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[lazybutt26]

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[Cath Up]

I am sorry you are going through this.

In my mind the best path forward entails a lot of communication. Does he know you feel entirely unsupported? Did you guys discuss a plan prior to your matriculation?

If you are capable of having those conversations together, alone (it sure doesn't sound like it) then great. But I'd pursue a couple's therapist if I were in your position. They help a ton. It can be really tough to make time for that during med school, but you need it. Unless you know for sure either of you are not willing to even have a discussion (this terminates the relationship).

Ultimately this partner may not be in it for the long haul, but that's for you both to decide. They sound actively harmful to who you are and want to become, but maybe that's because you together did not communicate expectations or develop a plan before starting this path; hopefully you married him with good reason. I don't know that the behavior meets a threshold for emotional abuse.

You can be a good parent and a physician. If things don't work out and you feel overwhelmed, schools will often let you take a year off for something as serious as divorce + figuring out child care.

 

[Lexdiamondz]

First all, I have to tell you that my husband’s doing very well for himself and a director of his department. He allows me to live the good life and enjoy the things I do that no med student wouldn’t be able to. With that being said, he thinks financially supporting me is his way of supporting my dream, while verbally and emotionally he always encourages me to drop out so I can be a stay at home mother to my child. Let me tell you. Med schools already soul crushing and doing it with a kid is so hard especially when I am the woman, the mom, and a med student who has no flexibility in my schedule. He thinks I should be staying at home, working at a coffee shop, living the good life. Welp, I don’t want that clearly. I am doing well in school and love to become a doctor so I can help the community. Any thoughts on this? I just ignore his comments here and there but sometimes when I am so stressed due to exams and feel defeated, it certainly doesn’t help that he says things like just drop out and be a good mother to my child. That’s clearly an emotional abuse in my opinion. The fact that he thinks I am a terrible mother just because I am pursuing my dream

No that's not emotional abuse. You guys just aren't on the same page. Your husband is bankrolling your entire life despite you clearly not meeting his expectations for a spouse - are you financially abusing him? Obviously not.

Is he supportive? Not at all. However, just because you don't like what he has to say doesn't suddenly make him abusive.

Yall need therapy and counselling because there's an obvious disconnect between what you want out of life and what he wants in a partner, but seeking validation on the internet by claiming to be abused is not the way to get through med school or fix your marriage.

 

[Lawpy]

Wow are you a physician? Or some pre med who’s trolling around here? If you are a physician, I hope you’re not this rude and relentless to your patient who comes to you asking for an opinion in a tough situation. You must be one of those who says to their patients that they’re faking their anxieties or depressions without even listening to what they have to say. You sound like a horrible human being. I wasn’t claiming to be abused. It certainly feels like it sometimes to me and I was honestly asking if it was the case. I wasn’t asking for any validation either and do not understand how this has to do with getting though med school?

... i'm not sure what they said offended you? They gave you some advice to help sort out your problems and resolve your concerns, but i'm likely missing something.

 

[Cath Up]

Wow are you a physician? Or some pre med who’s trolling around here? If you are a physician, I hope you’re not this rude and relentless to your patient who comes to you asking for an opinion in a tough situation. You must be one of those who says to their patients that they’re faking their anxieties or depressions without even listening to what they have to say. You sound like a horrible human being. I wasn’t claiming to be abused. It certainly feels like it sometimes to me and I was honestly asking if it was the case. I wasn’t asking for any validation either and do not understand how this has to do with getting though med school?

it certainly doesn’t help that he says things like just drop out and be a good mother to my child. That’s clearly an emotional abuse in my opinion

I think there is agreement that your husband is not supportive of the endeavor at current and you should pursue discussion +- therapy.

I do agree that what they said was worded rudely. But there was opinion on further action, too.

 

[Cranjis McBasketball]

Wow are you a physician? Or some pre med who’s trolling around here? If you are a physician, I hope you’re not this rude and relentless to your patient who comes to you asking for an opinion in a tough situation. You must be one of those who says to their patients that they’re faking their anxieties or depressions without even listening to what they have to say. You sound like a horrible human being. I wasn’t claiming to be abused. It certainly feels like it sometimes to me and I was honestly asking if it was the case. I wasn’t asking for any validation either and do not understand how this has to do with getting though med school?

