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Personally I would not do it, though I doubt that at my program it would have been held against you, as long as he acted unobtrusive. The risk is you could be perceived as someone who can't cut the apron strings...
Generally it should be your spouse or fiancee, or nobody, who accompanies you.
 
dragonfly99 said:
Personally I would not do it, though I doubt that at my program it would have been held against you, as long as he acted unobtrusive. The risk is you could be perceived as someone who can't cut the apron strings...
Generally it should be your spouse or fiancee, or nobody, who accompanies you.
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Agreed. They are offering the "plus one" option because if you are married or fiance'd, you don't get to make career decisions unilaterally. So they let your spouse/fiancee meet the folks you are potentially going to be working with, and also in the other direction, they want to meet the person you will likely be bringing to the program functions for the next X years, to make sure they get along with him/her. So if you have such a person, then sure, bring them. But don't look at it as an opportunity to bring a parent or anyone else out on the town. Really bad idea, and will be looked at oddly. You don't want to be remembered as that dude(tte) who brought their dad to the event. Makes you seem less than independent, and potentially makes you seem less "cool" to hang out with.
 
I personally would be weirded out by the situation. The "plus one" is intended for a spouse, or fiance, or fiancee. Would you bring your dad with you to any job interview? It is not for a random friend you bring along or your parents. Most places realize that if one spouse is unhappy, then the other one will be unhappy as well. It give the both of you (not your parents) a chance to see if you like the program and like where you will be living for the next few years.

It doesn't matter if your dad knows the PD, it's about you. It's about how well you would interact with the other residents. To me bringing your dad says that you are insecure, haven't grown up yet, and you can't make decision on your own, no matter how hard you try to spin it a different way.

You can bring your dad if you like, but just realize what you are suggesting to your future employer.
 
smg42 said:
Maybe it's a cultural thing--- I dont make any decisions unilaterally, I get input from my parents... and honestly, their opinion counts more than anyone.

Afterall, with age comes a certain "wiseness" and no-one cares for your wellbeing and can give unselfish altruistic advice like parents.

"That person" for me- is my dad. Whether it be financially, emotionally- whatever, he is my support system.
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You can spin it however you want, But the expectation is that you make your career choices on your own or with your spouse/life partner, not your parents. It doesn't matter how YOU personally actually are going to make decisions, it matters what the expectation is. There is a stigma to not being independent from your parents. Doesn't matter how wise or supportive they are. A spouse needs to be involved in career decisions however, so this expectation is why the "plus one" invite is generally extended.
 
smg42 said:
Would opinions be any different if I told you my dad knew the program and the program director quite well? i.e. not just 'a night on the town' kinda invite
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That actually might be negatively regarded to flaunt that relationship in front of the other applicants at the dinner who don't have "connections".

Seriously, have your dad order room service and you can bring him up to speed afterwards.
 
agree with law2doc

I understand that it may be a cultural thing to be more vs. less concerned about your parents' input about things, but realize that this is a job interview, pretty much. Yes, the PD may not care if you bring your dad, esp. if they know each other, but why would you even take this risk? Your dad can spend a few hours away from you. He should be understanding. You can certainly ask for his input after the interview day is over, and when making your final decision. I agree that parents can be very helpful because they usually always have your best interests at heart (if they are good parents) plus they have the wisdom of a lifetime of experience that you don't have. The bottom line here is that it's not really considered appropriate to bring a parent to this type of dinner in most cases. And you don't want to look like someone who is
a) too dependent on your parents, or
b) not caring that you are doing something inappropriate
 
I actually know a PGY-1 in FM who took her parents to the pre-interview dinner of the program in which she matched (maybe others as well). Nice girl, but her relationship with her parents puzzles me.
 
Ugh...there was some kid who brought his dad to HIS MEDICAL SCHOOL INTERVIEW the day I was there.

Yeah.

Anyways, I as another applicant would be a little weirded out by having someone else's parent at the pre-interview function.

Also, the pre-interview function is not your time to flaunt your connections to the program director. Many programs have made a big deal of telling us that the pre-interview function will be residents-only, no attendings. If you feel you need to remind the PD of your "connection" I'd suggest that you have your dad call and set up a post-interview meeting with him on the same day as your interview.
 
