2nd Year Advice?

[Psych9991]

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Hi everyone,

Long time reader, first time poster. I started my 2nd year today and feel overwhelmed already! Last summer I moved 800 miles to attend grad school and had a really good first year. I like my program and my mentor but and I am much older mid 30's than the rest of my cohort and haven't really "connected" with anyone. I have a great network of support...however they are 800 miles away.

My 2nd year is very, very jammed packed and I am afraid of feeling...alone. Any advice?

Thanks!

 

[cyclechic]

Perhaps horrible advice in this recession: go the 800 miles to see your support network a little more this year than last year.

More carbon-friendly advice: Make just one friend on campus, whether in your cohort or in another department. Be a role model for professional relationships within your cohort and develop your working relationship with your faculty. Solid working relationships are not at all the same as friendships, however it is an important part of being in a doc program, too.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

1. Reach out MORE. You'll find that you have more things on your plate than in your 1st year, but you also will be more efficient then you were in your 1st year. Some of it depends on your program, but we started practicum in our 2nd year, so that offered a whole new area of stress, which was balanced by utlizing my supports. I didn't visit my family or friends much, but they came to see me a couple times a year (I lived near the beach, I'd visit me too. 😀 ).

2. Remember Short-term v. Long-term. Don't get too stressed about short-term issues, and try to focus on your long-term goals. I am a low stress guy (I went through 3 hammocks in 5 years), but even I got stressed out about pending deadlines, getting A's in what I thought were "important" classes, and a host of other minutae.

3. 3rd, 4th, 5th year students should be on your speed dial. I made sure when I started my program to get to know people ahead of me, because it helped me not only plan better, but also understand what is a big deal and what is not. A 3rd year was the first to tell me, "B = Ph.D.". There is a natural focus on getting A's in everything, but honestly your GPA doesn't much matter (as long as you have >3.5, which is more A's than B's)

4. Pass on what you know to the 1st years. It is good karma, and it can also help you whether you know it or not. Being able to help others can offer a sense of mastery, which will help when something inevitably knocks your confidence during your practicum.

5. Breathe a sigh of relieve. The largest % of attrition happens in the 1st year. If you are starting your 2nd year, you are most likely going to finish your program, get your degree, etc.

6. Get ready for more work. 1st year usually isn't near the work that your next few years of training will require, but if you have a good foundation you'll be able to build on it. Later in my training I looked back at 1st year like a person looks back at undergrad now, "Wow....I really didn't have a care in the world back then (compared to now)."

 

[psychmama]

I know how you feel. I waited to get into a doctoral program until I was in my 40s, married with 3 kids, a mortgage, and a dog. I've made some great friends in my program and at internship/externships. Notwithstanding, it sometimes gets lonely because I feel like no one "gets" my experience. My friends and family at home cannot relate to the life of a psychology grad student, and the students are mostly single, or they're just starting out in a relationship, or maybe just thinking about starting a family.

The one thing I've learned that helps is that everyone feels like a fish out of water in certain respects. For me it's my age and life situation, for someone else it might be their culture or upbringing,,,,whatever. The funny thing is, being around people who are in a different place than me is one of the things I also like best about being a nontraditional student -- I'm always learning something new and find it refreshing to be reminded that not everyone is a suburban "soccer mom" like me. It does get lonely sometimes, though...

I think T4C's advice is very good. I'd also add that supervisors have been immensely helpful to me. They've mentored me and given me a model of what it's like to be a psychologist who's a bit farther along on the continuum of life. They've often been able to understand my situation balancing family and career, for example. It can be challenging managing the supervision relationship when you're older -- sometimes I forget they are "above" me and treat them like peers. This can be good or dangerous (depending on the situation and the supervisor).

Stay as close as you can to your support network. They will keep you grounded as you go through this crazy process! Good luck.

 

[psybee]

1. Reach out MORE. You'll find that you have more things on your plate than in your 1st year, but you also will be more efficient then you were in your 1st year. Some of it depends on your program, but we started practicum in our 2nd year, so that offered a whole new area of stress, which was balanced by utlizing my supports. I didn't visit my family or friends much, but they came to see me a couple times a year (I lived near the beach, I'd visit me too. 😀 ).

2. Remember Short-term v. Long-term. Don't get too stressed about short-term issues, and try to focus on your long-term goals. I am a low stress guy (I went through 3 hammocks in 5 years), but even I got stressed out about pending deadlines, getting A's in what I thought were "important" classes, and a host of other minutae.

3. 3rd, 4th, 5th year students should be on your speed dial. I made sure when I started my program to get to know people ahead of me, because it helped me not only plan better, but also understand what is a big deal and what is not. A 3rd year was the first to tell me, "B = Ph.D.". There is a natural focus on getting A's in everything, but honestly your GPA doesn't much matter (as long as you have >3.5, which is more A's than B's)

4. Pass on what you know to the 1st years. It is good karma, and it can also help you whether you know it or not. Being able to help others can offer a sense of mastery, which will help when something inevitably knocks your confidence during your practicum.

5. Breathe a sigh of relieve. The largest % of attrition happens in the 1st year. If you are starting your 2nd year, you are most likely going to finish your program, get your degree, etc.

6. Get ready for more work. 1st year usually isn't near the work that your next few years of training will require, but if you have a good foundation you'll be able to build on it. Later in my training I looked back at 1st year like a person looks back at undergrad now, "Wow....I really didn't have a care in the world back then (compared to now)."

T4C, this is such great advice!!! I too am starting my 2nd year, and everything you have said rings true to me.

Psych 9991, do you have any specific hobbies, or can you get one? I'm also an older student, and as my husband and I contemplate places I may apply to internship and what it would be like to move away from our network, we breathe a sigh of relief that we are board game nerds. It's a great way to meet people--social, but activity based, so if you're feeling shy or there's no one you click with, you can still have a great night. Volunteering (maybe even something not psych related!) can be great too. I've done kitchen prep at a meals on wheels type program, and chopping carrots with strangers leads to all sorts of conversations. good luck!

 

[Psy1]

Hey, I made a lot of friends through meetup.com. It's a site where people post groups related to different interests. I joined two outdoor groups and utilize that as my self care. Once a month I go kayaking or backpacking. You can participte as little or as much as you want. This may or may not be an option depending on your location, but it is worth a shot. There are a variety of age ranges in both of my groups. 🙂

 

[psybee]

if you have any hobbies, it may sound almost too obvious but they're such a great way to meet people. a meetup or other group puts you in a social situation where you can meet folks, but even if you don't click with anyone that night, you still have a good time.