Accepting an offer

[luckyoceania]

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I have good reason to believe that I will have an offer soon that I am extremely likely (99%) to accept. This is totally awesome! However, it's now time that I learn the protocol for dealing with the other schools...this is a 2 parter!

1) Obviously, I would turn down any other offer from any other school, and decline to attend any further interviews. But what about:

a. Schools I have interviewed with but who I haven't heard from since, and probably will soon. Am I obligated to tell them I'm withdrawing from their consideration before they contact me and let me know what they thought of me/their offer (curiosity/slight doubt that maybe their offer will be just so compelling the 1% chance wins)?

b. Schools that do interviews, but I have not interviewed with and also have not received rejections from. Basically, complete silence and probable rejection. Should I bother contacting them?

c. A school that I know doesn't interview, may still be deciding, silence from them. Contact them?

2) I only applied to POIs that I really wanted to work with. As a result, I'm faced with rejecting people who are actually a very good fit, and who are openly excited about working with me, and it's very cognitively dissonant!! Plus, I hope for collaboration or future work with them. I know this is "the process" but nevertheless I know POIs are people too (often with sensitive feelings/egos just like most of us). So - what is the best, most gentle, least collaboration-damaging way to reject a "silver medal" POI (who totally deserves a gold, but I can't choose more than one)? How much information should be given? Does it help or hurt to mention the chosen POI/school? What softens the blow, and what's salt in the wound?

thanks!

 

[KTpsych]

Definitely don't bother with any school that hasn't contacted you for an interview. As for the other schools, assuming you have visited and have a full picture, it sounds like you are solid enough to contact them and withdraw. I'm someone who wanted to mull my offers, since I had no clear front runner. But if you are 99% certain, that's probably sure enough.

 

[FranklinR]

Definitely don't bother with any school that hasn't contacted you for an interview.

The ethical guidelines are clear - if you're not interested, your obligation is to withdraw.

And really, how much bother is it to write a letter / call / fax and say thanks but no thanks?

 

[SourPatchKid]

And really, how much bother is it to write a letter / call / fax and say thanks but no thanks?

i find this amusing, since few schools bother to do this for us...

so glad this process is basically over

 

[FranklinR]

i find this amusing, since few schools bother to do this for us...

Believe me, the irony isn't lost on me. I'm as annoyed by the schools as anyone. Two wrongs don't make a right.

Oh.

Oh. I've become my father.

 

[GoodyGood]

believe me, the irony isn't lost on me. I'm as annoyed by the schools as anyone. Two wrongs don't make a right.

Oh.

Oh. I've become my father.

lol.

Lol.

 

[KTpsych]

My point was that the OP was likely rejected from those schools. If you haven't been contacted by a school at this point, you are unlikely to be in contention for a spot. Places where you have interviewed but would not seriously consider if accepted are another matter.

Do you really think it's unethical?

 

[FranklinR]

My point was that the OP was likely rejected from those schools. If you haven't been contacted by a school at this point, you are unlikely to be in contention for a spot. Places where you have interviewed but would not seriously consider if accepted are another matter.

Do you really think it's unethical?

Yes. We really have no idea what the decision-making process for a given school is, so it is actually possible (albeit unlikely) that you are freeing a spot.

In any case, other than just to punish them for not getting back to you (which I am generally all for), why on earth wouldn't you just tell them you're going somewhere else?

 

[cardamom]

Congrats to the OP! Having just done this myself, I contacted the POIs directly anywhere I interviewed or had an interview invite once I made my decision. Considering these are your future colleagues, show them as much respect as possible, and that means informing them of your decision ASAP once it's official. In some cases for me, that meant contacting the POI before that program extended their acceptances, and they seemed generally very appreciative to hear back so soon and then be able to factor me out of their decisions. An email that thanks them for the interview invite or the offer or whatever and that you enjoyed meeting them/learning more about their research, but that you are accepting a different program that's a better fit for you, is fine imo. I started not telling what school I accepted, but then got asked anyway (in a nice way), so I don't know that it matters that much either way. They know you picked somewhere after all, and they'll probably find out eventually anyway if they do related work.

