Advice on residency and long-distance relationships

[jeonsied]

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I have decided to rank a peds program that's 3 hours away from where my husband will be. Although there are good programs where my husband is at and I am at currently the program I am ranking first was my favorite. He is very supportive and willing to visit me as much as money and time can allow, hopefully atleast twice a month. I wanted to hear about people's experience doing this during residency and if any one recommends reconsidering.

 

[Sweet Tea]

My husband is graduating from his peds residency this year, and I'm starting mine in July (I'm currently a surgery intern...it's a long story that has nothing to do with this post but the switch isn't as crazy as it sounds). We're 3 hours apart now. Honestly, being an intern without him here has been a very mixed experience. On the one hand, there are days I just want him here to hold me and make everything better and take care of me. Other days I'm glad he's not around because I'm so tired that I just don't want to deal with anyone else. What's gotten incredibly annoying is that our schedules never seem to match up; I'm on call q2 when he has a golden weekend, and he's invariably on call or working nights when I have a free weekend to visit him. We've had to make the best of it and as a result have had several visits that last less than 24 hours, but we're getting by. It's possible, but I'd avoid it if you can because while sometimes it's nice to come home and crawl straight into bed without having to deal with anyone else, most times I just miss him.

 

[tisreallyme]

My personal opinion is to reconsider. My current husband (then fiance) and I were long distance during most of med school. It was really annoying not only because we'd miss each other but because of the toll it takes on friendships. We would each miss social events to visit each other, and I think it took us longer to make close friends at our programs.
Then again, your program 3 hrs away might be completely awesome and worth it. But just be sure that you understand that it is a really big sacrifice.

 

[jeonsied]

Thanks for the advice so far. I am strongly reconsidering my decision and I am still in time to change my rank list.

 

[oldbearprofessor]

I usually stay out of "personal" type questions, but I wanted to make a point for you to consider. In general, the differences among pedi programs, although real, are not so great as to overwhelm personal issues and family ones. You can come from any pedi program into a fellowship in any field in pedi. This has always been true and I know of no reason to think it will change. As a resident, you will, at most, be working 1 night in 4. Consider whether spending the other 3 nights without your spouse is worth the likely small differences in program?

Good luck to you and your family.

 

[Marigold]

Just wanted to chime in with my bit of personal experience. My husband and I have lived 3 hrs away from each other for 3.5 years now (ever since I started med school) and to be honest, I'm getting realllllly tired of it. I have to agree with what OBP said...the program you end up at won't make or break your future, because you can make the best of wherever you are.

On the other hand, being apart from your #1 fan and supporter during one of the most potentially stressful times in your life could, sadly, make or break things.

Granted, your preferred program might just be such a perfect fit for you that it's worth serious consideration (which is obviously what you're doing right now). I guess what it all comes down to is that it's a very personal choice...if it were me, I'd choose to be with my hubby because I know that long distance, even just 3 hrs, can just plain suck at times. Just my $.02.

Best of luck, whatever you decide!! 🙂