and I thought I was a failure

[fullofhope]

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This application process has been a hellish waiting game. Sometimes, I feel like nothing is going right. I dont know what I am going to do next year, and I dont know if the schools that have waitlisted me will give the chance to thrive in the medical profession. I've been really down and sometimes it seems that nothing can change my mood... though my surroundings are always saying things will happen for the best... dont worry, you'll get that acceptance. It is hard to think that they truly understand what I am going through or the process. It has helped to read posts because I know that some are going through similar episodes.

I thought that things were the worst and I was a failure until the other day when my mother called me. Mind you, my mother is my complete inspiration and my personal idol. She began to tell me a story of a tough time in her adulthood and how she got through it. Unfortunately, it wasnt doing me much good, but then... she began to cry and explain how I was the light of her life and that she is so proud of me no matter what the outcome is. She said she has seen me accomplishment so much and she always wants me to know that she is thinking of me and I am her life. I get tears now writing about it.

I dont have any acceptances to med school yet, and dont know where I am going to be next year. EVeryone always wonders... "what am I doing wrong?" And I used to... but damn, I must be doing something right with the support and love I am receiving from my mom.

I hope that during these times of struggle and down time that everyone has someone like my mother to keep them going. She gave me life, this is true, but she has also given me every reason to live.

Please share your inspirational experiences from loved ones to lift others up. I'm sorry if this has bored you... but it saved me.

 

[Penguin Poptart]

Your thread made me cry a little. Thank you for sharing. I can relate to everything you said about the struggle of this process. It seems some people are struggling more than others.


I think the more unusal the candidate, the harder it is for medical schools to "take a chance." Some of those unusal candidates are risking the most and on them, the process is most trying. I don't know anything about your situation, but I think you're right for cherishing hope (and your mother.) Good luck.

 

[DW]

fullofhope,

I'm really sorry you feel this way. But please, dont look at the process of applying to medical school as an issue of self validation. I know its hard to do so since we're all being compared and evaluated and judge, but this process is rather goofy and haphazard even many of the more qualified and nicer people get jerked around by it. That doesnt really have to speak to your worth as a person or make you a "failure". The sentiments of your mother are what you should be thinking of in terms of your worth and success as a person. As you eluded to, a significant part of this is dumb luck and sometimes the dice just dont fall the way you want them too. Its not fault of your own, you just gotta keep rolling.

This process is far from over. I know you might be tired of hearing it, but there's still lots of time. If you truely want medical school, you can make it happen, no matter how many waitlists you get put on.

my hopes and prayers are with you, and i'm rooting for your first acceptance. please stay "full of hope".

sincerely,
DW

 

[uofchopeful]

That is great stuff. I think that is the greatest thing a parent can do for a child. Providing that kind of support goes a long way in a child's (figuratively speaking) heart and mind.

fullofhope, I understand why peoples' words of encouragement and support do little to lilft your mood. People who have no idea about the process are the first to say, "Oh, I'm sure you'll get in!" While they, in fact, only have a small fraction of what is involved in the process.

You should not base your self worth on the validation of others--including your mother. I know that this process is very trying, and I also know that, at times, you grab on to every little ray of hope to get you through. In the end, all that matters is that you believe in yourself (in a non-delusional way of course).

Good luck!

 

[MichiMO]

fullofhope...I really appreciated your post...it is nice to know that someone has been feeling the way I have and that you have someone to support you in that way.
I won't even begin to tell you that you should not feel any certain way or get your self-validation from any particular source...I think we all "know" we shouldn't base our feeling of self-worth on the outcome of this process...I think the point of your email is that at some point most of us do.
We may have several "you're good enough, smart enough" conversations with ourselves per day, but in the dark of the night the little evil voice of self doubt can take over and that voice is often more convincing 🙂
I too have a very close relationship with my mother and she has been more supportive of my dreams and goals than I could ever begin to express. While I know and she has expressed that she is so proud of me (regardless of whether the good letter ever comes), just some part of me would feel so terrible about it not working out after she has sacrificed so much for me to have this opportunity. Like I failed her and all her work to get me here was for nothing. Yes, I know what you will all say...she wants me to be happy, that is what she sacrificed for, and I know that. This is just how I feel during those bad moments.
It is just hard when you have worked so hard for something, want it so much, and have everyone you love wanting it so much for you, to know it might not happen.
I too am doing my best everyday to stay full of hope. Life is too beautiful to live in a dark cloud of pessimism. (forgive corniness...spring has just come today to the frozen waste land of Montreal)

 

[Classof07]

It is very important to keep in mind all we have to be proud of with our accomplishments thus far regardless of how this whole crazy med school process pans out.

Amen to the sentiments echoed on this thread.

Here's to us all.

 

[entropy]

from now until med schools start, let things take their course....

some schools have active waitlists...... just be patient.....

if in the worst case scenario you have to reapply, that is not the end of the world either.....

never surrender..........

 

[JM.]

Hopie -

I really can't say more than that which has already been said. I understand what is like to wait, but I found out today that it is really worth it. I hadn't ever wanted anything before like this professionally or personally, and I think that if you are good, and strong, things may be convoluted for a while - but they can't help but to work out!

Good Luck!!

 

[BRUINGOLD]

I, too, was feeling so down about what a nightmare this app. cycle has been for me. You go through the whole, "what's wrong with me/why am I not good enough" thing in your mind. Now that I've gotten out of my funk, I realize that there are so many opportunities out there for me to try next year and that reapplication, as entropy said, is not the end of the world. If you want some ideas for your options next year, feel free to PM me!! I wish you the best of luck!!!

 

[FitnessModelMD]

im gonna just ring in on this thread for my own .02...

i learned early on to not stress about things that i can't control.

as long as you fullofhope (and all of us for that matter in this pursuit of medschool) have "controlled our controllables", IE: GPA, MCAT preperation/scores, and the whole application process, then after we submit them, there is not ONE bit of good to worrying about what some adcom of some medical school is saying at any particular time.

youve done all you can to make yourself a successful applicant, your mother is proud of you, so STOP trying to change things that are out of your hands , that type of worrying will not be helpful in the world of medicine as a physician, you must realize where your abilities end, and realize what things are in and what things are out of your control, be realisitic and hopeful but dont stress because you cant control your application anymore.