How hard is it to find a boyfriend during med school or residency??

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MelissaThompson

MelissaThompson

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Hi - lets say I enter med school at 26 - I graduate at 30, and if I go into a regular 3 year residency, I won't be practicing until 33. For me, I definitively would like to have already been married and have babies at that age.

I am single right now - and I am the very traditional type - I don't feel comfortable approaching guys for dates - I expect them to ask me out. I am mainly concerned about the long hours, stress, and little free time during my 7-10 years of medical training.

Can any females in here relate to my situation? With all the long hours, stress, and little free time during your medical training how did you find your significant other?? Is there ever a possibility of me going single forever??
 
All female doctors are single. Education = man repellant. DUH.
 
yes, you must show some initiative. get busy and get it taken care of. don't end up like this doc.
 
MelissaThompson said:
Hi - lets say I enter med school at 26 - I graduate at 30, and if I go into a regular 3 year residency, I won't be practicing until 33. For me, I definitively would like to have already been married and have babies at that age.

I am single right now - and I am the very traditional type - I don't feel comfortable approaching guys for dates - I expect them to ask me out. I am mainly concerned about the long hours, stress, and little free time during my 7-10 years of medical training.

Can any females in here relate to my situation? With all the long hours, stress, and little free time during your medical training how did you find your significant other?? Is there ever a possibility of me going single forever??
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Doctors obviously get married, so I don't think it's a problem, although if you're concerned about lifestyle and time to meet people surgery might not be the best specialty choice. It's not like you have no time as a med student; it's not THAT busy.
 
You never know when or where you will meet someone. You can't plan it.
 
Watch doctor diaries by PBS, it Gave me a pretty grim outlook on relationships in medicine
 
Ok - so if I do eventually get desperate and start asking guys out for date - how would you guys view me?

Would you now think I am a desperate, aggressive, and a big turnoff?

Whats a good way to HINT to a cute guy to ask me out??
 
MelissaThompson said:
Ok - so if I do eventually get desperate and start asking guys out for date - how would you guys view me?

Would you now think I am a desperate, aggressive, and a big turnoff?

Whats a good way to HINT to a cute guy to ask me out??
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Not at all. Guys who are uncomfortable with a girl who takes charge need to get over themselves.

If you absolutely want the guy to do it, open the door for him by saying that you guys should hang out sometime. I don't mean that you have to call him up and say "We should hang out" and then just silently wait, I mean that when you guys are hanging out in a group or something like that, just bring it up in a casual way. The ball is in his court now to set up the specific plan / date (if he's interested).
 
If a girl asked me out on a date, the worst case scenario (assuming I wasnt very attracted to her) is that I would be extremely flattered. If I was attracted to her and she asked me out, I would absolutely agree to a date and see where it went from there.

As far as hinting to a guy that you want him to ask you out, I would just strike up conversation and be nice/somewhat flirty when appropriate.

Hope this helps!
 
MelissaThompson said:
Ok - so if I do eventually get desperate and start asking guys out for date - how would you guys view me?

Would you now think I am a desperate, aggressive, and a big turnoff?

Whats a good way to HINT to a cute guy to ask me out??
Click to expand...

You'll probably have random people in the Hosp or your friend trying to set you up with guys; some of them might even be cute. If not, there's always online dating.
 
MelissaThompson said:
Whats a good way to HINT to a cute guy to ask me out??
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If three years of marriage has taught me anything, it is that guys do NOT understand hints (or guessing games, or body language/"I'm FINE!" opposite day...). They like big flashing neon signs, ones preferably with their first and last name, and social security number in lights on top, just so they're sure you're talking to them.
 
MelissaThompson said:
Ok - so if I do eventually get desperate and start asking guys out for date - how would you guys view me?

Would you now think I am a desperate, aggressive, and a big turnoff?

Whats a good way to HINT to a cute guy to ask me out??
Click to expand...

Look. Wait until you find someone you really like (don't just ask out anyone and everyone because you are lonely). If they don't ask you out after a while, you can ask them out. Guys are shy sometimes too and like when the woman takes the initiative. Good luck OP!🙂
 
Yeah, when my wife and I were dating she dropped hints that she was thinking about marriage and I didn't have any trouble picking up on them. One of them was, "If you proposed I would say yes." Another was, "I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with you." After a few of those, I figured out that she thinking about marriage. See, we're not all bad at hints!
 