I think I’m beginning to understand..

 

[deleted610572]

No that's not emotional abuse. You guys just aren't on the same page. Your husband is bankrolling your entire life despite you clearly not meeting his expectations for a spouse - are you financially abusing him? Obviously not.

Is he supportive? Not at all. However, just because you don't like what he has to say doesn't suddenly make him abusive.

Yall need therapy and counselling because there's an obvious disconnect between what you want out of life and what he wants in a partner, but seeking validation on the internet by claiming to be abused is not the way to get through med school or fix your marriage.

Wow are you a physician? Or some pre med who’s trolling around here? If you are a physician, I hope you’re not this rude and relentless to your patient who comes to you asking for an opinion in a tough situation. You must be one of those who says to their patients that they’re faking their anxieties or depressions without even listening to what they have to say. You sound like a horrible human being. I wasn’t claiming to be abused. It certainly feels like it sometimes to me and I was honestly asking if it was the case. I wasn’t asking for any validation either and do not understand how this has to do with getting though med school?

This is also the problem with the internet and not being able to hear tones/read facial expressions. This leaves readers to interpret tones how they want. I didn't read this as offensive. I can see how the last sentence can be interpreted as rude though.

 

[Lexdiamondz]

Wow are you a physician? Or some pre med who’s trolling around here? If you are a physician, I hope you’re not this rude and relentless to your patient who comes to you asking for an opinion in a tough situation. You must be one of those who says to their patients that they’re faking their anxieties or depressions without even listening to what they have to say. You sound like a horrible human being. I wasn’t claiming to be abused. It certainly feels like it sometimes to me and I was honestly asking if it was the case. I wasn’t asking for any validation either and do not understand how this has to do with getting though med school?

I said what I said. Words matter and you can't just throw the word "abuse" around willy nilly.

You and your husband both have very, very legitimate grievances. This could end your marriage. You may need to take a leave of absence from school to address this. Grow up, get off the internet and go get therapy.

 

[Dave1980]

First all, I have to tell you that my husband’s doing very well for himself and a director of his department. He allows me to live the good life and enjoy the things I do that no med student wouldn’t be able to. With that being said, he thinks financially supporting me is his way of supporting my dream, while verbally and emotionally he always encourages me to drop out so I can be a stay at home mother to my child. Let me tell you. Med schools already soul crushing and doing it with a kid is so hard especially when I am the woman, the mom, and a med student who has no flexibility in my schedule. He thinks I should be staying at home, working at a coffee shop, living the good life. Welp, I don’t want that clearly. I am doing well in school and love to become a doctor so I can help the community. Any thoughts on this? I just ignore his comments here and there but sometimes when I am so stressed due to exams and feel defeated, it certainly doesn’t help that he says things like just drop out and be a good mother to my child. That’s clearly an emotional abuse in my opinion. The fact that he thinks I am a terrible mother just because I am pursuing my dream

As others have said...you are not being emotionally abused. You want to pursue your dream (although it seems unlikely to succeed in my opinion) and your husband wants you to essentially be a SAHM.

It takes a lot of planning to become a doctor and you haven't done any of it unfortunately. It's incredibly hard to start a family and then decide you want to become a doctor when you have a small child and your spouse isn't on board.

 

[deleted610572]

As others have said...you are not being emotionally abused. You want to pursue your dream (although it seems unlikely to succeed in my opinion) and your husband wants you to essentially be a SAHM.

It takes a lot of planning to become a doctor and you haven't done any of it unfortunately. It's incredibly hard to start a family and then decide you want to become a doctor when you have a small child and your spouse isn't on board.

What do you mean by it seems unlikely right now?

 

[Lexdiamondz]

What do you mean by it seems unlikely right now?

Going through med school (which OP described as "soul crushing) is hard enough as is. Throw in an ambivalent/unsupportive spouse and a newborn - that's a recipe for failure.

 

[Dave1980]

What do you mean by it seems unlikely right now?

lol what? unlikely means "not likely to happen, be done, or be true; improbable"