DonStracci said:
I actually know a PGY-1 in FM who took her parents to the pre-interview dinner of the program in which she matched (maybe others as well). Nice girl, but her relationship with her parents puzzles me.
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FM is also the least competitive of specialties. A high-quality applicant in that field can probably commit any number of faux pas and still be ranked, as long as they're not indicative of a serious moral or ethical lapse.

I doubt you could get away with it in most other specialties. And I can definitely see the residents in any surgical field giving the big thumbs down on a candidate who brought their parent to the dinner.

Although I've known people to do some very sketchy things on the trail and still match. Those people generally have stratospheric apps, though.

I guess the rule of thumb is: the higher you rank against the rest of the applicant pool, the more you can get away with on the trail. So you're AOA with a 260+ and multiple pubs and stellar recs, and you set up an NGO to provide medical care to some poor AIDS-stricken part of the world, go ahead and bring your dad to the dinner.
 
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So even the informal pre-dinner is considered an "interview" in this country?
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It's a getting to know you thing more than what one would consider a formal interview. If anything, it's more difficult than an interview, because if you are polite, pleasant, and enjoyable to dine with, it most likely won't advance you on the board to residency acceptance. But if you are a complete twatwaffle, you may have blown your chance before even having an 'official' interview.

I don't know you, but the tone of your posts sounds like you are going to do what you want to do regardless what anonymous strangers on a message board condemn or condone. You've mentioned a cultural thing...keep in mind that the 'when in Rome, do as Romans do' school of thought is pretty prevalent in medicine. Since social mores are so variable across the country, I've tried to go by something akin to the 'if you have to ask, you can't afford it' where I think 'if you have to ask, it's probably not acceptable'

But the question to answer your initial question is:
When residency programs are making their rank list and discussing me, do I want to be known as the candidate who brought their dad to dinner? Because even with AOA 260+, that will be exactly what they will remember about you.
 
smg42 said:
So even the informal pre-dinner is considered an "interview" in this country?

I appreciate your insight- I see your perspective... although, I still don't really understand how that is awkward. More than likely, room-service it is.

Oh, and my parents did come to my med-school orientation 😉
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VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION:
The interview starts as soon as you meet someone form the residency program. That includes the night before social. Failure to realize this may have a lasting impression on the program in a negative way (as explained above).

Thank you, MGMT!

You need to realize the customs of the United States. As all the above posters have stated do not bring your parents to a residency interview. It is weird, it is different, it is not the normal thing to do here.

As has been stated many times before the residency program will see you as dependent upon your parents, unable to make decisions on your own, and insecure.

However, if around 10 people ALL telling you not to bring your parents isn't enough to convince you to not bring your parents, well I dont' know what will convince you to change your mind.
 
DON'T take your dad to the pre-interview dinner. Trust me, it is wierd.

I'm glad you asked for advice on this topic. As you've pointed out there may be some cultural differences on this topic, so it's good you did your "research" and found out the American cultural view on this.
 
Take your dog. Tell them you don't make any "life" decisions without him/her.
amc0403l.jpg

Actually, it would be better if you had a pet monkey, but if not, I suppose, your dog will suffice.
 
smg42 said:
Oh, and my parents did come to my med-school orientation 😉
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And you know what? I bet, at least at first, your classmates thought of you as "that girl whose parents came to orientation."

Medicine is its own culture, in a sense, and departing from its cultural norms during the interview is not a smart move. As everyone here has already said. No one is saying you have to change your relationship with your parents -- just keep it to yourself. Relying in their input during this process will be perceived as a negative: a sign of weakness, immaturity, unhealthy dependence, etc.
 
smg42 said:
I honestly could care less if i seem "cool" or not.
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Do you honestly care whether you match at that program or not?

The pre-interview dinner is often used to identify any weirdos/psychos/poor fits.

Someone who brings their parent to such a dinner falls into that category.
 
