Could anyone read my Personal Statement 1st Draft please?

Started by yanjin
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yanjin

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I have been trying to make this PS interesting to read, but I am not very confident with my English.😳😳😳 Also I need to cut it down to one page. It's 1.5 pages now....Can anyone give me some help on this? Please feel free to comment on it. 🙂
 
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I don't want start a new thread as there is no point but is anyone willing to read mine? Thanks
 
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