Extremely poor social life causing depression and hurting grades, help?

Applying to Med School? Get In Or Your Money Back
This forum made possible through the generous support of SDN members, donors, and sponsors. Thank you.
BoxinMoxin

BoxinMoxin

Membership Revoked
Removed
10+ Year Member
Joined
Jul 12, 2011
Messages
155
Reaction score
0
First of all you guys would think "oh if you have a poor social life then you have all of the time in the world to study". Well I do have A LOT of free time on my hands and the problem becomes I end up wasting it often because in my opinion I don't think I can look at a book for 9 straight hours.

I have identified the problems. I do not suffer from any social anxiety issues, in fact I flourish and make friends but here is where it all comes down.

1. College I attend is a 4 year commute university as people say (it is not a flagship or private university type), dorms are reserved for out of state students and athletes. I went to high school in the same town as the college is located in. Long story but lets say I went to a really bad high school where barely anyone went to a decent university and I have the strict parent thing coming in.

2. I have made some friends in college but they are all from the richer county or the "White county" as some kids in my high school called it. The county they live in is like 10 miles away from the county I live in and you have to account for traffic as well.

3. A lot of the kids at my university live with their parents but they have tons of kids in their neighborhood their own age they can hang out with and tons of high school friends.

4. My high school was a very small magnet school (inner city, you would think magnet means a good high school but it was not, bad SAT scores for school average and such) and most kids who graduated (we had about 70 people in our class) went off elsewhere with their family.

5. I cannot find a job at all and I have really tried.

It leads me to depression at times, is there something that can be done?
Members don't see this ad.
 
1. Get off computer and go outside
2. Smile at randoms
3. ???
4. Profit.

=)
 
BoxinMoxin said:
It leads me to depression at times, is there something that can be done?
[/B]
Click to expand...

It's Tuesday afternoon and you are on here. Think about that for a second. Try calling up some people to see if they want to do something or just do someting by yourself.
 
Last edited:
Members don't see this ad :)
How small is your town? You might try taking a class at the local gym, or starting guitar lessons or volunteering somewhere you wouldn't have thought to. Any sort of new experience within your community could help you find new friends.
 
Exercising or weight training leads to endorphins being released. If you have all the time, then start exercising.
 
ILikeDrugs said:
It's Sunday afternoon and you are on here. Think about that for a second. Try calling up some people to see if they want to do something or just do someting by yourself.
Click to expand...

What?
 
I've had some luck with Meetup.com before with meeting cool people to hang out with - check out what's local to your area, there's probably something fun going on.

Surely there are some student organizations on your campus? I took some classes years ago at a commuter school, and there always seemed to be posters up around campus for a play or student concert or rally or somesuch.

You're probably under 21, so I guess happy hour is out, but what about going to a cafe in the town your college is in? Even commuter schools probably have some local cafe or bookstore that does poetry slamming or open mic or stuff like that.
 
Here's an idea... If you can't find a job, give back to others for free. Do some volunteer work. If local schools aren't great, go in and teach. Organize a community project with 2-3 other people.

You get to: 1. gain work/volunteer experience as a boost when applying for jobs, 2. work closely with a small group of people and likely make new friends, even if they aren't college students 3. give back what you've learned instead of studying by yourself.

And lastly don't be afraid to seek help from every available source. It can be feel very isolating if you're in a lifestyle/environment where you have few close friends, your parents may not understand, etc. I've been there before. Don't give up. Involve yourself in your community and motivation, friendships, achievements, and a better outlook will often follow.

Best of luck. :thumbup:
 
sharpie1006 said:
Here's an idea... If you can't find a job, give back to others for free. Do some volunteer work. If local schools aren't great, go in and teach. Organize a community project with 2-3 other people.

You get to: 1. gain work/volunteer experience as a boost when applying for jobs, 2. work closely with a small group of people and likely make new friends, even if they aren't college students 3. give back what you've learned instead of studying by yourself.