I am wondering if it is appropriate to bring someone you are dating who is not a fiance. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now - we are in a very serious relationship and he is planning on relocating with me if I move out of our area. He is also planning to drive me to out of town interviews to check out each town that I interview in. Would it be okay if he were my plus-one even if we are not engaged?
 
firefly333 said:
I am wondering if it is appropriate to bring someone you are dating who is not a fiance. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now - we are in a very serious relationship and he is planning on relocating with me if I move out of our area. He is also planning to drive me to out of town interviews to check out each town that I interview in. Would it be okay if he were my plus-one even if we are not engaged?
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No. This is not a date event. It is basically part of the interview. Once you are in the program, you can bring your SO to social events. Until then, assume the plus one is your spouse or fiancee, and will look weird otherwise.
 
Law2Doc said:
No. This is not a date event. It is basically part of the interview. Once you are in the program, you can bring your SO to social events. Until then, assume the plus one is your spouse or fiancee, and will look weird otherwise.
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I disagree. If the person is a part of their plans for the future and they are also relocating with the person, why does a piece of paper or an engagement ring matter??? What makes them less important?
 
Babycatcher2B said:
I disagree. If the person is a part of their plans for the future and they are also relocating with the person, why does a piece of paper or an engagement ring matter??? What makes them less important?
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It's about perception, not importance. People judge books by their covers, and so you want to come off the right way. If you have to introduce your SO as something other than spouse/fiancee, it just comes off weird -- like why are you bringing a date to an interview. It's not going to sound right when you show up to the event and have to say "this is my boyfriend/girlfriend" to a dozen residents. So no, they aren't less important due to a lack of contract or ring, but they will be perceived as such.

Also, as a side point, folks who haven't been together long often can be overly protective of each other or have inappropriate public displays of affection. This also doesn't go unnoticed. And it has happened at these pre-interview events, particularly if one spouse is insecure about the attention the other is getting from residents. So IMHO, leave anyone you cannot introduce as your spouse/fiancee in the hotel, enjoying room service. It has nothing to do with their importance or involvement in the decision process, and everything to do with perceptions and expectations.
 
Law2Doc said:
It's about perception, not importance. People judge books by their covers, and so you want to come off the right way. If you have to introduce your SO as something other than spouse/fiancee, it just comes off weird -- like why are you bringing a date to an interview. It's not going to sound right when you show up to the event and have to say "this is my boyfriend/girlfriend" to a dozen residents. So no, they aren't less important due to a lack of contract or ring, but they will be perceived as such.

Also, as a side point, folks who haven't been together long often can be overly protective of each other or have inappropriate public displays of affection. This also doesn't go unnoticed. And it has happened at these pre-interview events, particularly if one spouse is insecure about the attention the other is getting from residents. So IMHO, leave anyone you cannot introduce as your spouse/fiancee in the hotel, enjoying room service. It has nothing to do with their importance or involvement in the decision process, and everything to do with perceptions and expectations.
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Well honestly if I have to leave someone such as boyfriend of 3 years who is obvioisly supporting me as I make important decisions in my life and is obviously an important part of my life (just as choosing a place to train for my career) in the hotel room and the program perceives it as whatever, I honestly would not want to be a part of that program. I would never make my significant other feel so unimportant just so I can perhaps control how someone perceives me. That doesn't sit right to me.
 
firefly333 said:
I am wondering if it is appropriate to bring someone you are dating who is not a fiance. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now - we are in a very serious relationship and he is planning on relocating with me if I move out of our area. He is also planning to drive me to out of town interviews to check out each town that I interview in. Would it be okay if he were my plus-one even if we are not engaged?
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i definitely think it is okay to bring him, since he is a factor in your residency selection. some ppl are traditional and can't understand/are cynical about serious relationships without the ring, and you have to explain yourself to them. but on another note, ppl often couples match with "just" a serious bf/gf.
 
