Advice needed - coping mechanisms

[Sugarcanes]

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Prospect vet student here in need of advice by anyone with a little more experience than me.
I've been voluntarily treating many animals in the course of my life, although in a limited fashion, purely as an animal lover. As part of this, I have witnessed quite a few deaths. Each of these broke me and it took time to recuperate. As someone who is very sensitive and bonds quickly with animals - I am very concerned about my well-being if I choose to go on with vet med. I would like to know if this is just me or this is something all vets/students go through and learn throughout their education and training to cope. I am genuinely afraid that the grief will always be a part of the job and as a result it's going to shorten my lifespan or something.
I will benefit a lot from anyone sharing their thoughts on the matter, did you go through a similar thing? Is there hope for me? How do you cope if you've bonded and lost?
I'll add that I have no intention of stopping to treat animals whether I become a vet or not. The knowledge and training would simply help me do that better.

Disclaimer: I live in a country with many strays, who have nobody to take care of them. I offer usually basic treatment with over the counter products, often with the advice of a local vet.

Thank you,

 

[battie]

I am genuinely afraid that the grief will always be a part of the job and as a result it's going to shorten my lifespan or something.

This is a real thing in the US with compassion fatigue. Veterinarians leave the profession, or go down a dark mental health road that can and does (for some) end in suicide. Your awareness of this problem is good, and your self-awareness to know before going into this is also good.

For me, I still find it sad to lose a patient. But I also keep it in perspective. For many patients I have euthanized, it was the best treatment option for that patient. I wish we had that as a more widespread option for humans, honestly. I also conciously try to have boundaries because having attachment to a patient has led to problems with friends after a euthanasia. Another perspective I keep for me personally now is that no animal death will ever be as devistating as the loss of my sister. If I can make it through that loss, I can make it through the loss of my animal patients.

 

[Minnerbelle]

It’s really important in this field to compartmentalize your emotions. Early on when everything centers around you and each of your own experiences with each animal that you encounter, that can be normal to feel very sad about every death as it’s very personal to you. But as you encounter a higher volume of animals especially in a clinic or shelter setting, it becomes a necessity to keep an emotional distance from a majority of the cases. Of course there will be some cases you get extra attached to that will affect you more than others, but in general, even if sad most people in this field will learn to move on without too much emotional involvement. I can cry with the owners during some euthanasias and do feel sad for them and their pets, but it does not usually linger. I can wipe my tears and walk into another appt 1 min later with a smile and the next client will have no clue I was just sad 5 min ago. And it’s not just an act, I’m ready to move on. Once in a while I’ll cry in my car on my way home for a very sad case or a case where I have some regrets about on my end, but even then, it doesn’t carry over beyond that.

That is very different from dealing with my own pets. Losing one is devastating for me, and I still haven’t gotten over the kitty I lost over a year ago. And I think that’s not unusual.

So my advice for you would be to actually start getting clinical experience, and see how that goes. If every dying animal affects you to the core and it lingers, this profession may not be for you. But, you may be surprised at how you adapt.

 

[that redhead]

If every dying animal affects you to the core and it lingers, this profession may not be for you.

This.

Being able to compartmentalize is crucial in this profession. Not to say you can’t feel sad about a euthanasia, but you cannot let those emotions overwhelmed you or your ability to perform your job for other patients. And like @batsenecal mentioned, most times euthanasias are performed because the animal is suffering and other interventions have not helped. Or because the owner is unable or unwilling to pursue the case further and the animal would suffer because of it. I truly feel euthanasia is the best thing we have as vets - so many people have told me they wish it were the same for people, or that they’ve watched a loved one suffer throughout the end of their life with no relief. It’s heartbreaking that human suffering can continue, but a blessing that we can end or prevent it in our animal patients.

Some people can’t handle it though, and that’s OK. Better to recognize that early on and find another career that is fulfilling.

 

[PippyPony]

One thing to think about is that in many cases, you are not the animal's only caretaker (unless you are a shelter vet who is taking home a lot of animals for extra round-the-clock care). Even in shelter medicine you often have technicians or attendants to help share the responsibility for those lives, in a manner of speaking.

I bring this up because it sounds as though right now you are a lifeline for abandoned animals in your area -- that kind of rescue mission is not the same as treating animals in general practice, and you may find you experience losses differently in different contexts.

That said, treating animals who have owners comes with its own set of challenges, namely frustrations over what you can and cannot do to help their pet. Sometimes you may want to pursue treatment that the owners are just not on board with, and it's important to realize that ultimately the decisions -- and repercussions -- lie with them, not you. Even if you know better (which you will, because you will have 4+ years of training) it's crucial to practice the best medicine you can within the boundaries of the patient-doctor-client relationship.