They are indeed weird emails to write, especially when they are people you could have been very excited to work with in other circumstances, but you just have to do it, and then realize that all things considered, the awkwardness/weirdness is a pretty good problem to have. 🙂

Also, I agree with FranklinR about schools you haven't interviewed at. Can't hurt to send a quick email to the DCT and/or program coordinator, and it's what you are supposed to do. Besides, then you get to reject them before they reject you, heh.

Edit: On re-reading your post, I'd add that if you aren't 100% sure about another option, it's perfectly fair/ethical to wait for the offer. That said, I think if your feelings at this point are really that strong about this one option and you've already visited the other schools that you're still considering, then you probably really do know by now.

 

[TuTuPsychL]

Reading the part about how most of your POIs that you interviewed with were "good fits" made me laugh and wonder why you can't just write a letter to them similar to the rejection letters we get:

Although you were a strong candidate, we have received applications from many strong candidates and unfortunately cannot offer you a spot this year.



LoL...ok maybe not the most ethical thing to do, but just a thought!

 

[Cmvramirez]

Reading the part about how most of your POIs that you interviewed with were "good fits" made me laugh and wonder why you can't just write a letter to them similar to the rejection letters we get:

Although you were a strong candidate, we have received applications from many strong candidates and unfortunately cannot offer you a spot this year.



LoL...ok maybe not the most ethical thing to do, but just a thought!

LOL! I was thinking the same thing--hey, what's good for the goose and all that! And I have to think it would feel so great to reject schools before they reject you. Ah, the things that get us through this process!

 

[FranklinR]

Reading the part about how most of your POIs that you interviewed with were "good fits" made me laugh and wonder why you can't just write a letter to them similar to the rejection letters we get:

Although you were a strong candidate, we have received applications from many strong candidates and unfortunately cannot offer you a spot this year.



LoL...ok maybe not the most ethical thing to do, but just a thought!

I think it's perfectly ethical, but perhaps imprudent.

I think I might preemptively reject some schools to which I didn't even apply, just on general principles. Harvard? REJECTED! Wisco? REJECTED!

It actually does feel kind of good.

 

[stooge]

How do things work if both the students and the universities have until the 15th of April to let the university/student know about the decision made. Does it usually work out so decisions are made with a few days to spare?

 

[FreudianSlip7]

How do things work if both the students and the universities have until the 15th of April to let the university/student know about the decision made. Does it usually work out so decisions are made with a few days to spare?

Universities have until April 1, to make first round of offeres, and then students have two weeks ( until April 15th) to make a decision. After that, if a department does not hear from a person that they offered admissions to, all bets are off and they can offer admissions to another person. Also if a person accepts by or on 4/15 he or she is legally bound to that contract and will have to go through quite a bit to get out of it.

 

[stooge]

Universities have until April 1, to make first round of offeres, and then students have two weeks ( until April 15th) to make a decision. After that, if a department does not hear from a person that they offered admissions to, all bets are off and they can offer admissions to another person. Also if a person accepts by or on 4/15 he or she is legally bound to that contract and will have to go through quite a bit to get out of it.

So what happens if you're waitlisted?

 

[cara susanna]

April 15 doesn't apply to MS programs, right?

 

[FreudianSlip7]

So what happens if you're waitlisted?

If you are waitlisted then you have to wait. Usually students accept or decline long before the 4/15 deadline, so students who are waitlisted are more likely than not to know about their status before 4/15. With that being said, for those who are waitlisted there is still hope even after 4/15 that you may get an offer.

The tricky part is if you have been accepted at one or more schools but waitlisted at another that you view more favorably. This is a juggling act, on the one hand you don't want to accept an offer if you feel you have a good shot at the waitlisted school. However, this is also where being logical and realistic comes into play. If you are 6th or 7th on a list and by say 4/01 or 4/5, you haven't heard anything, you might want accept at one of the other schools, and definitely contact the waitlisted school and let them know honestly about your situation, as you are running the risk of your offer being taken off of the table completely, and you are also holding up a potential opportunity for other students. If waitlisting is your only option, then you really just have to stick it out.

 

[FreudianSlip7]

April 15 doesn't apply to MS programs, right?

I don't know, but my guess would be no. As I've seen MS programs that have 3/1, 4/1, and even 5/1 application deadlines, I don't see how a 4/15 mandated decision deadline could be enforced.