NJapplicant12 said:
If a girl asked me out on a date, the worst case scenario (assuming I wasnt very attracted to her) is that I would be extremely flattered. If I was attracted to her and she asked me out, I would absolutely agree to a date and see where it went from there.

As far as hinting to a guy that you want him to ask you out, I would just strike up conversation and be nice/somewhat flirty when appropriate.

Hope this helps!
Click to expand...

This 👍👍
 
I know a lot of the med students at my school use OKcupid... they don't have time for this hinting/witty banter/game playing type of stuff-- that takes too long! My feeling is that if having a relationship is something that is important to you, then you can make it happen. Things will work out
 
giantswing said:
If three years of marriage has taught me anything, it is that guys do NOT understand hints (or guessing games, or body language/"I'm FINE!" opposite day...). They like big flashing neon signs, ones preferably with their first and last name, and social security number in lights on top, just so they're sure you're talking to them.
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🙄
Most people like a direct approach, women included.

@OP, beating around the bush is low yield and no that doesn't mean I'm saying that you need to be hitting first base within the first week, you just need to honestly make your intentions clear. Because honestly there is nothing more annoying than a person who maintains a disingenuous attitude that can be perceived as apathy.
 
pkmzeta said:
I know a lot of the med students at my school use OKcupid... they don't have time for this hinting/witty banter/game playing type of stuff-- that takes too long! My feeling is that if having a relationship is something that is important to you, then you can make it happen. Things will work out
Click to expand...

There honestly is nothing too entirely wrong with using an internet medium for meeting people.
 
In my opinion, if you like him a lot or think he has potential, tell him you two should hang out. Guys are social idiots, so repeat it a max of 3 times (not consecutively). If he still doesn't make an attempt to "hang out" with you, he's not interested. If he does hang out with you and you guys become comfortable, then ask him out because he's probably too shy to make the move. He probably also thinks that you two are in the "friends zone", which will make him less likely to ask you out.

I think you should only ask a guy out if you know him already and are comfortable around him, because otherwise you'll be "devalued" in his eyes (i.e. easy target for physical needs and nothing more). Guys subconsciously like the "chase"- when you work to get something, it's more gratifying. So NEVER ask a guy out cold unless you only want a physical relationship.

Unfortunately you are at a disadvantage if you're a med student. Guys (superficially) like girls to be smart but not smarter than them. However EVERYTHING changes once he gets to know you.

Source: I'm a guy that's been asked out by girls.
 
Yep, assuming you at least know who the person is and they aren't completely nuts, if you ask a guy out, I really doubt he'd say no (assuming he's not already in a relationship). I've never turned down a girl that asked me out. Even if I'm not physically attracted to her we still have a good time. As others have said, it's flattering.
 
I don't think guys are as dumb as you all are making them out to be. In fact, a lot of guys interpret any kind of female attention as "OMG SHE WANTS ME!!! SHOULD I KISS HER NOW?!!"

I think everyone likes to think that someone finds them attractive or interesting, especially guys that are too shy to initiate something on their own. Getting a guy to think he has a shot might not take more than looking him in the eye and smiling from time to time or laughing at a lot of his jokes. Then all you have to do is suggest/complain that you all should hang out more and he'll probably get the message.

But who knows, all guys are different and we can't assume the guy you're interested in will react this way. However, not all guys are averse to confident women who get stuff done. Some of us like it because it's a sign that we won't have to do a ton of babysitting and hand-holding all the time. I think you'll find a greater proportion of guys in medical school that are fine with intelligent, confident women than you will in the general population.
 
serenade said:
🙄
Most people like a direct approach, women included.

@OP, beating around the bush is low yield and no that doesn't mean I'm saying that you need to be hitting first base within the first week, you just need to honestly make your intentions clear. Because honestly there is nothing more annoying than a person who maintains a disingenuous attitude that can be perceived as apathy.
Click to expand...