You may find it useful to speak with the vet who you bring your rescues to, because if they are working in an area with many strays (challenging in terms of burn out and emotional fatigue) they may have good perspective, especially if they know you well.

 

[PippyPony]

Also -- because I am hearing some language in this thread that inadvertently leans this way -- be careful not to interpret your sensitivity and emotional reactions as not being "strong enough". There is occasionally somewhat of an attitude/pressure in vet med around being able to "cut it," and I personally think it contributes to the high levels of guilt and emotional burden that many people in our industry struggle with so much.

If you are inconsolable after every animal death, that is ok. Sure, vet med is probably not going to be a fun career, but I'd encourage you to place your feelings in terms of what is a good fit vs what is not. No one should be in a job where they are miserable, and you shouldn't feel bad or guilty about recognizing that it's not your own personal best path. There are many ways to help animals -- being in the trenches and suffering emotionally because of it isn't the only way forward. For example, perhaps you could be a good counselor for people who are experiencing loss of their own animals, or perhaps you would be a good person to have in a fundraising capacity at a rescue organization, because your experiences can paint a picture about why there is a need for more support.

Basically -- rather than looking for coping mechanisms to force your feelings down and out of sight, consider that there might be other paths where that same empathy is a strength.

A lot of choices out there, do what will make you happy and allow you to be your best self.

 

[Sugarcanes]

@PippyPony I'd like to thank you wholeheartedly for your replies. I feel like you truly get me and understand where I am coming from.
Thank you all for putting the time to comment.

The truth is, I do not see myself working at a private clinic. That just isn't what I want to do. (although I know I will have to throughout training, and that is okay), but as a general idea I don't want to deal with pet owners or have to euthanize a pet for reasons that I don't deem right ethically. That is something I just wouldn't do no matter what. Life is too precious a gift and if it means fighting and jumping hoops to save one, I'd do that, no questions asked. I may also dare say I'm one of those 'what if' people, who'd rather give someone a chance rather than take it and then have regrets later. I'm sure as vets you have a very good idea of what is going to happen to your patient, you can predict through your vast training and experience (something I don't have enough of yet), and perhaps that is why I find myself worrying about cases at times I should be detached and running other affairs. I wonder if that's something you all went through too in your early careers?

I've always imagined myself treating wildlife or strays, carrying rehabilitation efforts and learning behaviors too. I feed off understanding the animal I deal with. It might sound weird, but that is how it's been for me ever since I was young. I've always felt strongly about helping fend off extinction pressures off a certain species, for example; and I'd welcome doing so in a medical fashion.

I am not sure how happy I am to do what I do so far. It takes a toll (mostly being preoccupied with their well-being when I'm not there), and I know that nobody else is going to step up around here and do it other than me. It's a relief to see a kitten spring back to life having had slim chances of making it through the night. Those little wins allow me to keep doing this. I think to myself, "great, once they gain full health they can carry on with their lives and I will carry on with mine." So I do think that I don't actually want the attachment, but the course of treating them, nursing and going the extra mile to make sure they're okay, causes a bond to happen naturally anyway. If that makes sense. I'd say nursing has been a necessary evil, as that's the part that strains me the most.

By the way, I have indeed encountered deaths where I had minimal ability or time to do anything about it. I remember them all, but I don't really feel much or felt much afterwards. Grief was momentary. But I find that the longer I treated/nursed, the bigger the grief became. Some cases of strays were terminal and I would say, "if they pull through, they are mine now", because someone had to step up for them. I was ready to go miles to give them the treatment they needed. So when they didn't make it, that was devastating.

 

[PippyPony]

I've always imagined myself treating wildlife or strays, carrying rehabilitation efforts and learning behaviors too. I feed off understanding the animal I deal with. It might sound weird, but that is how it's been for me ever since I was young. I've always felt strongly about helping fend off extinction pressures off a certain species, for example; and I'd welcome doing so in a medical fashion.

There is a masters in conservation medicine degree offered at my school that may interest you

MS in Conservation Medicine – Graduate Programs

grad.vet.tufts.edu

 

[ziggyandjazzy]

This.

Being able to compartmentalize is crucial in this profession. Not to say you can’t feel sad about a euthanasia, but you cannot let those emotions overwhelmed you or your ability to perform your job for other patients. And like @batsenecal mentioned, most times euthanasias are performed because the animal is suffering and other interventions have not helped. Or because the owner is unable or unwilling to pursue the case further and the animal would suffer because of it. I truly feel euthanasia is the best thing we have as vets - so many people have told me they wish it were the same for people, or that they’ve watched a loved one suffer throughout the end of their life with no relief. It’s heartbreaking that human suffering can continue, but a blessing that we can end or prevent it in our animal patients.

Some people can’t handle it though, and that’s OK. Better to recognize that early on and find another career that is fulfilling.