And lastly don't be afraid to seek help from every available source. It can be feel very isolating if you're in a lifestyle/environment where you have few close friends, your parents may not understand, etc. I've been there before. Don't give up. Involve yourself in your community and motivation, friendships, achievements, and a better outlook will often follow.

Best of luck. :thumbup:
Click to expand...

Great post. I would also add that if your depression is feeling overwhelming, check out the mental health or counseling services at your school. The first few sessions are often free for students and can be very helpful.
 
ILikeDrugs said:
It's Sunday afternoon and you are on here. Think about that for a second. Try calling up some people to see if they want to do something or just do someting by yourself.
Click to expand...

It's sunday?:rolleyes:
I thought it was Monday.
 
Members don't see this ad :)
BoxinMoxin said:
First of all you guys would think "oh if you have a poor social life then you have all of the time in the world to study". Well I do have A LOT of free time on my hands and the problem becomes I end up wasting it often because in my opinion I don't think I can look at a book for 9 straight hours.
[/B]
Click to expand...

I think this is the problem. Maybe you're not doing enough with your life. Fill it up with volunteering and other hobbies that are meaningful to you if you can't find a job, and you'll meet people who share your interests along the way. Seriously, there are so many organizations that need manpower, especially if your area is not as wealthy as neighboring ones. Do you currently volunteer at a hospital or clinic? Soup kitchen? Domestic violence shelter? Animal shelter? Nursing home? Homeless shelter? Public library? Anything would be better than sitting at home contemplating your own loneliness. Plus a lot of volunteering experiences will give you skills that help you find jobs later on.
 
I have no idea why I wrote Sunday. :laugh:
 
ILikeDrugs said:
It's Sunday afternoon and you are on here. Think about that for a second. Try calling up some people to see if they want to do something or just do someting by yourself.
Click to expand...

It's Tuesday, bro. :idea:



OP, do you do any extracurricular activities? Not only are they pretty important for your med school application, they'll help you meet people that you have something in common with. All those things you listed you are using as excuses not to have friends. It sounds to me like it is the depression that is causing you be upset about all these things, not the other way around. Go talk to a therapist--it isn't a sign of weakness, to be honest the vast majority of people could use a therapist. Then join some activities that you can have fun with. Like, a triathlon training group, or intramural sports, or volunteering, or whatever. You say that you don't have problem making friends when you have the opportunity to do so--so give yourself the opportunity!
 
my depression isn't suicidal or anything of the sort, in fact at times I use the internet as my source of meeting people, actually met some great people on this one site called 4chan, they had some interesting views on life

it is summer so we don't have any extra curricular activities going on, during the fall my social life is kinda average (I am only 18) but a lot of people go right home after college so that is a downgrade
 
brandonh4 said:
Take up a hobby, like cutting.

But seriously, go get some professional help if you can. Or talk with your family. Internet forums are not the place for psychological advice.
Click to expand...

Seriously not funny. :thumbdown:
 
This guy sounds familiar.....

Protagonist, that you?
 
Same here, but I started volunteering as a mentor,
I take supplements, eat healthy and try to exercise as much as possible.
 
MSU2009 said:
Anyone else have anything to add?..
Click to expand...

Seek happiness, do not drag out sadness/depression for long, suppressing and or avoiding it will only make it worse. As Morgan Freeman said in Shawnshank Redemption, "Every man has his breaking point".
 
1.) Go to Clothes Store.
2.) Buy nice looking clothes.
3.) Go to shoes store
4.) Buy nice looking shoes.
5.) Go to haircutter
6.) Get haircut.
7.) Go to liquor store.
8.) Buy vodka 80 proof
9.) Call up friends who aren't douchebags, ask to go clubbing tonight.
10.) Drive friends near club, drink vodka. It's important to do this step in order presented and not backwards.
11.) Go in club
12.) Look for drunk girls with around 6-7 attractiveness level. (or lower, depending on how desperate you are.)
13.) Buy said girl drink
14.) Dance/talk with said girl.
15.) Take her back to her place.
16.) Thank me later.
 
