hypen. I sign my name either or and hardly ever both except on offical documentation.
Click to expand...

I did that, too... changed my middle name to my maiden name. I didn't like it, really -- I love my old middle name -- but it's so very standard where I'm from that it would have been like a slap in the face to my father if I hadn't.

The wierd thing was that everybody here in the north (where I had to do all the paperwork) was really surprised... as the default, they expected First Middle Married instead of First Maiden Married... made me wonder whether these things vary by regions.
 
I changed mine because it was really important to my husband. He is really big on traditional gender roles, etc. So, it meant a lot to him for me to do it. He is very supportive of me pursuing a career in medicine and he never says this, but deep down I like he would like me to be barefoot in the kitchen baking him a pie! LOL!:laugh: (Just kidding!) He is a good man though and hopefully it won't be too much of a blow to his ego when I make more money than him. I figured that the least I could do was to take his last name. 😉
 
I changed my name when I got married and my daughters have that last name.

I want to go by Dr. MaidenName, though. I have no idea how to do this. For licensing purposes, it looks like your ID, SSN names all need to match. So I actually think if I do this, I need to change my name back!! Weird, huh?

I want to be Mrs. MarriedName for everything the way I am now - except for work. There are several reasons, but frankly I just like my maiden name better. It's easier to pronounce. And I don't want patients to be able to find my home number in the phone book, but my married name is uncommon and my husband needs to have his name listed for his job.

Has anyone ever changed their name back (and not because of a divorce! LOL)? I have no idea where to start with this. I'm starting medical school in August - should I do it before I matriculate (I applied with my current, legal married name), after I graduate, after residency??
 
It would be easiest if you change your name back early enough in med school that it will be on your diploma. That way you won't need to try to get it changed when you go to get licensed. The process is probably similar to when you changed it to begin with (but I din't change my name so I am not sure). Try you local government website first. I don't think you can go by Dr Maiden Name unless that is your legal name.
 
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