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Babycatcher2B said:
Well honestly if I have to leave someone such as boyfriend of 3 years who is obvioisly supporting me as I make important decisions in my life and is obviously an important part of my life (just as choosing a place to train for my career) in the hotel room and the program perceives it as whatever, I honestly would not want to be a part of that program. I would never make my significant other feel so unimportant just so I can perhaps control how someone perceives me. That doesn't sit right to me.
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People are going to perceive it as odd to bring someone other than a spouse/fiancee at any program. So I guess you would not want to be part of any program. That's your choice. Hey, this is a matter of etiquette, nothing more. You wouldn't bring your boyfriend to the interview, would you? And why not? -- because it's not the norm. So you play along. In truth, most people won't even be bringing their spouse to these pre-interview events, notwithstanding that that isn't the same kind of breach of etiquette. This isn't about a nice night out. It's about talking to folks you may be working with in the future, and finding out the details of residency, while more importantly letting the residents meet the applicants and decide who they would like to work with.
 
Law2Doc said:
People are going to perceive it as odd to bring someone other than a spouse/fiancee at any program. So I guess you would not want to be part of any program. That's your choice. Hey, this is a matter of etiquette, nothing more. You wouldn't bring your boyfriend to the interview, would you? And why not? -- because it's not the norm. So you play along. In truth, most people won't even be bringing their spouse to these pre-interview events, notwithstanding that that isn't the same kind of breach of etiquette. This isn't about a nice night out. It's about talking to folks you may be working with in the future, and finding out the details of residency, while more importantly letting the residents meet the applicants and decide who they would like to work with.
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You wouldn't bring a husband to an interview either. So whats your point. Plus you can't control others perceptions of you. You should just be yourself and they can take it or leave it. I disagree, this as nothing to do with etiquette.
 
Regardless what others believe I will bring him with me. How could I not when I will be partly basing my decision on what he feels about the location, etc. of the program. We have been through more than what some married couples have been through together and withstood it - close family member with cancer, loss of a job, 2 deaths in the family, etc. We of course plan to get married one day, but right now we are both students and absolutely poor. He is as important to me as any spouse would be and therefore I am bringing him with me.
 
firefly333 said:
Regardless what others believe I will bring him with me. How could I not when I will be partly basing my decision on what he feels about the location, etc. of the program. We have been through more than what some married couples have been through together and withstood it - close family member with cancer, loss of a job, 2 deaths in the family, etc. We of course plan to get married one day, but right now we are both students and absolutely poor. He is as important to me as any spouse would be and therefore I am bringing him with me.
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I say go for it. I have had several PDs actually tell me that they hope I bring my S.O. to the event. And at one of my dinners, the residents talked about how they were dating their S.O.'s for 5-9 yrs prior to marrying - so no rush! Also, many people couples match with bf or gf - obviously, that is a serious relationship, too. Enjoy the trip with your bf!
 
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If you're really that serious, and that dead-set on bringing him against advice, I'd at least consider introducing him as "my fiance." If you feel squeamish about that, maybe you're not really as serious as you say you are, and maybe he should stay home.
 
LadyGrey said:
If you're really that serious, and that dead-set on bringing him against advice, I'd at least consider introducing him as "my fiance." If you feel squeamish about that, maybe you're not really as serious as you say you are, and maybe he should stay home.
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I would feel extremely squeamish about blatantly lying to people, especially when it would be obvious that I am .... no engagement ring.
 
Just bring him. Introduce him as your "partner" and you'll get kudos for being politically correct. 🙂
 
I'm going to disagree with law2doc on this one.
I would definitely think it is appropriate to bring one's boyfriend of 3 years, who is planning to relocate with the resident, to the preinterview dinner. I wouldn't bring just "a date" or someone you've been dating for a month, but a serious SO of 3 years duration who is planning to move with you is in my mind no different than a fiancee. I can't imaging that this would be seen as inappropriate at either of the medicine programs where I've been (one top 5/10, other one top 30 or so, both academic IM programs). Perhaps the norms are different for other specialties, I don't know...

I think lawdoc's comment/prediction about the inappropriate public displays of affection is kind of random/weird. Why would the boyfriend be any more prone to PDA than someone's fiancee? Hopefully this resident has good enough taste in boyfriends that that won't be an issue...if he has bad social skills or something I trust she'd know not to bring him to the dinner.

