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I think you have to cater this more to writing about moving to being an immigrant, general bullying, etc. Focus more on how you became comfortable and found success and less on the details of the incidents that occurred.

Also, I wouldn't discuss much about GPA/course performance specifics. I think its better to just talk about your personal challenges and not academic ones.
 
If you write more generally on your challenges faced as an immigrant who is leaving friends/family for the first time and handling the social challenges in such a way that you grew more proactive and contributed to your college community, then that sounds like a great recipe for a great challenge essay.
 
hiraeth9 said:
I need help deciding if this is a good, appropriate topic to write about for my adversity essay. Here is the gist of what happened: [redacted]
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You have two good topics for a Challenge or Adversity essay. Either write about the difficult transition as an immigrant or write about the bullying, but don't mix the two together.
 
I agree with everyone else above me but would like to add one more thing.

I just noticed that your descriptions of the challenge or adversity were long and detailed but your "hey this is what I've learned and grown from the experience" portion is a bit short. Almost an afterthought.
I'm sure you're not giving us everything here and that your actual written response probably addresses this, but just wanted to bring it to your attention.
 
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