Only on SDN can dating be described as low yield vs high yield... :laugh:
 
Unfortunately for most guys it will depend on how attractive you are.
 
giantswing said:
If three years of marriage has taught me anything, it is that guys do NOT understand hints (or guessing games, or body language/"I'm FINE!" opposite day...). They like big flashing neon signs, ones preferably with their first and last name, and social security number in lights on top, just so they're sure you're talking to them.
Click to expand...

Well of course. What kind of ***** would say I'm fine and mean the opposite? The only people who probably do that are mentally ill monkeys. If someone says that, they ain't getting a second look 😛

But I don't think people play games and guessing games anyway unless they are in middle school lmfao.
 
njapplicant12 said:
if a girl asked me out on a date, the worst case scenario (assuming i wasnt very attracted to her) is that i would be extremely flattered. If i was attracted to her and she asked me out, i would absolutely agree to a date and see where it went from there.

As far as hinting to a guy that you want him to ask you out, i would just strike up conversation and be nice/somewhat flirty when appropriate.

Hope this helps!
Click to expand...

+1
 
KnuxNole said:
Well of course. What kind of ***** would say I'm fine and mean the opposite? The only people who probably do that are mentally ill monkeys. If someone says that, they ain't getting a second look 😛

But I don't think people play games and guessing games anyway unless they are in middle school lmfao.
Click to expand...

You know that Hot vs. Crazy graph from How I Met Your Mother?
 
MelissaThompson said:
Ok - so if I do eventually get desperate and start asking guys out for date - how would you guys view me?

Would you now think I am a desperate, aggressive, and a big turnoff?

Whats a good way to HINT to a cute guy to ask me out??
Click to expand...

Back in the day I was something to behold. Women asked me out often during my 20's. My wife hit on me at a party and invited me to another one to get me on her turf.
It's definitely hot. It says you're confident, friendly, interested and available.
Some were subtle, passing me a number on the way out, others were more aggressive.
More women should do this. If you're fit and reasonably attractive you'll have no trouble finding dates, just ask!
 
giantswing said:
You know that Hot vs. Crazy graph from How I Met Your Mother?
Click to expand...

yes xD

Then again, a perk of being a gay male is that two guys won't play mind games or do pathetic things like saying "I'm fine" then mean the opposite. Cause if you say that you're fine, you're fine, and that's that.

And the girls that do this aren't smart enough to justify or explain why. :meanie:
 
OP, take care of yourself, look your best, and be open. It's really hard to find quality women to date, let alone marry. So focus on making yourself a woman worth dating, and then it shouldn't be too hard.

Good luck.
 
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There are no rules in the dating world. There are many ways to go about things, but obviously if you are attractive then you shouldn't have a problem making first moves / advances regarding men. Just go with what feels natural. I never really go on 'dates', but just invite the ladies to hang out sometime. They usually oblige and while hanging out you can feel the vibe and go with the flow.

Nothing wrong with showing a little interest first. Like I said, if you are attractive many guys will be responsive. If you feel a connection just offer to hang out some time.. it's a non threatening situation and if they are interested they will definitely respond. All this will lead to other things. You only appear desperate and too agressive when you force situations. Read the signs and feel the vibe- I find it pretty easy to discriminate who is into who.. just be honest about it and don't lie to yourself. If you do get turned down just play it cool and don't try to advance it further.
 
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I'm going to kind of be the wet blanket here, but I'd think that finding a significant other should come second to actually learning and doing in training.

Granted, this is coming from a guy who wouldn't exactly be devastated if he didn't have kids (I'd throw a freakin party if I found out I was sterile), but to me, being a doc is about a dedication to medicine. Putting "real life" off for a bit doesn't seem like a huge trade off for me, even as a nontrad.
 
you probably won't get anywhere by hinting
sometimes guys won't realize until much later what you're doing even if you throw yourself at them and make it blatantly obvious that you want them.

njapplicant12, even if you're flattered, a rejection is still a rejection. rejection always sucks.
 
comes down to attractiveness.
 
Chrome19 said:
Man that's only the first part. There tons of hot girls, but most aren't worth getting serious with.
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Absolutely right. But the first part (attractiveness) is fundamental. And then things like personality/sexual background/education/lifestyle, etc. become crucial.
 