Bringing one's significant other to the preinterview dinner was actually encouraged at my IM program. I felt a little left out NOT having a spouse or fiancee with me actually...but we had quite a few married residents in our program. I could see things being different at say, a high powered neurosurgical residency that only interviews 3 people/day or something.
 
dragonfly99 said:
I think lawdoc's comment/prediction about the inappropriate public displays of affection is kind of random/weird. Why would the boyfriend be any more prone to PDA than someone's fiancee? Hopefully this resident has good enough taste in boyfriends that that won't be an issue...if he has bad social skills or something I trust she'd know not to bring him to the dinner.
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I only noted that because that was something observed in a case where someone abused the "plus one".
 
Babycatcher2B said:
... Plus you can't control others perceptions of you. You should just be yourself and they can take it or leave it. I disagree, this as nothing to do with etiquette.
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You absolutely have control over a lot of aspects of other people's perceptions. People judge books by their cover, and you control the cover. If the attitude is "be yourself and they can take it or leave it" then you would back the OP bringing her dad. I still think that's a mistake, and while a SO is perhaps lower on the "weird" spectrum, I still think it would raise question marks for some. I'm saying, IMHO, that the "plus one" means spouse/fiancee to many. You can differ in viewpoint, but then you run the risk that there are folks out there in decision-making capacities who share my outlook.
 
I have been dating my SO for ~2 yrs and he is planning to relocate with me also. While he has accompanied me on a couple of my interview trips so far and plans to join me on some others, I don't plan to bring him to any of the resident social events I am going to.

I definitely value his input in the cities we might move to, but I honestly doubt that he would have much to contribute about the details of the program as he is not in medicine. He's had to suffer through enough dinners with classmates where we spent most of the night talking (and bitching) about various aspects of medicine, why would I want to subject him to more of that? It's not like these are really fun parties- you go, have some free food and maybe a drink, and try to be friendly and personable for a couple hours. I haven't learned anything earth-shattering at one of these events yet, I mainly just try to get a sense of how happy the residents seem and if they're the kind of people I see myself hanging out with. I don't see how he could help me with that.

He knows what is important to me, and that has been helpful in discussing programs with him after the interviews, but it's not like he's going to have specific questions about the program for the residents. While his presence might make me a little more comfortable (I'm not the most outgoing person), I would probably feel obligated to talk to/entertain him and might engage less with the residents as a result which would be bad. While his opinion means a lot to me, he has already stated he will move with me wherever I go and ultimately I need to decide where I'll fit in best.

I don't know, to each his own I guess, and maybe some people really enjoy these and feel their SO would miss out by not getting to go. I can see why some people might bring a spouse or kids, particularly if it's important for you to show the program these are a big part of your life, but it seems to me like anyone else involved in the decision (SO, spouse, fiance, parent, friend, dog, etc) can visit the city and discuss the programs with you in terms of what's important to both of you and help you make a decision that way, without actually attending any interview-related events where the presence may or may not be welcomed or helpful.
 
Law2Doc said:
You absolutely have control over a lot of aspects of other people's perceptions. People judge books by their cover, and you control the cover. If the attitude is "be yourself and they can take it or leave it" then you would back the OP bringing her dad. I still think that's a mistake, and while a SO is perhaps lower on the "weird" spectrum, I still think it would raise question marks for some. I'm saying, IMHO, that the "plus one" means spouse/fiancee to many. You can differ in viewpoint, but then you run the risk that there are folks out there in decision-making capacities who share my outlook.
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I'm going to post this message with the caveat that many of the people who have left negative replies regarding "guests" at dinner are probably similar in thought to the same inflated ego archetypes involved throughout medical education (including the residency application process). If you are not someone who traditionally pushes the boundaries a bit, you might want to hold back the night of the dinner. My application is strong enough to stand out on its own (even with average board scores) such that I've managed to get interviews at almost every top program in my specialty. I mention this not to brag, but more to point out that there are many programs that actually celebrate (or indeed expect) individuality and independent thought.

Thank God I'm matching into a speciality with actual humans in it where we don't have to worry about this sort of nonsense. If you have a "significant other" that you have been with for 2-3+ years who is planning to relocate, then you have a relationship that is more stable than many of the marriages I have seen out there. It really makes little, if any, sense to elevate such a tenuous title as "spouse" or "finacee".