Certain human doctors are allowed to help end their patients' suffering as well. Death with dignity is law in Oregon and Washington (and possibly other states as well). Jsyk

 

[battie]

Certain human doctors are allowed to help end their patients' suffering as well. Death with dignity is law in Oregon and Washington (and possibly other states as well). Jsyk

Death with Dignity is law in 8 states and DC. However, what @that redhead, and I were going for is that it is universally accepted that we can euthanize our patients, but not in human medicine. In CO, it passed with only a 2/3 popular vote. So even in states where there is Death with Dignity laws, it is still not universally accepted that physicians should be able to assist a patient in dying.

 

[ziggyandjazzy]

Death with Dignity is law in 8 states and DC. However, what @that redhead, and I were going for is that it is universally accepted that we can euthanize our patients, but not in human medicine. In CO, it passed with only a 2/3 popular vote. So even in states where there is Death with Dignity laws, it is still not universally accepted that physicians should be able to assist a patient in dying.

I was responding to her. I wasn't sure she was aware, like I said, that certain human medical doctors are allowed to help their patients die. That's all.
And 2/3 popular vote is actually and exceptionally high pass rate. Sounds like it is well supported there.
And to the "universally accepted that we can euthanize our patients" there's actually quite a number of religious people who don't agree with it and don't think vets should be able to do it. There's been no push to change legislation afaik.

 

[that redhead]

I was responding to her. I wasn't sure she was aware, like I said, that certain human medical doctors are allowed to help their patients die. That's all.
And 2/3 popular vote is actually and exceptionally high pass rate. Sounds like it is well supported there.
And to the "universally accepted that we can euthanize our patients" there's actually quite a number of religious people who don't agree with it and don't think vets should be able to do it. There's been no push to change legislation afaik.

I am aware as I’m in the DC area where it’s permitted 🙂 But you’re right- there are many people who don’t support animal euthanasia either.

 

[that redhead]

@Sugarcanes I suppose I worry from the opposite perspective - there are many people who would rather preserve the so-called precious gift of life, even when it’s clear to others that the animal is suffering. Whether or not becoming a veterinarian is for you, any career with animals requires that you be able to judge those scenarios and when it is best for the animal to end its suffering in a gentle and humane way, whether that be wildlife, a stray dog or a client-owned animal.

I agree with @PippyPony and her suggestions for alternative career options where your empathy and dedication to animal care would be best used. I worry that veterinary medicine would take too much from you emotionally just based on the small picture I have from your posts. Which is not at all to suggest you’re weak or unfit or not good enough! Just that there is far too much compassion fatigue, burn out and suicide in this profession already.

 

[battie]

I was responding to her.

Yes, and I expressed the same opinion as her. So I thought I would express where at least I was coming from with my statement. I was pretty sure that was her point as well.

 

[genny]

have to euthanize a pet for reasons that I don't deem right ethically.

As a GP, I'm not out here, compromising my morals daily. If I don't think a pet should be euthanized, I don't euthanize them. If anything, I have the opposite problem: the pets have a terminal illness, it is clearly getting worse and affecting their quality of life significantly, but their owners aren't ready to say goodbye, and it's my job to make that pet as comfortable as I can for as long as I can. I encounter that far more often. Maybe I'm just really lucky with the practice where I work, but if I can find a job like this, I know they're out there for other people too.

 

[twelvetigers]

Hi

All I do now is euthanize pets

I haven’t had anyone try for anything I would consider a ‘convenience’ euthanasia and I don’t expect to come across one anytime soon. I do expect to have people that just aren’t ready to let go yet, and I will have to guide them through that.

 

[that redhead]

Hi

All I do now is euthanize pets

I haven’t had anyone try for anything I would consider a ‘convenience’ euthanasia and I don’t expect to come across one anytime soon. I do expect to have people that just aren’t ready to let go yet, and I will have to guide them through that.

Does your group do hospice care too?

 

[twelvetigers]

Does your group do hospice care too?

Yeah, actually. We do. It’s a very small percentage of what we end up doing overall.

 

[Bergelicious818]

@PippyPony
I've always imagined myself treating wildlife or strays, carrying rehabilitation efforts and learning behaviors too.

If you're sensitive to death/euthanasia then do not, I repeat, DO NOT go into Wildlife rehabilitation medicine. I worked at a very busy non profit wildlife rehabilitation center and so many things come through the door and get euthanized, especially during peak birthing seasons. If things come in under a certain size, age or weight, they automatically get euthanized because their chance of survival is so slim that they can't afford to put resources towards it. There's so many things you save but there are so many more than you cannot in wildlife rehab.

 

[battie]

There's so many things you save but there are so many more than you cannot in wildlife rehab.

Our wildlife clinic tells members to anticipate a 40-50% loss rate, between DOAs, euthanasias, and deaths during treatment