Any personal statements readers available?

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mmorales85

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Hi. Im new to the forums.I was just browsing through the forums for possible personal statement readers. Its under 500 words and thats all i need. Yes ill get flamed for not messaging the readers. But I cant wait. A little background on me is that I attend a community college and hopefully transfer to a 4 year university majoring in biochemistry. GPA is a 3.75 with about 60 units. Also I am a combat veteran who served in Iraq. If you can help me, just PM me or something and ill be sure to send you my personal statement. Thanks in advanced

marvin
 
i would not suggest posting it on here... feel free to PM me and i'll take a look.
 
Delete it from this thread.

Then PM it to me.
 
Seriously need help. Ill just post it here!

When I tell my people my life story, they cant believe I was in the army. All they see is this outspoken, outgoing, and most importantly optimistic guy as cracking jokes is something I find natural. College after high school was the obvious choice but there was a sense of me finding my full potential. I truly wanted to know what I was capable of. So in 2004, I found myself face to face with a drill sergeant shouting at the top of his lungs right at me. I didnt know what to expect at boot camp but all I knew was that I joined so I can be all that I can be.​
Despite being in the army for only a few years, there was so much that added to the shaping of my character. I entered the army as the lowest rank possible, a clueless buck private. Being the bottom rung of the ladder really sucked. There I was, spending countless hours completing work details that made absolutely no sense to me; from cleaning a garbage can with a toothbrush to cleaning weapons over and over even when I knew it was spotless. I soon figured out there was method to this madness. So I worked hard, maybe harder than most of my peers. I was there for a reason and I did not want to waste my time. In a matter of two years, I managed myself to be promoted four times to become a sergeant as my supervisors saw a lot of potential in me. To become a sergeant in two years was totally unheard of and this placed me as an underdog. Yet again, I had to prove I was competent to the other older sergeants. Working hard is something I am definitely not scared of. Despite being one of the youngest sergeants in my brigade, I knew I was ready for the heavy responsibilities. There I was in Iraq, a young sergeant at the age of twenty, responsible for the lives of other men in a wartime environment. Luckily, I can say we all came home alive. War can change a man, for the better or for the worst. But it was ultimately up to me, to make the best out of the worst.​
Diligence, leadership, communication and being responsible were some of the many qualities I learned in my time in the Army. I currently attend a community college but I apply everything from my experience in my studies as it pays back in dividends. There are many sides of my personality that has benefited me as I live my life as I am social, outgoing and intellectual as well. So again, as I tell people my life story, I enjoy the looks on their faces as they refuse to believe me.​

This might sound harsh, but i would scrap the whole thing and start over. This statement adresses almost nothing about why you want to pursue medicine, and that is the only thing it should be about.
 
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