"Plus one" or "you and a guest" only means "spouse/fiancee" to someone who can't read.

If programs did not find it useful to invite guests, then they would not offer it as an option. Medical school has always been more "high school" than "high school" ever was, and I'm not surprised that you would find people out there judging a person based on a title or relationship status (or whether or not they would bring a parent to a particular event). Individual quirks, if they do not detract, should be celebrated. Medicine is homogenous enough as it is, and -- if clinical outcomes are any indication -- this doesn't seem to be working very well.

This seems to be a very personal choice, and at the end of the day, you have to do what feels the most comfortable to you. Personally, I plan to invite my "partner" of four years to every dinner if we are in the same place at the same time. He can, if he chooses, decline the invitation if he has better things to do with his time, but I would never want to send the message that I'm in any way embarrassed or ashamed of our relationship.
 
PMnRJunkie said:
I'm going to post this message with the caveat that many of the people who have left negative replies regarding "guests" at dinner are probably similar in thought to the same inflated ego archetypes involved throughout medical education (including the residency application process). If you are not someone who traditionally pushes the boundaries a bit, you might want to hold back the night of the dinner. My application is strong enough to stand out on its own (even with average board scores) such that I've managed to get interviews at almost every top program in my specialty. I mention this not to brag, but more to point out that there are many programs that actually celebrate (or indeed expect) individuality and independent thought.

Thank God I'm matching into a speciality with actual humans in it where we don't have to worry about this sort of nonsense. If you have a "significant other" that you have been with for 2-3+ years who is planning to relocate, then you have a relationship that is more stable than many of the marriages I have seen out there. It really makes little, if any, sense to elevate such a tenuous title as "spouse" or "finacee".

"Plus one" or "you and a guest" only means "spouse/fiancee" to someone who can't read.

If programs did not find it useful to invite guests, then they would not offer it as an option. Medical school has always been more "high school" than "high school" ever was, and I'm not surprised that you would find people out there judging a person based on a title or relationship status (or whether or not they would bring a parent to a particular event). Individual quirks, if they do not detract, should be celebrated. Medicine is homogenous enough as it is, and -- if clinical outcomes are any indication -- this doesn't seem to be working very well.

This seems to be a very personal choice, and at the end of the day, you have to do what feels the most comfortable to you. Personally, I plan to invite my "partner" of four years to every dinner if we are in the same place at the same time. He can, if he chooses, decline the invitation if he has better things to do with his time, but I would never want to send the message that I'm in any way embarrassed or ashamed of our relationship.
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Amen to that.
 
PMnRJunkie said:
My application is strong enough to stand out on its own (even with average board scores) such that I've managed to get interviews at almost every top program in my specialty. I mention this not to brag, but more to point out that there are many programs that actually celebrate (or indeed expect) individuality and independent thought.
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When you're applying to the specialty that boasts the lowest average Step 1 scores in the Match, you have this luxury, I guess.
 
PMnRJunkie said:
I'm going to post this message with the caveat that many of the people who have left negative replies regarding "guests" at dinner are probably similar in thought to the same inflated ego archetypes involved throughout medical education (including the residency application process). If you are not someone who traditionally pushes the boundaries a bit, you might want to hold back the night of the dinner. My application is strong enough to stand out on its own (even with average board scores) such that I've managed to get interviews at almost every top program in my specialty. I mention this not to brag, but more to point out that there are many programs that actually celebrate (or indeed expect) individuality and independent thought.

Thank God I'm matching into a speciality with actual humans in it where we don't have to worry about this sort of nonsense. If you have a "significant other" that you have been with for 2-3+ years who is planning to relocate, then you have a relationship that is more stable than many of the marriages I have seen out there. It really makes little, if any, sense to elevate such a tenuous title as "spouse" or "finacee".
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Agreed... I would have to say that one of the (many) reasons I have chosen a very non-competitive field is that my individuality is respected... I've always been one of those boundary-pushers. When I sat down to write my personal statement a few months ago, I realized that I couldn't write a normal personal statement. The creative piece I eventually settled on would probably not be well-accepted in surgery or derm, but in my field it seems to impress everyone.