If you're a girl: Learn yoga and meditate

If you're a boy: :diebanana:
 
just introduce yourself to a bunch of people and see if you share any interests and just go from there. making friends isn't difficult unless you make it difficult
 
I totally understand your plight. Had I gone to my commuter state school or even community college, I'd be 10X more worse off than you. Everyone's offered great advice so far, except that part about cutting yourself. Don't do that. It's not fun.

Try talking to people in your classes, and if they're afternoon classes, ask your newly made acquaintances if they wanna grab lunch. They'll become friends in a short time, trust me.
Or sign up for sports classes, art classes, etc... Maybe you can meet people your age there.

Best of luck, I'm really hoping your situation picks up.
 
mall is about 50 minutes from my house (no joking)
 
Maybe this will help you....these are things I do in my free time. I volunteer in the community and it not only helps improve my social skills but it feels good and I've met great people. I'm doing clinical volunteer work now also.

There's always a friend or two who plans some sort of trip/get together. Facebook is usually how my buddies set them up, case in point we're all going to a huge theme park next month.

I play basketball with the neighbors kid, great exercise and it it make me feel like I'm in elementary school again playing ball on recess.

I go to the gym and always shoot for at least 4 times a week. You can set up double sessions a day as long as you wait at least 6 hours inbetween. I can't express how positive busting ass in the gym can be for one. Not only are there some cool people, but man I love talking to the hotties.

Trust me if you want a job you will find one; it's all about how bad you really want one.

If all else fails just get a decent looking hooker.
 
I am trying not to make excuses but parents are extremely against me volunteering, they will not let me do it.

I really feel like a total loser right now. My grades are in the gutter, I am hopeless in terms of social life and the hookers in this place are not that good looking either, believe me, I have seen some of them. No good looking strippers BROS!
 
BoxinMoxin said:
First of all you guys would think "oh if you have a poor social life then you have all of the time in the world to study". Well I do have A LOT of free time on my hands and the problem becomes I end up wasting it often because in my opinion I don't think I can look at a book for 9 straight hours.

I have identified the problems. I do not suffer from any social anxiety issues, in fact I flourish and make friends but here is where it all comes down.

1. College I attend is a 4 year commute university as people say (it is not a flagship or private university type), dorms are reserved for out of state students and athletes. I went to high school in the same town as the college is located in. Long story but lets say I went to a really bad high school where barely anyone went to a decent university and I have the strict parent thing coming in.

2. I have made some friends in college but they are all from the richer county or the "White county" as some kids in my high school called it. The county they live in is like 10 miles away from the county I live in and you have to account for traffic as well.

3. A lot of the kids at my university live with their parents but they have tons of kids in their neighborhood their own age they can hang out with and tons of high school friends.

4. My high school was a very small magnet school (inner city, you would think magnet means a good high school but it was not, bad SAT scores for school average and such) and most kids who graduated (we had about 70 people in our class) went off elsewhere with their family.

5. I cannot find a job at all and I have really tried.

It leads me to depression at times, is there something that can be done?
Click to expand...

This sounds like New Haven, CT :laugh:
 
RookTookIt said:
Well, time for them to get over that. Or for you to get over them caring. Volunteering is damn near essential for being a successful applicant.
Click to expand...
ya well they just say it is not necessary or anything, they say I need to get my academics under control first or whatever

hey, will you be my friend? I am an "interesting" individual as described by others. Yup, perfectly normal person man.
 
kcc09002 said:
This sounds like New Haven, CT :laugh:
Click to expand...

haha a lot worse, try a deep southern country town, great for rich retirees but on the other side is nothing but the "hood" as people say


hi, you have an amazing personality and I think you are a great person, will you be my friend?
 
ElCapone said:
And which state would that county be in?
Click to expand...