SDN giving relationship advice?!?!?! lmao. If i was a girl, and desperate, I would read the Game by Neil Strauss and use all the tactics
 
vayntraubinator said:
SDN giving relationship advice?!?!?! lmao. If i was a girl, and desperate, I would read the Game by Neil Strauss and use all the tactics
Click to expand...

I find it hilarious that someone would even consider asking SDN members how to improve their game. Come on this is SDN half the fools in here are virgins. LOL@ virgins giving other virgins advice lmaooooooooo!
 
shinbeats said:
I find it hilarious that someone would even consider asking SDN members how to improve their game. Come on this is SDN half the fools in here are virgins. LOL@ virgins giving other virgins advice lmaooooooooo!
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strong this.
 
shinbeats said:
I find it hilarious that someone would even consider asking SDN members how to improve their game. Come on this is SDN half the fools in here are virgins. LOL@ virgins giving other virgins advice lmaooooooooo!
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This.

The fact that the first time many SDN'ers see and inspect adult genitalia will be during medical school is both frightening and sad.
 
To the OP:

Find someone who you can see as being your best friend. Many people get involved in relationships that end up being meaningless. It's alright if you're shy because girls expect men to approach them. But if you're interested in someone then start off being friends first and then see if things escalate.

A good relationship takes time to become full of meaning and love. In our modern day fast-paced world, we want quick results, especially when it comes to "dating". No matter what your profession is, take your time and be patient with the process when it comes to building relationships.

Now I know that I'm a pre-health student and haven't experienced the rigors of medicine. I know I'm in no position to give you advice. But honestly there is no excuse for pursuing happiness in life, no matter what you do.

Take the time to find one meaningful soul-mate than to get with someone only to become divorced a few years later.
 
Shalashaska said:
To the OP:
Find someone who you can see as being your best friend. Many people get involved in relationships that end up being meaningless. It's alright if you're shy because girls expect men to approach them. But if you're interested in someone then start off being friends first and then see if things escalate.

A good relationship takes time to become full of meaning and love. In our modern day fast-paced world, we want quick results, especially when it comes to "dating". No matter what your profession is, take your time and be patient with the process when it comes to building relationships.

Take the time to find one meaningful soul-mate than to get with someone only to become divorced a few years later.
Click to expand...

+ 1 million

The best relationships I have had were with people that had similar interests and values as my own. I also knew them for a fair length of time before we started dating and it took some time to develop naturally. The two most physically attractive women I dated did not fit into this category, we moved fast and they were far less fulfilling and fun to be with at the end of the day and it ended quicker.


flatearth22 said:
This.

The fact that the first time many SDN'ers see and inspect adult genitalia will be during medical school is both frightening and sad.
Click to expand...

:laugh:
 
Shalashaska said:
To the OP:

Find someone who you can see as being your best friend. Many people get involved in relationships that end up being meaningless. It's alright if you're shy because girls expect men to approach them. But if you're interested in someone then start off being friends first and then see if things escalate.

A good relationship takes time to become full of meaning and love. In our modern day fast-paced world, we want quick results, especially when it comes to "dating". No matter what your profession is, take your time and be patient with the process when it comes to building relationships.

Now I know that I'm a pre-health student and haven't experienced the rigors of medicine. I know I'm in no position to give you advice. But honestly there is no excuse for pursuing happiness in life, no matter what you do.

Take the time to find one meaningful soul-mate than to get with someone only to become divorced a few years later.
Click to expand...

What if you keep waiting for that perfect soul mate and realize that you're approaching 40 and single and still lonely? Agreed that you should ultimately end up and marry someone who you consider your best friend. However, I think it's good to date and experience many people. Out of every relationship, no matter how meaningless, you always get just a bit more perspective on what you are looking for in a life partner. Just don't get too tied down in unsuccessful relationships.
 
venomous11 said:
LOL.. it only means you're worth a shot 😛
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Oh. Well, that's not nearly as bad as what i thought it meant. 😀, too bad i have extremly low self confidence and absolutely 0 swagger.
 
I totally think we're being April Fools Trolled.
 
flatearth22 said:
This.

The fact that the first time many SDN'ers see and inspect adult genitalia will be during medical school is both frightening and sad.
Click to expand...

Oh please... A true gunner pre-med will have shadowed many a pelvic exam long before med school.
 
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