Be yourself, and if being yourself means taking a guest to the dinner that some might frown upon... so be it. (I say that with the acute realization that my idealist style of doing things has gotten me into trouble in the past.)
 
As Mistress S said, these dinners are absolutely DREADFUL to anyone who's not in medicine. Sure the food is good, but my God it's the same old questions and answers over and over again:

What's call like? How are the attendings? Blah blah blah.

I think your significant other would be better served by going into the city and trying to get a feel for it. Scope out neighborhoods where people live, check out the shopping/dining, get a sense for traffic, etc. This is a MUCH better use of their time than suffering through another pre-interview dinner.
 
smg42 said:
just a question regarding who is the appropriate "plus one" when attending pre-interview dinners.

seeing as though i'm not married, have no children and no "other-half"- I'm going to this dinner alone.

However, my father is driving with me for my interview...

In all honesty, how would it be perceived if my dad was my "+1"?
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I would bet that you have found that all your med school classmates are super nice and do not talk behind other people's backs for the most part.
 
Mistress S said:
While his presence might make me a little more comfortable (I'm not the most outgoing person), I would probably feel obligated to talk to/entertain him and might engage less with the residents as a result which would be bad.
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I never thought of this, but that's definitely a good point. I'd feel guilty if I looked over and saw my SO standing off by himself in a corner, because he didn't have anyone to talk to.

Mistress S said:
It's not like these are really fun parties
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👍 So true.

I can see why people would think that taking an SO to the dinner the evening before can be important, but if your SO isn't in medicine, these parties must be a huge drag.

Personally, I'm also really nervous before these things, and am NOT fun to be around. The first one I went to, I was so tense, all I could manage were one-word answers.
 
#1 Dad - no way, not appropriate to bring to pre-interview dinner, anyone who does this will be perceived as bizarre and unable to discern norms of behavior. The individual will be looked upon as someone who would cause problems as a resident due to their lack of insight on appropriate behavior.
#2 Spouse, fiancee, or boyfriend/girlfriend is fine no matter what the specialty, it will not be counted against anyone in 2008 if the couple is not married/formally engaged yet.

I have been to these dinners many times and #2 has never been a problem. As an aside however, if the significant other is non-medical they may find the conversation boring.
 
Agree with exPCM. The parent is a no go. The boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/fiancee should be OK, though might get bored.
ExPCM, what do you think about a same sex partner? I personally would think it might not go over well in some specialties like ortho, especially at certain residencies, but I'm really not sure.
 
🙄
Taking a parent is highly appropriate , if "dinner" is a grade school birthday party. After the 7th grade its weird as he** and everyone will say so.... behind your back.... mixed with a large amount of laughter and snickers.

On the other hand I am sure you will be remembered
 
exPCM said:
#1 Dad - no way, not appropriate to bring to pre-interview dinner, anyone who does this will be perceived as bizarre and unable to discern norms of behavior. The individual will be looked upon as someone who would cause problems as a resident due to their lack of insight on appropriate behavior.
#2 Spouse, fiancee, or boyfriend/girlfriend is fine no matter what the specialty, it will not be counted against anyone in 2008 if the couple is not married/formally engaged yet.

I have been to these dinners many times and #2 has never been a problem. As an aside however, if the significant other is non-medical they may find the conversation boring.
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I completely agree. there actually have not been any plus ones at the dinners I've been on but I'm only 3 interviews in, so I imagine I will see some guests. I think that if a significant other has traveled to a new city with you for an interview, no one is going to think "wow that girl brought some random dude she just met from match.com." If a program is that conservative to be perturbed by a longterm partner (hetero, homo, whatever) being there, than I would not want to be at that program. Social norms in 2008=no ring necessary. If this dude wants to sit through the minutiae of call schedules, teaching sites, etc, more power to him...

In contrast, bringing a parent suggests pathological enmeshment and while I understand the OPs concern to not leave her dad out after a long drive, this would be a red flag for me. I'm sure he can amuse himself for a few hours and the OP can take him out to dinner after the interview to debrief.
 
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