A deep south state, sorry but I do not want to get to the specifics. Also, Florida + Texas are not the deep south in mah book!

nice avatar, really like the name, we should be friends
 
BoxinMoxin said:
haha a lot worse, try a deep southern country town, great for rich retirees but on the other side is nothing but the "hood" as people say


hi, you have an amazing personality and I think you are a great person, will you be my friend?
Click to expand...

Of Course, but I'm no social butterfly either. But to make friends just be cordial to everyone and eventually you will find someone who will be a good friend. I have two people that I'm really good friends, 2 people I would say that I normal friends with and a bunch of acquaintances.

If your a serious pre-med and you're not a genius (meaning you actually have to study) it's hard to get great grades, involved in EC's, Research, volunteer work, and on top of all that maintain a vibrant social life.

Lesson: Make a few good friends that understand when you have to do pre-med things and stay focused on the big picture.
 
Boxinmoxin, do you get physical symptoms of anxiety in social situations? Things like mind going blank or shortness of breath, tremors, elevated heart rate? You might want to do research on social anxiety disorder if this is the case. Itcan be treated fairly well and it might explain your social drought.
 
Become involved in something you care about. Join a club, take on a cause, something. It'll give you some direction, and it'll bring you together with people who have the same interests.
 
I got 2 jobs today. I just walked into a hospital and they offered me a volunteer position in their emergency department. Later I went to a homeless shelter and got a job tutoring kids who want their GEDs. I just took the MCAT on Saturday, so now that insane focus and energy I applied to that test can be applied to other things.

It isn't that hard. Just show up and tell people what you want to do. Show that you love what you do and you will work hard. YOU WANT TO BE A PHYSICIAN and you want to make the world a more positive place. Say that to yourself every day. People can tell when you have that energy. Everyone around me knows I'm going to become a doctor. It isn't even a question in their minds (though it is in mine, hehe).

If you just want to "meet people" and/or get yourself laid, just go to a bar and drink ETOH... LOL

Exercise is great for lifting your spirits too.
 
Last edited:
I've been in a very similar situation and kind of still am, but I'm not depressed.

Play some videogames...join a sports team...pick up a new hobby...

or...just accept that there's not much you can do about your situation except to get into med school ASAP, so that you can move away and start a new life. that should give you motivation to study.
 
Join a club or student activity group you are interested in.
 
Eric01 said:
Boxinmoxin, do you get physical symptoms of anxiety in social situations? Things like mind going blank or shortness of breath, tremors, elevated heart rate? You might want to do research on social anxiety disorder if this is the case. Itcan be treated fairly well and it might explain your social drought.
Click to expand...

no actually I function well in social situations
 
Our situations are fairly similar with respect to high school and undergrad. I realize now that it's probably counter-productive to transfer and start all over again so the only thing we can really do is play the cards we were dealt. I hope everything works out for you. :)
 
BoxinMoxin said:
is there something that can be done?
Click to expand...

Well, in addition to the advice I posted in your other thread about social skills, it seems like you could use some help with *networking* skills.

Facebook, despite being a "social network", is actually the enemy of having a real social life (at least, so studies have shown.)

To find people in your area with similar interests, one possible option is to simply look online for communities about your interests - let's say you're a bicyclist: look up an international bicycling community and make a post there saying "Seeking bicycling buddies in X town." Then coordinate meeting up for coffee.

This is more or less how I have met a ton of my permanent adult friends.
 
Just be friendly. Seriously. Offer people gum or if they are coming late and sit next to you, tell them whats going on in a polite way. Met plenty of cute girls from this
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Next unread thread

Similar threads

denverbear22
Poor Last Semester Grades
Replies
17
Views
810
chilly_md
chilly_md
velvetcoffee
"Please briefly explain any low GPAs or poor grades."
Replies
9
Views
875
Goro
Goro
M
senior year grades post acceptance?
Replies
6
Views
634
pablo213
pablo213
F
Grades after acceptance?
Replies
2
Views
515
fightingillini122
F
M
Fall semester grades
Replies
2
Views
503
Mr.Smile12
Mr.Smile12
Top