My dear hot Wing,
I agree with 2 of 3 points you make. But laypeople really don't understand or care about the nuances of the regulatory environment. Thus points 1/2 are understandable. I'm not sure it's unethical, but it places a relative who is every early in training in a difficult position, lacking adequate knowledge to properly inform/interpret and who is required to be aware of the regulations.
Point 3, however I strongly disagree with. Many patients are concerned about their therapy and options. That's why they get second or even third opinions. And I encourage them whenever they ask about another institution's capabilities. Most of the time they come back to me.
Many times, patients will ask a relative "in the profession" their opinion for reassurance. In my present program, we are not allowed to look at our own records, but I was allowed to look at my own records in my previous residency. So, no consistency there.
In pre-HIPAA, when my wife, a PhD medical professional was hospitalized, we were waiting for blood counts for discharge. She asked me to see what the am labs were. I got them from th e floor nurse, when I was accosted by the resident. I explained that I had permission, was asked to obtain them and my wife was perfectly capable of understanding them, as was I. The nurse and I got a royal tongue-lashing, ending with "If my brother were a patient in this hospital, I couldn't go looking up his medical records!" To which I replied, "Well Dr., I hope you don't have the same relations with your brother as I have with my wife."
The records do belong to the patient, the patient has a right to access them for whatever purposes, and I agree that they should use whatever hospital procedures are in place to obtain them and not back door through their new intern relative. Not because there is anything sinister or intrinsically wrong, but because I worry, as does the OP that the institution may use that access to reprimand the intern.
I have been frequently asked to provide a patient with copies of my notes so that their relative physicians at [pick your favorite famous cancer center] can review our proposed plan of care. I do this routinely. It saves the patients time and effort.